Saturday, August 31, 2013

Complete the Caption

It looks like a nice day for a drive in the country, but things don't seem to be going too well for this couple. Whatever could be wrong?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your entries in the next post.

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, August 30, 2013

Friday FAIL

For your amusement I have gathered a few fashion FAILs from around the Interwebs.

 How many times do I have to say it. Lululemon leggings are not for cycling.

 Grumpy cat shorts? Um, no. Just no.

 Chunky necklace or slave collar? Stupidly unfashionable or strangely erotic?

 I might be tempted to wear these at a Google convention.

The comment below the picture says it all:

"I have so many questions! Man or woman? Thong or just a hungry butt?

Thanks, Sarah, for that last picture.

From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Museum Startles

Last week the weather was fine so we went on a day trip to a lovely little village situated in a picturesque location by the water. We had read about a museum there and thought it would be an interesting place to visit. When we arrived we were startled to find that we weren't the only ones who were visiting that day. Both sides of the main street were lined with parked cars and the sidewalks were crowded with tourists who were making their way from shop to shop. We drove on and we could see the road clearing a few blocks ahead. We finally passed the parked cars and found plenty of parking away from the shops and restaurants. As I got out of the car I was pleasantly surprised to see the museum right across the street.

The museum was located inside a very old building (old for Canada, that is, probably less than 200 years old) that was once a busy carpenter's shop. Every available inch on the walls was covered with articles from bygone days, each one accompanied by a neatly printed card explaining the purpose of the item. I kept my eyes open for possible spanking-related items and I wasn't disappointed.

I don't have a cell phone with a camera (or even a cell phone without a camera) so I didn't take any pictures. All the pictures below were found on the internet just to give you an idea of what we saw. 

First, we stopped at a glass case displaying personal grooming things and saw a very old, very long, leather razor strop.

The razor strop was easily two feet (60 cm) long and doubled over. I'm sure it would have cracked had it been straightened out. Just as well it was no longer used for its intended purpose of warming someone's bottom. It looked positively evil!

In another area a display of cleaning goods included a giant carpet beater. It was easily twice as long and wide as the ones we have for play. I pointed it out to Ron, who smiled and said he liked ours better.

There was also a small corner devoted to items used in the schools of the 19th century. There was a slate, a wooden pencil box, maps, a tiny desk, quills, and of course, the tools of a teacher's trade:

a wooden yardstick, for keeping order

and a rubber-tipped teacher's pointer, supposedly for pointing to things on the blackboard or on a wall map. I know it was also useful for getting an idle pupil's attention. I've seen it in action.

Upstairs there were more displays of life way back then, including a little bedroom complete with quilts, a rocking chair and a doll's house. There were also collections of articles used in the dairy for making butter and cheese. At the cheese-making exhibit I saw a row of wooden paddles like the one below.

The paddles were aligned on their sides and there were at least a dozen of them. There was no card beside them so I don't know if they were a collection of cheese boards, or if they were somehow involved in the process of cutting the curds into small blocks. It was a very useful paddle rack.

On the way back downstairs we enjoyed an exhibit of early law enforcement  that included the actual door of a jail cell as well as various pairs of handcuffs, a jailer's leather belt, and a picture of the old jail itself.

It was quite a small museum and we were through in half an hour, but on the kink-o-meter I thought it scored quite high. Don't you?

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Wednesday WIN

My good friend and fellow blogger Joey sent me a picture of a cute bank that he saw in a catalogue recently.

The fanny bank has already appeared here earlier this year as a WIN, but I didn't realize its full potential until I searched for it online. Check it out below.

This is the WIN of the month! Thanks, Joey.

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, August 26, 2013

From the Top Shelf - Ellen at school again

Since we last heard from Ellen, her life has changed significantly. Her mother has married the odious Albert Filbertson (we met him here, remember?) and he has forced Ellen to give Roderick up. Roderick has joined the army, believing that Ellen no longer loves him. Ellen has become a pupil in Filbertson's school, where she and her mother now live, in order to prepare for her entrance exams for teachers' college.

Her stepfather uses the cane on his pupils and his staff alike, and has threatened to cane Ellen if she does not improve her behaviour. Rose, one of the maids, has been singled out for special attention in this way, and Ellen witnesses one of their sessions.

