It isn't Friday, but the Black Friday sales seem to last for days, if not weeks. For that hard-to-buy-for person on your gift list, soap is always a safe bet. Who doesn't wash? (If you don't, I don't want to know.)
Glory to Ukraine
Here are your thoughts on humiliation.
Roz: Humiliation is something I struggle with at times so it's not something I really desire as such. However Rick does enjoy adding a little humiliation at times.
Jean Marie: Of all the many spankings happening around my home, most of them are playful, or as the prelude to frolic. But, when Robert thinks I'm in need of "being brought down a peg" and/or punished, humiliation usually has a part. I've found I like having to grovel a bit, it puts me in my sub space all the quicker. But I MUCH prefer the spankings to be joyous, exuberant, sexy instead!
sore is more: Chiming in my 2 cents. The last few months I spent an unhealthy amount of time reading spanking blogs DD, D/s, M/s, and anything in between, so the discussion about the humility and humiliation definitely rings a bell.
An excellent article on the now defunct Vivian's blog, and one more here.
From
what I see throughout the blogosphere, humiliation is a quintessential
part of the punishment spanking. Many rituals, such as undressing not
for the purpose of sex, fetching the implement, assuming the position,
especially the more humiliating positions are specifically designed for
that purpose - taking down a peg.
Shameless plug, I posted my first spanking fiction, May I have another?
Jack: In this family that is part of the punishment, not always, but when I have gone too far. My wife will ensure I feel like a naughty little boy. It is when the spankings take place in the front room, no matter time of day, I'm told to undress, fold the clothes but leave the underpants on. I will face the wall, knowing what is coming. When she pulls the chair to the middle of the room and then she leave the room, I know the bath brush is what she is getting. I must stand before her, she scolds me, then slowly pulls down my underpants, told to step out of them and place them with the rest of the clothes. Once the spanking is over, back to the corner, does not matter if anyone drops in. I have leaved that her friends could care less that I'm naked facing the wall, they enjoy seeing my very well spanked bottoms and make comments. My wife also points out that I'm just like any naughty little boy getting a spanking from 'Mommy'.
Rosco: Absolutely. The lecture is essential. I’m often also dressed in frilly panties, put in the corner or tied up. Irene will often threaten to pants me and spank me in front of “all the girls” (just pretending). She make me drink tea made from her worn panties. She’ll make me confess. The physical spanking itself is important but only a part for me and for us.
Prefectdt: Not really, although some of the play situations that I take part in might be seen as humiliating, CFNM play for example, which I seem to be involved in a lot of times, in my mind I just see it as a test of my mental endurance and part of the ceremony of the spanking play. Brushing these, supposed humiliations off and not letting them get to me, makes me feel a bit proud of myself, not humiliated.
Anon: It's not something I'm particularly fond of. But yes humiliation is an essential part of my spankings which are all punishment, no play. I have to stand naked in front of HOH wife's desk on Thurs. evenings for my weekly behavioral review while she reads off the infractions I have incurred in the prior week and passes down my sentence that will be carried out on Sat. I'm always squirming through the entire event and hoping no will be visiting Sat. when I'll be marched naked from upstairs bedroom to basement. Extremely humbling but pain without humiliation just is not effective for us.
Barrel: Yes, as in the form of submissiveness. Ours begins with asking for a spanking, supported then with a reason. If she agrees, I am put in panties or thigh hi’s. Depending on the length and severity of the spanking, I may be asked to explain what implement I think should be used and why. If a session is planned, I must set up the restraints on the bench. Last evening, I had to deliver the black riding crop to my wife and then ask her to whip me. Definitely humiliating.
Alan: I dislike the word humiliation because contextually, it implies malicious, demeaning, and destructive attacks on someone's sense of themself and self-esteem. But “humbling “means the discipline of the ego and acceptance of another person's disciplinary authority and is often necessary for disciplinary spanking. What humbles one person may humiliate another, so nuance is essential for any disciplinarian to consider. For some, getting a disciplinary spanking is probably enough to bring about the necessary humbling. But others probably require more such as being required to ask for it or verbalizing their behavior, Everyone is different, but some humbling is perhaps necessary for anyone to get the most benefit from a disciplinary spanking.
