You Completed the Caption

Minelle: “Where is he, I think I escaped his notice! I’m not ready for a spanking!”

Storm: I believe this is Wee Willie Winkie's wife, Shirley.

Wee Shirley Winkie runs through the town,
Up stairs and down stairs without her night-gown,
Tapping at the window, crying at the lock,
Are the spankees bent over their bed, for it's past ten o'clock?

KDPierre: This rare publicity still spotlights a little-known, all-nude production of "The Student Prince" featuring June Allyson as "Kathie". That pale posterior sure gives the lyric "Overhead, the moon is beaming White as blossoms on the bough" an interesting new interpretation.

Windy: "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret, and I can't find my HOH."

Charlie: She is in her happy "plates" [place].

NoraJean: If there is one spot of dust or a fingerprint on these plates, I'll be getting a spanking to remember ...
(nj ... with help from Frank :)

Sir Wendel: What’s a girl gotta do to get spanking around here?

Kingspan: Hey diddle diddle
The cat and the fiddle
His hand ran over her moon.
The little brat laughed, and said "For sport,
When I break a dish give me the spoon."

Hermione: Gladys had a busy life, but she found that it was easier to keep all her plates in the air when she glued them to the wall.

Friday FAIL

This afternoon I am hosting a tea party for my least-liked acquaintances.

Do you think they will take the hint?

Complete the Caption

I found some lovely vintage postcards today, and will be sharing them with you in the weeks to come. It's nice to know that there were plenty of spankos back then. This is a photo apparently taken at a nudist camp, but what's with the plates on the wall? Your guess is as good as mine, so...you know the drill.

Complete the caption by leaving a caption, and I will publish them on Saturday.

From the Top Shelf - The Central City Discussion Club, conclusion

Today we conclude Rollin Hand's short story, "The Central City Discussion Club", from his collection of stories published as The Romance of Spanking, Volume 2. Last week we met Julie, who must find a way to enter her uncle's former home and find his hidden will, in order to save her brother's livelihood. She asks Hal, a noted writer of spanking fiction, to take her to a spanking club party that will be held at the mansion so she can retrieve the will. There's plenty of spanky action in this half of the story, so let's get started.

They were greeted at the door by an attractive 40-ish woman in a slinky black dress and invited inside. She said her name was Danielle and she was hostess for the evening. Hal was introduced around as the writer “Ivanhoe” which prompted some name recognition.

“Oh, yes,” gushed one young woman, a voluptuous ‘schoolgirl’ with long red hair. “I loved your ‘Texas Tailblazer’ series with that character, Lash LaRue.

“I stole him from an old black and white western,” said Hal. The series had been popular, stories about a bounty hunter who tracked down wayward females in the old West.

“The way he catches them and then has to tame them, it’s oohh---so sexy,” she said huskily. Julie thought the woman actually batted her eyes at Hal and she felt a pang of jealousy.

Julie hung on Hal’s arm and smiled sweetly. Nearly everyone, it seemed was in costume. There were schoolgirls a-plenty with short tartan skirts, tight white blouses and hair ribbons; there were Dominatrixes in black leather and vinyl leading nearly naked men around on leashes, harem slaves out of Arabian Nights, Greek slave girls in short tunics, Goth girls in black, and of course, cheerleaders in ultra short skirts. She didn’t see Bellino, and her eyes wandered as they moved about the ground floor.

She knew where the will was. It was hidden inside a hollowed out version of “War and Peace” in a second floor study. The question was how to get there, retrieve it and get out without arousing suspicion. Her eyes drifted toward the stairs. Break away now? Slip up there and grab it? Then they could just leave without all the…ceremony to come. As soon as she thought that, Danielle caught everyone’s attention by tapping on an empty glass with a fork.

“All right everyone, It’s time for our meeting. Come on into the gallery.”

The gallery was just that, a long narrow room with paintings adorning the walls. But Hal had to believe that the artwork that adorned the walls had been placed there specially for tonight. Photographs and drawings of various scenes of corporal correction dominated. The party goers paused to admire them as they wandered in. The room had been set up with the evening’s festivities in mind. Hal whistled to himself. Bellino was a serious player. In the center of the long rectangular room there was a pillory, a couch with a large rolled armrest at one end, and a sturdy stool with buckling straps on the legs as well as a trestle and a few armless chairs.

Danielle called everyone to order after a few minutes. She made some announcements then introduced Bellino. Hal had seen him only in newspaper photographs. He was stocky, in his early fifties and fit with wavy but thinning grey hair.

“Well, it’s good to see you all here,” he said. “Tonight, my palace is yours. Indulge and enjoy. As you will see, the upstairs rooms have been fitted with various devices, so feel free the use them. But first, we have some new faces, candidates for membership. They will put on a little demonstration and then the party will be open for play. And as I say to these candidates, remember, tonight you are not at liberty to refuse any reasonable play request. Beyond that, also remember---safe, sane and consensual. I’ll give you back to Danielle.”

Hal and Julie looked at each other. He hadn’t been aware of that part. This complicated things. He was going to somehow have to run interference for Julie so she could retrieve the will.

The skits began. First up were Amber and Rex doing their version of the Hatfield---McCoy feud. No real names, just handles. In their skit, Rex in overalls stood by a trestle, razor strop in hand as his “daughter” dressed in short daisy dukes and a halter top approached. “You stayed out all night with that no good Hatfield,” he scolded. “Now, git up here. I’m gonna tan your little hide good.” The blond, buxom daughter objected, “But Pa, I love him.” And Pa roared back, “I’ll show you love. No McCoy is going to have truck with any Hatfield. Get your britches down, girl, and bend over. I’ll learn you, damn you.” The woman tugged her shorts down, displaying an ample but shapely bottom and bent over the trestle. Her “Pa” delivered a good dozen cracks with the strap that striped her rear cheeks with red welts amid her kicking and howls for mercy. It was lurid and it looked real. Everyone clapped with approval.

“We’ll have to make this look good,” whispered Hal. Julie nodded. The bar looked high.

Next up was a schoolgirl supposedly caught running in the hall. She was told to bend over and flip up her skirt while the ‘principal’, paddle tucked under one arm, peeled down her skimpy panties. The ten paddle swats that followed looked and sounded real. Each one smacked sharply on the schoolgirl’s rear cheeks causing a distinct wobble and eliciting a loud “yeowch!” Her seat was beet red when he finished. The guests applauded lustily.

