Saturday, December 31, 2011

Complete the New Year's Caption

This couple is all set to enjoy a New Year's Eve party, but something went wrong. The festivities will have to wait until after the 'fireworks' are over.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I'll publish your suggestions in the next post.

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, December 30, 2011

Friday FAIL

Male readers, you may want to look away.

I suspect this portion of a magazine page is fake. In fact, I really, really hope so.

For those of my readers who are punctuation police, notice the apostrophe after the exclamation mark in the purple circle at the bottom. And shouldn't that be CHIZZY SAYS? Oh, this is a FAIL on so many levels.

From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Buried Treasure

Lately I've been attempting to declutter our basement storage area. My routine is to deal with one box at a time, examining the contents and sorting the items into keep, toss or give away piles. It's quite a lot of fun actually, opening a dusty cardboard box and discovering long-forgotten treasures. Sometimes I am delighted to discover cherished keepsakes I haven't seen for years; other times I wonder why I bothered to keep them.

Last weekend I chose a box on a lower shelf, opened it, and began to unwrap the articles inside. Among some pottery ornaments that I had created nearly thirty years ago, I found this wooden paddle.

The ornaments were made at a time when we did not have a large assortment of pervertables, so I knew it hadn't been used for spanking. Then I remembered that potters - like spankers - used common household items in their craft. Garlic presses, cheese graters, serrated and paring knives, pastry wheels, and wooden paddles were all useful for creating art out of clay. This paddle had been used to slap the clay to create a flat surface.

At first I didn't recognize it. It came from a time when we didn't use a large assortment of implements, so it wasn't a spanking toy. Because it was stored along with the pottery, I finally remembered that its purpose had been to pat the soft clay and flatten it while creating free form objects. (Potters, like spankers, used common household items in their craft. Garlic presses, cheese graters, serrated and paring knives, pastry wheels, and wooden paddles are all useful for creating art out of clay.) Now it would have a new lease on life. It felt somewhat light, but was wide enough to be worth trying. I dusted it off and put it aside to take upstairs, then finished sorting the contents of the box.

When I appeared in the bedroom for our regular spanking date later that day, I brought my new - or should I say old - toy to Ron for his inspection, and he agreed to add to to the implements he had already chosen: a hairbrush and a beach paddle. Ron and I were pleasantly surprised by its effectiveness. Once I was bent, bare-bottomed, over the bed, he laid the paddle gently against my right cheek, then drew it back and smacked briskly. He repeated the process on my left cheek, taking aim, then attacking. He repeated the one-two move several times, and I was quite happy with his slower, gentler approach. The paddle stung, but not excessively, and made a decent amount of noise, which Ron always enjoys.

The hairbrush and the beach paddle had their turns on my reddened backside, and noise seemed to be the order of the day. The latter makes a huge sound, and Ron didn't hesitate to turn up the volume. But in general, his tempo was slower and more methodical than usual, although when it was the new paddle's turn, he added a few syncopated rhythms for his -and my - entertainment and amusement.

When we were done, Ron tossed the three implements into his toybox, with the potter's paddle on top. I'm glad he thinks it's a keeper. Who knows what other treasures I might find the next time I go exploring in the basement.

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wednesday WIN

I wonder what occasion this cake was made for. A birthday? Father's Day? Valentine's Day? No matter, it's still a fun centerpiece.
From Hermione's Heart

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Romantic Fiction for the Holidays

The Devil Who Tamed Her by Johanna Lindsey is the story of a man who wagers that he can tame a very badly-behaved young lady after she breaks off her engagement to his friend.

The title sounded promising, rather Taming of the Shrew-ish, so I quickly flipped through in search of threats of spanking and perhaps a little OTK action. There were the usual eye-catchers -- strapping young men, whipping hair, striking beauty -- but then I came across this little passage:

He tsked at her. "Your temper is showing, Phelia. This would be an excellent time to work on controlling it, don't you think?"

...She shot off the couch and began pacing, which completely distracted him from their conversation. Watching the swish of her skirt and how it moved on her backside...

"Who was that?" she asked, stopping to stare at the portrait above the mantel..

He reluctantly drew his eyes off her derrière to follow her gaze. "My grandmother Agatha."

At least we know he's a man who likes bottoms. Moving along to the next chapter, I found a bit of physical contact. I've omitted a good deal of non-essential description and kept the parts suggestive of spanking.

