Flash Butt

 Recently I read an article in the paper about an accident involving a freight train and a mobile welding truck. Luckily no one was injured, but the part of the story I found most interesting was the description of the truck. Its seems this vehicle was performing some on the spot flash butt welding. That set my spanko senses a-tingling and I had to find out more.

Here's a description of the process. Read it carefully then tell me if you perceive any spanking references. (I did remove a few extraneous words here and there so it would sound less like welding and more like...you know.)

Flash Butt Welding

The surfaces of the pieces are positioned end-to-end. Preheating is carried out under low pressure. Once the joint is heated, flashing commences and joint surface material is burnt, resulting in even joint surface. Then upsetting commences, resulting in an irregular surface of the upset metal.

From the Top Shelf - Punishment Room

How many of us have imagined that misdemeanors and indiscretions in the workplace should be dealt with by corporal punishment instead of verbal reprimand? I suspect that most readers can think of at least one annoying colleague who needs a good spanking. Ashley J, blogger extraordinaire at Imagine the Stories, wrote a vivid fictional account of office discipline in her short story The Punishment Room.

There was a coldness about the room. It came from the soft flicker of fluorescent lights recessed into the ceiling, from the dull white paint on the  upper walls and the gray-blue paper decorating their lower half. My obscured reflection staring up through the floor's polished sheen offered nothing of the warm reassurance I craved.  The clack of my heels against the wood floor echoed with the cold, hollowness of a cell. Most of all, the room was cold because of its vacancy, its loneliness.

My arrival was proceeded by the arrival of an equally cold message. Delivered via the company's intranet messaging system, it had filled the computer screen leaving no possibility it could be missed or ignored. My throat went dry, my eyes blinked and burned with the damming of trepidatious tears. Unable to clear away the message, I shut off the monitor and glanced guilty about the office. No one had noticed or gave any indication they had seen. I rose to my feet, standing on legs braced by trembling knees and forced myself to walk.
.
.
.

The secrets of the room were well kept by those unfortunate enough to have crossed its threshold, but the after effects were common knowledge. Everyone who ever exited the room did so with the obvious evidence of having been spanked and spanked thoroughly. Reddened buttocks, thighs and faces were proof enough that inside the room they had been spanked. The bareness of their bottoms, although not solid proof, certainly suggested the spanking was given on the bare and the marks, evidenced it was more than a hand at work during the spanking. I had no idea the full extent of the punishment awaiting me, but I knew a spanking was a certainty from the instant the message ordering me to the room had appeared.

You'll want to know all the details, so read the rest here.


I wonder if they are hiring at the moment.

You Completed the Caption

This was my favourite caption from the Cheezburger site. Now here are yours:

Six of the best: "Hermione, These are my wishes. Leave the dishes. I would love to give you thanks with some spanks."

Ricky: She: If he thinks I'm going to clean this up all by myself, he's got another thing coming!
He: Gosh, she's hot when she gets mad!

SNP: The kitchen is a mess
Now off with your dress
A spanking it shall be
With you over my knee!

Sunnygirl: Lose the dress, keep the apron and we'll clean up this mess in the morning.

Simon: From the way she was eying the wooden spoon Simon could tell he was going to regret not getting the dishwasher she had asked for.

Kingspan: She: I'm sorry you were out of town for my party, dear. At least you came back in time to give me my birthday spanking.
He: By the looks of things, you have more than just a birthday spanking coming to you.

A. Lurker: Marsha was incensed when she realised all her brother-husbands were expecting her to clean up after their poker party. It was then that she finally understood why women didn't have multiple husbands.

Mrs Jones had been thrilled when she pulled Mr Smith's name from the hat at the Swinger's Party that night. After all, the other wives had been talking about how Mr Smith would "provide a night of varied adult activities." This was NOT what she had in mind!!!

Ronnie: "Yes Reggie I mean it, put the apron on now and let's get the place ship-shape or you'll be feeling the wooden spoon on your bottom."

Vfrat25000: Him: I should be able to get a couple of hours sleep before she finishes this mess. Then I’ll be refreshed and ready to collect on my “birthday wish!” It’s good to be the King of my Castle!
Her: I suppose after I clean up this disaster he is going to want his “birthday wish.” Oh well…It’s worth it…Afterwards I get to tell him Mother is moving in following her hemorrhoid surgery.