A severe schoolmarm and a youngish looking man in shorts, blazer and striped tie followed. She was dressed in a severe long black skirt, white blouse with a stiff collar and carried a cane. The premise was that he had been caught spying on the girls through a window. She ordered him to lower his shorts and bend over the stool. He visibly flinched as she tapped her cane on his bare bottom cheeks and scolded him for his misdeed. She ignored his obvious trepidation and administered a rather severe-looking dozen stripes with her whippy yellow cane. He was dancing from foot to foot and screeching lustily by the end of it.

Then their names were called. Danielle announced, “Now Ivanhoe and Maud will present ‘a guardian and his ward’.”

This was it, thought Julie. She walked down an aisle between some chairs at which guests were seated watching the skits. Hal was at the front, standing and pacing impatiently.

“You sent for me, sir?” she asked. She stood with head bowed, trying to look sheepish. That part was easy.

“I have had reports from your tutors, Maud and they are rather distressing. You have ignored their instructions.”

“But sir, it is so boring.” Julie gave it her best schoolgirl pout.

“Nevertheless it is your duty to comply with their wishes and complete all assignments. Since you have not, it is my duty, as your guardian to correct you. Come here Maddy.” Hal sat in an armless chair.

“Oh, sir, please no. Not that.”

“At once, Maddy, or I will be more severe.”

Feigning reluctance Julie moved to Hal’s right side.

“Over my knee, young lady. Perhaps a good spanking on this little bottom will teach you to obey.” Hal slapped his knees.

Julie lowered herself across Hal’s knees. It was silent except for the rustling of her skirts as Hal shifted her, posing her so that her bottom stuck straight up. She blushed as Hal lifted the skirt exposing her frilly panties.

“What is this?” said Hal in mock surprise. “These frilly underthings are indecent!”

“Oh please, sir. I thought they were pretty.”

“Well, they are coming right down, young lady.” Julie gasped as Hal slipped his fingers in the waistband and tugged the little panties down, baring her bottom to the excited gaze of the watching guests. She must be totally red in the face, she thought. This is absolutely, shamefully humiliating. Her bare seat was on display to these strangers. But that was soon the least of her worries. She felt Hal’s hand resting on her bottom, patting the cheeks as if testing their resilience. She gritted her teeth.

Smack! Whap! Crack! Hal’s palm smacked her bottom briskly.

“You must learn a lesson, Maddy,” Hal intoned as he proceeded to deliver a noisy spanking, smacking alternately, left and right cheeks of her bottom, and sometimes hitting directly across her central crease.

Oh! Ow! This stings! She arched her back and fluttered her legs as the smacks fell. Hal settled into a rhythmic tempo, spanking briskly but not overly hard. But it raised the heat in her fanny quite quickly and she could not help but wriggle and kick. She must be showing Hal everything, she thought. Andsomething else was happening. The heat in her bottom had radiated to her sex. She felt herself becoming lubricated. Her breath was coming in short gasps. It was like that time with her boyfriend, even with these people watching. She writhed on his knee, unconsciously generating a delicious friction even as her seat blazed from the crisp smacks that Hal continued to apply. She felt a climax approaching.

Then, abruptly, it stopped. She was in a daze as Hal pulled her to her feet. “Now can you behave, young lady?” Asked Hal sternly.

Her mouth was an open “O” as she gingerly rubbed her blazing seat but she managed to croak out a muffled “Yes, sir” as the guests clapped and whistled in appreciation at the performance. Good grief, she’d almost come.

After that it was open party time. Guests mingled and the new folk were congratulated.

“Very convincing,” said the redhead who’d cornered Hal earlier. “You know, I’ve been very naughty too,” she added with a come hither look. “Why don’t we go upstairs?”

Hal saw a chance to get Julie upstairs so she could hunt for the will. “Why don’t we all three go?” he said. “My naughty ward is still due a bit of the strap for her misdeeds.”

“Oh, I’d like to see that,” she said.

Hal figured Julie could lead the way, find the right room and then somehow he’d deal with the redhead. Julie paused in the hallway upstairs then inclined her head slightly. Hal took the cue. “I’ll deal with her in a minute. Why don’t you and I go in here?” He looked over his shoulder and mouthed “wait for me” as he took the redhead’s arm. The redhead giggled as Hal led her into an adjoining bedroom while Julie slipped into the study.

Now where was it? Julie studied the bookshelves. From next door she could hear Hal and the redhead. There was laughter and smacking sounds and squealing. A pang of jealousy flared---damn, it sounds like he’s having fun. Forget it, Julie, focus. He’s probably into the redhead. A minute later she found it. She pulled out the heavy volume and popped it open. Inside was the red ribbon and scroll. Exactly where Jimmy had said it was. But where to put it? Only one place. She stuffed it down her dress between her breasts, letting it catch in the waist sash. Now to get out of here.

She tiptoed next door and peered in. The redhead was over Hal’s knee. Her skirt was up and her panties were at her knees. She was wriggling lustily as Hal vigorously spanked her voluptuous bottom, the lushly rounded cheeks wobbling as his palm landed repetitively. She was laughing through it all as Hal scolded her in mock severity. The hell with it, she thought. He is having fun. He’ll probably end up screwing her right there on that bed. I’ll walk to the nearest store and call a cab.

She threaded her way downstairs. The party was going all out. Guests were making full use of the rooms, the furniture and the implements that Bellino had thoughtfully provided. It was turning into an orgy.

She made the front porch and was headed down the driveway when a voice accosted her.

“Hey! Where are you going?”

She turned. Oh, God! It was Carl Bellino.

“I, uh…” She didn’t know what to say. He rapidly approached her.

“Come on back. You can’t leave yet.”

Julie hesitated. By that time he had caught up with her. Bellino smiled wickedly.

“Besides, I want to do a little scene with you, sweetheart. You look hot in that dress, babydoll. Inside I have an Edwardian punishment couch that is just perfect for a good strapping.” He saw her panicked expression but forged ahead. “Remember the rule,” he chided. “No refusal on your first night. It’s part of your initiation.” His eyes were hard as he grabbed her wrist.

This was awful. This unpleasant man wanted to do a scene with her. She wasn’t afraid so much of that. Hal’s spanking had been more of a turn on than painful, but what about the will? If it fell out of her dress she was cooked. Bellino was tugging her back inside when a voice rang out.