A.J.: Never been humiliated when otk; and never tried to humiliate my GF’s who let me take them otk. On the receiving end I can be pushed and come back at them; on the giving side of the lap, that’s just not me. I want it all to be fun and sexy play!
Hermione: I never actively seek to be humiliated, but the very act of baring one's bottom and bending over is inherently humiliating, and a vital part of the whole spanking experience.
KDPierre: I agree with Alan as far as semantics go. In fact. it's quite common to
hear someone who bristles at the negative implication of "humiliation"
assert their punishments lack this aspect, and then go on to say the
things they DO do.....which ironically fall right into that category. So
better just to say "humbling" and more folks would likely feel more
comfortable. (Of course, hardcore humiliation folks have no problem with
other terms. LOL)
As for us? Well, sure! Heck, what about a
punishment spanking ISN'T humbling?! Being open here has certainly added
an even more humbling aspect, since Rosa has no problem openly
threatening a spanking if I'm acting in a way she disapproves of. My
in-the-know neighbors are particularly 'treated' to such amusement at my
expense with Marta often joining in with such 'warnings'.
In
the past, if I had a punishment coming, particularly for something that
affected someone in the household, I had a handmade sign I would wear
(like the old "thief" signs worn as punishment during the Civil War),
that said: "Spank me, I've been a bad boy."
Another effective
practice for post-punishment embarrassment was/is the use of me wearing
these open-seated chaps type jeans along with thong underwear. Instead
of idle corner time, I could then be made to do chores or attend to
Rosa's wishes while my reddened cheeks would be on display to anyone who
happened by......including said neighbors who have seen me in that
state more than once!
Enzo: Sorry I missed this brunch, Hermione. In particular, since humiliation is a topic I have spent plenty of time contemplating and discussing with others. To me, it is an essential ingredient. Maybe I should answer your brunch topic via a dedicated post on my blog.
Enzo - please do! Thank you all for a lively discussion. See you soon!
Glory to Ukraine
Hello again, dear friends. The black Friday sales are on, so I hope you have found some good bargains. But there's no cost to visiting this blog; food and friendship are always free. Now on to today's topic.
Do you sometimes feel a desire to be humbled? How much does humiliation play a role in your spanking? Has this changed over time?
Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has joined in, I'll publish an edited summary of our discussion.
Glory to Ukraine
A very happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends.
Here's how to stuff a turkey the Canadian way.
Glory to Ukraine
Bonnie, you are one in a million.
Fred: Finding Bonnie's blog, and the community that it represented, and all the links, was a revelation. I realised that I wasn't alone and there were others who were into spanking.
Roz: No!!! That is very sad news. Bonnie, like you Hermione was a cornerstone of blogland. Giving new bloggers a start with the in with the new (I know my blog didn't attract many readers until it featured on MBS), providing wonder information and advice and humour. MBS was the meeting place in blogland. Bonnie will be very much missed.
Graham: Wow! Hers and yours are two of only three websites on this topic that I regularly visit. She will be missed, but we wish her and hers the very best. Not sure where to look for all her very regular updates!
Anon 1: Delurking for the first time in Bonnie’s honor. Spanking is a forbidden fruit - it makes people self-conscious. And then a wife and mom who is otherwise totally conventional holds forth on the mysteries and joys of spanking, and all of the hesitation falls away. She set us free to be who we are, without apology. And brought people together virtually to know we’re not alone. Blessings to her and Randy whatever the future may hold.
Jean Marie: As I said on my blog, Bonnie was the hub, the center of a vital wheel of
this spanking Internet world, a matriarchal mother-figure, the friend
next door, a sage with her tutorials, a societal rule-breaker. Without
the hub to the wheel, holding so many disparate spokes together, I fear
we may not run as true, or make as much progress.
Because she was so
down to earth, she was approachable, accessible, her blog was kind of a
clearing house. It was one of the first blogs I discovered when I was
just discovering my orientation as a spanko. It was a revelation to see
like-minded everyday people there!
