Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The To-Do List

The great graphic at the top of this post of Bonnie's has always made me laugh. I wish I knew how to make one just like it, but I don't, so the borrowed fridge picture will have to do. But I did steal reuse her idea about the list.

Whenever I have a few days off work, we
make two lists and put them on the fridge. One is a list of chores to do together around the house, and the other is a list of fun, tourist-type things like day trips, restaurants to visit, and outdoor activities. Just for fun, I added "Spank Hermione" to the list of chores. I waited for a reaction or a comment, but Ron didn't mention it.

I wasn't disappointed,
however. Ron did give me a very sound spanking one evening. The next morning after breakfast, he motioned for me to come over to the refrigerator. He picked up a pen, crossed "Spank Hermione" off the list, dusted off his hands and proudly said, "There! That's done."

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Thoughts about Birches

Spring is here with a vengeance, and it's a joy to see the tiny leaf buds that had been dormant all winter swell with the green promise within.

So my thoughts have been upon birches. They are very much a decorating fashion statement at present. While browsing through a Pottery Barn catalogue, I was attracted to a lovely photo of a bedroom, with a very pretty red and white quilt and matching bedding and furniture. In the corner stood a large clump of birch branches, also red, ready for use in a disciplinary scene.

I own a well-thumbed copy of The Pearl, which is a book containing about two dozen issues of the Victorian spanking magazine of the same name. Descriptions of birchings of young ladies, and sometimes of young gentlemen, were very plentiful.

I have never been birched, nor do I want to be, although never say never. But I do have a question for those of you in the know. In some stories, the birch rods were prepared by being soaked in water, while in others, vinegar was the liquid of choice.

Does the use of one liquid over the other make a difference to the quality of the finished rod? Or is any liquid acceptable?

As Robert Frost said, "One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."

Sunday, April 27, 2008

An Apology to Harry Potter Fans

Or not.

For a while I felt a little guilty about choosing a blog name that
might attract vanilla people legitimately searching for Harry Potter-related sites. But that was before I read the keyword search in my blog statistics record.

These are not the work of vanilla fans:

  • hermione spanking
  • hermione's knickers
  • harry potter spanking hermione
  • hermione professor personal question how old are you
  • hermione snape spanked hard
  • hermione undressing
  • harry hermione spanked
  • lift skirt hermione granger
  • punishment spank granger hermione
  • spank hermione granger
  • spanking hermione

I sense a theme here. Exactly what are you people hoping to find?

Isn't J.K. Rowling's Hermione a perfectly lovely girl, accomplished, intelligent, resourceful, helpful, loyal and kind to animals? Much like myself, I might add. Why do you want to see her punished?

The only keyword that might have been a legitimate search was simply hermione.

The ones I could tell were directed specifically to this blog were several variations on hermione's heart.

So I don't owe anyone an apology after all. You supposed HP fans are just looking for proof that Hermione deserves a good spanking and gets one. Or several.

Friday, April 25, 2008


"Everyone else is doing it. Why can't I?"

"If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

You've all heard some variation of this as a child, when you wanted to follow the herd, do what the other kids were doing, or have what you thought everyone else had.

So it was with me. I had heard so much about the wonders of the bath brush (aka dogleg brush) on certain blogs that shall remain nameless, that I had to find one for us.

I wandered through the bath department of several stores before I located my prize in The Pottery Barn. There were several on display, tastefully arranged in a decorative jug. I chose the one with the nicest finish and perfectly straight bristles. As I paid for it I felt sure the associate knew what its intended purpose was.

Ron usually strenuously opposes any addition to our growing implement collection. He is happy with what we have, and the drawer is getting quite full. On this occasion, when I unpacked my purchase and held it out to him, he examined it, smiled, and said, "Which side do I use?" How I wish he had sternly ordered me to take it right back to the store and get a refund!

Fast forward to my next regularly scheduled spanking. I knew I was in for a more severe experience than usual, but even so I was totally overwhelmed by the intensity of the first smack on my left bottom cheek. It seared my skin and made me cry out. The next one was just as bad, as the brush attacked the other side.

As Ron continued his assault, I squealed after every single swat, which is very uncharacteristic of me. I had to summon every ounce of self-control I possessed to keep from begging him to stop, or at least to ease up a little. It was one of the rare occasions when the thoughts running through my head were something along the lines of "Why am I doing this? I must be crazy! It hurts too much."