“Is she being naughty again?”

She turned. Hal was striding quickly toward them.

“So, I turn my back and you are out here? What were you going to do, walk home?” To Bellino he said, “You’ll have to excuse me while I teach this young lady a lesson.” He wrested her from Bellino’s grasp. Bellino was too startled to react. Hal saw a stone bench and sat down. Being careful to encircle her waist, he lifted her over his knees in the time honored spanking position and lifted her dress. While Julie sputtered he tugged her panties down to her knees, baring her pretty cheeks once again.

“I guess I didn’t spank her hard enough the first time,” he said, and launched into a brisk, noisy spanking of her bare bottom, which was still pink. Julie tried not to squirm so much, but it stung more this time. She felt Hal pressing her down securing the will so that it didn’t fall out. He knew it was there, she realized.

Bellino, now that he saw the scene play out, just chuckled and stood back enjoying the spectacle of Hal delivering a real spanking to Julie’s wriggling bottom.

“Ow! Yow! Ahhh!” she bleated, now kicking and squealing for real. Hal’s sturdy palm fell repeatedly, smacking the wriggling fanny hard, reigniting the fire that had subsided. A few guests, drawn by the noise, joined them and they stood around, viewing the scene with amusement.

Hal started to slow down, switching from a brisk tattoo to slow spanks interspersed with rubbing and scolding. “Just what were you doing out here? Where were you going?”

Smack! “I’m sorry, sir. I’m sorry.” Smack! “Oooh!” The spanks landed flush on the crowns of her sit spot, creating fresh waves of stinging heat.

“We’ll leave you two to it,” laughed Bellino as he put his arms around the shoulder of two ladies who were watching and turned to go back inside. “See me back inside,” he said over his shoulder.

Hal kept it up until they had disappeared. Once they were alone he said, “Quick. Let’s go.” He put Julie on her feet and hustled her to the car. “Sorry. I had to create a ruse. I couldn’t let you get dragged back inside. It was the best I could think of on the spot.”

“I know,” she said, grateful for Hal’s concern and his quick thinking. She had thought he was more interested in that redhead, but he had ditched that one and had dashed to her rescue. Ivanhoe, indeed.

* * *

Once home, she unrolled the will. To her astonishment it gave all of the remaining Five Corners property to Jimmy. And to top it off, she had been appointed Jimmy’s conservator to oversee disposition. Wasn’t that going to be a shocker to one Carl Bellino!

“I have a confession to make,” she said sheepishly. “I thought you had abandoned me for that redhead. I was jealous. I sort of stormed out in a jealous snit.”

“You were just going to walk down the road? In that outfit?” Hal was incredulous. His eyes narrowed. “Didn’t I tell you to wait?”

Julie gulped. “Yes. I thought, you know, when you said I never had to see you again that you didn’t want….”

Hal held up his hand. “Julie, stop. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I want to see a lot more of you. A lot more.” His eyes met hers and what she saw she very much liked. “And frankly,” he continued, giving her a sharper look, “for running off like that, you deserve another good spanking.”

That look sent a tingle up her spine, but oddly the threat seemed appropriate. She had been silly and reckless. But right now she very much wanted something else.

“Oooh,” she said with a half smile, half grimace. “Yes, sir. And I’ll pull my own panties down and come willingly across your knee for it. But for tonight….can you please just take me to bed?”

Hal said he could do that.

Do you think the pair will attend more parties at the mansion?

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 24

This week I asked several questions about how closely spanking and sex were related for you. Here's what you said:

A.J.: "How important is spanking to you in relation to sex?" Very. And always. I don't do 'punishment' spanking, so.... OTK bare-bottom spanking, giving or receiving, is extremely erotic, and the #1 reason I'M 1,000% AGAINST SPANKING KIDS!

"Is a physical spanking necessary to put you in the mood?" No; but it's a turn-on 'fer sure!

"What about reading erotica or watching spanking videos? Are they a "must-have" or a "nice to have" for successful completion of bedroom activities?" Not necessary at all. But talking to her and hearing her little perversions/thoughts/turn-ons is pretty hot.

"Are spanking fantasies playing in your head before or during the act?" No. It's more like sex fantasies are playing in my head during a spanking.

That help?


Bonnie: How important is spanking to you in relation to sex? - It's really hard for me to separate them, so I'm not sure how to respond. Spanking is very important, sex is too, and they go together.

Is a physical spanking necessary to put you in the mood? - Spankings are the direct route to arousal, but not necessary the only one.

What about reading erotica or watching spanking videos? Are they a "must-have" or a "nice to have" for successful completion of bedroom activities? - We enjoy spanking media, but they are no substitute for the real thing.

Are spanking fantasies playing in your head before or during the act? - Sometimes. The best fantasies are the ones we can make real. We are very fortunate to get that opportunity. You mentioned before and during the act, but intense memories afterward can feed the next round of fantasies.

Fondles: 1) How important is spanking to you in relation to sex? - I would like it to be a part of every session, but it's not necessary. 2) Is a physical spanking necessary to put you in the mood? - Not necessary, but a really quick way to get there. 3) What about reading erotica or watching spanking videos? - Usually done when I'm on my own, not a norm for 2-person encounters. 4) Are spanking fantasies playing in your head before or during the act? - Nope. Talking about a particular spanking or reminiscing could help get us both a little more randy tho. Again, fantasising is usually something that happens when I'm going at it solo, not so much when I'm with BIKSS.

Yorkie: How important is spanking to you in relation to sex?
Inextricably linked for sure. I cannot think of spanking as anything BUT sexy.

Is a physical spanking necessary to put you in the mood?
Nope. But it sure does supercharge it!

What about reading erotica or watching spanking videos?
Reading erotica for sure but I am a bit picky. Videos? It depends but mostly I imagine me the one being spanked. If it's a hard spanking then the more it intrigues me.

Are they a "must-have" or a "nice to have" for successful completion of bedroom activities?
Definitely a nice to have. Not a must have.

Are spanking fantasies playing in your head before or during the act?
Usually before and then once the spanking begins the fantasy is fulfilled.

Roz: Spanking for us usually occurs prior to sex. However, not always. Spanking isn't always necessary to get us in the mood for sex.

Anon: Thinking of getting a spanking during sex helps, I’ve often wonder what my partner is thinking of. This is a very good question and so yes thinking of getting a spanking from the one I’m presently having sex with or a few times other women come to mind. It can be no harm, she is getting my full attention and isn’t sexual activity really a lot of unknowns.