She and you, Hermione, were role models, pattern-setters, unifiers. She will be so missed! I wish her & Randy all the best!
Norse Cavalier: I loved the way she would direct viewers to the less-read blogs. I don't know even know anymore just how many blogs I found through her, but I know that most of my own readers came from her. I also loved the glimpses of her own life - she wrote in a very approachable way.
Enzo: Like so many others, I was saddened to hear the news.
I
personally appreciated that Bonnie was so genuinely welcoming. She was
particularly welcoming to me early on when this blog community felt very
inclusive and I felt like an outsider. She was ultimately inspirational
and instrumental in my starting my own blog.
Wishing Bonnie and Randy health and happiness.
Prefectdt: I am going to miss Bonnie, so much.
Before I started blogging, I
first started reading the blogs of spanking models and performers, that I
liked to follow as a fan. Then one day I stumbled across a Sunday
Brunch, at My Bottom Smarts. And that introduced me to the joys of
interacting with fellow enthusiast spankers and spankees, in a far more
satisfying way than the chat rooms and forums, that I had tried before.
Thank you, Bonnie, for leading the way for us enthusiasts to share our
thoughts, in a welcoming environment. And that is what I will remember
Bonnie for the most.
P.S. Thank you, Hermione, for continuing Bonnie's Sunday tradition.
Jack: A blog that covered it all, that one could find what they were into. The response you got when you made a comment was the norm. Bottom line, no pun, had to be one of the finest spanking blogs that really had something for everyone.
Barrel: I was never an active participant on MBS as I found Hermione first.
However when I did drop in, I found Bonnie’s wit, humor, candor, content
and guidance unmatched. It is hard to say more than has been expressed
here and on MBS. But I feel a sense of emptiness. While I am
comfortable and content here at Brunch with all of you, it feels as if
the foundation of our community has been rocked. I am confident we will
all go on. But I hope and pray that Bonnie and Randy’s life will
continue as they have chosen, knowing the support and well wishes from
us spanko’s is truly sincere and heartfelt.
Salute!
Ronnie: Hermione, sorry to hear Bonnie is retiring her blog. She will be missed.Thank you for letting us know.
Bonnie
was the first blog I read. She was always welcoming to everyone. I
enjoyed her wit, humour and the advice she gave. I especially loved that
she gave new bloggers a start (including me). I will always be grateful
to her for that as I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends I have.
Sending love and best wishes to Bonnie and Randy.
Anon 2: I was very sad to hear the news. I start every day with MBS. I always looked forward to what Bonnie had to say or read about her latest spanking. I am going to miss her. I wish her and Randy much happiness in the future.
Karl: Bonnie's blog post content was great and she continued the blog for an amazingly long time but the star attraction was and still is, for a little while at least, her blogroll. Who will take over the maintaining of a future replacement for that blogroll, for as we know, Google is next to useless to find these kind of personal blogs and social media columns. I did try to post comments a couple times on her blog but she didn't accept anonymous comments and I didn't have a blogger account. Thanks for her frank admission that she enjoyed bieng spanked and blessings on her future journey.
Erica: I can't pick just one memory of Bonnie -- I have so many over years and
years. We go back to the days of MySpace (!) when I was first blogging
there and she listed me on her blog roll. I feel like getting her
endorsement brought me traffic it might have otherwise taken years to
attain. And she's done that for countless bloggers.
I love her Keyword Chaos. She and I share the same acerbic sense of humor and some
Hermione: MBS was the first blog I discovered when I started searching for spanking sites at work (it would b e several years before we owned a home computer). I loved what I read, and soon made it a daily habit to read every post in Bonnie's archives. I asked Bonnie a few questions which she kindly answered, then she asked me if I would write about my spanko experience. You can read it here. When I decided to start my own blog, Bonnie gave me an awesome introduction.