Ron paused to rub my aching bottom, and I caught my breath. When he resumed, the sting was still fierce but somehow more manageable, and I took the spanking more quietly. By the time he put down the brush for good, I had reached the point that, while I was glad it was over, I probably could have endured a few more if necessary. Gotta love those endorphins.

We need to have a serious talk about warm ups before I let that brush near my bottom again.

The lesson I learned? Following the herd can sometimes be a real pain.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Survey Says!

I love surveys.

So much so, in fact, that I participate in a national consumer panel. That means I scan the bar code on everything that we buy, using a hand held scanner. I enter some additional information for each item, and once a week upload the data to a website.

Once a month I receive a questionnaire in the mail and complete it by scanning bar codes on the pages that correspond to my answers.

The point
of telling you all this is in the instructions that accompanied the latest questionnaire.

"This survey should be completed once by the Head of Household who does ...the shopping. If both Heads of Household share equally...., please have both Heads of Household answer the survey."

Should I write and tell them we don't practise Domestic Discipline? And what's this about two HoHs? Is that allowed? It's an interesting concept.

I love surveys.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Spanko Shopping

Ron and I shop for groceries together every weekend. He likes to accompany me, mainly to make sure I don't slip too many low-fat, high-fibre, low-sodium or otherwise healthy goodies into the shopping cart.

On a recent excursion we were in a playful mood; we were both thinking about the upcoming spanking that is also part of our weekend routine. Our minds were very much on that subject as we took a shortcut through the health and beauty department.

Along each aisle were small signs at regular intervals indicating the type of merchandise available. At the head of one aisle I saw a sign for Implements. I had to check that one out. Sure enough, there were the hairbrushes! Dozens of them in various shapes and sizes. I wanted to linger, but Ron reminded me we didn't use the one we had often enough.

Next, we detoured through the assistive devices. We passed crutches, neck and wrist braces, and other assorted paraphernalia, then Ron suddenly pointed to a display and said, "Look!" I looked, and saw an exquisite collection of long, highly-polished rosewood shoehorns.

"Beautiful," I murmured as I caressed one. "This is what I want for Christmas." I seem to have a thing for shoehorns.

At the checkout, we had a small difference of opinion over a magazine on display. Ron, who always has the final word on such matters, said, "You don't need that magazine."

As he pushed the cart past me, I replied, loud enough for anyone nearby to hear, "No Sir."

I rarely call him Sir when we are out in public, but I was feeling quite reckless by then. Our eyes met, Ron smiled slightly, and I could tell that his thoughts at that moment were very clearly along the lines of "wait till we get home" in the best possible way.

To pay for our groceries I brought out a brand-new credit card that has a time-saving feature. Instead of swiping the card through a slot, you just tap it against a special plate.

So I tapped the corner gently. Nothing happened.

"Try again," the cashier advised. I did. Still nothing.

"May I?" The cashier took my card, gave it a sound whack against the plate, and handed it back. "You have to smack it."

Smack it? I glanced at Ron with my eyes wide. He grinned.

"Ooh, can you do that again?"

"Only if you want to pay twice." Right.

I can't wait to come back next week," I giggled as I waited for my receipt. Now I really didn't dare look at my husband. I was losing it, fast! "Sorry, I don't get out much!"

I signed the slip, waved good-bye and joined Ron beside the cart.

"So you spanked your MasterCard," he teased.

We laughed all the way to the car, and headed home.

Friday, April 18, 2008

The View From Here - Positions

There are so many positions a man can put a woman into in order to give her a spanking. Some sound uncomfortable, some require furniture we don't have, and some seem like they'd be just right.

The Fantasy - There's a wonderful pair of pictures in Consensual Spanking by Jules Markham. They clearly show, using stick figures with little round heads and little round bottoms, more than two dozen positions for the spankee to assume. I would like to photocopy and enlarge the diagrams and pin them to the bedroom wall. We would then try each one, crossing out the ones that didn't appeal and circling the keepers.

The Reality - My usual position is face down along the length of the bed. I have recently tried putting a couple of firm pillows underneath me. Mentally it makes a huge difference; I feel 'presented'. Physically, it brings the target area into perfect alignment with my husband's aim, which results in the sit spots getting most of the action. Much better. So that counts as two. Sometimes, if the pillows aren't available, I'll shift to elbows and knees. That's three.

I once came into the bedroom to find Ron sitting on the side of the bed. So I asked him, "Would you like to put me over your knee and spank me?"
Oh. "Why not?"

