Monday, June 17, 2024

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 16

I apologize for the Blogger gremlins who put many of your comments into the Spam timeout. I have released them all here. I suppose it was because they contained 'BDSM',  which we were discussing as a follow-on progression from spanking.

Wendel: We tried tying each other to the bed and whipping the bottoms once. Not really our thing so it was the only time. 

Rosco: For us, yes at least as far as bondage goes. (Isn’t most spanking a sort of discipline?)

I don’t remember how spanking escalated. But it included lectures about theoretical transgressions from early on - often related to peeking up skirts or sneaking into a sorority or locker room.

Nowadays, bondage is central to our play. Typically I’ll be spanked then tied up (sometimes blindfolded and gagged) and left for up to an hour. Oddly I fall asleep at least for awhile. No idea what Irene does during this time. When she comes back, she’ll usually give me another spanking and often demand a foot massage. Then usually it’s cunnilingus ( reverse cowgirl) followed by intercourse.

I never would have figured on the bondage part. But it works. Oh, how it works.

Roz: What a great question! We started with spanking for play only and decided to take it further. Since then we have tried different dynamics starting with domestic discipline, some bondage and D/s. Also an element of Daddy/lg. For us it's continually evolving and changing.

Simon: Well over 45 years ago I just knew that I enjoyed spanking ladies' bottoms. Then I realised I actually enjoyed ladies spanking my bottom. Then I tried canes and paddles etc both giving and receiving. And now nearly 50 years later I have tried various forms of bondage, whipping and other bdsm play. Some I haven't enjoyed and only did once, some I do only if the person I'm playing with wants to and some I've enjoyed immensely and have done frequently. In the end we are all different and enjoy varied things but I do feel that as long as all parties want to there is no harm in experimentation.

 Prefectdt: Yes, I definitely have, over the years. When I left the UK, I was strictly Spanko only. But having lived in two countries that do not have such a Spanko culture as the UK, I have changed over the years. In pay to plays In like to stick to CP play as much as possible. In amateur interactions, with people who are more from a mainstream BDSM culture, I have found that compromise is the only way to go. There are some things that I won't do. And there are some things that I don't mind doing. But it is not for me. But is more for the other participant, there are two people who want to have a fun play time. I think that we all find, over time, that there are a lot of grey areas between Spankos and mainstream BDSMers.

Jack: Discipline spankings is what happens in this home, my wife/mommy only enhanced this with the use of the bath brush, longer handle, quicker results. She has included pajama punishment, meaning wear during the day, grounded, early bedtime. The marriage is very strong, the sex life is great, but spankings and sex do not go together in this home, one for pleasure, the other for punishment.

Dan: I have a hard time drawing a real line between domestic discipline spanking and BDSM. I think it comes down to the disciplinary motivation, with DD revolving around accountability and behavior change, which aren't really part of BDSM or are part of play-acting a scene and not meant to be "real."

Very early on, we did some erotic spanking scenes that probably qualified as BDSM. But, it didn't last very long and was supplanted completely by DD once I discovered that was a thing.

I've been restrained with leather cuffs a few times during a spanking, but it was a long time ago and didn't happen more than handful of times. Neither one of us is into bondage. 

Anon: Nothing wrong with a change of pace every now and then!

Spanky53: For me I only compartmentalized Spanking and BDSM activites because the Spanking community did so. It seemed to minimize Spanking as some sort of gateway activity to the REAL thing. I think the Spanko friends who attended my events over time merged into things identified as BDSM activites, rope, flogging, wax etc because our parties over time became more wide open.

As for personally, the only BDSM activity that wasn't already included in what I did with my partners is rope. My partner really benefits from being tied in various forms for more intensive play because they like the vulnerability of not being able to get away when I am feeling more primal.

Barrel: Yes, we did. We started hand spanking for play over 40 years ago. I added a few riding crops that led to paddles and hair brushes. As our tendencies grew, we added bondage, partly to heighten the experience and allow more intense sessions without movement. We now have many restraints, a spanking bench and rack in the garage which we use for special sessions. And yes, we use nipple clips and plugs regularly. We also employ sounds and sharp things to add excitement and diversity to our play. All in good fun.

Great question this week. Thanks to all for sharing.

Graham: Yes! Pegging, chastity play, discipline. Lots of harmless areas to explore, but we're still mostly spanking.

Bonnie: Randy can tie me up or tie me down, as long as there's a spanking.

Donn: I can't answer for other people, but from my observations and personal experiences, the "opposite" is more common (again, my observations).

I was originally into the BDSM "scene" (clubs, parties at private residences, etc.).