Him: That’s one whale of a mess. Having Jim and Sharon over for dinner after three months on a low carb diet may not have been the best idea we ever had.
Her: Agreed.

Him: I have three choices: 1) Wash 2) Dry 3) Lead her over to a kitchen chair, put her face down over my lap and give her a birthday spanking! Decisions, Decisions!
Her: I have a feeling these dishes are going to have to wait until the morning! Yipeee!

Him: I wonder if she would like it if I grabbed her, swept all the dirty dishes off the counter onto the floor and ravaged her on the countertop.
Her: My feet hurt, I have three hours worth of work ahead of me and he is staring at me with that “look.” If he tries anything I am going whack him senseless with an empty champagne bottle.

Him: I love you Jayne! I don’t tell you nearly enough how beautiful and sexy you are!
Her: I love you to Jim but put on the apron. Don’t even think about going to bed!
Him: Damn! It didn’t work!

Bonnie: "I can't give her a birthday spanking unless I remember her correct age... Or can I?"

Prefectdt: She said, "First we will wash this little lot and then you can fetch the bath brush and I will explain to you, again, why we need to hire a maid, whilst you are over my knee."

Ana: Him: Oh, darling, I'm sorry it got to be such a mess. I promise I'll keep up better next time.
Her: This is the LAST time I ever let you be in charge of the party! As soon as I take care of these dishes, I'll be taking care of you.


Her: OMG, I am never going to complain about our role-play scenes not being realistic enough. How long did it take you to set up this mess? And you're not really going to make me clean it up, are you?

Him, thinking to himself: If I give her one swat per dirty dish and then add extra for every five minutes that it takes her to finish, that would make for an awesome spanking, wouldn't it? No wait, who the heck wants to count all that?

I also forgot that if I make this big of a mess for her to clean up, I have nothing to do while she does it. Hmm...I'll have to find some way to keep myself occupied while I wait...or find a way to make her work faster.

Him, out loud: Darling? You're not getting a spanking until you clean off enough counter space to bend over.

Her: Oh, for crying out loud! I should spank YOU for wasting all this food.

Him: Well, now that you are barefoot in the kitchen, guess the next step is to get you pregnant...

Her: That does it, mister! Wash a spoon and bring it here! 

Loki Darksong: "Don't like treating maids with respect, eh. Well once you finished this mess I will give you a thorough course in meaning of that word!"

Cowgirl Up: Him: Hmmm, I wonder... if I offer to give her a hand, will she take off that little black dress and "assume the position", or will she hand me the dishcloth and say thanks? Dare I risk it...

Big thanks to everyone who took time out from watching (or participating in) the Olympics to leave a caption. Let's do this again next week!

Complete the Caption

The kitchen is quite a mess after the party. What are these two thinking, and how will they deal with the cleanup? Or is the real party just beginning?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your submissions in the next post.

Friday FAIL

The fine art of dating in the 19th century.

Poor Service

Ron and I had lunch in a British-style pub last week. We hadn't been there before but had read good reviews about the food and we were looking forward to a nice meal. But no sooner had we walked in than a harried server greeted us with the announcement that a large group of people had arrived unexpectedly, and it would be some time before anyone could take our food or beverage orders.

Well, that wasn't the best way to start, but we were shown to a booth and given menus. I could understand not having the time to wait while we decided on what to eat, but surely taking an order for two draft beers wasn't all that complicated. We examined the menu, changed our minds several times, and finally decided. Ron was visibly annoyed and kept checking his watch. As our wait reached the twenty-minute mark he was ready to leave.

"We've come all this way, we might as well stay now," I soothed. I didn't relish going out into the hot sun to find another restaurant.

Just then a server appeared at our table. She was young and seemed nervous and embarrassed. She ducked her head and stared at her pad while she asked if we had decided. Ron frowned at her sternly and her blush deepened. I aborted any unpleasantness by asking about the specials, and she looked relieved as she glanced over her shoulder and recited the items from a board on the wall. We ordered and she scurried away.

While we waited (again) I took the opportunity to go to the washroom, and as I navigated the back passages of the pub I saw the reason for the young server's apprehension.

