Thursday, May 31, 2012

Sticker Fun

Last week I thought of a way to spice up our spanking. I wondered what Ron would think if he bared my bottom and found a tattoo on one or both cheeks. Now, I would never actually consider getting a tattoo, but the wash-off temporary kind might be fun to try. Sadly, I couldn't find anything appropriate in the one store that I knew carried them.

So I did the next best thing. Opening my drawer of stationery supplies, I found some heart-shaped stickers. Carefully I removed two from the paper backing and placed one in the centre of each bottomcheek. Inspecting myself in the mirror, I wriggled my hips. The hearts stayed on. I carefully pulled up my panties and jeans, and was ready for action.

My husband was waiting for me in the bedroom, implements at the ready, so I carefully lowered my clothing and bent over the bed. Ron laughed when he saw the hearts.

"Well now, what have we here?"

"A little decoration to help you improve your aim."

Ron took that as a challenge, and gave each cheek a preliminary tap with the paddle he held. "As if I need any help." He swatted harder. "I'm going to turn them into permanent tattoos." Then he went to work on his mission.

It wasn't long before both stickers popped off and landed on the floor. "They're gone," my husband informed me.

"Aw, too bad. Now you won't have a target," I joked. Ron didn't meet his goal, but he didn't let that deter him, and I ended up with a very red bottom.

Maybe next time I'll try some puffy vinyl stickers and we can see if they make the paddle bounce off its target. If I use a lot of them, it might provide some protection.

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Wednesday WIN

Today's theme is a three-letter word frequently used when referring to the posterior. But it can have other meanings as well. Can you guess what it is?

From Hermione's Heart

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

50 Shades of Grey - America Speaks Out

 The satirical website The Onion asks Americans what they think of the phenomenal success of the novel 50 Shades of Grey. Publishing house Vintage has sold 10 million copies in just six weeks.

Here are three opinions:

"Whatever happened to the good old days of finding a cheap paperback with women spanking each other on the cover in your dad's sock drawer?"

"I was really excited about it until I opened the book and guess what? It's just a bunch of words."

"Idiots. There's no way there are more than 12 shades of grey."

And there you have it. Don't take these seriously; they are meant to be tongue in cheek. (Click here for the original article.)

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, May 28, 2012

From the Top Shelf - My Secret Garden

For those of you who have never read Nancy Friday's book My Secret Garden, it was an amazing publication that caused quite a stir when it first appeared in 1973. Women have sexual fantasies too? What a revelation! Nancy interviewed women of all ages and from all walks of life and recorded their secret sexual fantasies.

While sexual activities of all sorts were described in loving detail, there wasn't a great deal of spanking fantasy. When I first read the book I found and bookmarked the following fantasy involving spanking by a 28-year-old woman called Nathalie.

My first fantasy is that of being spanked. I have always provoked the spanking, it's never unjustified. My innate female bitchiness causes my lover to say, very quietly, "All right now, that's enough!" I say "Don't order me around" and he replies "You're asking for a good spanking". I answer "I'd like to see you try it!' in a very taunting manner.

At this point he grabs me, grasps both hands firmly behind my back, pulls down my panties, turns me over onto his knee and traps my kicking legs between his.

I am embarrassed and scared. He usually uses his hand, spanking me maybe two dozen times, very hard. Sometimes I fantasize that he uses a hairbrush or a ruler. I am sobbing and enraged, but the rage turns to humiliation and then to helpless submission. At the end he forces me back on the bed and enters me quickly and without foreplay.

Sometimes I like to imagine myself staying in an enraged mood throughout the spanking. Then he pushes me back on the bed, hovers over me and pushes his erect penis into my mouth, ordering me to suck it. I refuse and bite his cock which brings on another, even more painful, spanking, at which point I am prepared to do anything he asks.

The thought of being spanked used to arouse sexual feelings at the age of six or seven, even though I didnt recognize them as such. If it matters I have never been spanked by either of my parents.