I knew he was 'attending to her' regularly every Saturday afternoon - regardless of whether she had misbehaved or not. I could not help wondering how Rose was managing to conceal from her lover the physical manifestations of such frequent whippings - if indeed she was. I also wondered how she could possibly allow herself to be so abused by one man, yet love another.

One Saturday after luncheon I was lying on my bed, remembering all those wonderful times spent with darling sweet Roderick, when I heard Rose leave her room and walk away down the passage. Guessing from the slowness of her step that she was reluctantly obeying her weekly summons to my stepfather's study, I hastily put on my shoes and followed her at a discreet distance, determined once more to bear witness to her sufferings. Sickened and appalled by them though I was, I nevertheless felt I owed it to Rose to be there - if only to give her silent moral support, as well as to furnish myself with yet more evidence of my stepfather's beastly depravity, in the hope that someday I might thereby engineer his downfall, without in the process causing undue harm to my mother.

I left the building by a side exit and within minutes had secreted myself below the study window as I had before... With pounding heart I raised my head an inch or two higher and peered through the glass. The scene within the study made my flesh creep. Rose's bare bottom trembled fearfully as, completely naked except for her shoes and gartered black stockings, she stood with her back towards my stepfather, her hands vainly guarding her sex.

He inserted the cane between her legs and, using it as a a lever, slowly forced them apart so that the cleft at the apex of her thighs widened involuntarily. I could not see Rose's face - only guess at the grimace of disgust and shame written upon it....Then he commenced putting it to more conventional use by applying a brisk, percussive tattoo of raps to the smooth swell of Rose's bottom-crowns, clearly intended to warn her that the time had arrived when she must bend her wretchedly apprehensive naked body over the sofa in readiness for punishment.

Her blonde hair screened her face as she lowered herself slowly into position, her bottom raised and, because of her slightly bent knees, exaggeratedly out-thrust to receive its painful medicine. My stepfather stood directly behind her for a long minute, gloating pruriently over her submissively revealing posture. Then, moving a couple of feet to her left, he suddenly raised the cane aloft before bringing it down with cruel alacrity.

I saw her body jolt and her knuckles clench as the cane collided with the summit of her buttocks. Her hands immediately shot behind her, and began rubbing furiously at the crimson weal already appearing on her ivory flesh.

Then her hands returned to their former position in doll-like obedience as he again raised the cane, this time attacking the broad but sensitive base of Rose's behind. She flinched, drew in her squirming bottom, and, half turning, let out a shrill cry of outrage.

He next applied four cuts to the plump area of flesh thus vividly demarcated by the two previous ones. Rose was by now sobbing and bawling in hiccuping spasms, deeply distressing to behold. She twisted her tear-stained face towards him and silently pleaded for clemency, at the same time wriggling her bottom frantically across the top of the sofa - partly because of the atrocious smarting...but partly also, I suspected, in the forlorn hope that her desperate movements would distract him from his cruel, disciplinary zeal and channel his energies into a more lustful, but far less painful, direction.

I felt bitterly sorry for Rose, although I certainly would never have forced myself to do what she was doing. I would preferred twice as many strokes of his dreadful cane to satisfying him in that other, appalling fashion. I could only presume that he had pushed her beyond the limits of her endurance. I suppose I could not really blame the poor girl for stooping to such depths.

But I doubted whether he needed any suggestive encouragement, since it was evident from the wolfish glint in his eye that he was already aroused to fever-pitch. I simply could not bear to watch as he began frantically unbuttoning his trousers - so I lowered myself gingerly to the ground, offering a silent, totally selfish, prayer of gratitude to whichever deity rules and ordains our lives, that the girl being abused and shamed up there in my stepfather's dark, claustrophobic study was Rose Potter - and not me!
Poor Rose!

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, August 25, 2013

You Completed the Caption

You were all extremely creative today - motivated by the lady's attire, or lack thereof, I suspect.

Simon: "Do you feel lucky punk" said Dirty Harriet.

Sunnygirl: Spank me or else suffer the consequences.

A. Lurker: "Hey tough guy, gonna show me your pistol?"

"I told you I'd kill you if you ever tried that again!"

The guy is thinking, "She's totally naked and we just had sex so where the hell did she hide that gun?"

