Friday, August 7, 2020

Friday Fun

I have finally adjusted to the new Blogger interface, now that they have stopped changing and moving things around. In fact, the timing has been perfect. Two days ago I got a brand new phone to replace my obsolete BlackBerry, which no longer allowed me to read my mail. (I needed the Yahoo mail app, not available from the BlackBerry store.) My Samsung is powered by Android, which is Google. So the phone looks and acts much like the new Blogger interface which is also a Google product. Reduced learning curve! I have yet to explore all the new features, but at least I can make a phone call and read all my mail. 

Having a phone is really important these days because for many appointments, you have to stand outside and phone to let them know you have arrived. Mask wearing is important too. Are you wearing yours?

Stay safe!

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Not Just a Pretty Bum

"The bathroom sink is clogged again," Ron announced the other day.

"But I just unblocked it last week." I had poured a full bottle of liquid drain cleaner down the drain and the sink seemed fine then.

"Well, it's blocked again." Okay, I had to admit he was right. Now that I wash our cloth masks regularly, I had noticed that the water wasn't draining out fast enough. Our old sink had a stopper that you lifted out, allowing me to fish out the hair and other gunk that was blocking the drain. (Icky jobs are my department, it seems.) But our new sink has a stopper that doesn't come out, no matter how much I twist and turn it. I really don't like poring chemicals down the drain; there must be a better way.

I headed for the computer and Googled the problem. Presto! A short video on Youtube showed exactly what had to be done underneath the sink in order to remove the stopper. With the aid of a wrench I freed the stopper, cleaned out the gunk, and reassembled everything. It took about five minutes, including a trip to the basement for the wrench.

"I figured out how to take out the stopper and fixed the sink," I proudly announced to my better half.

"Great! You should be a plumber."

"No, but maybe a plumber's helper," I replied.

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, August 3, 2020

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for August 2

How much say does the spankee have?

A.J.: Well, for me, where we only spank for the fun of it, she has complete control when she is the spankee. When, how, duration, intensity, etc. are all hers. Violate that and it becomes assault.

And when the tables are turned....! I have the same rights.

This is why I have the problem with the word "Dom", because I think the real person in charge is the one OTK.

Barrel: I admit, I have quite a bit of control, up to a point. My wife encourages me to ask for a spanking when I know I want or need one. She likes it when I leave the hair brush or plastic paddle on her dresser, and she welcomingly responds. I do lead our more intense sessions, as they are cathartic for me. Again, another clear example that I lead many of my spankings.

However, recently she has spanked me when she felt it was earned, deserved or to her satisfaction. So, clearly not all spankee driven, but I have to admit, I control most of it.

Baxter: I am the spanko/spankee and do ask my wife to spank me wherever we are. However, my wife will suggest I need a spanking and I will either point to an implement or hand one to her and assume some sort of position.

Rosco: Well, spanking is simply a big part of our sexual relationship. But Irene generally tells me I've been naughty or recalcitrant and I need a spanking. Usually it is as foreplay, but not always - sometimes she spanks me at bedtime, then orders me to roll over and go to asleep. Long ago, we agreed that she would never spank me if she was really annoyed for some reason, but might for little things.

I never ask for a spanking directly. It is more fun to pretend it is against my will. I did originally ask (in 1980!), but since then Irene can read various signals from me. More commonly, she will initiate it these days. Even though I was the one who brought spanking into our relationship, I think she enjoys it more than I. She confesses she really does like to make it hurt.

Still, it is all a game. If either of us changed our mind, we would move on. (We have changed a few other practices due to health reasons. Don't imagine this would happen with spanking, though.)

Xen: We do have a discipline dynamic, and I (spankee) do have a fair amount of say. We don’t really have a D/s relationship and frankly discipline is my kink rather than his (he’s definitely enjoyed adopting it though). So we’re not looking for a full on power exchange. I joke that it’s really just me outsourcing my motivation; we work on personal goals and health things and things that are important but hard for me to manage. In terms of what and how much I get, I have had a lot of input there as well because it’s taken us a long time to get to enough (and then we switched to some particularly brutal implements and it was suddenly too much instead). So we generally talk it over and I let him know what’s working and what isn’t and we adjust as needed.

For fun spankings I genuinely don’t have much say, I enjoy having that control taken from me, and occasionally having the opportunity to resist.

There are times I need to ask for a spanking just because I know if I don’t get one I’m going to end up earning one in a far less pleasant way. Asking tends to be a little less satisfying though.

Anon: My spankings are strictly punishment, and I have no say whatsoever in what occurs. Not being able to sit for a week is the norm not the exception.

Roz: Lately spankings have been all for fun. I would say Rick is definitely in control. However, I can hint or ask for a spanking and provide feedback: too light, too hard, I'm done etc and he will adjust accordingly. Having said that though, he reads me so well I rarely provide feedback or have to ask.