I'll have a longer and more detailed fantasy for you in the near future.

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, May 27, 2012

You Completed the Caption

What was in store for this pair as they strolled along the beach? Let's see what you said.

Simon: Well if the weather precludes a decent bank holiday perhaps we should retire to our room and have a spank holiday instead.

Rod: Excessive flatulence will earn you a beating, my dear!

Ms. Betty: Alfred, dear, I told you to be sure you had fuel in that funny new motor carriage of yours. Now there's no point in whining and fussing. It's your fault we're stuck out here. Now hurry up, if we get home before the rain actually starts I will only use the strap on you. But if my hair gets wet you will get the cane.

Six of the best: "In this stormy weather," he is thinking, "when we come home, I will heat up her bare bottom with a good spanking. That will warm both of us up."

Bob: That was one hell of a sneeze darling.

Kingspan: She knew she'd be getting a spanking for lying about the weather forecast, but the look of astonishment on his face made it well worth it.

SNP: Violet hardly noticed the bad weather. She was now with Charles, the man she loved. Charles could not believe Violet risked her safety by taking the boat. Females are exasperating! Once they reached the beach house then he would settle the matter--with Violet over his knee!

Michael: "Fanny, this blasted wind knocks my derby askew and damages my bumbershoot yet fails to lift your skirts above your ankles! Either the gusts must increase or your skirts must be shortened."

Prefectdt: No dear. When I said that I wanted to do some paddling, I didn't mean the kind that you needed the sea for. Especially not in this weather.

Vfrat25000: I say Victoria, the campaign promises at the Ocean Point Political Rally are generating a lot of HOT AIR!

You want to go for a “Roll in the Sand” Harold? Sort of a “Here to Eternity” thing”
Sometimes I wonder about you Margaret.

I knew there was something fishy about that Travel Agency. A weekend at a beach front hotel for $5.00 a night.

Jane, may I remind you that I wanted to stay home and play Headmaster/Naughty Graduate this afternoon but you wanted to go for a walk on the beach.
I know…Can we go home now?
Yes Jane, and when we get home the Headmaster wants to see you in his office immediately.

Darn it all. That was the last derby in my size at Fitzgerald’s Emporium.
What are you complaining about, you pompous oaf? I just got a seagull blown up my bustle.

This sucks, I got sand in my bloomers.

Mary, I look like Superman.
In your dreams Franklin. In your dreams.

Ricky: What was that you said?

 Dr. Ken: He: "A BIT windy? You have a knack for stating the obvious, my dear. When we get back home, try saying, "I won't be able to sit for a week."

"Well, that's the last time I invite you round for a bean dinner."

 "The thought of the spanking I'm going to give you totally blows me away."

 Anon: Victoria, I told you it was too windy for a walk, now my umbrella is ruined! Hmmm maybe it will make a good paddle now!

Hermione: "Why Roger, the way you are holding that umbrella makes me think you are going to spank me with it. Isn't that silly? Roger? What are you doing? Ouch!"

Emen: Hahahaha. You have the most brilliantly funny people here. (Not a caption but somebody needs to provide the applause.)

Thank you, Emen, on behalf of all the contributors.

Have a safe and happy weekend, everyone, and happy Memorial Day to our American friends.
From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Complete the Caption

This happy couple is determined not to let a little bad weather deter them from their pleasant stroll on the beach. Why does she look so cheerful? What does he have in mind?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your scenarios in the next post.

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, May 25, 2012

Friday FAIL

No exposed bottoms today, but some serious fashion FAILS.

Peek-a-boo! Spongebob sees you!

What a tease this skater is. That's what I call a body suit!

 A little rear enhancement is nice, but it's meant to be worn under your clothes.

These two are wearing shorts with bare bums painted on, but they are three sizes too big. Try before you buy!

A really bad tattoo. Hopelless, in fact.