That's still three.

And then there was the time we began cuddling on the couch, then decided to move the action upstairs to the bedroom. I got there first, and was standing with my back to the door, wearing only a long t-shirt, when Ron came up behind me, still fully clothed. He placed his hand on the center of my back and firmly pushed me down over the end of the bed. I helpfully lifted the shirt up out of the way. He began to spank me with his hand, quite hard, alternating left and right. But he was standing too close. The swats were landing either too high, or on the outsides of my cheeks. Not very nice.

Then he stopped. Before I could look back to see what was happening, I heard the magical song of the belt loops. I braced myself, and felt the doubled leather strike exactly on my sweet spot, over and over. With almost every stroke, electricity surged to that special place deep within my body. I was supremely content.

And that's four.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Toys R Us

Recently I was telling Ron about the hotel I would be staying at for an upcoming convention. The hotel is in an ideal location; close to a drug store, a wine shop, several fast food outlets, public transportation, and an excellent shopping district.

He listened, then grinned and asked me, "Is it close to a spanking place?"
"If you mean an adult store, then yes, there are two that are pretty close. Although I wouldn't be surprised if there's a place nearby that gives spankings too."
My plan on this trip is to visit a place that isn't your run of the mill adult toy store, with vibrators, lingerie, and chocolates shaped like genitalia. It's a place that has the word 'leather' in its name, and judging from their website, this is a real BDSM shop.
My reason for going is to look at their selection of leather paddles and such. I could order something on the internet, but I'd rather see and feel the items first. Feel probably isn't the best choice of word here; I'm not that brave. I want to touch and hold the implements before I choose.
So part of me is thinking, oh, I'll feel really out of place going there. What if everyone is dressed in fetish wear? Maybe I'd better forget about it.
But another part of me is saying, of course you have every right to shop there. It's a big city, nobody knows you, they get all sorts in there, you're just another tourist. And you want to buy what they have to sell.
I'll look upon it as a variation of buying Cuban cigars. If I happen to be near a tobacconist while in the big city, I usually stop in and get some for Ron. But it isn't as simple as walking in and taking a box off a shelf. I have to specifically ask for Cuban cigars. then I am taken to a back room or upstairs to make my selection. Not because there's anything illegal or shameful about cigars, President Clinton notwithstanding! It's just that they need to be kept in a carefully-controlled environment.
So I'll probably have to ask someone where the paddles and straps are kept, if I don't see any in plain sight. But that's okay. I know what I want.
I will made sure I'm wearing my leather jacket. You know, the one the shoemaker fixed. And I'll take a canvas bag to hide carry my purchases back to the hotel.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Announcing the Winners

It's time to announce the winners of the Red Shoehorn contest.
RPT was the first one to guess the correct language - Danish - so s/he gets or gives two swats with the Red Devil, or an available substitute.
Bonnie gave us the correct translation - Everyone is full of his own opinion - and although Pest thought that using Google was cheating and grounds for a spanking, Bonnie has won five spanks, to be taken in any way she chooses.
The contenders for the grand prize of 10 spanks are:
Michael - Not only for use with shoes but on naughty bottoms
Karl Friedrich Gauss - For those who need a little spanking with their shoesDr. Ken - If the shoe don't fit, you must acquit
Paul - Don't hit your pa more than five times

I think they're all very creative, so I'm calling it a four-way tie, and you're each awarded the honour of giving 10 swats to the target of your choice.
Thank you to everyone who participated.

Friday, April 11, 2008

A Contest

Look what I found while I was wandering through my favourite spanking toy thrift shop. It's just begging to be used on a bared bottom.
I don't know what's written on this lovely shoehorn, but I assume it has something to do with administering discipline. Maybe a warning about the consequences of bad behaviour?
I invite you all to suggest what you think it says. (Click on the image to make it bigger.) I'll submit the results to my panel of spanko experts, and let them vote on the best interpretation.
The winner will give or receive - depending on personal preference - ten whacks with this beautiful implement.
As an additional challenge, if you can identify the language, you'll win two swats.
If you can supply a translation of what it actually says, you'll get (or give) five of the best.
The results will be posted early next week. Good luck, everyone!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

In The News

This just in from Reuters News

A Vancouver, B.C. man who claims he was discriminated against as someone who practises a form of sadomasochism will take his complaint to a human rights tribunal.