A scene from the never released sequel Naked Gun 69

After the divorce, Sony and Cher's never released last video "I Shot you Babe"

The making of the video for the song "I Shot the Sheriff"

A whole new definition to the expression "film shoot"

- - - and last but not least (groan) - - -

Shoot films, not people!

Sir Wendel: Just remember you can’t shoot first and spank later.

Vfrat25000: Hey Sergeant Henderson, when the Captain said to relax when waiting for the next exercise I’m not sure he meant quite that relaxed

WOW! Debbie does NOT like losing at strip poker.

Yes Captain, we see the assailant with the gun. She hasn’t seen us. We are very close to her.
Squad A, I want you to grab her, take away the gun and handcuff her.
Uhhhh Captain…About that “grab her” idea, we have a small problem!

May I speak to Dr. Jameson right away please?
This is Dr. Jameson.
Dr. Jameson this is Peter White, the patient you told to take his spoiled wife over his knee and paddle her pink. You said she would love me for it. Well it didn’t work out quite the way I expected.

That’s how I like my women: Armed & Naked

Betty’s friend advised her to always play hard to get. It made the men want her that much more.

Anon: She was hot and naked - I never even noticed the gun.

Ricky: It was a dark and stormy night...

Answer honestly now: do these shoes make my bum look fat?

Dr. Ken: "If I shoot him in the knee, he can't turn me over it and spank me.....Hmmmm.....I may have to re-think this..."

Ronnie: From the man - "OK, you don't have to go that far, I'll spank you."

Prefectdt: The limited ability to stay upright in her high heels was making Jill's life as a hit woman very hard.

Six of the best: Here displayed is a HOT SHOT, who needs a HOT BOT. That's saying a LOT.

Kingspan: When she pulled the trigger, a little flag popped out that said "Bang!" So they did.

Hermione: The man says "Okay, okay, you don't have to stand in the corner. Now put down the gun."

Thanks for participating. I hope to see you all again next week; same bat time, same bat channel.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Complete the Caption

The woman in this photo from the 40s or 50s is prepared to defend herself against all comers. What has she done to find herself in such a predicament? Will we read about it in the morning paper?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and i will publish your press releases in the next post.
From Hermione's Heart

Friday, August 23, 2013

Friday FAIL

Walmart is not only infamous for its clientele, but also for the assortment of merchandise it stocks.

Someone got a spanking for buying this

Used pizza? Only at Walmart

But it's such a bargain!

I'll take two

So helpful

From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Naughty Car!

 Basil Fawlty, of Faulty Towers fame, gives his car a birching after it fails to start.

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Wednesday WIN

Each day I spend an hour or two on a public help forum, assisting people with computer- and internet-related problems. I don't have all the answers, but I do my best to be polite, sympathetic and helpful, even when the user is angry or hostile. Today I'm going to share some of my secrets with you.

It works every time!

When in doubt, click Help.

If I don't have the answer, I know how to find it.

Better safe than sorry. Is your password strong?

Finally, the secret settings only we techies know about.

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, August 19, 2013

Ellen's Idyllic Week

Ellen's Story continues as Ellen and Roderick spend a week alone in her cottage while Ellen's mother is away on holiday. The two young people are enjoying their freedom to engage in spanking at every opportunity.

We took immense pleasure in each other's bodies during that idyllic week, squeezing out our sensual delights to the very last oozing of the grape. We indulged our insatiable appetites constantly, so much so that we often lost track of time, day, month - even year...

In that short span of time, we lived like man and wife - in more harmony, I may add, than do most respectably married couples I have known. We never bickered or fell out, our time together was too precious for that. In all respects I can proudly say that I behaved just like an obedient, submissive wife should behave towards her beloved lord and master.

But that is not to say that I wasn't at times naughty. One of Roderick's favourite terms of endearment for me was 'a provocative little minx', and I certainly did my very best to live up to that title during those magical few days.

Whenever I was naughty I was, of course, sent up to my room and soundly spanked over his knee...usually with the palm of his hand (which I loved even though it hurt) but sometimes with the solid wooden back of my own hairbrush, which always succeeded in reducing me to penitent tears.

Hairbrush spankings somehow had a mortifying piquancy all of their own... I suppose it was the shame of being punished on my bottom by the very same boudoir implement with which I prettified my flowing chestnut hair...

Rarely did a day go by without me being spanked more than once. Consequently I went around with an incessantly sore red bottom. It was one of Roderick's jokes that mine was 'the most well-spanked bottom in Christendom!' Strange as it may seem, I regarded his good natured jibe almost as a compliment.

After our mid-day meal we more often than not squeezed ourselves through the gap in the back garden hedge - thereby avoiding being seen from the lane - and raced along like high-spirited children into the lush meadows beyond, frolicking and fooling to our hearts' content. Once we took a picnic tea and climbed to the top of Long Mountain where we spent the remainder of the day high up among the rocky crags and flowering heather, descending only when it began to grow dark.

On other occasions we explored the rich fertile plain to the east, strolling hand in hand through drowsy fields golden with buttercups, stopping now and then to dip our sunburnt bodies in the cool clear waters of lazily meandering streams.

Often, when we found ourselves in safely remote areas of countryside, we played games of our own devising; dangerous, exciting games that re-created all our half-forgotten childish dreams and fantasies. One such, which we dubbed 'Farmer's Revenge', consisted of me playing the part of a mischievous little girl who unwisely trespasses on the land belonging to 'Farmer Spanker'.

Dressed in a short, skimpy little frock that I used to wear when I was twelve, and which now barely covered the brown flesh of my thighs, I would make a great show of disporting myself on Farmer Spanker's forbidden property. I would do handstands and cartwheels galore, shamelessly displaying my bare thighs and my white cotton knickers.

Then, with a loud angry roar, 'Farmer Spanker', played with great exuberance by Roderick, would emerge from a hedgerow and, after a furious chase, which had me squealing breathlessly in genuine terror, he would pounce on me, shouting triumphantly, "Caught you, you little minx!" and dragging me down across his knee, he would raise the back of my brief skirt, tear down my white knickers and lustily spank my bare, wriggling little bottom until I yelled for clemency ...upon which he would lay me down on the warm green turf and there, in the open air, have his wicked farmer's way with me!

At other times we played something called 'Gamekeeper in the Woods', which was a dramatisation of a recurring dream I'd had as a child. I had dreamed of being pursued through a dark forest by a terrifyingly ferocious gamekeeper who, when he finally captured me, had chastised my bottom with loud spanks that resounded through the forest like gunshots - these gunshots in turn producing within me the sexual climax of what had obviously been a girlish 'wet dream'.

'Gamekeeper in the Woods' was, if anything, more spine-chillingly exciting for me than 'Farmer's Revenge' because ever since I could remember, I had always been terrified of the brooding silence in among the dense trees where no sunlight ever penetrated...

We used to enact this tense thrilling melodrama amid the tall oaks and beeches of the thickly wooded hills above Deadman's Pool, and I would shiver in agonies of suspense and trepidation while I dodged blindly in and out of the trees, mindful of every snapping twig and rustling sound around me. Like some poor hunted animal I suffered all the prolonged torments of the chase and dreaded the sickening inevitability of the ultimate capture.

On the village green, near the churchyard with its lychgate, lay the ancient stocks; long abandoned and disused - but where in former times vagrants, troublemakers, harlots and shrews had been sentenced by the grave, worshipful village elders to public whippings at the hands of the beadle. There were still ancient folk around then who remembered those days,and who would nod sagely and say: "Aye, an' it's a pity them stocks ain't used still today! There be one or two folks hereabouts who could do wi' a dang good whippin'!"

I always was a 'blabbermouth', and this was one occasion I paid dearly for my clacking tongue. I should never have told Roderick about those stocks, because late one night when all the village was soundly snoring he led me, a dismayed petrified figure of a girl quaking in just my nightshift, into that slumbering moonlit square, bent me over the stocks with my wrists held firmly between their crumbling wooden jaws, seized a nearby bunch of nettles, and began silently to whip my naked bottom with them, so that very soon my poor loins and hindquarters were throbbing madly with nettle rash.

I hasten to add that this highly whimsical punishment he chose to inflict on my person was not nearly as cruel as it seems. The goose-pimply bumps which the nettles raised on my flesh were not at all painful - rather the reverse, because they created sensations of such unbearably intense sexual longings that I begged him to release me from my bonds and to...put me out of my frustrated anguish.

He did - there and then, beside those venerable village stocks in the deep silence of the night, with only the hooting owls to see us greedily slake our passion.