From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Gentlemen Prefer Wood

A syndicated article in the newspaper began this way:

You can't understand his compulsion for wood and he doesn't get your need for multiple pillows. This type of miscommunication isn't news...

An informative piece on spanking? Not exactly. It was a discussion of men's and women's preferences when it comes to decorating a home. But then again, reading between the lines, it could be directed to those of us who engage in TTWD. Here are a few more quotes from the same story:

Men's attachment to wood is like women's attachment to shoes.

Though there is plenty of room for disagreement, there are also some areas where the genders have discovered common ground.

...while compromise is important to the negotiation process, couples could end up with a mishmash without either one liking the outcome. Instead of compromising, taking turns would be a better modality in this case...

Domestic bliss is guaranteed when you speak a common language--love...

Were you mentally filling in the blanks?

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Wednesday WIN

Today's winning theme is bondage.

An interesting tie for all you Secretary fans.

A bracelet that allows you to do...nothing. For more views of this wrist cage, see Meister gib mir rosen.

A cheeky restaurant sign, complete with reef knot.

And another. Predictable, but definitely a

From Hermione's Heart

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

A Royal Boot

As part of of the Diamond Jubilee celebrations for our Queen (sixty years on the throne - imagine that!) HRH Prince Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, are visiting Canada this week. In their honour here is a little Royal humour.

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, May 21, 2012

From the Top Shelf - Creative Writing

Today's story is "A Good All Rounder" from the collection called The Reckoning by Rachel King. Amelia, the head girl of an English school, is responsible and level-headed, but at 18, has the urge to be very naughty. She has a crush on the tall handsome writing teacher and chooses his creative writing class to further her creative imagination, with disastrous consequences.

Mr.Raphael always told his students of the creative writing class that he didn't expect them to write anything. He would merely be gratified if they did. If the creative spirit was not forthcoming that morning, never mind. A whole morning spent in creative thought was good enough.

The class arrived late in a mood of sulky resignation. Mr. Raphael was annoyed and glowered at Amelia, although she had arrived on time of course. Amelia blushed furiously. She had nothing to feel ashamed of yet Mr.Raphael usually succeeded in making her feel guilty about nothing at all. She fingered her earrings to reassure herself that she was a woman after all.

"Today," began Mr.Raphael, as the class fumbled to seat itself, "I'm going to change things a little, and give you a specific subject, as hardly anyone wrote anything last week. Having the freedom to choose your own subject seems to frighten you into producing nothing at all." He looked accusingly from girl to girl and then at the pathetically small pile of marked scripts from last week, lying on his desk. Amelia looked up brightly and clasped her hands in relief. At least hers was among them.

"Encounter with a Professional Person," said Mr.Raphael drily, and sat down.

There was a silence, then a faint groan. What a way to bore away a morning! The class, shifting itself like a woman lifting and settling her skirts, slumped into thought - or blankness. Three hours to go with only a short break in between.

Amelia couldn't think of a more uninspiring subject and lamented the hours she had to fill before lunch. Unless...she was bold enough to write about..? She looked up thoughtfully. Yes she would write a little story - but for herself. A true story which had thrown her thoughts into a fever ever since it happened. But of course she wouldn't hand it in to Mr.Raphael. During the last half hour of the lesson, she would hastily scribble a token effort for the teacher and add some simpering postscript to the effect that she wasn't well, or inspired, that morning. She'd always submitted work on other occasions and Mr.Raphael had praised it. Surely that entitled her to please herself just this once?

"My dentist," she began in her neat precise hand,"is an extremely good looking man of about thirty-five. Reason enough to pay him a visit!" She paused, smiling, and caught sight of Mr.Raphael looking at her, then hastily assumed a studious expression. "He certainly has a way of making one feel at ease," she continued, " an enlightened modern practitioner who dresses casually, has a pleasant chatty manner, and a video in his surgery for the patients distraction. You can select a short video tape and then lie back for twenty minutes entertainment!"