I myself moved away from that for several reasons:

(1) I was searching for a life partner, and I considered the "non-spanking/thrashing" elements of potential partner's personality and orientation to be more important -- believed those "everyday life" characteristics were more important to forming a long-term, stable relationship. And I did!

(2) I came to view the BDSM "scene" as really "just a scene," a form of "psychodrama" or "performance," detached from real life partnership and the true needs of maintaining and improving a real life partnership.

(3) Practicing / maintaining a full-time FLR-DD dynamic, something integrated into a real life, and using it to facilitate solving real life conflicts is much more fulfilling.


(4) Much (not all) of what occurs in "BDSM scenes" is directed and intended to directly facilitate eroticism. I have no objections to anyone using BDSM to enhance their relationship. However, for myself, I find the "all encompassing" erotic tension that fills my current relationship, arising from DD and how it facilitates our high-functioning relationship, and how DD has empowered my wife and allowed her to be more comfortable in expressing her priorities, desires and own sexuality, far surpassed anything I have observed in the "BDSM 'scenes'."

In my experience, I have observed a substantial number of people, both men and women, leave the "BDSM 'scenes' to go forward and form FLD-DD marriages.

In fifteen years experience (before my own marriage) I NEVER OBSERVED ANYONE LEAVE A FLD-DD MARRIAGE, OR WHO HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN PART OF A FLD-DD MARRIAGE, MOVE FROM THAT DYNAMIC INTO THE "BDSM SCENES." (This may be partly due to the stability that FLR-DD dynamic provides for appropriate marriages and partners, and partly due to previous members of such relationships realizing what they want to reestablish.)

Of note: I have observed very few long-term stable BDSM relationships [where people originally met in the "BDSM Scene"]; BDSM, by itself, appears to be a very poor basis for forming stable relationships. Which is NOT to say that BDSM incorporated into an existing, functional relationship, cannot be enhancing and quite fun! (However, our experience agrees with many other couple's: It is very hard to mix BDSM and FLD-DD in the same relationship; the boundary lines become very blurred and hard to discern, interfering with BOTH dynamics.)

Just my personal experiences and observations. EVERYONE else's mileage will vary!

Loki_Darksong: In my case it was the exact opposite.
Originally, I started out with a predominantly BDSM desire. As Time passed my focus shifted more and more towards Spanking, which I considered to be Domestic BDSM.

Currently I have a balance between both BDSM and Spanking loving both as either conjoined or separate lifestyles and activities.

Ronnie: We've tried bondage a couple of times. We decided not for us.

Hermione: We've also tried bondage, and it was fun, but just plain spanking is enough for us.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, June 16, 2024

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #544

Welcome back, everyone. Last week I read a spirited discussion on our good friend Dan's blog, The Disciplinary Couples Club, about spanking, DD and BDSM. That reminded me of a topic suggested by regular brunch attendee Sage Blum.

Do people who enjoy spanking widen their horizons to include Bondage & Discipline (BDSM) over time?

Please leave your response as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, June 10, 2024

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 9

Have your spankings needed to be longer and more severe to overcome a tolerance to pain?

Bonnie: Yes, I think there's definitely a tolerance that builds up with experience. But this tolerance plateaus eventually. Regardless of previous frequency, intensity, or duration, there are certain types of spankings that always hurt.

Rosco: I don’t think so, from a physical perspective. It hurts like the dickens at first, then I slip into a euphoria where each smack is as delicious as cold lemonade on a hot day.

From a mental perspective, I used to worry about bruising etc. I thought for sure I’d be black and blue. But bruising has always been minor.

Roz: What I find is that if there has been a gap between spankings I sometimes struggle a little.

Prefectdt: Yes, that does happen over time, when I am getting spanked regularly. It is not that it feels less painful, I just seem to be able to handle the higher pain levels. I can still get a good buzz for the normal level spankings, but I get sort of proud of being able to handle it harder. Long gaps between spankings make that tolerance level lower, too.

Jack: Tolerance? Not from my wife/mommy; from the first bare bottom spanking over her lap she made it clear it would hurt.

A.J.: "Have you built up a tolerance to spanking over time? Do you have to be spanked harder and harder with more and more severe implements, in order to feel the same impact?"

Since I/we only spank for the sensual erotic purposes, my/our answer is no.

I do remember one time where I thought she could do a bit more but harder. She asked, "You sure...?" I said, "yes."

Big mistake! Boy, did she ever!

Funny now.

Sage: Thanks to all who have commented so far.
I've only been doing this a few months so my tolerance hasn't changed so far. I hadn't expected it to yet, but had been wondering if I should expect it to change over time. So far, it always hurts but it hurts really good. 