I could tell that these birch rods were on display for the benefit of the staff, to encourage them to do their best and be as efficient and courteous as possible. I imagined the manager having a discussion with the cooks and servers later on that day, inquiring why they had not been able to handle a large crowd at lunchtime, and illustrating his displeasure with generous servings of the birch for all.

The food and beer, when it arrived, was good, and I hope that our cheerful "thank you" to the hostess as we left would lighten any displeasure expressed later on.

Wednesday WIN

You all agreed that last week's WINs were really FAILs so today I have some very special butt crack pictures for you. I know, you're thinking I goofed again, and you're asking yourself how pictures of butt cracks can possibly be WINs, but please bear with me.

A Berlin ad agency has done the unthinkable. They have created a series of clever t-shirts that turn a plumber’s butt into sexy cleavage!

See what I mean?

Photos are from Bored Panda.

Tight Pants

Here's some fun from my friends at Just For Laughs Gags. A curvy bottom gets some attention from strangers on the street (including a pat or two.)



The last guy deserves a spanking or ruining her jeans, don't you think?

From the Top Shelf - Wondering

The Spank Shop is an excellent blog that Aunty Andrea keeps well-stocked with an assortment of spanking fiction. A story I especially liked is an F/m one called I Know You're Wondering written by Esskay. Here's a sample to whet your appetite:

I know you’re wondering what I’m doing here like this, sitting naked on the bed with no one else here.

The truth is I’m waiting for my wife to come home. When she does, I’m going to get a spanking.

I’m actually supposed to be standing in the corner while I wait for her. But I know I’ll hear the garage door go up when she pulls in and uses the remote. No sense standing in the corner any longer than I have to. I’ve already moved the chair she uses for spankings where she wants it, and I also put her hairbrush on it. Now I just have to wait for her, and she’ll probably get here in the next few minutes.

I have no one to blame but myself for getting into a situation where my wife spanks me. I’m a 49-year-old man who was never spanked in his life until three years ago, and now I find myself in this position a lot more often than I want. I didn’t want Nancy to treat me this way, but it seemed to be the only way to keep going with her, so I agreed to let her do it. I guess that since I agreed to this kind of marriage, I can’t complain about it, but some times when she thinks I deserve a spanking, I don’t think my behavior was that bad. On some other times, I guess I do deserve to be punished.

It’s a long story how it all happened.

Enjoy the rest of the story here, and do check out the archives for more.

You Completed the Caption

Thank goodness it's Friday...er, Sunday! It's been a long week at the office for this poor gal. You came up with a splendid assortment of captions for this outtake from Mad Men.

Simon: It's the poster for Transformers 4: Revenge of the Cabinets.

Kingspan: Sally knew she was going to get paddled for saying a naughty word when her dress snagged, but she thought the extra strokes for exposing her legs at the office were a bit unfair.

Six of the best: She says, "I hope no one sees me caught like this. For I have no knickers on."

SNP: Getting her dress caught in the file cabinet was the least of her worries. Her husband had promised her a sound spanking when she got home tonight.

Young Lady: She had taken the job at the erotica publishing house with trepidation, but the daily "release" while her boss was at lunch had made it all worth it. Until today, when he was back early, her dress caught...and the key to the manuscripts had fallen in the drawer. She had a feeling she'd be more than embarrassed by day's end.

Vfrat25000: Oh look, my dress is caught in the drawer, Mr. Jones could you help me? Take that Jenny Oschweiger, you gold digger. You can bake Mr. Jones brownies all week long but nothing attracts attention like flashing the boss.

Respected Members of the Board of Trustees of the very conservative and traditional Old Boston Corporation, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to our new Director of Human Resources, Miss Petunia Punderlake. Lord Have Mercy Petunia, what are you doing? Would somebody pick up Charles, our Chairman and CEO? He looks so undignified passed out on the floor with that huge smile on face.

Jim, your new Industrial Spy Catcher invention worked perfectly. Now we know who has been selling our company secrets to ACME Corp. Before we call the cops I think I will take a few minutes to interrogate our vicious felon. This little Mata Hari is going to have considerable difficulty sitting at the police station.