Amelia paused, sucking her pen thoughtfully. Again Mr.Raphael looked up at that precise moment and their eyes met. Amelia lowered hers swiftly and he returned to his book. Dare she? Dare she write what actually happened? If Mr.Raphael should see...

Excited by the danger, she continued:

"On a recent visit to this particular 'professional person' something rather extraordinary occurred. I was due for some unpleasant treatment when Mr.Graham, my dentist, suggested I choose a new video. I chose one from his shelf entitled Discipline at St.Cecilia's. Presuming it to be a school comedy, I pushed the cassette into the video player and settled back to watch the fun. Mr.Graham set to work straight away with his horrible drill, humming loudly and concentrating on what he was doing. I suppose he'd seen all the videos before and wasn't interested. He didn't glance at the screen once.

" The film began with a long line of nubile, grown up schoolgirls in old fashioned gym tunics, parading in front of their Headmaster, who was brandishing a cane.

"There was no sound apart from the tip-tapping of the cane on the impatient Headmaster's fingers. It quite heightened the drama not to have any dialogue. Behind the Headmaster stood a small group of other teachers, positively agog with excitement, all tense and rigid, and wide eyed. The camera passed along the line of girls, noting their woebegone faces (some were snivelling and about to cry), and then travelled along their back view, focusing quite deliberately on their bottoms."

Amelia jerked her head up. Mr. Raphael was deep in his book, so she feverishly resumed her writing.

"...The dentist was drilling my teeth. It was painful but the entertainment was riveting ...

"The Headmaster walked slowly along behind the girls and paused before each one to flick up the back of her skirt rather cleverly with the tip of the cane. Each girl was wearing bottle-green knickers, horrid thick cotton ones with deep hems like they used to wear years ago. One thing I did notice though was that each girl seemed to be wearing a pair that appeared to be several sizes too small for her. This was demonstrated when the Headmaster made each girl bend over after he'd lifted her skirt. You could see the stitches around the crotch straining to bursting point!

"My dentist's head kept getting in the way . I was desperate not to miss a thing, and as for what happened next...I get wet panties every time I think about it.

"One poor girl was led by the Headmaster into a study where he shut the door. She must have done something awful. The other girls were being whacked by teachers in the main hall and the cameras caught some of their faces - expressions of pain and horrible grimaces. To return to the poor lone victim, the Head started to tickle her between the legs with the tip of the cane, causing her to jump about. (God if any teacher tickled me there, I'd do more than jump about!)"

Amelia began to squeeze her thighs together and wriggle her bottom on the chair. She was flushed and quite unaware that Mr.Raphael was quietly observing her.

"The dentist at that point infuriatingly leaned over me, blocking my view, but the next time I looked at the screen I almost choked on that gurgling suction thing they wedge in your mouth. The girl was taking her knickers down, and the way the Headmaster was looking at her bare bottom - I'd give anything to be stared at like that! Everything was visible; bottom cheeks all plump and quivering, her pubic hair. She'd pulled her plaits over her face so it couldn't be seen, but from the way she was standing, head bent and knock kneed, she was terribly embarrassed.

"The Head started to run his hands over her bare arse, and then he tipped her over so her bottom was nicely presented to receive the cane.

"She seemed to take it very well, only flinching a little and drawing her buttock muscles in after each stroke. There were red lines appearing on her behind as that thin, whippy little cane landed time after time. The Head stopped caning her all of a sudden, grabbed a chair and sat down. She was motionless, bending over, and the master had a long look at what he'd done. Then he pulled her down so that she was lying across his knees. He started to spank her bottom, already red and stripey, and his hand imparted an all-over red glow to her well caned bottom cheeks.

" The cameraman obviously got carried away here because he zoomed in on her bottom until it filled the whole screen. I could see the arse crack and everything else she had! This male hand was still coming down hard on her rosy red rear. Oooooh to be THAT close to a man's cock!