Amy: If Eric throws a spanking in before or even during sex, it's different than if we just make love. We like the mix things up so it's a "nice to" but not necessarily a "need to".


Hermione: For me, it isn't possible to become aroused without thoughts of spanking. During a  spanking I always lubricate; my body knows what it likes! Most foreplay doesn't arouse me, although it is very nice to have that closeness. Often, if I know beforehand that we are going to be intimate, I will find the opportunity to pick up one of my spanking novels and reread a favourite passage or two to get me in the mood. Without the mental spanking scenes playing in my mind, orgasm is virtually impossible. It isn't only physical stimulation that gets me off; it must be accompanied by the mental images. Spanking for me is a real fetish.

Thank you all for your responses to this week's topic.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #233

Welcome to our weekend spanko brunch. It's time to relax after a busy week, so let's turn our minds to more pleasant things. You know the old song that goes, "Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage." What about spanking and sex?

How important is spanking to you in relation to sex? Is a physical spanking necessary to put you in the mood? What about reading erotica or watching spanking videos? Are they a "must-have" or a "nice to have" for successful completion of bedroom activities? Are spanking fantasies playing in your head before or during the act?

Please leave you response as a comment, and I will publish a summary of our conversation once everyone has had a chance to speak.

You FInished this Sentence

Someone should invent...

Anon 1: ... the “The Holo Deck” from Star Trek. The saying “What Happens Here, Stays Here” would really be true if each home had one or two. Anything is possible, it is only the mind that prevents it.

Bonnie: ... a spank-o-meter. It purportedly counts the number of swats delivered. Using today's technology, it is possible to both count swats and track velocity. It could work with any sort of implement (perhaps a wrist-mounted Fitbit sort of setup). After entering the weight, length, and striking area of the chosen implement, the software can calculate and track the force transferred throughout the spanking. Both sting and thud scores could be assigned. An online forum will allow adventurous spankos to anonymously post and compare their spanking statistics and photos.

KDPierre: ... a "Hypocrisy Equalizer". It would be a legal device worn by anyone who would want one, that detected hypocrisy in themselves and others they had to deal with. Depending on the level of hypocrisy, it would dispense justice via a measured penalty. In mild cases maybe a slight electrical shock? In average cases, maybe the implanted experience of being soundly spanked? In extreme cases, perhaps spontaneous human combustion? Washington would start to sound like a war zone.

Sir Wendel: ... the Hover Paddle. Remote controlled paddle so one can continue to spank their partner while making dinner.

Anon 2: ... Spanko Radar so you could instantly recognize other spankos in a crowd.

Hermione: ... the spanking glove. It feels like shin against a bare bottom, but it is a tough, resilient glove that will protect the spanker's hand from damage, and permit a hand spanking to continue for hours, if necessary.

Friday FAIL

Working in a restaurant is hard work--long hours, low pay, unappreciative customers---but it's no excuse for taking shortcuts that could affect someone's health. And there should be NO compromise in the quality of the ingredients used. Here are a few egregious practices exposed by former employees.

Yuck!

Finish this Sentence

Just when you think that there couldn't possibly be anything that hasn't been thought of, someone comes up with a new invention that changes the world as we know it, and then convinces us that we simply can't live without it.

Someone should invent...

What do we need that is spanking-related and hasn't been invented? Leave your suggestion as a comment, and I will post them all on Saturday, then pass them along to my spanko engineers.

From the Top Shelf - The Central City Discussion Club

This week's story is the first half of the late, great Rollin Hand's short story, "The Central City Discussion Club", from his collection of stories published as The Romance of Spanking, Volume 2. In this tale, the spanking is safe, sane and consensual, although something of a new experience to the young lady in the story.

“Ivanhoe”, actually Hal Stryker, checked his watch for about the fifth time. She was late. He wondered if she would really show. He didn’t usually do this sort of thing, but she had been so insistent on meeting him. It was flattering, he had to admit that. Here was a true fan of his stories, one he had corresponded with for weeks, and he had agreed to meet her here at Starbucks. On a web site that had members world wide, it was interesting that a reader-member lived right here in his home city. Well, it was a big city. There were probably more like her.

It wasn’t the kind of meeting you’d normally expect. He figured that people with a mutual interest in a certain type of erotica usually met for one purpose---to hook up. That was not her intent, she had said. There was a problem, she said, and perhaps he could help her with it. That had certainly piqued his curiosity. He felt like he’d come to know her through their correspondence. She seemed like a nice person and he was intrigued. Also he was single and she was too, so, who knew? Anything could happen. He looked at his watch again.

Julie Anders looked frantically for a parking place. There! Right in front. She pulled in. She was nervous. It wasn’t as if she was going to do anything with Ivanhoe—what did they call it---a scene? No, actually she needed his help, and that is why she had fostered the relationship from the beginning. She hoped he’d understand and would not be angry with her.

Hal looked up as the attractive young woman with the blond streaked chestnut hair entered the coffee shop. She stopped and looked around. Is that her? She was about five foot six, nice figure, and very pretty. She had small facial features that made her look more cute than glamorous. The girl next door, he thought. She looked mid to late twenties in age. A little young for his forty-one. He caught her eye.

She mouthed, Ivanhoe? He nodded. She looked relieved. As she approached he stood, pulled out a chair for her, and motioned for her to sit.

“You don’t look anything like what I thought,” she blurted.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” asked Hal, chuckling.

She blushed. “Oh, no…I meant...well, you know. You always have a picture in your mind of someone before you meet.”

Hal smiled indulgently. “It’s ok.”

“Actually, you look just fine,” she said. Actually he did, and now Julie was regretting that this was going to be strictly business. He was a good looking guy, a bit older than she, but very, very easy on the eyes. “So. Ok, I’m Julie.” She stuck out her hand.

“And I’m Ivanhoe, er, actually, Hal.” He took it. “So we finally meet.”

“Yes,” she said. “This is awkward, I guess.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” said Hal, still smiling. That seemed to put her at ease.

“I really like your stories,” she said in an attempt to quell the awkwardness.

“So you said. But, you said you wanted help with something and, I take it, it’s not creative writing class.”

“No,” she said. “But first I have a confession to make. I hope you will understand.” Now her face wore a guilty look. So now Hal was really curious. “I…I’m not really into those things on the story site. But I wanted to learn. I’m looking for information.”