I eventually took over the task of checking the MBS blogroll for inactive and deleted blogs. This was no mean feat as I only had a dial-up connection on my laptop, but I took my task seriously. I will be sad to see the blogrolls disappear. Bonnie also trusted me to host brunch on many occasions when she was away. That was so much fun!
Dear Bonnie, I will always treasure our friendship.
Becca: So sorry for being late to Bonnie's farewell party. Hope she will see it
one day. Hermione, please feel free to copy it over to the latest
brunch.
Dear Bonnie,
what a sad day to de-lurk... what
they all said and much more. My journey is quite different. I wish I
would discover your blog 15 years ago and not this summer.
Full
disclosure, I'm vanilla, although as I learned now, so many little
quirks count as kinks. For that matter, what really constitutes a
spanking? A smack or two do not count, right? What about three or five?
Where to draw the line, or better not to? So, I was writing a novel,
quite steamy but vanilla, and one summer day, I wrote a scene that
involved a spanking that went horribly wrong (they didn't know about
Bonnie's writings), wrote it without any research, purely on emotions.
And then, to justify what happened and why, plunged into research. BTW, I
was right, I described bratting and topping from the bottom without
knowing what it is.
MBS was the second spanko blog I found, right
after an extreme CDD one. Thankfully, MBS is linked on virtually every
blog throughout the blogosphere, and boy, did I stay in this impossible
vast, skillfully crafted, generously shared Body of Knowledge. The
tutorials alone, I read at least twice each and most, many times over:
the elusive why (my favourite), how to talk to your partner, first
spanking, fantasy vs reality, bratting, anticipation, letting go (a
gem), implements, rituals, more rituals. When in doubt, read Bonnie's
tutorial.
I'm still vanilla, leaving vicariously through my
characters, following their ebbs and flows, letting them make mistakes,
but knowing one thing for sure, I want them to become more like Bonnie
and Randy, be themselves, find the way that works for them, because
every couple is different, and forget the labels.
There is no
sadder day for a lurker and purveyor of fine blogs to find a blog (or
forum) written by a brilliant author, smart, intelligent, bold, and
sincere, only to discover that the blog is discontinued (not to say
dead). A word of advice for those who like me just read, do comment,
drop a few words, ask for an advice before it's too late.
Bonnie,
I have a parting gift for you, a song/poem called A Bottom Song Since I
didn't know how to send it to you, I registered a blog today and posted
it there, for Bonnie who redefined the word Bottom.
Bonnie: Thank you, Hermione and all, for these many lovely tributes. Nothing
makes me happier than being able to share things I love with friends who
understand. MBS provided one such outlet.
I am at peace with
our decision. In the end, it makes sense. Now I just have to convince
my brain to stop giving me article suggestions in the shower!
If ever you need something that I can provide, you know where to find me.
I
wish all of you many years of happiness, fulfillment, connection, and
meaning. Let your head do the driving, but allow your heart to
navigate.
Farewell, dear friend.
Welcome to our post-LoL Day brunch. I had a very different topic in mind for today, but this morning I received the sad news that the doors are closed and the drapes are drawn on My Bottom Smarts. Bonnie, the matriarch of spanko blogging, has announced that she is retiring her blog and stepping back from blogging. This will come as a blow to many of you, as it did to me, so I would like to dedicate this brunch to her.
Please share a special memory that you have of Bonnie and My Bottom Smarts.
Leave your response as a comment, or on your blog if you have one, and I will publish a special farewell post with your good wishes on Monday.
Glory to Ukraine
Who doesn't love a spanking? There's nothing to be ashamed of if you
like the feeling of a firm hand on a warm bottom. Today we celebrate our
lifestyle. We didn't choose it; it chose us, and we embrace it
wholeheartedly.
The bloggers listed below are helping us celebrate, so please visit them and show them your appreciation for all their hard work. You might find a few surprises along the way. But don't stop there. Visit the blogs you read regularly and say "hello" there too. All bloggers love comments, and yours would mean so much to them.
If I have left anyone out, please let me know. Everyone is welcome.
...we will celebrate our enjoyment of all things spanking on Love our Lifestyle Day.
