Monday, January 30, 2023

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for January 29

How would a vanilla friend react to knowing about your love of spanking?

Bonnie: I posed this question based upon a recent real-life experience. A few weeks ago, a close work friend of many years who is now retired joined me for lunch at our house. We did a lot of catching up as you might expect. Along the way, she shared that she and her husband enjoy nudist activities. This was not a major revelation because Sue was always an open-minded sort. She described what they do and how much they like it.

Then the conversation swung around to whether Randy and I had any interesting "hobbies." Since we were sharing, I revealed that I receive regular spankings and have done so since college. She was more surprised than shocked. I think she wanted to tell me, "You don't seem like the type," but she didn't use those words.

"Do you mean real spankings or fun kind during sex? Everyone does that." I assured Sue, it was the real thing. "Like with a paddle?" I then showed her a well-worn wooden paddle that was indisputably real. "And you just bend over and take it?" she asked as she ran her fingers over the surface.

"Yes," I replied, "In fact, I sometimes ask for a spanking." She had many more questions and as I answered them, her tone transitioned from concerned to intrigued. I wouldn't be surprised if Sue and her husband has an interesting conversation later.

For my friend, the second answer applied. She was most surprised that I agree to be spanked.

Roz: A very interesting question. I'm not sure, but the friend I have in mind would probably be more surprised than shocked. Maybe a little of both. 

Dan: Several years ago, I did share our spanking and discipline relationship with a close female friend and former colleague. She was interested in hearing about it but didn't ask enough questions for me to get a feel for whether there was a particular thing she found surprising. It probably would have been that I initiated this aspect of the relationship. She knew me as someone who was pretty intense and in control at work. Kind of the opposite of a submissive. I suspect she would have been puzzled about how the "real spanking" lifestyle I was describing could be squared with the fairly dominant traits she had always known me to display.

KDPierre: The people I've shared this with are more curious about the consent to real discipline aspect since nowadays the more sexy/recreational type of play spanking is fairly accepted, especially among younger folks and even among those who themselves don't engage in it. 

Rosco: We’ve tried to be pretty private, but there have been a few occasions in 40+ years when hints have slipped out. I have no idea if our friends and relatives have mentioned it to each other.

I’m guessing that most realize we still have a pretty active and passionate sex life, and few would be surprised to learn of our proclivities. I’m also guessing they’d know Irene was the top, but I could be wrong.

Rich Person: Sadly, I've lost my understanding of the vanilla mind.

Intellectually, I know there are people who aren't turned on by spanking. But really, what are they thinking? Perhaps they wouldn't believe we did this unless they saw it for themselves. Then, they wouldn't be vanilla any more.

Really, my guess is that they would be too traumatized for me to get a good reading.

Jack: There is a divorced woman in the neighborhood; she and my wife enjoy one anothe's company, have coffee at our home or at hers. After maybe six months of knowing one another, the woman shared why she was divorced and wondered what kept our marriage going. I was not present, but my wife told me that she said she gives punishment spankings. The woman was surprised, and my wife explained further and the woman asked some questions. My wife told me she would never spank, she was not that type of woman.

Prefectdt: My attempts at coming out as a spanko, to friends and family, have only met with rejection of the fact. Apparently, I am not the type. So my answer to the question is neither of the above.

Sore is More: I thought I will sit one out, but just couldn't...

Izzie drops the robe to put on the next wedding dress, and N. notes the particular pink stripes across her butt.
"I see he takes good care of you."
"This morning, to remind me of him while I'm away." Izzie rubs dreamily.
"A belt?" N. scoffs.
"Hey, I left him for the whole weekend!"
"Does he know, you're buying a dress?"
"Of course not."
"You will get another one for that."
"No, I won't. That's not how it works with us. " Izzie gets all defensive.
"How does it work, dear?" N. asks, genuinely worried for her friend.
"I don't know, it just works. Don't jinx it! Maybe I will get one, a happy one."