An appeal court rejected a bid by police to block a hearing on whether the man's rights were violated when an officer refused to grant him a permit for a chauffeur's licence. He complained to the tribunal that he was discriminated against, partly because he practises a "BDSM lifestyle" - bondage, discipline, submission, sadism and masochism.

Police argued laws to protect sexual orientation did not extend to types of sexual practices.

What do you think?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

To Sir, With Love

I call my husband Sir. It was my idea, and I do so because I want to. It just seems to fit in with the way our relationship has evolved, and it excites me tremendously.
It doesn't happen it all the time, though. Definitely not on weekday mornings when I am getting ready to go to work and am in Professional Woman mode. And if one of us is irritable, under the weather, or preoccupied, then it doesn't even occur to me.
When we are home together in the evening I will say "Sir". It's my way of reconnecting with him after a busy day. Ron likes it; he's told me so, and he isn't backward about coming forward if I do anything he doesn't like. He'll play along, and order me to get him a drink, for example. I'll say, "Yes, Sir", our eyes connect, and an amazing electricity passes between us. As we share a brief look that says everything about who we are, what we do together, and what it means to us, it's totally erotic.
Actually, that's the best part. Previously, eye contact between us almost never happened. The times Ron would look me in the eyes were limited to moments when he was angry, and it was intended to be intimidating, not romantic. But now, eye contact is almost a given between us, and happens consistently and frequently.

I have yet to use the S word at the office while I am speaking to my husband on the phone, because I know I will be overheard. I might someday, but not yet. Nor am I comfortable saying it if we are out together, although it sometimes happens if nobody is within earshot.
One evening, we were playing a board game with some friends, and I forgot myself. I had lost our team a few points, and Ron was playfully lecturing me on my mistake. I inadvertently slipped into submissive mode and said "Yes, Sir" before I could catch myself. The others probably assumed I was being sarcastic (I hope) but I wasn't.
As you may already know, we don't do punishment spanking. All spankings are strictly erotic. But after each one, I always say, "Thank you, Sir". It just feels right.
In one of his Round table discussions, Todd said that this can be considered a form of role play. I think he's right. I am playing a role, and the intention is to let my husband know that I'm submissive and ready for a spanking whenever he's up for it.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Signs of Spring

Recently I went on one of my favourite day trips. It's three hours each way, and I always enjoy the drive. The quiet, two-lane highway, dotted with historic plaques, winds around rocky hills covered with pine trees, passes through numerous small farming communities, and finally follows the course of a wide river. Numerous flocks of migrating Canada geese passed overhead on their way to their summer homes.

As I drove past a cluster of limestone houses, a sign caught my eye.
My spanko senses started tingling. What kind of cottage industry was this? Wood and leather what? Furniture? Crafts? Implements?
Pondering the possibilities kept me amused for the next ten kilometers. I also kept an eye out for other spanking-esque signs and I wasn't disappointed.
Butt's Putt
Mini Golf
Was the proprietor really called Mr. Butt?
Then I passed the sign indicating Jenkins Road, presumably named for distant relatives of the Rev. Abel Jenkins, chaplain of Lowewood Academy. Thinking about my friends at school there kept me occupied for at least a quarter of an hour.
The last sighting was an invitation to visit the Hanky Panky Lounge in a large, somewhat run-down motel. I wondered if the type of hanky panky going on inside was the kind Madonna sings about.
Are we there already?

Friday, April 4, 2008

The View from Here

It has been a little over a year since, after a long hiatus, my husband and I reinstated spanking to its rightful position in our lifestyle. If you would like to read about it, Bonnie very kindly allowed me to share my experience with her readers here.
Once my interest in spanking was reawakened, I lost no time in reading all I could about it, in books and novels, and of course on the internet. I wanted to make up for lost time by trying every position and buying every implement. I talked about spanking non-stop often and begged to be spanked each evening.

My husband, on the other hand, did not have quite the same obsessive interest in the subject, and got tired of hearing about it. When he finally complained that our conversations were "all spanking, all the time" I realized that, in my enthusiasm, I had lost some perspective.
What I propose to do, from time to time, is to address a single spanking-related topic, tell you my fantasy of how I would like things to be, then share the reality of how it actually is, including the positive way in which we are approaching the ideal.

The picture at the top of this post was taken by my talented husband from our backyard. It's there to remind me that, while we each might see things from a different angle, we both share the same view.
For a start, I'm going to explore the way we each go about finding information about all things spanking.
The Fantasy - We will sit at the computer together, reading helpful and informative blogs, composing comments together and discussing how we can apply what we have read into our daily spanko life. Ron will eagerly read our how-to spanking books and tell me what he'd like to explore next.