How? By uniting as a community and checking in with all the bloggers
who enjoy or have an interest in spanking. Think of it as a blogger roll
call.
Whether you engage in corporal punishment on a regular
basis, rarely, or never, whether you give or receive, or if you are just
curious, you are very welcome to join in the fun.
The details are:
What is it? Love our Lifestyle Day
is a chance for us all to show our appreciation to the bloggers who
have chosen to reveal their lifestyle in words and pictures. If you
enjoy spanking blogs, let the authors know.
Where is it?
It's everywhere in the spanko blogiverse, but right here on this blog, I
will put up a post and record the links to all bloggers who are
participating in LoL Day. If you want to see who has joined in the fun,
drop by here and you will see the list. But it isn't limited to those
blogs. Please visit all the blogs you enjoy and say hello.
When is it? Thursday November 17.
Who can join? All bloggers and readers are invited to participate. If you are joining in as a blogger, please leave a comment here so that I can include you.
What do I have to do?
If you are a blogger, publish a post on November 17, thanking your readers for their support and encouraging them to tell you about themselves. "Love our Lifestyle" in the title will be helpful but not compulsory. Please remember to allow anonymous comments, even if only for a day or two.
If
you are a reader, visit the blogs on my list, but also drop in to the
blogs on your favourite blogrolls, or the blogs you regularly read.
There's no time limit. All bloggers love hearing from their readers any
time, not just on one day.
Our good friend Enzo at Everyday Spankings has provided this image that you are welcome to use on your LoL post, if you choose.
What have you learned about spanking that surprised you?
Terpsichore: I have learned that no matter how long it has been since I have received, written, or talked about spankings, that spanking are still very much woven into who I am. They are a part of me.
Prefectdt: Immediately after my last spanking, I wandered into a specialist shop and spent money on something that I would never normally buy, which I will blog about after I have convinced myself that since I got it I must at least try it. So, what I learned was "Do not go shopping, whilst under the influence of a spanking induced endorphins high".
Nele: My husband and I recently dabbled in sensual deprivation, and we were surprised how different a spanking can feel if you don't experience it with all your usual senses. We had used blindfolds before, but this time he also put some noise-cancelling headphone over my ears and played some white noise. I couldn't see or hear anything going on. It was very disorienting at first, and I started to freak out a little until the familiar feeling of being led to our spanking bench and strapped down kicked in. He stated to hand spank me for a while, which didn't do much for me without the sound if I'm being honest. He then switched to the cane and that felt so much more intense. He took his time between the strokes and with the headphones on I didn't even have the split second warning of the familiar whoosh that the next one was coming, it was just the intense pain suddenly kicking in. I could even hear myself moan, but apparently I was also much more "vocal" than I usually are. All in all, it was an interesting experience and I think I would like to do it again sometime. My husband, on the other hand, didn't enjoy it much, when we switched roles a few days later. He told me afterwards he was mostly freaked out the entire time, couldn't focus on the spanking, and was close to using our safe-word a few times.
Jack: Using the term corporal punishment is truly what my spankings are. I have said I wanted a woman who be my wife and my mommy, my wife is such. What I learned is that my wanting to be spanked and she knowing I needed to be spanked is at times one in the same.
Wendy: Something I only learned relatively recently was how many fellow spankos get real punishment spankings. My husband always said that spanking couldn’t be a punishment for a spanko, but I’ve realized that with enough maintenance and “funishment” spankings in my life, a slightly different punishment experience could also be created where it made sense.
KDPierre: I was always so driven by this aspect of myself, with writing, drawing, and living it, that I could never have imagined that a lull would feel ok. I've had lulls before, and they always just fueled my desire for some eventual action. But recently I have discovered that I am capable of taking a break from it without the world ending or my sense of identity being dashed. It could be a product of age, but it's still nice to know that life can teach one new things about oneself.
Barrel: I learned from a brunch or two ago how detrimental it can be if others find out that you like to be spanked. I don’t recall the exact details but during a marriage break up, the wife shared that the husband liked to be spanked, and it destroyed his job and friendships. That makes me sad. However our dialogues have helped me accept I am not alone in desiring to be spanked and punished and this is a welcoming forum in which to share and learn from each other.
SV: Great question, yes I have. I have learned a lot about my spanko self recently. I have been watching Jillian Keenan's videos. What I learned was that I would rather spank or be spanked by someone then have sex with them. I realized that spanking is way more important to me that I had let myself believe. I also realized that in addition to being a spanko, I also have a discipline fetish. I love scolding, corner time and other alternative funishments.
Rosco: Irene has taken to slapping my balls, with her hand or a riding crop, or sometimes kicking me between the legs. Obviously (I think) not with the force she uses to whip my bottom. It makes me plenty nervous and hurts like the dickens. But it is stimulating for sure. I’d not have thunk that I’d like it.
Alan: I have become more aware that spanking , in my case being disciplined by a beautiful women who happens to be my wife, is a constantly unfolding adventure. Spanking is the frame within which you paint the picture of your evolving life, love and sexuality.
Roz: I have learned some things about the BDSM lifestyle lately, some of which I would rather not have lol. We have slowly been dipping our toes back into spanking after a long hiatus, not sure about a discovery, more re-discovering our spanko selves.
Hermione: I have learned that there is always something new I can learn about spanking, and that there are still things that surprise me.
Have a safe and productive week!
Glory to Ukraine
Greetings! I hope you are all going to join me in the upcoming Love our Lifestyle celebration. So many blogs have come and gone, and I miss our departed spanko friends, but rejoice in the ones who are still sharing their love of corporal punishment with us. There is so much we can all learn from our fellow spankos by reading and sharing.
Have you learned anything recently about your spanko self, or about spanking in general, that surprised you?
Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.
Glory to Ukraine
Love our Lifestyle Day 2022 is fast approaching. Next Thursday, November 17, we bloggers will celebrate our lifestyle. Since it will be the 17th LoL day, it's only fitting that we hold it on the 17th day of the month.
Whether you engage in spanking on a regular basis, just once in a while, or only think about it, you are here because spanking interests you in some way. I like to think of my readers and fellow bloggers as one big, extended family of like-minded individuals. So I invite everyone, whether they blog or not, to get together next Thursday and say "hello" to each of the bloggers they visit.
If you are a blogger who would like to join in, let me know in the comments section, and I will add your name to the list of participants. But you don't need to officially declare your intention to be part of the action. All you have to do on November 17 or later (there's no time limit) is drop by each of the blogs you visit, or have on your blogroll, and leave a friendly greeting.
I'll publish a reminder next week. This should be fun!Glory to Ukraine
Do you like the feeling of danger that someone could learn your deepest secret?
Roz: That is a great question. Only in the context of spanking outdoors in a semi-secluded spot where there is the thrill of possibly being seen by strangers. The thought of people we know finding out doesn't thrill me, although I do wonder if neighbours have heard and know. We have had close calls a couple of times with door knocks.
Anon: First, why is it your deepest secret?
Jack: While dating I kept my spanking desires my secret, but soon learned that women, especially older women, catch on. I was dating an older woman, I said nothing about my secret, then one day out of the blue she reminded me the age difference and that she was old enough to my mother. I looked at her and said nothing, she said what I needed was a spanking, and then to my shock, this is what you want me to do is it not. I said nothing at first, asked how she knew, females just know, and I asked if that what she was going to do, spank me. She smiled, said yes, then said you may want to be spanked, but you need to be spanked, and soon bare bottom over her lap I got my first adult spanking and it hurt and I squirmed, kicked, wanting her to stop. When she did, told to face the wall, no rubbing, talking. I soon stood before her, admitting I wanted to be spanked, and it was not long afterwards she introduced to a good friends of her, my age. That first date she said she knew of my secret.
Wendy: Kinda sorta? I’ve had conversations in my head with people about it under the scenario that they accidentally learned of it. The thing is, I am pretty sure that one family member does know, and there is a good possibility that he is a kindred spirit, but we have never discussed it.
