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From this brunch ten years ago, the options picked by my readers for most and least comfortable were:
Let's see how we fared this year.
Bonnie: I don’t think non-spankos will be comfortable with any of these permutations, except perhaps in a hanky spanky bedroom context. Accordingly, I think their spanko preferences, if they have any, will parallel their sexual preferences.
Spanky53: My experience is that Male Spanker/Female Spankee and and Female Spanker/Female Spankee are a tie. The hardest for Non-Spankos to accept is Male Spanker/Male Spankee. That being said my experience also has been that Spankos have a harder time accepting Male Spanker/ Male Spankee than Non-Spankos.
Graham: I have zero interest in M/M though I certainly don't mind if others are into it -- none of my business as long as it's consensual. I can't possibly know, but I suspect that most non-spankers would find M/M most difficult to understand. But, as noted above, they likely identify most easily with their own orientation.
Dan: I think Female Spanker/Male Spankee has a lot of negative connotations for some, including that the male in that situation is unmanly. Others have said, in response to your question, that Male/Male may be the hardest for some to understand or accept. I'm not sure that's true. I think they may not themselves gravitate to it, but that doesn't mean they can't understand it. There is a Male/Male spanking group I follow on Reddit and, honestly, I think there are more posts on it that I find similar to my DD spanking lifestyle than is the case with the other DD spanking groups, which are predominantly F/m. I've also found that those latter groups tend to be pretty uninviting to those of us in Female/male dynamics.
CEM: I think the majority of people would find M/f the most "normal" due to societal standards of males being dominant. But most people would probably find F/f the least "threatening" due to the presumption that it was a kink, fetish, two lesbians or whatever, but with the so called "patriarchal" aspect removed, and women being physically less strong, less potentially "abusive" and those other misguided notions.
Roz: I'm not sure on this one but as noted above I'm not sure non-spankos would be comfortable with any of the above but may perhaps be able to understand their own orientation a little more. As also commented above I think perhaps M/M may be the most difficult.
Rosco: I’d guess
people in my group would be more comfortable with fm than mf, since it’s
less likely to be associated with abuse, and it’s fun!
Like many men, I don’t like much to think about what gay men do.
I love to
look at pictures of women spanking. Best if they’re wearing a nice dress
or sometimes lingerie. Ok if they’re angry or whimsical.
I’m
mixed about seeing the victim. If it’s male it could be me. But I love
to look at a round plump female bottom, sometimes still wearing panties.
Even
though I might have been a spanker if my wife was willing, I don’t
generally like to look at men doing the spanking. It makes me think of
abuse. My mind knows it’s not, but I still tend not to look.
Prefectdt: I have to admit to having only limited experience of explaining TTWD to non-spankos. I agree with Graham above, though. Talking to them about F/m play does avoid a lot of preconceptions, that they might have about partnership abuse and manipulative behaviour. Giving us a chance to distinguish ourselves as consenting players, not to be grouped with abusers. In my limited experience, the hardest thing about to non-spankos is overcoming the misconceptions that they already have, ranging from spankos being abusers or victims of abusers to they gave/received a light patty cake spanking, as part of foreplay once. Making them think that they know all about it already.
Red: Very
difficult to say what non spankos think, as we have never talked to
anyone about spanking who is not into the idea of spanking. Many would
think it abusive, I imagine.
Maybe we should all be saying that we
do not find spanking in any way abusive, and just as I am happy in a F/M
situation, I know Ron and you are happy in a M/F relationship.
Meeting
friends who are in the opposite spanking (M/F) situation might even
have the man being reluctant to meet because of what he thinks the new
couple are actually thinking.
We do not find spanking to be in any way abusive, but actually enhancing our love for each other.
Cindy
has occasionally said she was wrong and should be spanked, and I have
agreed by bending down and planting a firm kiss on each cheek, with the
firm reminder that if the behavior was worse, it would be on her bare
bottom. We both laugh afterwards, and the problem is solved. Every
couple might try this just to have a laugh. Just do not tell your
partner what you are going to do when saying you should be spanked for
this.