Ohhhh, Mr. Jones, you are a very naughty boy but that’s all right. Do you like what you see? Oh dang it’s just the cabinet drawer!

A. Lurker: Fed up with ugly office furniture and ditzy secretaries, Charles Babbage was inspired to invent a better way to store data.

 The boss, Mr. Slee Z. Bagg, refrained from firing Miss B. Götten because he found her outfits and her predicaments quite entertaining.

Bonnie: "I guess Mom was right about always wearing clean panties."

Anonymous: "Forget the filing. Please bring me my coffee right now!"

Ricky: Oh, no, not again! I got to find a better place to hide my chewing gum!

SpankCake: Quick! Hand me something that needs to be filed in the X-Y-Z drawer!

Prefectdt: This poster illustrated why the Health and Safety committee had decreed that no female employee was allowed to wear a skirt longer than six inches above the knee, for office work safety.

Spanky: I took three tries to catch her hem in the drawer so she could flash her cute boss. Next time she'll try the shredder.

Ronnie:  "How many times do I have to get my dress caught in the cabinet before George notices I'm not wearing any knickers."

Terri: "Uh, boss? Help over here, please? And whose bright idea was oiling the one drawer in this filing cabinet that actually works!" Carrie cried.

Office mishap #201
Only one drawer out of the four in the cabinet slid open and shut easily, the others snagged and scraped. So someone complained about problem drawers, and apparently all the drawers got oiled. Which means the obedient one now has to be held open, otherwise it slams shut on a person.

"Can someone turn that fan off and help me get my dress out of this stupid drawer?!" Jessie yelled.

Hermione: The automatic spanking machine filed under 'S' had a remarkable effect on office morale.


Thank you to everyone who contributed, commented, or just laughed. See you all next time!

Complete the Caption

In today's paperless society it's hard to believe that files were once kept in folders stores in metal cabinets, not hard drives. But such was life back then. Office jobs included plenty of hazards, as you can see.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your submissions electronically in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Some vintage advertisements that are eye-catching, to say the least.

That would probably fit most bottoms too, to provide much-needed relief after a you-know-what.

For those of you who never who are too young to remember the agony and the ecstasy of a Rubik's Cube, take heart. They have started to appear on toy shelves once more.

That's "cigarette" to North Americans.

This isn't really an advertisement, so I'll explain. Long, long ago, in some parts of Canada, it was illegal to sell margarine that was the same colour as butter.  Illiterate shoppers might not be able to read the label, you see, and could pick up a pound of marg by mistake instead of the real thing. So margarine was either pure white or bright orange. (What did colour-blind shoppers do, I wonder?) Some brands of margarine came in sealed plastic bags, with a button of liquid orange dye embedded in the middle. You squeezed the button to release the dye, then massaged the bag for oh, 10-15 minutes until the content was uniformly yellow and looked like butter. Yum, yum!

Pop Quiz

 

I found Pooky's Pop Quiz yesterday and it looked like fun, so I thought I'd take it too.


1. Have you read 50 Shades of Grey? Have you read the other two books in the trilogy?
I've started reading 50 Shades but am having a hard time getting into it. The first few chapters are pretty dull, but Morningstar, who has been involved in BDSM for many years, found a passage that made her squirmy, so I will try again. If I finish it, then I'll decide whether or not to read the other two books.

2. Have you read any other spanking fiction?
Oh, yes, quite a lot. It's a regular feature on my blog every Monday.

3. Did you start reading them before or after 50 Shades?
Decades before.

4. Where do you find the best books? Amazon, Blushing Books, Lulu, other.
Usually I shop for books the old-fashioned way—in bookstores. For online purchases I shop at Indigo or Amazon.

5. Have you ever written any spanking fiction?
Yes, I have written a few stories; two of them are here and here. I find fiction difficult to write, so I stick to describing real-life adventures.

6. Do you follow Pk's Fantasy Fridays? Have you ever written for her?
PK published one of my early attempts at fiction here.

7. Have you Read Clint's Bootcamp Book? Did you participate in it after you purchased it?
Double negative.

8. Are you a reader in real life? How serious?
I have always enjoyed reading, and have an extensive and eclectic library.