The Reality - While I am a word person, my husband is very much picture-oriented. While I can devour pages of description about a spanking and be very turned on by it, Ron would likely glance at the first few lines then turn his attention elsewhere. Any blogs he visits would have to be ones with plenty of photographs. And while I am a detail nut, he doesn't feel the need for any more instructions. He knows where to find my bottom and what to do to it.
Where we are now - Ron enjoyed a couple of pictures of Santa administering a spanking that I sent him last December; they have now been added to his wallpaper collection and I expect to see them again once the holidays roll around.
I'm going to make a point of sending him other interesting theme pictures - football cheerleaders come to mind - as I find them, as well as letting him read over my shoulder when I see an interesting or funny blog post that features text that's enhanced with good graphics. That just might open the door to discussion, or at least give us something to laugh about or admire together. It will also be a great way to introduce him to some of my many blogging friends.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Overheard at the Office

Recidavist recently wrote about aliens in our midst. Here are a few snippets of titillating conversation that I encountered at work. The third one definitely leads me to believe I am closer to other spankos than I thought.
A few of us were lamenting the outdated training videos in our library, especially the one that featured a presenter wearing bell bottom trousers and a wide leather belt.
"Wide belts are coming back in style," said a woman with a fashion-conscious teenage son.
"Yes, they're very popular," I said, suppressing a giggle and trying hard not to hyperventilate.

An office mate was telling me about her daughter, who had come home for Spring break.
"She turns on the computer every morning, goes to a website, and writes about what she is wearing, how much gas costs, and who she went out with the night before."
"It sounds like she has a blog," I explained. "I read blogs. Some of them are pretty interesting."

If she only knew!

The husband of a very pregnant co-worker arrived to accompany his wife to an appointment at the clinic. On their way out they stopped to chat with the man in the cubicle next to hers. This fellow is a good friend of both of them, and he gave the father-to-be this advice about the miracle of birth:
"What you do is turn her over, spank her, and the baby pops out".
"The young woman replied, "That's what got me in this condition."

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Spanx - The Verdict

The name of this product is what appeals to us spankos, and here's why the creator chose the name she did:

"Sara Blakely recognized the value of the "k" sound. Kodak and Coca-Cola are two of the most recognized brand names in the world and in comedy. It is a trade secret that "k" words make people laugh and feel good. So Sara felt that the "k" was good luck and had to be in her product's name. SPANKS hit her one day like a lighting bolt and eventually became SPANX with an "X" because she also knew that made up names were more successful than real names. We feel the name is edgy, fun extremely catchy and for a moment it makes your mind wander (admit it). Plus, it's all about making women's butts look better, so why not?"

With a name like that, I really had to try these out for myself. I found a store nearby that sells them, bought a couple of items, and am wearing them as I write this. Two general impressions: they aren't cheap, and it's a good idea to buy a larger size than you think you'll nee<d.

Putting on the Power Panties, very similar to bike shorts minus the padding, was like trying to squeeze into a tube sock. In future I will wait at least half an hour after taking a shower before attempting this. Any stray water molecules definitely impede the process.

Once on, they're reasonably comfortable, although a bit constricting. I probably should have gone with the next size up. Or two. But I'm not impressed with the effect. The big advantage is supposed to be an alternate way to avoid those dreaded panty lines. But, as opposed to wearing a thong, which reveals two rounded bottom cheeks, the Spanx produces a single large, flat backside known as 'uni-bum'.

Esthetically speaking (and my husband, a confirmed butt-man, will back me up on this), the rear view is not at all appealing. The slacks I am wearing usually mold snugly to my posterior. With a pair of Spanx on underneath, the fabric hangs in folds. I had no idea there was so much of me in need of serious compression. But that could be a plus. I can go shopping for new pants in a smaller size.

If you try wearing Spanx during a spanking, you'd better plan on a considerable pause in the action if you decide to take them off part way through. And the spanker had better stand back! As for wearing them after, they aren't very kind to a well-spanked bottom. Trust me on that one.

I also bought a bra, and had help with choosing the size, thanks to the price sticker. It displayed a size considerably smaller than the one on the box. I used the sticker size to choose a good fit. Although I won't be posting any pictures, you can trust me when I say I'm nowhere near a double D, yet I couldn't have shoehorned my girls into anything smaller.

Just one woman's opinion.