In real life, I came out as having a spanko blog to my most faithful and thoughtful beta reader (actually an alpha reader, as she was always the first to read) and lost her. I nudged a couple of times but nothing. Maybe I should write some pure vanilla fluff and send it to her as a peace offering.

Jean Marie: I am living vicariously through the people who have commented here that they have opened up to share this spanko secret. What a liberating feeling that must be! I would not dare to dream of doing that in real life, as much as I would fervently love to! I wrote a blank verse poem that I put prominently on the home page of my blog, "Trailblazer with a Blazing Tail" because I cannot come out at present. God bless you if you have.
Another great, thought-provoking topic; made for a delicious brunch! Thanks for having me!

A.J.: If Bonnie does not re-do her response with more details of that conversation - we are all losers!

Yer' on kid!!

Bonnie: A.J. - I think I covered the high points above.

I learned what people do at nudist parties - cook, eat, sing, drink, dance, smoke pot, talk, and play games. I didn't think until later to ask about Naked Twister. It's not our thing, but clearly Sue enjoys it all.

As I mentioned, she asked me a bunch of questions about our spanking relationship. These were questions I've answered many times on my blog: How does it feel? (It hurts) Why do I like it? (It's complicated) Does it really hurt? (Yes!) Do I ever spank Randy? (Never) Do we use other implements besides the paddle? (Yes). An so forth.

I think that's about it. You're not losers!

Mark: I have a close male friend that I have known since school (and I'm over 50).
I'm not sure how it came about (maybe something my wife said at a party years ago), but both he and his wife think that I like to be spanked. It hasn't ever (so far as I am aware) been confirmed, but I am sure that if I ever confirmed that my wife spanks me and that I sometimes ask for it, neither would be surprised.

Hermione: If I told a vanilla work friend, I think they would be surprised that we engage in spanking. I was always considered straight-laced and uptight at work, which I encouraged so no one would guess the truth.

Thank you all for your thoughts on exposing yourselves, although not in the way Bonnie's friend does :)

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #472

It snowed again yesterday, and more is predicted for today and tomorrow. Le sigh! (as dear Morningstar used to say). Never mind. If life hands you snow, make snow cones, right?

To cheer me up, our thoughtful friend Bonnie sent me an interesting question that you will all enjoy.

If you shared your spanking interest with a close vanilla friend, do you think your friend would be more surprised to learn that you and your partner engage in real spankings, or that the spankee willingly accepts those spankings?

I'll be waiting to hear your thoughts, so please leave them in the comments section below. Once everyone has had a chance to think about their answer, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, January 27, 2023

It's (S)no(w) Joke!

We have been inundated with the white stuff this week. While waiting for the snow to stop, I've been working on a volunteer project, so no time for blogging. Then the blizzard passed and we were out all day yesterday, shoveling and praying that the city plow wouldn't drive by and block our driveway with any more snow. 


But I still love Canada.

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, January 23, 2023

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for January 22

This week we discussed spanking when you and your partner are apart.

Bonnie: We've had brief intervals when we were apart, but we didn't do anything special other than talk on the phone and miss one another. A more consequential separation of sorts, though not physical, occurred when I was pregnant with our daughter. Randy refused to spank me for concern about harming the small life growing inside me. I didn't like this break at all and I doubt I ever needed a long session with the paddle more than during all those months. But it all worked out. We had a healthy daughter (now a mom herself) and I eventually received some truly spectacular bruises on my long neglected bottom. The photo he took afterward remains one of our favorites.

Roz: We too have had the occasions we have been apart. On some of those occasions Rick still found ways to dominate, issuing instructions via phone/text etc.

Our spanking life has very much been an on/off thing over the years for various reasons so we got used to long spells without spanking. 

Barrel: We have been apart and I have been asked to report on the status of the welts, weals and bruises from a recent spanking. Nothing more than being told to wear the panties she stuck in my bag and show them off upon my return home. Often times when we have a session planned, we talk and text about it while I was on the road. In retirement, we are not apart much anymore which is delightful. It also makes the opportunities for spanking much more available.