KDPierre: I don't think it's possible to answer this question for "non-spankos" since they are as diverse a group in their thinking as spankos and therefore would lean in different directions depending on a lot of factors. Personally, however, as a spanko who has come out to plenty of non-spankos, I have found that me being a sub male who GETS spanked rather than doing the spanking, has amused and resonated more than if I came out and said that I spank my wife. My wife also has gotten more "you go, girl!" responses from non-spanko women that seem to support this trend as well. But our experience is skewed by the type of people we are comfortable coming out to. It is definitely not a random group where I would expect the responses might well be quite different.
Wolfman7446: male spanker female spankee - feminine, soft, and lovely.
Hermione: As others have said, it's hard to see things from the non-spanko's point of view. But I think, since the advent of the Sixty Shades books, most non-spankos would be most comfortable with M/F.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
Here's a question I posed ten years ago today, and I thought it was worth resurrecting. In view of the current state of sexual identities, it may not be politically correct, so I hope you will forgive me.
If you are reading this blog, you are almost 100% guaranteed to be
interested in spanking for one reason or another. You might actively
engage in it, or have just started to explore, or maybe you're just
curious. But there are many people out there who don't share our
fascination with this percussive sport.
There are four possible combinations of spankers and spankees:
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Would you let yourself be spanked by a stranger in order to help your partner get ahead?
Robert: Well, since
we're both retired this is a total fabrication, but I suppose if she
thought it important enough and my wife asked/told me to take a spanking
from a stranger, I hope (and think) I would say "Yes, ma'am. Where and
when?"
I think it would make her proud of me to do so. I've never
been spanked by anyone else, so it would be quite a step in our
relationship!
Bonnie: My first thought is “how strange are they?”
I
don’t know why anyone would even think that caning the employee’s naked
wife was on the table. The story provides a rather unlikely rationale.
I like the fantasy and I would enjoy a bigwig spanking role play with
Randy. But in real life, I would have to respectfully pass. Only one
man gets the privilege of spanking me. Any retribution would be met
with a lawsuit.
Red: I love
fantasy! However, I have actually been spanked by three different women
with Cindy present, and quite enjoyed it. One was far too severe and
left me badly bruised, one was absolute play with only a few real
spanks, and the third wonderful woman is a friend of ours. Her spankings
were not very hard, but more as strong play.. I have seen her spank
much harder, when spanking her husband John.
In reality, if Cindy said that someone should spank me for real, i would say, yes dear, and permit it to happen.
Rosco: I can’t quite make this fantasy work.
But
I’ve imagined any number of scenarios where Irene engages another woman
to help keep me in line. Once we ran into Susan, the best friend of my
high school girlfriend who didn’t seem to approve of me. When I
introduced Irene to her, Susan made some sort of comment to the effect
that she hoped I’d learned to treat women better. I imagined Irene
replying that she had to be a little strict and bossy sometimes, leading
to Susan asking questions, Irene telling her about my spankings and
asking her if she like to participate.
Most of my fantasies start
will real life encounters like this one - I have many and often replay
them in my mind with the exact conversation.
Wendel: Nope.
Roz: While the fantasy is tantalising, in reality it would be a no. Spanking is purely between us.
Ronnie: Nope, spanking is just between the two of us.
A.J.: Foolish scenario. Maybe it is the wife who should be doing the spanking
Fantasy-wise, if my boss was a cute female, and my "wife" was present - that might be fun.
Graham: Fun fantasy but can't imagine it happening in real life. For openers, way too many potential work place implications unless it was a 2-person company.
Prefectdt: It is a fictitious scenario for me but here is what I would do. I would take the whooping but in a place where I could hide several cameras and sound recording devices, without the knowledge of my partner's boss. Then next time that the wicked work giver tries to be unfair in any way at all to my loved one, we would have a pretty little sword of Damocles, to dangle over their corrupt head.