Dan: I do build up a tolerance, but it's temporary. The one "good" thing about getting spanked frequently is the spankings are slightly more tolerable than if it has been several weeks since my last one. There have been a few times when I've gone two or three months, and the first spankings after each of those breaks was excruciating.

Hermione: I did need longer and harder spankings at first, as my tolerance increased. But as others have said, it plateaued. I get satisfaction from all my spankings, and even though I can tolerate more, they all still hurt.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #543

Welcome back, dear friends. You're just in time to enjoy good food, good company, and a good discussion. Today's topic was suggested by Sage Blum, one of our brunch regulars who, like most of us, loves a good spanking.

Have you built up a tolerance to spanking over time? Do you have to be spanked harder and harder with more and more severe implements, in order to feel the same impact?

Please leave your response as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.



Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Friday, June 7, 2024

Two Perspectives

Poor grammar earns you extra whacks.


Thank you Ma'am. May I have another, Ma'am?

 

A big thank you to Boru for finding these.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

King Marshal's Favourite Implements

 King Marshal writes: "Here my absolute fav's. Well maybe not absolute but I do love them all. 
The Red one on the left is a very deceptive little Stinger. I use it to get to the most delicate spots like the inside of the thighs. The smaller end is quite stingy while the wider side can give a nice combination of stingy and thuddy.  For something that takes just a flick of the wrist to wield it leaves the most amazing stripes.
 
The other three are amazingly delicious, depending on which side of the lap you're on. What I love about all three is that they are "shot loaded" so that the weight of them is towards the end and they fall extremely effectively without exerting much effort. They are also wide enough on the sides so that you can use them to replicate a can strike.

All four are made by ParaphiliaToys. All of my leather toys come from this shop and I can't even imagine using anyone else as a source.  He is an amazing boutique maker of  bespoke toys."

That's the end of our favourite implement feature. But don't go away, there's more fun to come, so stay tuned.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart

Monday, June 3, 2024

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for June 2

Tell us about your special room.

Bonnie: For us, it's either our bedroom - the ground zero of spankings at our house, or the basement - where our spanking bench is located. Each has its merits. The bedroom is our default spanking location. It fits well with my domestic discipline fantasies (Oh, no, not the hairbrush!). Most of our toy collection is there. So are his cameras, microphones, and lights. And the bed is a very versatile piece of furniture.

The bench is perfect for serious spankings. With each of my limbs securely restrained, I'm not going anywhere until Randy decides I've been thoroughly punished. That actual surrender of control is a huge turn on for me.

Rosco: Nothing special now, but Irene and I used to have access to an actual tack room with a rack of riding crops on the wall. The room smelled strongly of leather. It was enticing but there was some fear of being discovered which would have been problematic.

Sage: Just the bedroom for me. Or living room if I'm going to bend over a chair or table. Severe spankings? No way, for me. I'm purely a hedonistic spankee and am not a submissive. And my vanilla partner doesn't have any desire to give me a severe spanking either. It's all foreplay to him. 

Anon: Basement here too, for serious no-nonsense strap hiding. 

Jack: The bedroom, my wife/mommy will sternly say "to the bedroom young man", I know I have gone too far.

Roz: We don't have a particular room for more serious spankings, the bedroom has a more serious feel for me though for some reason. All spankings are either in the bedroom or living room.

Wendel: The severity of the spanking is about the same no matter the room, but the kitchen is the favorite spot. Just always felt it was the most proper place to spank. 

Prefectdt: No, I don't have a room like that, but I often fantasize about having one and how to decorate and equip it. It is nice to dream :)

 Barrel: Depends on which house, but we do have an unconventional set up in one of our garages. We installed an electric lift to store bicycles, golf clubs and winter equipment overhead above the cars. All of these hang on hooks. With the bicycles, clubs and shovels removed, the hooks create a wonderful rack for immobilization in a standing position. I assembled two wrist restraints from soft nylon rope that when connected to the hooks and the electric lift raised, I am on the balls of my feet and can’t move. With a small Velcro strap around my ankles, I am in a perfect position for what ever thrashing my wife wishes. She especially enjoys using the single tail whip, strap and two delrin canes with full range of motion, when we want an intense session. Probably beyond what most brunchers think is reasonable but it works for us, as when I am released, I am quite contrite and devoid of all pent up stress.

Ronnie: We don't have a particular room/space for more serious spankings. We mainly use our little office and bedroom.

Hermione: Like Wendel, the severity is the same, no matter what room we are in.  But at the moment, 100% or our spankings happen in the bedroom which is for us, as it is for Bonnie, ground zero.



Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

From Hermione's Heart