“Well, that’s disappointing, I guess, but go on,” said Hal. She was hot. Definitely hot. Too bad. But she was pretty young anyway.

“Sorry,” she said with a wince. She took a deep breath. “Here’s the thing. I need to get close to Carl Bellino, and I think you can help.”

Hal scratched his head. “Who is Carl Bellino?” The name sounded familiar.

“Carl Bellino is a real estate developer. He has his own company, Apex Properties. Two years ago he started buying up property around five corners and Corning Road---that area.”

Hal remembered now. A depressed area in East county that was making a comeback. It was slated to become a new multi-use complex--office space, condos and a big shopping mall.

“My brother has land with a small business on it, an auto restoration shop that is right in the middle of that area. Bellino tried to buy it from him. Jim wouldn’t sell. It is one of the last parcels that Bellino needs. Bellino has decided to squeeze him out.”

“How can he do that?”

“My brother was given that land for life by my great uncle. Uncle Leo used to restore old cars as a hobby in that shop. Jimmy used to hang around the shop and he learned from Uncle Leo. It was a passion they shared for years. So Jimmy said that Uncle Leo told him he’d give Jimmy the shop when he was gone. Well, he died recently and Bellino wants that land. See, Bellino and my uncle knew each other. In fact, Bellino bought Uncle Leo’s house when he moved into assisted living. It’s that bigmansion out off Johnson’s Creek Road. Uncle Leo owned a lot of that Five Corners property and Bellino wanted to buy it. Leo sold him a few lots but told Bellino that Jimmy had a life something-or-other in the plot that housed that business.”

“A life estate?” asked Hal.

“Yes, yes, a life estate. But then it turns out that Uncle Leo died intestate, they said. No will was found. So the administrators can just sell the property to Bellino. And without Jimmy’s life estate, hegets kicked out. But there is a will, a real one.”

”Ok, so where is the real will?”

“I know where it is. It’s hidden in Uncle Leo’s old house, the one Bellino now owns. Jimmy said Uncle Leo showed it to him.”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like this.” Julie showed him a photograph. A scroll bearing the words LAST WILL (blank)TESTAMENT was bound by a dark maroon ribbon. It appeared that an ampersand was beneath the ribbon.”

“So what do you need to do?”

“I need to get into Carl Bellino’s house and find that will. I ran into a woman at the planning commission hearings who knew Carl Bellino, and she gave me an earful. She said that recently she worked for Bellino as his assistant. She said Bellino came onto her at work and when she told him to get lost, he fired her. She told me all about him----how he belonged to this special club and was an important member. She also said that frequently meetings were held at Bellino’s house. I thought that if I could join this club, I could get close enough to Bellino, I can gain access to his house and find that will.”

“Well, again I have to ask---what does this have to do with me? Just join the club and then do whatever you need to do to get to Bellino.”

Julie shook her head. “That’s just it. You don’t just join this club. You need an entry---and you need some knowledge about what to do, how to act. You see, Carl Bellino belongs to a BDSM club.”

Hal sat back in his chair. “You’re kidding. Here? In town?”

Julie nodded. “That’s what she told me. He’s really into it. She found all kinds of stuff on his computer. I mean it’s not illegal or anything---these are adults. But they have parties.”

“So what can I do to help you? Coach you so you can crash a party?”

“Not exactly. What I want is for you to take me to one, for us to pose as a couple.”

“What? Take you?” He’d never been to a club like this. He just wrote stories.

“I figure that some of them would know who you are by reputation and that would give you a way of gaining entrance.”

Hal let out a deep breath and sat back. “So let me get this straight. You want me to try and get invited to this club and go there with you---us as a couple---so you can rummage through his house and find your uncle’s will?”

“Yes.”

“Wow,” said Hal. This had turned into an espionage movie. Was he supposed to be Jason Bourne?

“Please, help me,” she said, clutching his arm. “Jim is being ruined. That shop is all he wants. It’s his life. See, he’s good at mechanical things but he’s, well, slow. It’s all he knows how to do.”

* * *

I’m a sucker for a pretty face, thought Hal, as he sat at his computer that night. And, let’s be honest, for a nice ass too. He’d watched her as she left, the nicely rounded posterior twitching in that short tight skirt.

It didn’t take long for him to find it. They called themselves the Central City Discussion Club. He shot them an email, describing his bona-fides and waited. As they described themselves, they were less about hard core BDSM and more about spanking and role play. Well, that was right up his alley.

The reply came three days later. Yes, several members had heard of him and were familiar with his stories. Hal thought he even remembered seeing some of the handles. There was no way to tell if any of them was Carl Bellino. A few email exchanges later came the payoff. They were invited to a party.

The invite gave an address—it was a Johnson Creek Road address. He had to tell Julie.

* * *

“Ok, we’re in,” said Hal as they sat in a diner for lunch.

“Oh, wonderful,” said Julie. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Wait,” said Hal, holding his palm up.

“Ok, what?”

“As new member prospects we have to do a demonstration.”

“A demonstration?”

“Yes. A role play skit. I have a list. We have to pick one and act it out in front of everybody.”

Hal showed her the list. It described several scenarios. He watched while Julie read it. Her eyes were wide and her mouth formed a small “O” as if she were amazed at what she read. Hal had been through it already. On the list were fantasy scenes like “Naughty Schoolgirl Paddled,” “Harem Slave Flogged”, and “Country Girl Strapped.” “Here’s another one---‘Victorian Guardian and Ward’.

“We have to pick one of these?” Julie shook her head in disbelief. “And do it? In front of everyone?”

Hal gave her a meaningful look and nodded. “Well, you have to admit, it’s not that unexpected. I mean, it is a spanking club.”

“Yes, but I didn’t think…”

“You didn’t think you’d have to participate? You thought you could just join and go there and hang out? Julie, these people are really into this and they expect anyone who wants in to be serious players. They don’t want lurkers or gawkers.”

Julie sat back. “Oh my.”

“Well, what do you want to do? If you want to back out I’ll just tell them something came up.” Julie had to think. Time was running short. She had to act. For Jimmy. This was her little brother. She wasn’t going to let some crooked real estate developer ruin him.

“I want to do it,” she said.

“All right,” said Hal. “Who do you want to be?”

She looked at the list again. Holy cow! A public spanking. She had to blush just imagining it. Hmmm…paddled schoolgirl. That could hurt. She’d been paddled once as part of a high school initiation. The five swats of that paddle had burned through her athletic shorts like a hot iron. Harem slave…would she have to wear a costume like “I Dream of Genie?” She was no Barbara Eden. And what would she get it with? A whip?

“What can we get away with where you don’t have to use a paddle or something--just your hand?”

Hal looked at the list. “I think if you’re a ward of an older guardian, Like in ‘Maude Cameron and Her Guardian’ a spanking by hand would work.”

By hand. That meant his hand. Impacting her bottom. She looked at Hal’s hand. It was big. He was a tall lanky guy.

“Who is Maude Cameron?”

“Classic pornography. A wicked guardian has charge of a young girl.”

“And he spanks her?”

“Yes, when she misbehaves.”

“Would I be, uh, you know…bare?”

Hal smiled indulgently. “What do you think?”

“Thought so,” she said glumly. Whew!

“Let me ask you something,” said Hal. “Have you ever been spanked? Ever? As a child maybe? Or by a lover?”

Julie had been thinking about that ever since joining the web site. Yeah, she had been spanked, and she had to admit, her experiences had run the gamut. The initiation in high school had been painful but brief. A tantrum at ten years old had earned her a spanking from her dad that she remembered vividly. It hadn’t been that bad, her father just doing what he had to do to deal with her sassy outburst. After it was over she’d been cuddled and forgiven. But the loss of control as she’d been put across her dad’s knee and her little play shorts pulled down, that had been something. Oddly, she couldn’t remember if it had hurt. It was more the embarrassment.

Then there was Wes, her boyfriend in high school. At a party one night she’d teased him relentlessly, flaunting herself then pulling back until he’d finally gotten fed up. He had hustled her into an empty bedroom, sat on a bed and flung her across his knee. To her absolute chagrin, he’d actually lifted her skirt. While she squealed and struggled he’d spanked her panty clad bottom for several minutes, controlling her, lecturing her all the while about being such a tease. The brisk slapping of her thinly covered behind had stung, but it had also made her hot. And after he’d let her up, she’d been incredibly turned on. They had made out right there, his hands all over her, his fingers in her secret places. And if someone hadn’t stumbled in and surprised them, she’d have lost her virginity right there.

But since then, nothing. It just hadn’t come up. Her boyfriends had been--what do they call it? Vanilla. So she had not had negative experiences with spankings. In fact, just the opposite. She supposed that’s why she found the web site somewhat stimulating---especially this man’s stories. Oh, he had bratty heroines and naughty coeds, but his male protagonist, though demanding, usually turned out loving and passionate.

“I got spanked by a boy friend in high school,” she said.

“And?”

Julie laughed. “And we would have gone all the way if someone hadn’t barged in and interrupted.”

“So it was sexy.”

“Yes. You could say that.” Julie tossed her head and blushed.

“Ok. Progress,” said Hal. “Now which one of these do we do?”

“The Victorian thing, I think. Given our age difference that might work.”

“Good choice,” said Hal.

Julie gulped and forced a smile. “If you’re going to give a girl a spanking---will you at least take me to dinner first?”

Hal chuckled. “I’d be delighted.”

* * *

Ohmigod, what does one wear to a spanking? It was a week after their meeting and tonight was it. The party. She thought about Hal. He was few years older than she and more mature. He wasn’t married and had no current lovers, he’d said, because his wife of ten years had passed away a year and a half ago. She had thought that he’d seemed reserved, but now she knew. It was sadness. Her heart went out to him. He was a very attractive man. The writing was a hobby, encouraged by his wife when she’d been alive. “She’d been into this?” Julie had asked. “Very much so,” he said. “She taught me.”

They had talked about attire. She knew a costume shop that had gay nineties stuff and she found a child’s dress, a white frilly thing with short puffy sleeves, a big blue sash and a skirt that came to her knees. Some little white socks and flats completed the childish outfit. She even put her hair into twin pigtails to complete the illusion---a sexy child-woman playing dress up.

But there was nothing childish about her figure in that dress. Last but not least were the panties. She found some white lacy ones. Cute, but she knew they would be coming down. She felt sexually charged just putting them on. She hadn’t worn anything this sexy in a long time. Wait. She wasn’t going to have sex with Hal, it was only….a spanking. On her bottom. Probably her bare bottom if the stories were any indication. From an attractive older man who was mentoring her in all of this.

She looked over her shoulder into the mirror. She did have a nice ass. It was heart shaped, firm and sassy. It wiggled when she walked, if men’s stares were any indication. She patted her bottom. Then slapped it. There was a tingle. She slapped harder. It stung. She left a handprint. A few seconds later it felt hot. Sexy. She finished dressing.

* * *

Dinner was a subdued affair. Hal tried hard, maybe too hard, to joke and put her at ease, but clearly, Julie was nervous.

Finally he said, “Look, just concentrate on the objective. Once we are out of the spotlight you can retrieve the will. Then we’re done. You never even have to see me again.”

Julie was taken aback. She didn’t know if she wanted THAT. He was an attractive man. She understood though, that he was offering her a way to salvage some dignity. What was about to happen was going to be very undignified.

They left and went by her house to change.

“Very nice,” said Hal giving her an approving once over. He was dressed like a Victorian gentleman about town and looked very handsome. They went over the skit until she had it in her head how to play it out. It was fairly basic, a naughty ward who had failed to do her lessons.

Her heart was in her throat as they approached the large manse on Johnson Creek Road. “Has Bellino ever seen you?” asked Hal. “Won’t he know who you are?”

Julie shook her head. “I live on the west side. I wasn’t around much over there and I never met Carl Bellino.”

The house was lit up. There were more than thirty cars parked in the circular driveway and along long approach from the road. It was secluded and private, exactly what you’d want for something like this.

Next week - the party!

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 17

Do you have a special time of day for spankings?

Anon: My wife spanks when she feels it is needed. There is no set time for the most part. There are some spankings that because of where we are at, will occur later and I know then and there when the spanking will happen.

Wilma: They mostly happen in the early hours of the morning when the rest of the house is asleep. If it is a punishment, well it can happen anytime, it is just more silent.

Bonnie: We have a standing date at around seven on Friday evenings. It could be a little earlier or a bit later, but we both look forward to our Friday spankings and try to schedule around them. Other times are more random. It could be a weeknight or a weekend day or rarely, a weekday morning. Some weeks, there's just the one spanking session. Other weeks, we have more.

abby: Both. We have scheduled a weekly maintenance spanking for Mondays...usually early evening...or if there are plans, early Monday morning. We also try to save Friday evening for a 'fun' play time. They also occur randomly, sometimes a quick reminder of something, or a prelude to sex fun.

NoraJean: Usually mornings when there are no other obligations getting us up early. I am foreseeing Fall/Winter being a much more spankier time than Spring/Summer ;))

Fondles: Whenever he feels like it. Mostly in the evenings which is when we’re likely to meet.

Sir Wendel: We do not have a schedule. We spank each other all times of the day.

Roz: Hi Hermione, spankings here are usually late at night/early hours of the morning and occasionally mid afternoon if time and circumstance allow.

Yorkie: They happen anytime we can get some time to ourselves!

Rosco: These days, I usually come home a little early from work and take a shower. Then Irene will spank me soundly and leave me tied to the bed or standing in the corner. She’ll then return a bit later for a second spanking, followed by reverse cowgirl cunnilingus and then regular cowgirl intercourse.

But if it’s just a spanking without sex, it can be anytime. Sometimes she’ll spank me and put me to bed. When this happens I wake up feeling very obedient.

Before the kids left home, most spankings occurred in the middle of the day. I worked nearby and would hustle home for “lunch”. I love my kids more than anything, but it’s nice to have more freedom for intimacy now.

Ronnie: No scheduled time or day - just whenever P decides.

Pete: Friday nites our boys spend the night at my inlaws; that's the
night I get it!

Amy: Eric doesn't let time decide when a spanking occurs but rather, where. During the high traffic times in our neighborhood, we find our way to the closet. Otherwise, the kitchen, bedroom, living room and garage are all game.

Hermione: Our household is run on a schedule and we rarely deviate from it.We have a specific day for grocery shopping, set times for all meals, and a day and time for spanking. Each Saturday at 4:30 pm Ron tells me "It's time".

Thank you all for joining in our discussion!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #232

Welcome to our weekly spanking talkfest. Our brunch always begins at the same time each week, but what about your spankings?

Do spankings occur at a specific time of day for you? If so, who decides upon the time? If not, when do they usually happen? Do you prefer a set time or a random occurrence?

Please leave your response in the comments section below, and I will publish a summary of our discussion once everyone has had an opportunity to speak.

You Completed the Caption

Baxter: Nirvana, the ultimate male spanker's dream of a luscious bevy of sexy spankable female bottoms. The hard part is to decide which one gets spanked first.

KDPierre: "Girls, girls, girls, you certainly make some lovely and cushiony stepping stones....but if you'd all just kindly roll over I'd like to "tiptoe through your 'two-lips'" instead.

Ronnie: Eeny, meeny, miny, moe - which one shall I spank first?

Hands63: Synchronized spankings, a New Olympic event.

Kingspan: The Helsinki tourist bureau's website crashed three times on the opening day of its "Experience Finnish saunas first hand" campaign.

Richard: Meanwhile back at bare butt ranch the herd was freshly groomed and ready for a well-deserved rest.

Storm: The man with the paddle was greeted with a 22-bun salute.

Anon: Greg looked down the line of contestants and realized his task of choosing Canada's Most Spankable Bottom was going to to be a lot more difficult than he had expected, but he was sure he had the stamina to see the job through to the end, no matter how many times he might have to spank each contestant to get there.

Sir Wendel: So this is what heaven is like.

Hermione: The freshman obstacle course this year is the most challenging one in the history of the college!

Friday FAIL

Isn't it ironic?

Happy Friday!

Complete the Caption

What do you make of this delightful photo?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish them ob Saturday.

From the Top Shelf - Under a Mediterranean Sun, conclusion

Last week we watched Maria being caned by her priest because she couldn't keep away from the boys of the village. Is it now her mother's turn for penance?

Maria's exit left Elena Solari alone with Don Stefano. They exchanged a brief word about the girl and the desirability of getting her marriage arranged as soon as possible, but that was not the reason Signora Solari had stayed behind. She would not wish to disclose the fact to her daughter, but Elena had a penance of her own to do. The priest's cane had not yet finished its work.

Don Stefano gave a muttered instruction and Elena went to re-lock the door. At 35 she remained a very attractive woman, a somewhat more mature version of her daughter, but with face still handsome, shoulder-length hair still glossily chestnut, and ripe breasts and buttocks still taut and firm. A ripe and responsive body which, it seemed, could not always be controlled and kept strictly for the sanctity of the marriage bed. It was that implacably burning sun, Don Stefano told himself, forever heating up a woman's loins. That pagan sun and the Devil.

In Elena Solari's case - her most recent case - it was a tourist she had chanced to meet on a country road. An American who, without any great difficulty it seemed, had been able to persuade the 35 year old matron to walk with him to some nearby woods and there engage in the act of sexual intercourse.

As she now stood in front of him in the little room Don Stefano made Elena repeat all the details - what the man had done, what she had done, the precise position they had adopted for their illicit coupling. Unblinking eyes on the scarlet-faced woman, the priest felt his blood stirring. The Devil never slept. When he had got the last detail out of her he told Elena to take all her clothes off.

Hands at the bodice of her knee-length blue dress, unbuttoning, the dress then lifted up over her head and off. The white petticoat, worn in spite of the heat on Sundays and for visits such as this, was removed in similar manner. There remained only tight white cotton knickers and black, self-supporting stockings, like her daughter's, plus a white nylon bra enclosing her full creamy breasts. Elena hesitated, glancing at the priest, then slid down her knickers before unclipping and removing her bra. She now stood naked apart from stockings and shoes, full, firm rosy-nippled breasts pointing at the priest.

Eyes firmly fixed on the nude body, on the jutting breasts and the thickly tufted mons veneris, Don Stefano delivered his homily - on the sin of adultery and fornication. Elena heard it as she had heard it before, standing straight and still, hands at her sides. She tried to concentrate but she was thinking now of the American greedily thrusting hard into her - and then of Don Stefano's cane which would shortly be searing her bottom, as it had Maria's. The priest's voice droned on.

He finally stopped and rose from his chair...and half hypnotised by the droning voice in the still air, Elena nonetheless moved forward and bent her nude body over the seat of the chair..just as her daughter had done earlier. She lay waiting..one minute..two..and then the cane was slicing through the air.