Jean Marie: I have been in my current relationship for about three-quarters of a year. During that time, he has been away from me twice, once for over a week and once for just under a week. I was miserable the whole time we were separated. We did not try to have a long-distance role-play session over the phone or anything like that. I think the reality of how wonderful it is when we are together made anything less than that pale by comparison. I just missed him and ached and longed for his return. I can honestly say that I hope we are never apart again!

Sore is more: Hermione, thank you for the prompt!!
A little snippet for all the LDRs out there, even temporary. I just posted the full story, Count Me Down.

That soft weary voice on the phone, so endearing and irresistible in his begging, and yet she can't resist the urge to drag on and play him because that's what he wants, that's what she wants, whether she admits it to herself or not.

“Izzie? Are you in bed? I can't see.”

She moves the phone camera around, she’s indeed sitting on the bed. “Izzie who?”

“My morning star,” he responds like it’s the only possible answer.

“Good god, what do you need so badly?”

“Can you count me down? Please?”

Who can say no, when he is pleading like that, looking like the original sin, all bundled up in a white hotel robe, propped on one elbow, the other hand combing through the wet hair, trying to look better for her? Is it even humanly possible to look better than that? “You know, there are phone lines with professionals for that.” 

Now, on a serious note, I have a question I've been longing to ask for a while. It's about spanking during pregnancy. I did read Bonnie's post and read about it on her blog that it was a big no for them. But, my question is, how frowned upon is it in the spanko community? Internet research showed that even OB GYNs say that if done safely, there is no harm to the baby. Visits to the doctors with marks, that's another story.

As a part of my storyline in the book, a pregnant woman begs, pleads, and finally gets what she wants from her very reluctant partner. Is it too much?? Yay or nay?

Anon: Sore is more, I've read that it can be safe during pregnancy. We haven't taken a nine month hiatus during pregnancy but it's easier in the earlier months (can't put weight on the belly) and we have to make sure it's a least a week before a doctor appointment. I'm the spanko. He uses it more for foreplay than punishment. So no major sessions. Just never know if I will bruise or not.

We've been apart. Nothing spanking/domination related on those rare nights. 

Rosco: When we’re apart we just tease each other on the phone.

Responding to the pregnancy question, we never held back much in terms of passion - though she does all the spanking anyway. But we were very active camping etc. never worried and everything was fine.

In the last few years, however, two women close to us have had premature births - around 25 weeks. So erring on the side of caution may be prudent.

Prefectdt: I have never had a long term spanking partner. So I will sit this one out and enjoy other people's answers.

Hermione: I used to have to travel for work, and we would talk on the phone every night. Then I would enjoy my vibrator and a brand-new spanko novel from my favourite big-city bookstore. 

Wendy: My (now) husband and I have done the long distance thing a couple of times. Mostly, there is nothing spanking-related while we are apart. However, early on, he did write me six chapters of a spanking/BDSM story. That was fun until it went in an uncomfortable direction. I think that was the first sign that our interests didn’t line up as perfectly as I had assumed. (We still do pretty well as a spanking couple.)

KDPierre: A long time ago with my first wife we had such a situation where we wanted to do a spanking and were not together due to a business trip of hers. It resulted in a self-spanking video along with an outdoor nighttime 'streak' with clips. And this was in the days of clunky VHS cameras but thankfully BEFORE security cameras being practically everywhere!

Stay close to one another and stay safe.

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #471

Greetings! I'm a little late cooking brunch today. Our trusty microwave stopped working after over 20 years of faithful service. Luckily I had the toaster oven to fall back on. A local big box store is sending a new microwave over later today, so all's well that ends well.

But enough about me. Let's get started with today's discussion topic. Thank you, Rich Person, for the suggestion.

Has there ever been a time when you and your spanking partner were not physically with each other? What was the situation? How did you handle the session?

Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has shared their experience, I will publish an edited summary of our discussion.

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Winter Fun

Yesterday we had freezing rain alternating with ice pellets. Today it's raining, but snow is predicted for the afternoon. It's a good thing we Canadians have a good sense of humour.