Prefectdt: In a play situation, yes. Someone did accidentally walk into a room, whilst I was bare butted and enjoying a pay to play once, a few years ago. I have to admit that the friendly "Oops" situation did add a bit of an extra thrill to the play. I don't like the feeling of danger from an unsympathetic individual being able to identify me and my activities, though. I have been left a little wary, after my blog gained the unwelcome attention of some far right groups, in Belgium. That happened some years ago now, I was still on blogger then. But still it is always in the back of my mind.
Barrel: I am going to tease the question into two parts. First, I do like the
feeling that someone might find out about our secret. While it does not
excite me that someone might learn about it, it heightens the mental
sensation of the act. Second, I don’t think of it as dangerous. If
someone were to find out, I would have to accept their knowing and
embrace it as it is something unique and very intimate my wife and I
share.
A great topic this week. Thanks.
Bonnie: The fear of accidental disclosure is the only genuine fear I associate
with being spanked. I know my spankings will always hurt a lot and
sometimes leave marks, but I absolutely trust that Randy will never
endanger me. Even with the emotional side, I know he is there to
protect me and help me feel safe.
Here's where the enigma comes
in. Being exposed is a thrilling fantasy. Randy teases me as I lie
across his lap, "What would your (adult) students say if they knew you
get paddled before class?" A tingle goes through me as I momentarily
envision raised eyebrows and expressions of concern. "And what would
they say if they knew you love to be spanked and even beg for it?" This
suggestion makes me want to blush with embarrassment. And yet, it's
indisputably arousing. This banter definitely heightens the experience.
But
I have no desire to be out. We have people in our lives who are
incapable of understanding and I have no desire to try to explain our
peculiar love. So this joy remains just for us (and people who read my
blog).
Dan: A couple of years ago, the rubber hit the road for me on this topic. I
was sitting at home one night and had, in fact, been reading spanking
blogs. I got a well-timed email, from a sender I didn't recognize but
with a subject line that included one of my actual passwords. The email
claimed that the sender had hacked my computer and copied my browsing
history. It also claimed to have captured screenshots of videos and
websites I had visited. Finally, it claimed to have downloaded all my
contacts and threatened to send them all the nastiest examples of my
internet browsing unless I immediately sent $25,000 in crypto.
The
key to the scam was that it included one of my actual passwords. It
gave it a lot of immediate legitimacy. Initially, I went into a
full-blown panic. I thought about my parents, siblings, work
colleagues, clients/customer contacts, etc. getting a front row seat to
my most embarrassing viewing habits. After an hour or two of indulging
the panic, I started to calm down and had glimmers of positive thoughts
about what it would feel like to just own it. Of course, my next move
was to look up the scenario on-line, where I found this was a common
scam in which the scammer got access to thousands of passwords that had
been exposed in previous data breaches. I was comforted for sure, but
there was, in fact, a twinge of regret that I wouldn't now be forced to
own my kink.
I had a much less threatening incident in which
someone at work actually did get a small peek at my kink. I was working
remotely and had a computer problem. A female IT worker at my company
finally had to take remote command of the computer. At one point, she
tried to cut and paste something, but the "paste" somehow was a very
explicit spanking reference that I had cut right before the remote
session. Well, there was a pause for a few seconds as the female IT
person absorbed what she was seeing, then she quickly moved on. While
it was embarrassing, I admit it was a bit of a turn on when I'd see her
at work, knowing she knew something about my little secret.
Anon: I do not like the feeling of danger. I have been scared of people finding out my entire life. Now I do not care so much. I do wish I had someone to talk to about my interest so I would not feel so alone.
Wendel: The thrill of spanking outdoors and the fear of being seen make those
spanking more pleasurable. Although we do pick outside locations that
are very secluded so it is not likely someone will stumble on our
spankings.
We have spanked each other many time right before the
family stops over for dinners. It is fun to watch the Misses maneover
around with a sore bottom while family is over.
A.J.: Not sure about the word 'danger,' but yes.