"She gasped and glared at him. "You really are two-faced, aren't you? You deceive and lull with your amusing jocularity only so you can sneak up from behind and go straight for the jugular. I can't believe I was lulled into forgetting that about you."

"No longer quite so tranquil?"

"No, damn you!"

"Good," he said, and dragged her across his lap...

Her anger reappeared with shocking speed. It was as if she'd been shielded by a curtain made thick by her own delusions that was abruptly opened, and there in the audience were all her bitter emotions applauding that she could no longer hide from them...

He leaned back on the sofa and without much ado positioned her so she was lying on top of him... The position gave him full access to her body...his hands were free to wander over her back and lower... He'd slowly been raising her skirt. When he suddenly changed their position, there was no cloth to hold him back... He fumbled with the clothes still between them. She heard a tear--her drawers... No sooner did it feel wonderfully pleasant than it started to hurt. She pressed back away from the pain, but it followed her, increased to where she started to cry out.

Almost like a spanking if you squint your eyes and use your imagination, right? I'm afraid there's not much else, besides some derrière clasping here and there in subsequent chapters.

Wait. There's more. This conversation between the two men who made the bet seems to clarify his non-spanking stance.

"Once you take the time to get to know her, she's quite wonderful."

Duncan started to laugh. "Now I know you're pulling my leg. What did you do, abduct her and beat her to meekness?"

"Something like that," Raphael said cryptically with an abashed grin. "But you'll be able to see for yourself that I'm not joking about this. Talk with her tonight, you'll be amazed. She might even apologize to you..."

"Very well, this I have to see. And I'd like to know how you managed this miracle without beating the shrewishness out of her."

"Well, there's beating, and there's browbeating, and there's simply opening her eyes for her to see how others perceive her actions."

So the man is no Petruccio. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, December 26, 2011

Boxing Day Bottoms

Today is Boxing Day, and shopping at the Boxing Day sales is nearly as big an event in Canada as Black Friday is in the States. Unbelievable as it sounds, at one time it was illegal for shops to be open on that day, and merchants faced a $10,000 fine if they did. The larger stores opened anyway, and their profits more than made up for the penalty.

Who could pass up a bargain like this?
From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, December 25, 2011

You Completed the Christmas Caption

It was wonderful to have so many responses to this weekend's post in spite of the busyness of the holiday season. 

Simon: Mrs Santa's suggestion that "just once he might like to stay in on Christmas Eve" had resulted in her appearing top of the naughty list immediately.

Hermione soon discovered what happened to those who didn't leave out a drink and mince pie for Santa.

Duality: I saw Mommy spanked by Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night...

Six of the best: "HO HO HO" says Santa Claus. "OUCH OUCH OUCH" says the naughty lady, as she feels Santa's strong hand spanking her bare bottom.

Spanky: "Who needs cookies and milk?"

Sunnygirl: Being naughty does have its rewards.

Jean Marie: "I don't mind the strict spanking, Santa, because I know I've been a very naughty girl, but do your elves have to watch? Don't they have anything else to do? What do you mean they're going to get a turn once you're through with me!?"

Bonnie: "Please tell me that you're you the real Santa and not just some guy who dresses in the suit so he can spank naughty girls..."

Ronnie: Even good girls get a spanking on Christmas Eve.

Red: After Santa checked his list of presents, he was happy to provide the hand spanking requested as a present that this lady asked for.

Richard: It was the foggiest Christmas night on record and Rudolph had gone missing, so Santa decided an elf would have to guide the sleigh. As she did not have a red nose, it was time to improvise...


Ms. Betty: But Santa! Mrs. Claus said I HAD to bake you sugar free cookies!

Kingspan: Santa distinctly told his little helper to wear her Christmas suit. He didn't buy the excuse that confusing it with "birthday suit" was an innocent mistake that anyone could make.

Dark Knight Fair Lady: Growing tired of Rudolph's glowing red nose, Santa began research on an alternative red beacon to guide his Christmas flight.

Ricky: Oh, Santa, I've been very naughty . . .and very nice, too!

Jackie: that the camera over there?

Bree512: "I told you what would happen if you messed with my boots again, young lady. Cutting the bottom half of them off and using them to feed the fire is not funny at all!"
"Ummm...ok, but there was no wood left. Could you spank me just a little bit harder? The fire is dying down and it is getting cold in here."

Hermione: Don't you dare spank me with those sooty hands.

I hope you have a joyous time celebrating the holidays in your favourite way.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Complete the Christmas Caption

Santa isn't at all pleased with his helper. Or is he? Is this a punishment or a reward? Either way, her bottom is about to turn as red as her shoes.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your contributions in the next post.
From Hermione's Heart

Friday, December 23, 2011

Friday FAIL

What not to give your neighbour, teacher, significant other or letter carrier for Christmas: tighty whities for your hands.

Oh, all right, if you must, they're available at the Neato Shop.
From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, December 22, 2011

We're not in Kansas anymore

Ron and I were walking through a local mall recently, and we decided to check out the larger of two dollar stores.  I led the way and headed right.  As we turned down the first aisle Ron exclaimed, "We're in the paddle section."

I looked up and saw an assortment of wooden spoons, spatulas, whisks and other pervertables. We were indeed in the paddle section.

"This used to be where the party supplies were," I protested.  "They must have reorganized the store.  Isn't it funny how I was attracted to this particular aisle?"

"Very funny."

I passed two bins holding long, slender sticks in various bright colors. "Look, canes!"

My husband looked, then looked again. Above the canes were an assortment of brush heads. "Those are broom handles."

We kept browsing, and I found the spanko bracelets that I've told you about. Ron laughed when I explained that I wanted them for my blog. There was a time when he would never have mentioned paddles, canes, or anything remotely related to spanking, in a store, at home, or anywhere. Now his spanko senses have been honed nearly as fine as mine.

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Wednesday WIN

Pizza has been declared a vegetable by the US Congress. "The United States Congress voted to rebuke new USDA guidelines for school lunches that would have increased the amount of fresh fruit and vegetables in school cafeterias and instead declared that the tomato paste on frozen pizza qualified it as a vegetable." (Read the full story here.)

Why is this a WIN and not a FAIL? Simply because pizza is my favourite food. Any kind of topping, any style of crust, any time, anywhere! I enjoy pizza almost as much as I like spankings. I'm making plans for next year's garden.

I'm also pretty fond of pizza peels.

From Hermione's Heart

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Are You Still Naughty?

Here are more coupons from my collection. The last ones worked well, so these might be useful too.

What a sweet guy Santa is!
From Hermione's Heart

Monday, December 19, 2011

From the Top Shelf - Concertina III

In the second half of her book, Concertina, Susan Winemaker describes her relationship with a lover and former client. This excerpt is about a game that he invented. 

The idea was simple to begin with, but it evolved into an enduring and intricate dialogue, an art form. We took turns waiting on the landing at the top of the stairs, naked on all fours and completely still. He chose that position because of its submissiveness, its exposure, and for its beauty and elegance. It was a statement of readiness and willingness; it was an offering of openness.

Whoever was home first the following evening would text the other to say so. They in turn had to say when they'd be back and text again when they were exactly ten minutes away, at which point the other would get into position.

It was me who arrived home first the following day. When I received the ten minutes text, I removed my bathrobe and folded it under my knees to protect them from the hardwood floor when I got down on all fours. I dropped my head, hung my ankles over the top step, and waited. And discovered the challenge of staying perfectly still for even one minute. Try it and you'll know what I mean... My knees were hurting and so was my back and I was getting bored by the time I heard the key turn in the lock and then it was my heart thrown open. Interesting how his presence changed everything. I forgot my physical discomfort, I stopped waiting, and my self-consciousness became intense, acute. He slipped off his shoes as quietly as a thief, and then I heard his trousers rub and the stairs creak as he climbed closer, closer, out of step with the wild drumbeat of my heart, the flow of thoughts in my head. What does he see?  What does he think?  What's he going to do?  Is he pleased?  I did not move.
A couple of days later the vision I saw at the top of the stairs was his firm bottom, his broad back dipping, and his intense stillness.  He was so severely silent, and the vision so startling, so powerful, that it's branded in my mind. He turned himself into a gift that evening, a statue, an entree, a feast for my eyes. I saw my lover supplicating and offering himself to me---and that was enough. I didn't want to do anything. I really didn't, but he was waiting, and I knew what that was like.

I climbed the stairs and then I saw he was biting the handle of a whip and two clothes pegs were clamped on his nipples and there was a strawberry on his back. My lover was an artist. My lover made this effort just for me. It was beautiful and I thought: people should see this vision of a lover's sheer effort.

But he was waiting. I could do whatever I wanted to do to him, but he'd suggested the whip. So he wanted to be whipped by me, or for me, because he thought it would please me? Does he want pain or does he want to show me that he'll hurt for me? It was too confusing. He wants me to be myself but he wants the self to be a Mistress, to be strong, sexual and persuasive; a vixen, a vision, the one who can fix him.

I'd never whipped him before because the whip left marks. I bit the berry and took the whip from his mouth and gave him a fruity kiss. I teased him and prepared him with the suede tails of the whip before I swiveled and got ready to strike him with full force. I saw his effort not to move. I was still wearing my coat and the neighbors were downstairs. I snapped my wrist like a lion tamer and landed one heavy lash across his bare ass. The adrenaline, not knowing how he'd react, the sound of the smack, my expert aim were but brief rewards before the tidal wave of his roar. He sounded so angry and resentful, and that in turn made me angry and resentful; I was not his foe and he'd turned on me again. He gives me the power and then he yanks it away. Who put the whip there in the first place? I was upset, but I leaned over his body and kissed his moist neck, and at the exact same time we whispered, "Thank you." and it was over for the night.

Do you think you might try that game, or some variation of it?
From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, December 18, 2011

You Completed the Caption

This photo of Ida Lupino giving Santa a spanking was taken in 1942, but it's as timely as ever. Here's how you captioned the picture.

Kingspan: I don't care if you have been giving gifts since the third century, young man. You're not to old to have your bottom smacked. Every Christmas I tell you not to play in sooty chimneys in your good red suit, but do you listen? No.

The VBB: After all these years Santa finally made the naughty lis.

Six of the Best: "I am naughty, and you are nice. Please spank my bottom, and be precise."

Simon: Both Scarlett and Santa knew that for their spankings to be really effective they were going too have to lose some layers of clothing.

Jackie: Why did you give coal to the good kids and toys to the bad kids?

Kaki: I don't care if you are Santa Claus; can't you spend one Christmas Eve at home with the family?

Ronnie: It's not only naughty girls who get spanked at Christmas.

Blondie: All I want for Christmas is to spank the naughty elf...

Sweetpea: We finally get to see what Santa wants from Mrs. Claus for Christmas.

Richard: Naughty Santa chose a spanking rather than the sack.

Little monkey: "Frankly, Dear Santa, I don't give a damn. Bend over."

Red: The next sleigh definitely has to have a seat warmer. In the meantime, my dear, you are doing perfectly fine.

Vfrat25000: Thank you Santa. How did you know I wanted to be a TOP for Christmas?

After a few too many glasses of champagne, the Chairman of the Board and the Senior Attorney of the DoNothing Corporation found out at the company Christmas party they both had interests in spanking.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Spanking Santa all the way, Oh what fun it is to spank Santa night and day.

Oh Monica, you are the best.
You make a darn good looking Santa as well, Mr. President.

I want a Maserati…WHACK…I want a 3 carat diamond ring…WHACK…I want a Coach Purse…..WHACK….I want two weeks in Hawaii…WHACK…
OK OK Ease up I have to sit in that sleigh all night.

MarQe: All I said was, "can I come down your chimney?"

Welcome back, MarQe! I hope you're feeling better.

Daisychain: Santa says, "If you want your bottom heated for Christmas, you had better show me what's so good about it."  

Christina: You put ME on the naughty list? I'll show you who is on the naughty list!!  

Bobbie Jo: What do you mean I can't have a Lamborghini?! How dare you suggest a Smart Car!

Recidavist: Red noses are for Reindeers.

Hermione: How many times do I have to tell you not to let those reindeer play games in the house? The carpets are ruined.

Thank you to all who joined in the pre-Christmas fun. Santa will be back again next week, but this time he won't be on the receiving end.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Complete the Caption

Oh my goodness! Santa's been a bad boy, and just before Christmas too. What could the jolly old elf have done that was so naughty?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your submissions in the next post.
From Hermione's Heart

Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday FAIL

Right beside her tall black moonwalking boots and her leather alien tamer.
From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Last Minute Shopping

Here's a last minute gift idea for that hard to buy for spankee. How about a spatula featuring his or her favourite super hero? These spatulas of Spider Man, Iron Man, Captain America and The Hulk are available from Williams-Sonoma.They're flexible, for maximum impact pleasure, and the handle offers a secure grip. What more could you want?

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Wednesday WIN

Timing is everything.He just happened to bend over to tie his shoelace in front of a bus shelter with a clever advertisement.

From Hermione's Heart