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, January 16, 2023

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for January 15

Have you ever regretted using a safeword?

Roz: We do have a safe word though I don't think I have ever used it. I have however made enough of a fuss otherwise vocally or with my actions that Rick has stopped spanking on occasion and I have regretted not seeing the spanking through to the end.

Bonnie: Yes, it's happened. I'm not always the best judge of my own state of mind and body while a serious spanking is in progress. I've called a safeword too early and too late at different times. In both scenarios, I regretted my lapse.

Simon: I have never used a safe word or ever had a safe word. I find that if playing with someone new a proper discussion about what is wanted and limits etc means you don't need one. All the ladies I play with know I will stop if they ask or that I will ask them to stop if I'm on the receiving end. I have sometimes had to ask a lady to stop beating me usually if the weather is very hot and I become faint from being bent over or similar. Only once have I had to ask a lady to stop because of the severity of the punishment and that was during my first and only experience of o sjambok an implement that I don't recommend to anyone.

Luvinhub: I regretted using my safeword the one time that I did however I on the other hand had become unsafe for my own wellbeing. It was the worst spanking I have ever received in my WLM though it was warrented. I had already received a paddling when my wife switched to my thick leather belt. It was the first time with a belt and the belt was wide and heavy. She was spanking me and I was doing all that I could to endure and "avoid". I was thrashing around; because of that there were a couple of hits that were not where they belonged. It was my fault. I needed to get control of myself so I used my safeword. She stopped, we talked, then she finished the punishment with the belt. 

Jack: Safeword? Not in this family, unless pleading with Mommy to stop and promising to be good, that does not work either. 

KDPierre: No, no really. Certain stops were definitely needed for a variety of reasons the Top in question would not have been aware of. (I discovered yelling "nosebleed!" definitely works in a situation where a formal safeword hasn't been established. LOL) And as others have written, there were times when something felt unendurable but after a pause I felt I could have taken more....but in each instance, it was very simple to just discuss it and resume. Pauses, adjustments, accommodations - all good reasons for using a safeword and not one negates the power within a situation or diminishes the disciplinary aspect if both parties are acting in good faith. My number one use of a safeword is to call for a pause to ask for a change in pace, not severity. If I'm being seriously disciplined, I have no intention in minimizing the pain in my punishment, but I also have no wish for my punishment to include having a heart attack. LOL Most reasonable Tops tend to agree. ;-)

Anon: No safeword here - I am the one who gets the spanking and I have to trust that my wife knows what she is doing. If we had a safeword then I would have some power but I don't want that and I don't think she does either.

Wendel: We have a safeword. It is reserved for emergencies not because we want the actual spanking to stop. 

Prefectdt: No, but I was a bit miffed when a Top used the equivalent of a safeword on me, as in she refused to spank me any more. Then she shoved me in front of a mirror, to show me the damage back there and I could see that she had done the right thing. 

Sore is More: I can offer a snippet from a new story that does involve a safeword. It's a bit of a Dead Dove Do Not Eat variety, so proceed at your own risk. I promise there is a happy ending, as Aldous is her evil ex-husband, she left years ago.

The memories that are flooding her brain, no, she's never going to tell Nick any of this. How she was lying on that rocking spanking bench, ball-gagged, hands tied behind her back, whipped into delirium, whimpering. How Aldous stepped on the runner to stop the bench from moving and pulled the gag out of her mouth.
"What were you trying to say, doll?" he asked.
"Don... Don Quixote," she whispered her safeword.
"Too bad, I'm done now." How the cold lube splattered on the small of her back. "What do you say now, doll?"
"Please, Aldous, please. I learned my lesson!"

Hermione: We have never discussed using a safeword, and I have never felt the need for one. Our spankings are for fun and foreplay, and if I were ever in real distress, I could stop the action immediately. Ron can tell from my voice when I am in real discomfort, and he eases up, but doesn't stop.

Stay safe, everyone!

Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart