Thursday, October 30, 2008

On Wood

I have made no secret of my enthusiasm for leather implements. I love the sensuous feel that leather has, even when it's traveling at high speed on impact. And it's also because leather resonates with me.
Now wood is starting to appeal to me too. I'm on very good terms with a maple paddle, and have requested the dogleg brush on a few occasions when leather, however nice, just isn't enough to get me where I want to be.
Thinking about wood brings to mind a pleasant childhood memory.
I must have been about five years old, and my grandfather had just come home from work. My grandmother was standing at the wood stove in the kitchen, trying to get a good fire going so she could cook our supper. I was sitting on the floor beside the stove, watching her feed the flames with piece after piece of smooth, fragrant wood.
The warmth of the kitchen, the dim light of the darkening room, the smell of wood sap, and the shadows the irregular slabs of wood cast on the floor made my imagination spring to life. Those round, rectangular and diamond-shaped blocks of wood seemed the most desirable of playthings. I reached for two, then another and another, and stacked and rearranged them in front of me. They became houses and barns and trees; scraps of shavings and bark became animals. I created a story about them, long-forgotten now, but fascinating then.
There's just something about wood.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Not Tested on Animals

When I shop for health and beauty products I always try to choose ones that have not been tested on animals. While in a department store recently I noticed an attractive hairbrush display and stopped to get a closer look.
The brushes were made of wood, with natural bristles--not that I cared about that--and was just the right size. I turned it over and read the plastic packaging that surrounded it. "Not tested on animals."
Huh? Does that mean that no bunnies were spanked during the manufacturing of this hairbrush? Did they test it on human bottoms instead? Or synthetic ones?
Their website doesn't indicate "no animal testing" on any of their products, as far as I could tell. (They do have a nice assortment of bath brushes and backscratchers, though.)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Autumn Colours

Thanksgiving Day was sunny and warm. We had eaten our fill of turkey with all the trimmings the day before and we both had the day off work. We decided to go for a drive to admire the changing colours of the leaves; it was the perfect time to see them at their best.
I was delighted to go on the excursion, but not so thrilled with the thought of sitting in a car for several hours straight. We had finished off the previous day with a spanking, and my bottom was still quite sensitive. Ron had had a preview of some autumn colours as he turned my bottom several shades of pink and red with his hand. I don't know how he knew I'd been hoping for a hand spanking; that man has a knack for reading my mind. I had welcomed the intimate feeling that only skin to skin contact can produce, but as he got underway, he surprised me with the force of his impact. It made me wonder, and not for the first time, how his hand could hurt so much more than any of our leather implements. Let's just say I was a lot more vocal than usual!
We got underway and once we were out of the city I forgot about my discomfort. We passed tree-lined fields, farms and villages, and forests presenting a massed display of many shades of green, red, yellow, orange and brown. Every so often we would drive by a lake. There was absolutely no wind that day, and the water's surface mirrored the colourful display above. It was a picture postcard day.

I thought back to the last time we had traveled the route, many years ago. We had not yet experienced the delights of spanking; that was still several months in the future. We were both grieving the unexpected loss of a much-loved dog. Her young and frightened successor was in the car with us, enduring her first outing with people who were still strangers to her. This time, I felt peaceful and relaxed, thanks in part to the stress reliever of the night before.
Our destination was a mountain with a lookout site. The parking lot was nearly full; it was a popular destination for many families that day. The view was spectacular. We looked down on miles and miles of colourful trees, intermixed with houses, barns, roads, and a lake dotted with boats.
After taking a few pictures, we hiked along a trail through the woods. Several times we passed large fallen logs, and I half-wondered what it would feel like to be bent over one and spanked. Not that I really wanted another one so soon, but it was fun to imagine. There was too much likelihood that we would be surprised by other hikers, so we didn't stop to experiment.
We returned to the car and went in search of something to eat. Last time, we had eaten a picnic lunch at a table under the trees so that our young dog could share the meal with us. This time we stopped at a small country inn and had a delicious meal. Then we had the pleasure of retracing our route along the bright, tree-lined roads all the way home.
It was the perfect end to a weekend devoted to giving thanks for all that we have together.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Butt Bouncers

A few weeks ago, the brunch topic at My Bottom Smarts was about activities that intensified the ouch after a spanking was over. I left a response, but it wasn't until a few hours after my next spanking that I realized I had forgotten about something that really keeps my bottom feeling sore.
I was standing at the kitchen counter, fixing breakfast for the uncontrollable hooligans dogs, when they reminded me. Fluffy did something we call "butt bouncing". He launched himself into the air towards me, front legs outstretched and stiff, and his heavy paws landed squarely on my bottom. He bounced off, hit the ground, and repeated the attack a few more times. Ouch! I'm sure he left paw-shaped bruises on my poor behind.
Fang took a less athletic but still painful approach. He stood on his hind legs behind me and did what felt like the dog paddle on my posterior. Those hard claws really dug in! He only stopped when I held his food bowl out to him.
I may have to order take-out for them on those sore bottom mornings.
Fang is currently seriously ill and in hospital. Ron and I would both very much appreciate any good thoughts and vibes you could send his way for a speedy recovery.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Am I Spankable?

One of our chores every autumn is to drain the ornamental pond, discard the very expensive plants (sigh!) and bring the goldfish in for the winter. We try to choose a reasonably warm and sunny day to do this, because we both invariably end up soaked.
Ron controls the vacuum that sucks most of the water out of the pond. My job is to control the slurping end of the hose and to hold a strainer over the end so that fish, snails, leaves and frogs aren't sucked up as well.
As I lay on my tummy on a thick foam pad to protect my chest from the rough stones, head and shoulders down, waiting for the pump to be turned on, I thought how delightfully spankable I must look, with my bottom the highest part of my body. Or perhaps I just looked ridiculous.
I waited. No swats were forthcoming, so I guess it was the latter. I must consider replacing those burnt orange cotton workpants with something slightly more seductive.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Rest Stop

Our good friend Paul left this comment on a recent post, and I enjoyed it so much I want to share it with everyone.
"Hermione, I think spanker rooms should be just as available as rest rooms; they are just as important.
Just imagine that you are on a long trip with your wife, sub, or bottom. She's getting bored and bratty, so you pull up at the next spanker's rest. Taking her hand, you walk to the door. Alas, it's occupied.
As you wait you hear the sound of hand meeting bare cheek, you hear, 'Ouch. Please, not so hard darling. I'll be good.'
Your wife is looking very apprehensive, as she realises she has pushed you just too far."

Paul, I think that would be a great improvement for all major Canadian highways.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Recap: MBS Sunday Brunch for Oct 19

Everyone's bottom is unique and delightful. Here are your thoughts on that part of the anatomy.

Prefectdt - Er Hum Ah! that's a difficult question. Well unlike the rest of me it does not seem to be giving up to gravity, as the years march on. Everything else seems to be falling out or down but the old backside seems to be holding its own, I suppose the spankings must be helping to keep it in shape. Sort of makes me wish I was into face slapping :-)

Daisy - Hahahaha! Love the post, prefectdt! I know exactly what you mean! backside... its big. What else is there to say about it? I have a fat ass. But, he loves it, because he loves ME. He especially loves paying it attention, good or bad! And I think he prefers the colour PINK as in VERY pink.... lol.

I asked him what makes my ass so spankable, he said my mouth.
Apparently my mouth gets my ass in trouble because I am altogether too cheeky/mischievous/bratty/sarcastic/sassy/rude/argumentative, pick whichever and you will be right....and I have too much attitude (he says...)....and I seem to think I am in charge..(and?)... I think that about covers it.

I am either a perfect angel, or the devil happy medium, lol. Usually, the angelic bit is from when the spanking is promised, until about 20 minutes after it; I hesitate to say why I am naughty so soon after, in case he reads this! hehehe!

Hugs to you, Hermione, and thank you for your hospitality! xxxx

Paul - Hermione, it's been almost fourteen years since I've seen my beloved's bum, but that's not a problem as I see her in my dreams.
Her bottom was shaped like a teardrop, often a pink or red teardrop.
Mel's moves often attracted my eyes and hand to that favourite part of her anatomy.

Spanky - Boy, those are difficult questions! Kallisto is the only woman I have ever spanked, so I have a limited sample size of butt comparisons to draw on.

I don't think my Kallisto's butt is particularly unique in any way, but it is just the right shape for my hand, which makes it very spankable. The feature that most attracts me to spanking it is that she really likes it to be spanked. Also, it is readily available which is fun and convenient. It's nice and silky smooth, too! While there are no beauty marks, she gets spanked daily so there is usually some kind of little mark on it somewhere.

Reading your post made me realize I could have a worse job; I could be taking pictures of monkey's butts. Another fine example of our tax dollars at work, probably.

Morningstar - well i will be short and sweet - yeah i can do that !!!!

Many years ago there was an ooops small accident with a whip.. and i have a small scar on my ass from that accident.., i personally value that scar - my very own 'badge of honour'??

Jean Marie - I always thought my bubble butt was too big, but my lover gushes about its' beauty so much, I'm now reconciled to it.

He says he loves my bum's creamy complexion, and how it turns from pale to crimson. He reports that he loves its resiliency, and how I'm eager for another spanking almost right away. He loves that my butt is an erogenous zone, that spanking turns me on, that make-up sex always follows my spankings, that I'm anal-erotic and butt sex is on the menu frequently. Finally, he says that his hand was made for my ass. (Then why does he discipline me with implements so often?) He says that we were made for one another.

When I told my lover about this week's question, he insisted I answer it by him sitting on the computer chair with me lying over his lap, and from that ignominious and awkward but incredible position he has played with and upon my bared butt with love pats and caresses. But now he promises that I'm in for a good, hard paddling, so I'll sign off.

Anonymous - The roundness. The overhang that smooths out when she's over my lap. The firmness. She's tiny; I can almost cover each one of her cheeks with my hand. It's unforgettable! I remember, years ago, we were visiting the Met Museum and I was shocked when I realized one of the marble Greek figures had the same bottom as hers. And she was standing right next to it looking up! I'll never forget the sight.

Mary - Oh what a fun question. I was glad when J-lo made the butt factor popular again, because my butt would never fit into Jordash jeans, not even in Jr. High. Sassoon yes, but other tight jeans of the 80's NO WAY and I was a teenager then! My bottom is definitely rounded and plump. Apparently it is not too big (according to an old flame) because I have two distinct butt cheeks. I had no idea -- but as long as there are two cheeks -- the roundness or girth of the bottom is attractive (according to one guy anyway). My more current flame is out of the country - if he wasn't I would ask him to answer.

Todd - First of all... congrats to Bonnie on the 12x12. :)

Let's see, Suzy's bottom has a very nice curve to it. It juts out in a perfectly spankable way. The canvass is almost completely flawless, which means each spanking mark shows up. That does attract swats too. As for the feel... it's cool pre-spanking... and gets toasty during... and down right warm afterwards.

So, a very lovely bottom. Same for Bonnie... a lovely and smart bottom indeed.

Thanks for hosting!

Dave - What makes My Daisy's Ass so very spankable? Probably the look of love and adoration that shines through her eyes have after a session. Although I have explained that I am happy to provide her beautiful bottom with all the attention I can without, she seems to prefer to EARN her spanks. I love her completely but being 7,000 miles away, spanks need to have a lasting effect.
Thank you Hermione.

Jai - First of all, that food picture you posted looks SO DELICIOUS!! I just got back from a 10 mile hike and am so hungry right now!

Ok. So what makes my butt unique?
Well, I would have to say that my buns are nicely toned from all the running I do. I have wide hipes, therefore a broad backside, but not a saggy one = ] Surface area that has a nice jiggle to it, lol

Hermione: My bottom isn't too big and it isn't too small. I think it's just right. There's a small beauty mark right above the cleft. It's also very soft and squeezable so Ron might be able to recognize it by feel. He's also very good with faces, so I think he'd have no trouble identifying my bottom in a line-up.

Thank you everyone, for participating in this lively discussion!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

MBS Spanko Brunch #144

Welcome to the MBS Sunday brunch, coming to you today from our remote location in the north. Ron's got the fire going and it's nice and warm inside.

I'm very honoured to be hosting today's brunch for Bonnie, because it marks another milestone. There have now officially been a gross of brunches - twelve dozen great discussions, and an equal number of delicious meals. To commemorate the occasion, I want to share with you an article that I hope will generate a good discussion.

According to the New Scientist, chimps never forget a bum. They have no trouble matching pictures of the faces of chimps they know with pictures of their bottoms.

For those of you who administer spankings, picture your partner's bottom, or look carefully at it. For readers who are on the receiving end, think of your own, or use a mirror if you need to. Our topic for discussion is:

How would you describe that bottom? What is unique about it? What makes it unforgettable and so very spankable? What do you like best about it? What is it that attracts those swats? Does it have any distinguishing features or beauty marks? What about how its surface feels, or the sound a spank produces on it?

Don't be shy! No pictures please, but do leave your comments, and after everyone has had a chance to share, I'll put together an edited summary of the discussion.

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Belt Rondo

As a musician, my favourite form of classical music is the rondo. In a way a rondo is like a song with several verses plus a chorus that everyone can sing along with because it's always the same. A rondo doesn't have words, but it does have a repeated melody that is heard at the beginning, again at the end, and once or twice in the middle. The bits in between are very different from one other. Each passage might be fast, slow, loud, soft, or use a different rhythm.
A familiar example of a rondo is Beethoven's Fur Elise, which some of you probably have as a ring tone on your cell phones.
What does all this have to do with spanking? Good question. The idea came to me after Ron had given me quite a creative one.
He started by rubbing my bottom. I love it when Ron does that, because it feels good and because I know it's the preparation for a spanking. This time was no exception.
He picked up the belt and got down to business. Whack! The first stroke landed on my left cheek. Then another. And again and again, all on the same spot. Then four on the right. He alternated this way from one side to the other and I squirmed as the sting from the strokes mounted up on one side until it was almost too much. Then as he switched to the other side the pain increased again while the first side recovered. It was quite a roller-coaster ride.
Then he switched to rubbing and gave me a short recovery time.
The second round of swats was completely different from the first, and unusual as well. Instead of landing across my bottom, the belt struck vertically from top to bottom. That was new and hurt more than usual because the top of my posterior rarely gets that much attention. It definitely took my breath away.
More familiar gentle rubbing and massaging helped me regain my composure as best I could.
Then the familiar strokes across each cheek in turn: left, right, left, right. Ron increased the tempo of his attack and the swats came fast and furious.
Then he massaged and caressed my hot cheeks for the final time.
As for what followed, I'll describe that by introducing one more musical term - a cadenza. No it's not a piece of furniture. It's a very exciting passage that sometimes occurs at the end of a musical composition. It is energetic, emotional, unpredictable, and builds in intensity to a thrilling climax at the end.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Each afternoon I drive past a billboard that looks very similar to the one above. After doing the usual double-take to make sure that's an N and not a K, my fingers itch for a can of spray paint to remedy the situation.
I've finally got my wish!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Meme the Third

Here's another meme from Bonnie's collection.
You can only say yes or no. You are not allowed to explain anything.
1. Taken a picture naked? Yes
2. Kissed a member of the same sex? Yes
3. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
4. Been dumped? No
5. Stole money from a friend? No
6. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No
7. Been in a fist fight? No
8. Snuck out of the house? Yes
9. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
10. Been arrested? No
11. Made out with a stranger? No
12. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? Yes
13. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
14. Seen someone die? Yes
15. Been on a plane? Yes
16. Kissed a picture? Yes
17. Slept in until 3? No
18. Lay on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
19. Made a snow angel? Yes
20. Cheated while playing a game? Yes
21. Been lonely? Yes
22. Fallen asleep at work/school? No
23. Felt an earthquake? No
24. Touched a snake? Yes
25. Ran a red light? No
26. Been suspended from school? No
27. Had detention? Yes
28. Hated the way you look? Yes
29. Witnessed a crime? Yes
30. Pole danced? No
31. Been to the opposite side of the country? No
32. Felt like dying? No
33. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
34. Sang karaoke? No
35. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
36. Laughed until your drink came out your nose? Yes
37. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
38. Kissed in the rain? Yes
39. Sang in the shower? Yes
40. Made love in a park? No
41. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes
42. Glued your hand to something? No
43. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Yes
44. Sat on a roof top? Yes
45. Didn't take a shower for a week? No
46. Played chicken? No
47. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
48. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? No
49. Broken a bone? Yes
50. Laughed so hard you cried? Yes
51. Mooned/flashed someone? No
52. Cheated on a test? No
53. Blacked out from drinking? No
54. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? No
55. Failed a class? No
56. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? No
57. Felt like running away? Yes
58. Ran away? No
59. Did drugs? Yes
60. Shot a gun? Yes

Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving Day

Today is the day that we Canadians remember all the things we have to be thankful for.
I am thankful for this blogging community, for the many friends I have made and for their continued support, guidance and humour.
I am thankful for the many readers who faithfully return each day to see what's new, for those who drop in now and again, and for the many comments I receive.
I am thankful for spankings, and very thankful I have someone who loves giving them to me as much as I enjoy receiving them.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Hot Spots

One of Canada's leading women's magazines, Chatelaine, has given our favourite activity the thumbs-up in an article on overlooked erogenous zones.

Bottoms are overlooked? Not in our bedroom. It's the first place Ron heads for, and I wouldn't want it any other way. But I suppose for some poor unfortunate vanilla people, it is considered the great unknown. The piece refers to "the taboo factor" as the reason a bum might be a turn on. Huh?
Visit the site and roll your mouse over the woman's posterior to read the entire message. Then ask yourself this. Why doesn't the man have a rollover heart on his bottie too?

Friday, October 10, 2008


Wouldn't this be a fun way to come out?
Order one here for your blog, if you dare.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

If You Could Read My Mind

Ron and I are both big fans of folk music, and one of our favourite artists is the legendary Canadian folk singer, Gordon Lightfoot. Ron is especially fond of one song in particular: If You Could Read My Mind. I'd like to paraphrase the opening lines of that song:
If you could read my blog, love,
What a tale my posts would tell.

If Ron were ever to read my blog, I'd want him to enjoy the way I've put a spanko slant on some everyday things. There's the one about a TV show we watch, the pickup of discarded implements, discipline in the House of Commons, and the naughty fast-food restaurant.
Then there are the posts that I wrote to reveal how I feel about our spanking fellowship on the web, and the dual identities that result from having to conceal our activities from the rest of the world. I hope these posts will give him some idea of how much I enjoy the blogging world.
Then I'd share the more personal posts concerning the pitfalls of my new-found enthusiasm and the respect I give my husband.
And if he hasn't closed his browser yet, I'd like him to know how it all started.
I haven't written anything here that I would be ashamed to have Ron read. A little embarrassed maybe, but never ashamed. I dare to believe that everything here was written as a tribute to him, and to our relationship.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Do Not Disturb

What would you do if you saw this hanging on the door of the hotel room next to yours?
Try it yourself here and take it with you next time you travel.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Your Thoughts on Therapists

The responses to my recent post about therapists understanding our kink were so illuminating that I want to share them with you.
Ms. Betty - Hermione, I tend to have strong feelings on this subject, so if it is alright with you I'm going to borrow your blog for a moment and explain to your readers why I feel the way I do.
Always, always, always insist on a kink aware professional.
A therapist's take on the subject says a lot about them than just what they think of kink.
Also, keep in mind that if you would not feel comfortable divulging your interest in kink to your therapist it means you probably do not trust said therapist. That is a big warning sign that should be heeded. Trust is vital to therapy being successful, if you don't feel comfortable with your therapist you need to find someone else, whether kink is ever brought up or not.
Bonnie - When I read your post, my first thought was that perhaps old Dr. Ruth was simply out of touch. Upon further thought, though, it occurred to me that her position is actually very wise and beneficial to her patients. If she doesn't understand kink, she can't help people work through their problems. It's probably better in this case that she respectfully refers them to another professional than attempt to resolve issues with which she has no familiarity.
If I needed to visit a therapist regarding an issue unrelated to sex or relationship, I would focus on finding a professional who could help with the situation at hand. I would not out myself unless I had to do so.
Interesting question...
Sara - As a trained psychotherapist, I have pretty strong feelings on this one too. I agree that you can not be in productive therapy and keep secrets. It is undermining the process and thus yourself. On the other hand, therapists are people too, and some have prejudices, and all have short comings.
This is not like finding a podiatrist. Always interview a therapist and make sure they have experience in your areas of issue, and that you simply 'click'. You need to work with someone you feel you can like and who can like you.
This link: is an organization that refers to kink aware psychological professionals. Good question Hermione.
Oh yeah...the question. :) Yes I would discuss sexual spanking with no qualms. Any trained therapist is Ok with the basic range of sexual kinks. Domestic Discipline...I would be very very careful to be sure it was someone I really trusted.
Carly - I have to agree, you need to fully trust your therapist. I think being a spanko is a lot like being gay. It is your core sexuality, not a choice and not something you can wish away. In order to help you, a therapist must understand it.
Prefectdt - Warning actual experience reply.
From the psychologist that I saw, I found it was essential (and it took her some time to get the info out of me). Giving up the spanking lifestyle was one of the major factors that had opened up the chinks in the life armour and let the bad guys of the world get to me and cause the problems.
From the psychiatrist that I saw, no I would not open up to that idiot ever. I have only ever seen one psychiatrist professionally, so I am hoping that the one that I saw was an exception and not the rule. The idiot, after an initial chat of less than ten minutes, mis diagnosed me as having depression and started on a road that lead me to taking ever stronger and stronger pills with names ending in "pam" and the like, all of which did nothing but get in the way of leading my life.
Moral of this - Yes be prepared to open up to a professional but make sure that they are a competent trustworthy professional first.
Happy ending - I took up getting my butt whupped again, got my mind and life back on track and haven't taken or felt that I needed to take one "happy" pill since. Thanks to the psychologist not the psychiatrist.
Em - I haven't watched the video as I'm sitting in a coffee house at the moment and that doesn't seem to be the appropriate place to do so (must get headphones for laptop so I can watch videos in public in the future).
So without all of the information, here is my reply:
Yes, I've seen therapists in the past and some of them were told about my kinky predilections and some weren't. I'd say, as a general rule, it would be best to find a therapist with whom you felt comfortable sharing your deepest darkest secrets. You may not think, going into therapy, that they apply to the situation at hand but the truth is you never really know how everything is connected until you start digging through it.
As for Dr. Ruth referring her patients elsewhere. Well, I think if she is really unprepared to handle them then the most professional thing she can do is refer them to someone who can. That said, it's a very vulnerable spot going to someone for help and I can only think it must be detrimental on some level for a patient to be told that their therapist can't work with them over something like that.
On a somewhat similar note - I've been toying with the idea of asking my masseur if he's comfortable seeing me when I'm sporting bruises but haven't found the courage yet.
I find sometimes that after particularly strenuous scenes my butt isn't the only part of me that's sore. I'd dearly love to go in for a nice relaxing massage but don't want to freak the masseur out!
Anyone else broached this subject with similar professionals?