Brett: I'd go up the chain or get a lawyer and see if we can remove this predator from his position.
Dan: I have kind of a thing for stories and memes that involve being coerced into taking a spanking. So, yes, I think I'd be game for it.
Hermione: The story was a fun read, but in real life it would be a red line never to be crossed.
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What is your experience with blindfolds, gags, earplugs or similar items?
Wendel: We tried
having the spankee blindfolded and wearing noise canceling headphones
playing “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies”. The Misses cried out much
louder each time the paddle whacked her fanny. She said it seem more
intense because the music relaxed her and then the surprise whack of the
paddle produced endorphins, adrenalin or whatever chemicals the body
makes to increase pleasure. When it was my turn I did not want her to
stop. My bottom hurt so bad after that I could barely get my pants back
on but the pleasure was well worth the pain.
Restraints? Bought a pair, tried it once and never used it again. We just did not like it.
Barrel: We tried a blindfold and I didn’t care for it as I like to see what is coming before I feel it. Never used ear plugs, and won’t as I like to hear the “whurp” of the cane before it is administered. We do use a perforated ball gag occasionally to heighten the aura and when the caning will be extended or severe. Restraints are commonly used when we do a session.
Roz: We have used restraints and blindfolds in the past. For me it definitely added to the experience and my other senses were on overdrive. We have never used earplugs or headphones.
Rosco: Blindfolds, gags and light bondage are usual components of our repertoire these days.
Irene
will pull a (sometimes clean, sometimes not) pair of panties or a panty
girdle over my head, the tie satin scarves over my eyes and mouth.
She’ll tell me she’s tired of my sass and doesn’t want to hear a word
from me.
She might strap me down on our massage table for a sound
thrashing. Then she’ll put me down for a nap on my back with my wrists
handcuffed to my thighs (being too enthusiastic with bondage has caused
neck, back and shoulder pain).
Sometimes I’ll be required to give Irene an extended foot massage while blindfolded and gagged.
Oddly,
I’ll drift off into an erotic slumber for half an hour or so then
patiently wait to hear her footsteps when she returns to give me more
attention. Irene will administer another thrashing, always with a
lecture, before indulging in more traditional intimate activities.
Dan: We've never tried any kind of sensory restriction, and I doubt we would. As the recipient, I already have a very narrow focus on a single sensation during a spanking -- the sensation of the brush or paddle slamming into my butt. I think my wife gets more out of the other sensory inputs, particularly sounds. She has said she loves the sound of that paddle or strap striking.
CEM: Nope on all three...never would.
Prefectdt: I have tried blindfolds and gags whilst on the receiving end. Always at the request of the person handing out the whups, not asked for by me. A blindfold and someone who knows how to direct the mind play are a combination that has often added positively to my experience. Gags, on the other hand, especially ball gags, have been for the benefit of the spanker, I just don't mind them. I am happy to be gagged, in the spirit of compromise, but it is more for the benefit of the other party in the interaction. Ear plugs and headphones do not appeal to me, at all, and I would take some convincing to try them out.
Bonnie: Sensory
restriction can be either good or bad, depending upon the context. In a
playful scene, blindfold spanking games, like guess the implement, can
be fun. I have a problem with noise cancelling headphones because they
can make a scene too intense for me. Likewise, I don’t like any gag
that restricts my breathing. That’s a hard limit.
But if he wants to tie me up or tie me down, I’m all in for that spanking.
Red: Interesting ideas, but we have not ever tried any of these. The idea of guess the implement when blindfolded would possibly add another element of fun to the activity. Not hearing the stroke, and not knowing when it would happen, could be very intense. Another reason to buy noise cancelling headphones for travel on airplanes.
Hermione: We have used restraints in the past, but after reading Gerald's Game, I'm not too eager for them. I wouldn't mind being blindfolded, but a ball gag is too creepy, even in photos. Headphones might be a possibility if I bought wireless ones.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
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