Jack: Control, I showed this to my wife, she just laughed. When I earned a spanking, no matter where, I do as told and learned not to talk back. Always a bare bottom spanking, always a hairbrush and if at home a bath brush.

Bonnie: That's a very good question. Randy can exercise almost complete control, except when he cannot. I willingly submit to his authority and accept my spankings, but I retain the ability to suspend my consent if the situation requires. This occurs very seldom, but if I am in serious pain (of an undesirable sort) or feeling sick or just not mentally into what we are doing, I can invoke my safeword or just ask him to stop. He always does.

I can and do make suggestions and Randy usually considers them, though some don't turn out as I had envisioned. Our relationship, both kinky and otherwise, is built upon give and take. We both have preferences and desires to be considered. We work together to enrich both of our lives.

Minelle: I believe my guy always listens to me and adjusts. Even if he says he decides when finished he ALWAYS hears me. That’s our relationship.

Alan: This is really the ultimate question in any spanking relationship. We are in a fully consensual DD and F/M relationship. From the beginning it was understood she would have authority that I could not question of challenge (we both had previous DD relationships) But at first I had a lot of control (or influence) over it by giving her materials to read, suggesting areas where I needed discipline, selecting spanking tools and coaching her in other ways about things that “worked” for me in establishing a disciplinary milieu. That influence gradually eroded as our relationship developed and her confidence increased. We both came to realize that spanking worked for us on many levels but it worked best if she controlled it exercising her authority “anytime, anyplace for any reason” as we have both agreed must be the standard. Couples evolve in spanking relationships and things may be altered in future. But this is where we have been for several years.

Prefectdt: Ultimately, the spankee has to have the control of the big red stop button, if by safe word or other agreement. That is the difference between consenting adult spanking and abuse.

Outside of that, I am not in a relationship and have never had a regular long-term spanking partner and therefore do not feel qualified to fully answer this question (that is not a criticism, this is a good question and I am looking forward to seeing all the comments). I do often find myself involved in spankings where I have a lot of control and must top from the bottom. This is usually with spankers who have no or little experience, this is fine by me but I do look forward to those spankings where I can just do what I am told to do (and be sharp about it) during play.

Willie: Sort of a complicated question really. We have a Ds dynamic that incorporates corporal punishment. It also incorporates reset spankings, and BDSM type activities (to oversimplify it). If I am being punished I don't have control over the spanking, (though I sometimes try - fight or flight or both LOL). If he feels I need to be reset I can inform him if things are not working or offer suggestions and they are generally heard (though really not ideal for either of us in those situations). If he is 'taking' for himself because he can in our relationship, then he does whatever he wants. Obviously I could stop it or ask him to stop but unless I have a valid reason, it doesn't serve a purpose in our dynamic to do so.

Can I ask for a spanking? I suppose I could. I think in the 8 plus years we have been living this life I have asked twice (within the first 3 years). But my personal mindset is that it is far more effective if he initials things for my submission. Over the years he has asked me if I have needed a spanking from time to time, and left the decision up to me. I remember agreeing once. For me it is more about him initiating and me following that seems to be a key element to a successful spanking regardless the reason for it.

Cutiebootie: Such a good question!

I feel that the spankee has full control. It's consensual between the spankee and spanker.

As a spankee, I'd be happy asking for a spanking. If it was getting too hard or odd, I'd speak up and my spanker would adjust accordingly or stop. It's all about trust, respect, and safety.

Ronnie: P is in control. I can ask for a spanking or a particular implement and can make suggestions about spanking and P does listen.

Hermione: Ron is in total control of a spanking, but he knows that spanking is my kink and that being controlled is a big part of it for me. It wouldn't be satisfying if I took control. I always get to choose one of the implements, though, and long ago I determined what position worked best for me.

We had a great turnout this week! Keep those topic suggestions coming.
From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #342

Welcome, one and all, to our weekend discussion about all things spanking. This week's topic comes from our good friend Barrel.

How much control does the spankee in your relationship have? Is the spankee expected to ask to be spanked?  Does the spankee have any say in how hard or how long to be spanked?

Don't be shy! Please leave your response as a comment below. I will publish an edited summary of our conversation once everyone has had a chance to speak.

From Hermione's Heart

Saturday, August 1, 2020

You Completed the Caption

Roz: Ow you brute. Did you have to hit so hard?

Anon: My mother is coming shortly, what will she think? Your mother told me this is what you needed, to the corner my naughty little wife or should I say my naughty little girl.

Baxter: Waiting for my spanking is so hard, why not just give me the spanking right away? He always waits, giving me time to think about my misdeeds and the guilt builds up so high. And when he grabs me and pulls me over his knees and spanks me many many times, the build up to the orgasm is so nice, so very nice. And he wonders why I am naughty.He shall never know.

Ronnie: Oh I hope it's not the cane he's going to use.

j.stern: Fucking crystal acorn ! It is so painful.... soo good....

Rosco:  Now that you’ve spanked me, you’re going to do what?

What sort of man did I marry? Is this all some sort of twisted game for you? Well okay, but only if I can be on top.

Weasel: 'No, Sir, I wasn't trying to tiptoe away. I know I have a sound spanking coming. Yes Sir, I'll wait in the corner of your study'.

Alan: DID you knock before you just bungled in here? That's the kind of behavior that gets you in trouble isn't it. You know the penalty for that, don't you. Bring me my brush. NOW!

Prefectdt: Check the reflection, aim, fire. Arnica gel deployed.

cagedlion: Who put a thumbtack on the chair?

Barrel: Yes, my lovely. I intend to thrash your bum to the same color as your shoes. Come here!

Hermione: I can't see how red my bum is. Will you help me take this thing off?
From Hermione's Heart

Thursday, July 30, 2020

Complete the Caption

Oh, if only this vintage postcard could speak. Who sent it, who was the recipient, and what might have been written on the other side?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment. I will publish your suggestions at the end of the week.
From Hermione's Heart

Monday, July 27, 2020

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for July 26

Is spanking a fetish for you?

Dan: Hi Hermione. For me, the answer is no. I have a very strong interest in spanking and discipline, but I had a fulfilling sexual relationship with my wife before discovering that interest, and I could do so again.

Fred Bloggs: As much as I like spanking and the fact that it is all mixed up with sex, it's not essential for me to get off. Spanking has a different purpose, it's a stress relief, decompression activity.

Roz: For me the answer is no. While I enjoy spanking and it can enhance the sexual experience, it's not essential for me to obtain sexual fulfillment.

Jack: Has been for as long as I can remember. Movies that included a spanking I would watch several times. I cannot explain why, just something that I would get exited about. Prior to my marriage, spanking videos, magazines prior to the internet. Masturbating while watching, or looking at a magazine.

Bernie: Spanking really is part of my sexual identity. It doesn't have to be 100% of the time, but it sure is a substantial fraction. Keep the great questions coming.

Rosco: "Fetish" is not a word we use. Even so, I think of my interest in my wife's panties as closer to a fetish than our interest in spanking.

I think of spanking more as an obsession - and I expect to be getting one within the hour. Then I will be sent out on errands, hoping sexual favors will come a bit later.

Anon: The need/desire to spank/be spanked has to be genetic!

Bonnie: I will say no, but for a slightly different reason. Spankings for us are not an "object or item of clothing or part of the body." Our spankings are not a prerequisite for sexual gratification or an supplemental augmentation. For Randy and me, spankings are sex. Could we have intercourse without spanking (or spankings without intercourse)? Yes, of course, and we do. But why would we not choose both?

Graham: Interesting question. Probably 2/3 of the time we have intercourse without spanking. However, I would probably choose to have spanking a lot more if it were solely up to me.

That said, there's not a day that goes by without some thought/fantasy of spanking.

Putting labels on people is often a problem, and this is an example for some of us.

Xen: Yes. Spanking pretty much *is* my sexuality. I don’t physically need to be being spanked (though it helps), fantasizing is enough, but there needs to be some spanking element involved. Sex is secondary.

Wendel: A spanking always leads to sex but is not necessary.

Minelle: Good question. I have always been drawn to spanking even before any I was old enough to experience mature sexual desire or activity. Spanking and love are part of my desires. Sex can often be part of our spanking relationship but isn’t necessary for it to happen. In other words we have a loving sexual relationship without needing spanking. However spanking reality and fantasy is an integral part of my being.

Prefectdt: Fantasizing about spanking, reading about spanking and watching some spanking videos (by no means all of them) is highly erotic to me. However, when actually getting spanked I find myself far more interested in the spanking than in any sexual activity. On the very rare occasions that spanking and sex have been a combined activity in my life, the sexual part has always been initiated by the other party involved. I don't think that I would ever even suggest sex with a spanking partner. That side of things would have to come from them.

So my answer is yes on a fantasy level and no on a real life level, as to whether or not spanking is a sexual fetish, where I am concerned.

Barrel: I would say no. We do not need spanking to get us turned on, nor is it a necessary prelude to sex. It is certainly a stress reliever and attitude adjuster for me. After 42 years of marriage, and almost as long at spanking, it is more of a life style.

Baxter: During our foreplay, my wife will spank me a bit, but not much so as to not interfere with a good erection. During sex though, my wife will whack my ass with a belt a few times and it feels good. however, we do have sex without spanking and it is fine.

Hermione: It's definitely a fetish for me. Spanking is always foreplay for us these days, and although the actual spanking doesn't turn me on at the time, it does afterward. During one, I'm concentrating on the pain more than the erotic nature of the act (although my body does respond by lubricating). But in order to achieve sexual satisfaction, I absolutely must be thinking about spanking or being spanked. I replay erotic passages I have read and visualize the scene in my head. Without that stimulus, there's no orgasm for me.

Thanks for contributing this week. Stay safe and wear your mask!
From Hermione's Heart