Michael - Hermione, very insightful and thought provoking question. I must say the answers from your readers are on par with anything you could get from a therapist. Like Em said it must be very disheartening to have a therapist tell you he/she can't help you because of your special kink. Doesn't that defeat the whole point of therapy and serve as a setback? And like Ms Betty and others said, trust is key so you must feel comfortable with your therapist and be able to discuss everything including that you are a spanko. Defeats the purpose otherwise.
Prefectdt, so glad all is well and you are back on the sunny side of the street again. :)
jane - The therapist i was seeing in no way could handle it! lol
She would assume it was my way of dealing with emotional pain..which i guess it kinda is, but knowing her...First of she wouldn't even know what the word kink meant...and then she would probably give me advice on domestic violence. lol
So my answer is uh uhhh, nope. lol
pmduo - I'd like to answer the question from two perspectives. My partner is a therapist and has an interesting take on this. Prior to our relationship he hadn't spanked anyone and he said that if someone had told him then they were being spanked he would probably have treated it as a problem. Now that he is more knowledgeable about it (and a happy participant in the process!) he has a different view on why people would want to be spanked.
He believes you should be able to talk about anything in therapy and that a good therapist should not put their personal judgments onto what is being discussed. The more he knows about a patient, the easier it is to work with them, however, he doesn't feel that spanking is necessarily something that has to be brought up in therapy. Certainly if there is a problem, if you are unsure if it is ok, if you are having issues with your partner around communication and this is part of it, but it may be completely irrelevant to what you are in therapy for. He says that often patients like to tell therapists kinky stuff just to see if they will shock them, not because it has value to the therapy. He did warn that if you bring it up with a therapist you should be prepared for a lot of questions and concern around the issue of domestic violence. It is appropriate for a therapist to ensure that you are doing this consensually and aren't being hurt (more than you want).
So that in a nutshell is what he told me, hopefully I've said it well - I tried to get him to post this but he wouldn't!
My point of view as someone who has been in therapy is that I wouldn't talk about it. Mainly because I think it is a non-issue. It would be like going to a therapist and talking about my favorite food or books I like to read. What would be the point? I don't have concerns or unresolved issues with spanking - it is something I enjoy that I'm perfectly ok with so there is really nothing to talk about.
Anyway thanks for the question - we both liked it!
Belle - I actually think what Dr. Ruth says makes sense. she's not saying that people who enjoy sadomasochistic sex are "bad" or "wrong." she's just saying that she has limits on what she can handle, and that's fine. she doesn't embarrass the couple, but simply tells them a little white lie and refers them to other therapists.
As far as telling a therapist about my kink, i think i might. i think my sexuality is integral to my personality and the way i handle life, so i think it would be a good idea. however, that would be after multiple sessions when i felt comfortable with the therapist.
Hermione - When I considered this question I couldn't help thinking about the character Tony Soprano in the television show The Sopranos. He regularly visits a therapist because of anxiety attacks, but repeatedly derails the sessions when he is unable to share details of what's troubling him because it's something illegal.
I agree with Bonnie and Em that Dr. Ruth was right in referring her patients elsewhere if she felt uncomfortable with their sexual practices. As Sara said, therapists are people too.
If I were to visit a therapist, I would probably do my best not to reveal anything about my preferences unless they were relevant to the situation. Even then, it would be difficult to reveal them, because you can't unring the bell. I have had first hand experience with mental health professionals who were less than open-minded.
Thank you, everyone, for your contributions.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

I'm Very Disappointed

I'm very disappointed in Dr. Ruth, the well-known dispenser of advice on all things related to sex.
In this video clip, she addresses the question of whether pornography is harmful to a relationship. Her initial response is that it's fine if both partners enjoy it, and explains how men and women react differently. So far, so good.
Then Dr. Ruth expresses her own personal preferences in porn. She doesn't want to see violence or children. Or sadists or masochists. Then she switches the topic and says that if two people who enjoy giving and receiving pain walked into her office, she would direct them to another psychiatrist. How very open-minded of her. You'll have to watch the clip to hear her reason.
That brings to mind a question I'd like to ask my readers. If you were to feel the need to consult a professional therapist for some reason - not necessarily related to sex - would you divulge the fact that you enjoy spanking? Or would you hide it? Would it depend on the type of counseling you were seeking? Would your preference for spanking prevent you from seeking outside help because of a fear of outing yourself?