Some years ago I
read about a divorce. Did not know them, but the story was that it was
an angry divorce, one that could not be settle amicably and out of
court. Papers were filed. That became public. Papers before the court
in which she tried to burn his character by saying he like to be
spanked, and she did so regularly. She did it to claim custody of their
children, and this was proof he was unfit (a pervert!)
He was an
attorney, and his law firm and all his fellow employees found out. As
did his long-cultivated clients. His entire family also found out;
parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. So it's not just ONE,
casual friend finding out, it's the greater outside world that can
bring your career and reputation to ruin.
For that reason, and
I'm sure for you too - I'm damn careful! And I never get spanked
without also spanking her too. For parity.
Alan: I would like to know a few more details about the divorce alluded to above. Simply engaging in what appears to be consensual adult spanking is not prima facie grounds to rule someone an “unfit” parent. And then there is the little matter that his wife also allegedly did the spanking. It sounds like at worse a case of the kettle calling the pot black. I am not saying that situation like this can’t get messy. But lets be careful about implying that a reveal of this type can get you locked out from your children on that basis alone.
Nele: For me, people we know finding out falls firmly into the "It's fun to
fantasize about, but let's not find out what happens in reality"
category. I love to take pictures of my partner's well-spanked bottom
and to ask him if I should send them to his parents to compare notes,
but always with a dedicated camera instead of my phone to avoid the risk
of actually sending them to someone accidentally.
Occasionally,
we will do something in semi-public like in the woods, an abandoned
building or a deserted parking lot, and it does add this little extra
thrill, but we always try to make sure we would see unsuspecting
witnesses before we see them.
Only two actual incidents come to
mind. One is an occasion where we had a paddle laying around on our bed,
while a technician was in there to repair a heater. I only noticed it
after he was gone, which made it less awkward, but to this day, I wonder
if he noticed and if so, what he thought about it. On the other
occasion, I got a hard caning the day before I was due for a small
medical procedure that had completely slipped my mind, so a gynecologist
and two nurses got a close-up look at what were clearly cane marks on
my butt and thighs. I just said that they were consensual and then
everyone focused on the more important things, but it was deeply
embarrassing and not something I would like to repeat. Now it's fun to
think about it though.
KDPierre: I thought this was an interesting question taken literally. However, it soon became apparent from the responses that "deepest secret" was just being used as a euphemism for spanking activity. In that context the question doesn't apply to me because we are quite open about it. My actual deepest secrets are serious and kept as secrets precisely because I do not welcome the danger of exposing them. (I think if spanking is truly someone's deepest secret, they are probably candidates for sainthood. ;-) )
Hermione: Sometimes I have wondered what the folks in the office would have thought if I had spilled the beans. I know my workmates considered me somewhat uptight and straight-laced. If they only knew. But it would have jeopardized my career, so I was very careful to keep my mouth shut when the talk around the water cooler turned kinky.
I did have a little bit of exposure at work, both times with the same co-worker. The first time, she came to my office to work on a spreadsheet with me. She needed to go into Word for something, and saw a spanking image that I had been playing with (a Do Not Disturb doorknob sign). I quickly closed it and nothing was said. The second time, she saw me reading an erotic novel and commented on it, but in a positive way. Since her lifestyle was not mainstream, I felt that she wouldn't out me.
Rosco: I can’t think of 4 friends, all women, who know have indicated they know so I’m guessing others know as well but are discreet. I would mostly be embarrassed to hear it from my kids. Two of the women said they wanted to spank me. I told them they’d need Irene’s permission and it never went any further.
Stay tuned for some very exciting news later this week.
Glory to Ukraine
It's the moment you've been waiting for all week, so I won't keep you in suspense any longer. Our dear friend Bonnie suggested the topic, and I know you'll have fun with it.
Do you like the feeling of danger that someone could learn your deepest secret?
I know what my answer will be, but I want to hear from you. Please leave your response as a comment below. Once everyone has weighed in, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.
Glory to Ukraine
Now that Hallowe'en is over, the stores are full of Christmas decorations and the malls are blasting out the holiday music. It's time to start shopping for gifts, and here are a few suggestions for someone on your naughty list.
Glory to Ukraine
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