Afterwards we crept back to the cottage on tiptoe, feeling rather subdued and in awe at what we had so daringly done. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when at last we slipped, safe and snug, into bed. The nettle-rash still affected me violently, causing me to wriggle my bottom frantically - which in turn aroused Roderick and spurred him to take his pleasure of me yet again.

Evening heralded yet another of Roderick's daily rituals, for he insisted that I be spanked every night at bedtime irrespective of what I had, or hadn't, done. My initial response was to pout wilfully at the idea of such an inflexibly rigid regime of discipline .but as the days wore on I soon became used to getting my bottom well smacked each night...and true to my perverse nature, even beginning to look forward to it.

After our bite of supper which we had in the parlour at about half past nine, he would rub his hands together in anticipation and declare, "Well, Ellen May, I think you are due for your bedtime spanking now!" and I would pull a face and reluctantly begin slipping out of my frock and petticoat while he discreetly drew the parlour curtains.

I always made sure that I was wearing my very best underthings, because the sight of me in my brand new frilly knickers and black silk stockings never failed him mad with desire to have me. I, of course, adored being a terrible tease, even though he made my poor aching bottom suffer dearly for it afterwards. He would make a point of spanking me in the parlour so that, at the end of it, he could send me on upstairs ahead of him - thus enabling him to study at close quarters the crimson spank-stains on my wobbling bottom flesh.

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, August 18, 2013

You Completed the Caption

What's the diagnosis? Here are your suggestions.

Tim: And these spanks have to be taken how often Doctor?

Michael: "Dr. Hind, I'm suffering from Spankophilia and I will need to be spanked daily? Is that a diagnosis recognized by the National Medical Association?"

"Miss. Gilstrap, I can see by your denial this case of Spankophilia is more advanced than I thought. So now your dosage will be two spankings daily with a third to be added if no improvement is seen."

Sunnygirl: You are recommending spanking to relieve tension, are you kidding?

Kingspan: You want me to participate in a spanking study???? Wow!!!!! I mean, uh... yes, I suppose I could do that, you know, if I can fit it into my schedule.

Vfrat25000: Yes, I’ve have children. They are my pride and joy. See the smile on my face? They are angels. Little Jimmy painted my living room. Sally made mud pies in my kitchen. Being a mom is wonderful. Did I mention Frankie leaped off the garage roof to fly like Super Man?

No Doctor. I have no problem with coffee. I drink 8-10 cups a day. I can’t see that it has any effect on me!

You told my husband to turn me over his knee and do WHAT!!!!!!

You’re kidding……Oh Sweet Mary…I recommended “50 Shades of Grey” to my church reading group. I thought it was about old bridges in Winchester County.

Woman: Something just crawled up my leg.
Doctor: It’s probably just Barney our Pet Lab Rat. He got loose this morning.

GaryNTboy: 'You know what professor ? You were right, this laughing gas really does take the sting away after a good spanking.'

Six of the best: "Hermione, I've thoroughly researched your problem, and I like the other good doctors such as Freud, Jung, and Kinsey, recommend only one solution, and that is that you be given a good spanking on your bare bottom, once a day."

Ronnie: "You want me to do what? OK I'll do it but you'll have to spank me first."

Mike: Doctor, I should have listened to my Mother. She said if I kept making this face one day it would freeze in place. Can you help me?

Ricky: YEE-OWW-oooh!!! Now that was a spanking! I can't sit down...mmmm ....

Sir Wendel: Damn Doc! This new spanking pill gives my bottom the sensation of being paddled with a hair brush.

Arched one: Mrs. Plumpbottom, I believe the only cure for your problem is a spanking from your husband twice a day, and if that does not help within 3 days the spanking should increase to 4 times a day for a month.

Prefectdt: Testing of the electric punishment seat was going well.

Hermione: Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I've got a bad case of lovin' you."

I hope you all stay healthy during the upcoming week. Thanks for playing Complete the Caption.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Complete the Caption

Being in a medical setting like a clinic or laboratory can induce strong emotions in some people. What has happened to make this woman respond this way? Is she happy, excited, or angry?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your diagnoses in the next post.

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, August 16, 2013

Friday FAIL

It's summertime and the living is easy for Walmartians everywhere.

From Hermione's Heart