9. Do you generally purchase your reading material, check it out at the library, or borrow from a friend?
I usually buy books, either new or second-hand. My husband exchanges books with a friend, and I sometimes read those.

10. Are you more likely to leave a review if you loved the book or hated it?
I don't normally leave reviews because I never think of doing it, but it would be a good idea to leave a review with an honest opinion of the book, positive or negative.

Bonus Question: Are there any famous writers in Blogland we should be aware of?
There are many, many excellent writers out there. Just go to My Bottom Smarts and look for the blogs in yellow in the Kindred Spirits blogroll.


Will you join me? Copy and paste the questions and answer them on your blog. Or if you prefer, leave your answers right here in a comment. Either way, it's fun to know how many other avid readers there are out there.

Wednesday WIN

Today's WINs are all about a very popular topic. Most of us think about eating as much as we do about spanking. These photos put mealtimes and food preparation into a very different perspective.

Happy hump day!

Now it's a musical!

50 Shades of Grey is still very much a hot topic in the media. Our local radio station has a contest to guess whether a passage read by a seductive female voice is actually taken from the book or simply made up. The contestants are each asked if they have read the book and what they thought of it, and you can almost feel the blushes radiating over the airwaves. The winners receive a gift card from a local adult toy store to enable them to re-enact their favourite scenes from the trilogy.


I also got an email from Canada Post with the title "Going for Gold--and Grey!" Before I read the email I had figured that the reference to Gold was a set of commemorative Olympic Games stamps. But were they also issuing a set of 50 Shades stamps? Alas, the Grey they meant was the Grey Cup - the ultimate award in Canadian football. Oh, well.




It seems there are three different opinions on this book. Some people love it, some think it's rubbish, and the rest keep silent on the subject and read it in secret. At least, that's the premise of the musical debate in this video by AVbyte.

From the Top Shelf - Mr. Phillips

Mr. Phillips is a humorous novel by John Lanchester, about a man who loses his job. Not that being fired is funny, but you see, Mr. Phillips doesn't know how to tell his family that he is now unemployed, so on Monday morning he gets up, dresses for the office, and with briefcase in hand sets off as usual. I was laughing out loud by the time I got to the third page, and pleasantly surprised to find a spanking reference not too far into the book, when Mr. Phillips gets on his usual train to the city.

Mr. Phillips has not taken his book out of his case; he prefers to watch and wait. Next to him on one side, a very tall man in jeans and a T-shirt is reading the Daily Sport, stopping at every other page to inspect with real care the pictures of naked women, all of whom to Mr. Phillips's eyes have breasts that are implausibly large and unerotically rigid, as if they had been inflated especially for the occasion. Not for the first time Mr. Phillips wonders who these girls are... All of them...have bodies like the girl in the photograph that the man has now stopped looking at as he turns the page to begin reading a piece called "Hanky-Panky No Thanky! Neighbours' Spanking Game Keeps Street Up All Night."

Mr. Phillips doesn't get off at his usual stop, but stays on until the train reaches a park on the other side of London. As he watches several people playing tennis, he meets a man who has been watching him. This gentleman is an independent publisher of naughty magazines, and cheerfully explains why he was observing Mr. Phillips:

"I come here, look around, look at girls, look at men looking at girls, try to cook up some ideas based on what I see. Tennis, now there's a thought. A whole magazine based on girls playing tennis—girls leaning over showing their bums, glimpses of tit when they throw the ball, that sort of thing... Let's face it, why do you think people watch tennis on the telly in the first place? To get new ideas about the placement and timing of their forehands? Bollocks. It's for the totty. It's basically about women's knickers. They should have a camera trained on them as they serve, a super-slow-motion Knicker-Cam. Or Totty-Cam? You have to give people what they want.

 

Think of that famous photo with the girl's skirt hitched up and her rubbing her bum. Just a glimpse of cheek, that's all you really get—but what a classic. Not that it makes much sense. Is she supposed to have been hit on the arse by the ball, or what? And why isn't she wearing any knickers? Go brilliantly in a story shoot, that would."

To pass the time Mr. Phillips wanders along a street devoted to adult X-rated entertainment. He reminisces about clearing out his deceased father's desk and finding a hoard of erotic pictures and magazines. He imagines what his own sons would say about him if they were to find a hidden stash of pictures that he had saved (not that he had one).