CRACK!!

Elena gave a gasping grunt as her daughter had done. The first stroke always came as a desperate shock. After the first you were, to a certain extent ready, on the right wavelength, but the first was always murder.

The strokes followed in a regular cadence. Elena was ready now but each one nonetheless knocked the breath from her lungs. Don Stefano was in fearsome form today. She remembered her daughter's desperate tears. Elena, with more experience, had more control but the pain was indeed ferocious. He gave her 10, like Maria.

Elena stood, face scarlet, pulse pounding, the ten strokes on her ripe bottom and thighs now swollen purpling welts. She gave a sharp intake of breath as the priest ran his hand over them. He muttered something and Elena briskly assented. Yes Father, she would never sin again. In fact, she was at this moment wet between her legs, her body stimulated by the cane in spite of the pain, ready and eager for sex. The priest's hand continued to stroke Elena's inflamed flesh..and she was shocked to find herself wondering if he had an erection.

Outside the molten sun was high in the cloudless sky, its brightness washing out colour, reducing things to black and dazzling white. Elena was used to the heat but now in her aroused state it felt almost unbearable. While she waited for the bus, a man stood at the bus stop and seemed to sense the state she was in. He rubbed up against her, his hand rubbing and stroking her hot bottom. With difficulty she forced herself to move away.

Once at home she grabbed her husband, Franco, and pulled him into the bedroom. Without speaking she locked the door then pulled him down on the bed on top of her. They made love, Elena with that fierce desperation which the cane always induced in her, though she was careful to ensure that her husband did not get a look at the state of her backside.

Afterwards Franco asked about Maria. Fastening his trousers he said, "Well, this time she's been punished enough."

That's some consolation.

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 10

Have you ever come close to being outed as a spanko?

Roz: We have had a couple of occasions where there has been a knock at the door during a spanking session, or just before we were about to get started. I did wonder what they may have heard. The fear of someone finding my blog and joining the dots has always been in the back of my mind.

Simon: I don't have a blog but I do have a Twitter account on which I post pictures and short bits about my spanking adventures. I'm very careful that the pictures don't make me easily identified but I have appeared on some other peoples sites and been very identifiable. Initially I was very worried about this but now I don't worry too much about it for a couple of reasons.
1. I've retired so I don't have to worry about losing my job.
2. The people I worried most about finding out, my parents, have sadly both passed away.
3. I realised that whilst we may think our Blogs, Twitter and other social media are read by thousands in truth only the really popular ones have more than a handful of readers and those readers will almost invariably have similar interests and therefore will be sympathetic to our activities.

Sir Wendel: I do not have a blog. If I did and someone figured it out I would not be too concerned. In order to connect the dots that person would have to be searching and reading spanking blogs making them just as kinky as me.

Joe: No blog, a desire I have had. I was outed by a woman I was seeing. She found the magazines and a couple of videos and corner me when I stepped out of the shower. She looked at me, said don’t be ashamed, known others who enjoy this. Told to put a towel on we went to the front room and she put in a DVD and it was a wife spanking her husband, calling him a naughty little boy and as she spanked him said that she will be the Mommy when he has been naughty. My girlfriend turned it off and looked at me. Off with the towel my naughty little boy she said with a smile, oh and you will call me Mommy. She had me across her lap, the spanking really hurt, her hand was very hard, and when she finished I danced around the room. Did you like that she asked, Yes Mommy, well then Mommy will give my naughty little boy a spanking when it is needed, I just stood there rubbing and saying Yes Mommy. We are now married, our sex life is good, but spankings play no part in our sex life.

Yorkie: That would be a no to all those questions. I'm not sure how I would react if someone did find out.

Ronnie: I was very relieved that nothing came about from my colleague finding spanking sites. The older I get the more I'm thinking so what if someone knows that I'm spanked, but truthfully I really wouldn't want to explain. I've only told one vanilla person. I definitely wouldn't want anyone finding out about my blog especially family.

Hermione: Once time at work, I was creating a graphic from a site that produced doorknob signs like the kind you see on hotel doors with "Do Not Disturb". Naturally I was designing a spanko one for the blog. Unfortunately, a co-worker arrived very early for a prearranged meeting. I quickly opened the spreadsheet we were to discuss. After half an hour, she suddenly wanted to go into Word for some reason or other. She opened Word and there, prominently displayed, was my spanko sign. I quickly closed it without comment, she found what she was looking for, and we went on. I was fairly rattled but neither of us ever mentioned it again.

Another time, the same co-worker and I were on a course. During a break, she saw me reading a book that she considered kinky. It actually was, but you would only know it if you were familiar with the author and the book itself. (This was years before FSoG.) I made sure that the next time I read during a break it was a completely vanilla novel, but I wondered if she was on to me. We have since both moved on to other jobs.

My biggest fear was always that co-workers would find my blog. While I did do much of my posting at work, I always used my personal laptop, carefully turned away from the open doorway.

Richard: I quit caring years ago I do not hide my identity nor do I make it obvious to those who don't know who I am or what I enjoy doing in private

Thank you all for your revelations. An update: the problem with not receiving email notifications of comments is still being worked on by the Blogger technicians.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #231

I'm delighted that you could come to brunch today. Grab a slice of cake and let's get started. Last week Ronnie wrote about her fears of possibly being "outed" when an acquaintance found some spanking sites. I know that some of my readers are very open about their fondness for spanking, while others have told very few about their preference. What about you?

Have you ever come close to being outed, or have you ever feared that someone might find your blog and connect it to you? Did anything actually come of it? How did you handle the situation? If this hasn't happened to you, how do you think you might react if it did?

Leave your response as a comment, and I will publish a summary of our conversation once everyone has had a chance to speak.

You Completed the Caption

Anon: Uh oh, this one might require a lot of “kissing it to make it better”. Gentleman that I am, I volunteer for the job.

Sir Wendel: The sting of the cactus is nothing compared to the sting of the paddle.

KDPierre: Hilda is about to discover how wrong her friends were when they told her there was no point in picking flowers.

The Glenmore: I will volunteer to have Hilda lay over my lap to remove those cactus quills!

Hermione: The flowered thong provides little protection when Hilda inadvertently sits on and squashes the paddle plant.

Thank you for having fun with Hilda. For more fun, please join me for brunch.