"At that point I nearly fainted and Mr Graham turned and looked at the screen. He almost drilled through my gum! He went bright red, stopped drilling, rushed to the video and turned it off. He was panting and embarrassed. 'I'm terribly sorry' he said, wringing his hands 'I had no idea THAT was among the videos...I.I just don't know how it got there!' he stammered.

"Probably part of his private collection, I thought to myself. Kinky or what? Spanking, caning..oooh exciting! Brings a whole new dimension to this sex thing. Perhaps he watches it when there are no patients. Perhaps he spanks his nurse...."

Amelia had grown very red in the face and was quite carried away with her writing, oblivious to all around her. Her stockings stuck to her thighs and other, more intimate, areas were distinctly uncomfortable too.

She realised it was nearly lunchtime and Mr.Raphael was not at his desk. Feeling suddenly uneasy, she turned her head, sensing that someone was looking over her shoulder. She was right. Mr.Raphael stood there, an expression of disgust and fascination on his face. He had been reading her story.

Amelia felt as if she had shrunk to nothingness inside her clothes. The heat of her excitement rapidly turned to clammy fear and she swallowed noisily. "Oh my God!" She sat helpless as Mr.Raphael calmly picked up her writing and returned with it to his desk.

"Amelia has finished," he announced to the class. There was sarcasm in his voice. "And I hope you have all finished too."

Amelia flung her blonde curls over her face to hide her cheeks; they were burning. The class departed leaving Amelia busy with her bag, still waiting for her face to cool down.

Mr.Raphael sat reading her essay, tapping his teeth with a pencil. Amelia, feeling like a stricken rabbit, caught and unable to run away, made a clumsy movement from her desk. He looked up and stared at her. His eyes were unfathomable.

"You need to see me after school today, Amelia," he said caustically. "We need to have a little talk about this!"

Ruh roh!

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, May 20, 2012

You Completed the Caption

Bob: The teacher's saying: Is there anyone in the class that hasn’t got a sexual position as an answer?

Prefectdt: The students had started to realize that Mr Stern was taking some kind of hormone supplement.

Six of the best: A teen-age boy asks the teacher. "Since you came late to class this morning, can I take your knickers down, and give you a good spanking on your bare bottom?" The teacher surprisingly answered, "Yes, that was rather naughty of me" and bent over her desk.

Kingspan: The results of the study were conclusive: girls adapt to social norms more quickly than boys. Researchers found that Ms. Smith almost never needed to spank a girl more than once, but some boys repeated the same naughty behavior again and again, knowing perfectly well they would get spanked by the teacher.

Sunnygirl: "I don't know why but boys always misbehave in this class."

Ronnie: "Right boys, line up and drop those trousers. I think 5 swats each with the ruler should improve your grades."

Vfrat25000: Mom, why is Dad the only one going to the Parent Teacher Conference this evening?
He said I didn’t need to go; I could stay home and rest. Your Dad is so thoughtful.

The July School Board Meeting:
I want to congratulate you, Ms Phillips; I think it’s wonderful that entire football team has signed up for Advanced Trigonometry and Astrophysics III.

Miss Jones, as President of this University I feel it’s my duty to remind you that Professors are not allowed to sit on a desk while lecturing. It’s critically important we maintain a certain level of dignity and professionalism at the University of Huge Bazoombas.

OK, class, here is tomorrow’s homework. I want you to calculate how many times this ruler must be applied to my derriere and at what speed in order to raise the surface temperature of my bare bottom 15 degrees Fahrenheit. There will be extra credit for those can also calculate the same process using your hand…especially you Billy Reynolds, you gorgeous hunk of Quarterback!

As your substitute professor, I don’t understand a single word of that crap written on the blackboard behind me nor do I care. All I care is it’s been over 6 months since anybody has turned me over their knee and spanked me. Any takers?