"Dad wasn't much if a tit man, was he?"
"No, it was bums or nothing for the old man."

A man after my own heart.

You Completed the Caption

This image inspired a wide range of interpretations. Here are your captions:


Joey: "Olivia, you should have thought of the consequences of your actions before carrying on with that wretched boy from St. Andrew's School. Your tears will not prevent you from six of the best. Maybe the next time you will think before engaging in such unladylike behavior."

Simon: Upon reflection perhaps pointing out that while the hat was fine the rest of the outfit probably wasn't suitable for Royal Ascot hadn't been her best idea.

Michael: Baroness Sophia had bested Lady Charlotte at strip chess and it was now time for the loser's penalty to be administered.

Kingspan: Melanie forgave Scarlett for kissing Ashley, but most people were unaware of the price involved.

Spanky: "When I'm done, you can wear the funny hat and spank me!"

Six of the best: One naughty lady is saying to the other naughty lady. "Dld you see the movie The Caine Mutiny, with Humphrey Bogart? I've been told it was a great 'hit'."

Bonnie: "All right, if you must, but I still think you need a slip with that skirt."

Celeste Jones: "Does this cane make my butt look fat?"

Vfrat25000: Great idea, Petunia, “Let’s water balloon the Headmaster.”

Spank me if you want Jane, but can we please go inside, the mosquitoes are eating me alive!

Oh look, Mildred, our twins Betty Lou and Frances are finally learning to get along. Isn’t that sweet?

I’m sitting in the garden naked, you are wearing nothing but a see through dress holding a spanking cane, my rear end is on fire, my head is about to explode and I have no idea where we are. That was one helluva party.

Jane I am so sorry no one offered to spank you at the party. Maybe you shouldn’t have stripped down, crawled up on the dining room table in between the cheese and crackers and screamed  “Spank me, I’m a brat! Spank me!” Now will you please come back inside, the neighbors are watching.

Julia: I think it looks like one is holding the cane for both of them, and they are both going to get caned with it.

Young Lady:
Scenario 1:
Older Girl: I told you Mother left me in charge, but you just didn't believe me did you?

Scenario 2:
Girl Standing Up: He said to stand here and wait, that does not mean throw yourself down onto a rock. It means stand. Oh brother - I am sorry you are cold and naked maybe you should have thought of that before throwing you dress at him!..Yes, I am perfectly aware it was my idea to go to church without any undergarments this morning - how was I supposed to know it was to rain and He would see what we had done?

Ana: Girl kneeling: No ma'am, I don't have any more smart remarks about your outfit being too revealing.

Prefectdt: "98...99...100, Coming ready or Oh! Er!"

Despite being expressly forbidden to do so, Jenifer had been caught playing naked hide and seek, once again.

A. Lurker: Dressed to kill?

(Girl with cane) "How dare you criticize my Sunday best going to Walmart dress?"

(Girl with cane) "I thought I forbade you from acting out fairytales, especially the one where the emperor wears no clothes?"

Lil Misses: Casual Friday wasn't working out so well for Cara and Misty.

Welcome, Lil Misses. Hey everyone, you've got to read her hilarious yet helpful post here.

Ricky: Cane notwithstanding, well, OK, maybe it is.
But which view do you prefer? Just remember, art is in the eye of the observer.

Ronnie: "Oh alright then Henriette stop your sulking and I promise you can use the cane first."

Ticcers Aloud: Hubby's first response at the pic...
"Now girl, this one is really going to hurt!

Hermione: The cane relay was the most popular event of sports day, even though the actual handover often took quite a while to complete.


Thank you all for making this picture come to life!  Next week I have something special planned so do come back.

Complete the Caption

This picture intrigues me. Are both girls due for a caning, or is one going to cane the other? What mischief could possibly have led to this sorry end? How many strokes will be administered?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will tally up the results in the next post.

Friday FAIL

More fashion FAILs for you today.

 These are flesh-toned leggings, but that doesn't eliminate the need for eye bleach.

Leggings in a darker shade still don't cut it as biking wear.

Next time, wear loafers or tie your shoes before you leave the house.

 

Not nearly enough protection in a cold Canadian winter.

May I suggest a larger size?