Class, we all know what 69 means. If you don’t, get out of my class and get a LIFE! In the meantime students, as part of your final exam for Adult Shenanigans I want you to define what 96 means and please show all your work on paper leading to your conclusion. Extra credit for pictures! DON’T MAIL THEM!

Ana: "Miss? I'm sorry, but for some reason I am having trouble concentrating on the lesson. May I please have some private tutoring after class?"

Lea: "Hot Teachers: The Solution To Getting Kids To Show Up To Class"

garyntboy: No class, the number 69 does not mean this is going to be an oral lesson!

Welcome, garyntboy!

Emen:  This isn't a caption. I'm terrible at trying to think of them but omg do I love reading all these other people who are so good. Thanks for letting them shine here.

I love them all too, and can't believe the creativity of our community.

Terri: "Ok, I'm holding this ruler in front of my face, WHY?!" Grumbled Mrs James. "and WHERE did I leave that eraser? I need to write up today's subject, because your last teacher forgot to erase theirs!"

Spankcake: "For the most efficient spanking, calculate torque by multiplying the length of your arm by the amount of force applied. Now let me demonstrate!"

Hermione: Today we'll study the primitive arcade game called Pacman.

A. Lurker: After her well-publicized epic failure in Calculus II, Ms Demeanor was motivated to turn her life around.  She graduated university with straight A’s and became a math teacher herself.

Her unique, though unorthodox, teaching methods guaranteed that all students enrolled in her classes passed with flying colors. Private schools across the land vied for her professional services.

Ms Demeanor enjoyed many engagements as keynote speaker at educational conferences throughout the country where her seminars on Motivating Students were always filled to capacity. She won many recognition awards from the Board of Education and was one of the country’s most recognized educators.

Life was going very well for the successful Ms Demeanor until that fateful day when the Minister of Educator (and renowned busybody), Gladys Kravitz, came across an old copy of National Lampoon circa 1975!

Thank you all for joining me on this long Victoria Day weekend. To my fellow Canadians: don't overdo it when you're working in your gardens, and remember to use sunscreen.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Complete the Caption

School days...ah, the fond memories.

But then, maybe some of those memories are a little painful. What's happening in this classroom?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I'll grade your assignment in the next post.

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, May 18, 2012

Friday FAIL

The perils of texting, and the ups and downs of mobile phones.


From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Secrets in the Suburbs

Last week's Dateline show - an investigative journalism program that explores a mysterious crime, with various twists and turns along the way - was based on a theme near and dear to my heart. A woman was murdered in an upscale suburb of Detroit, and the investigation revealed that her husband had a secret life and was known as "Master Bob"  in the local BDSM community.

The narrator made much of the fact that the activities were all about sex, describing the other woman in Bob's life as his "sex slave", and repeatedly calling the dungeon a "sex dungeon". The obvious intent was to turn it from a common-enough occurrence into something horrific that naturally leads to violence and murder. At one point, the book 50 Shades of Grey was mentioned, along with a picture of the cover, as an example of BDSM becoming more common. It was a nice plug for the book, I suppose.

They interviewed a woman who had joined Master Bob and his slave in the dungeon for her first session, and had later written about it on her blog. One of the excerpts from the blog had me laughing. "The first time I felt his belt, it was ecstasy." When the reporter said the word "vanilla", you could almost see the quotes he put around it, as an unfamiliar term. The interviewee used it quite comfortably. At one point the reporter asked if it hurt. Doh!

Ron and I watched it with some amusement. It was a good thing we were alone and not watching it with anyone else.

"Just imagine, people doing that," Ron said.

"Well, I never!" I pretended to be shocked. Then I laughed, "I want to hear more about that belt."

When interviewed, the husband said that he and his wife had an "understanding" about certain things, and she accepted the fact that he had another woman but did not know about his BDSM activities. I wonder...

I was glad to hear that in preparing the case for trial, none of the information about the BDSM activities would be used. It was decided that it had nothing to do with the facts surrounding the murder.

Here is a preview of the show.

From Hermione's Heart