Telemarketers and scammers always seem to call at mealtimes or other inconvenient times. They should all be spanked! Even with our
TeleZapper, we still get our share of nuisance calls. Most are calls from banks we don't have accounts with, or from firms eager to scrub our ducts. But from time to time we get calls from people whose intention is more sinister than simply wanting to sell us magazine subscriptions. They are from scammers who pretend to know what's going on inside our computers, and want to get access to them for nefarious purposes.
Here's a rough approximation of the first of those calls.
Me: Hello. Hello? (If I have to say "hello" more than once, I know it's a nuisance call.)
Scammer: Hello ma'am I am calling from Microsoft. This is the server security.
Me: Microsoft? Really? (Can you tell I'm already sceptical?)
Scammer: We have detected virus on your computer.
Me: You have? But I have virus protection.
Scammer: It doesn't work. What we have to do is gain access to your computer and see what is wrong, so if you can give me...
Me: Don't be silly. This is a scam. (Click)
He called back immediately and resumed from where he had left off.
Scammer: ...And once we can control your computer we can see exactly where virus is and...
Me: No way. This is a scam. Stop calling me! (Click)
He called back a third time, now quite agitated.
Scammer: Why you say I am scammer? I not scammer you have virus...
Me: Sigh. (Click)
A few months later, I got a similar call, and the voice sounded pretty much the same. This time I was better prepared and tried to have a little fun at the scammer's expence.
Me: Hello. Hello? (Sounds of noise and talking in the background)
Scammer: Hello ma'am, I am calling from Microsoft. We have detected virus on your computer.
Me: A virus? Oh no, I had no idea. That's terrible! What can I do? (Can you hear the sarcasm?)
Scammer: We send you several messages already. Why you ignore them?
Me: No, I never got any messages. What did they say?
Scammer: (Sternly) Why you not reply to our messages? We send you messages.
Me: I couldn't. My keyboard doesn't work. (It was the best I could come up with:)
Scammer: (Long silence. Click.)
This one is the latest. As soon as I heard who was calling, I knew I'd have some fun with this guy.
Me: Hello. Hello? (pause while the robot realizes there's someone on the line.) Hello!
Scammer: Hello, this is the computer support department. I am calling about your computer.
Me: Oh, how nice! (Doesn't everyone wish they had their own personal computer support department?) But which computer?
Scammer: Um... I...I am calling about your computer.
Me: Yes I know, but which one? We have two computers.
Scammer: The one with Windows installed.
Me: They both have Windows. Which one is this call specifically in reference to?
Scammer: (Pause) The laptop.
Me: The laptop? We don't own a laptop. Both of our machines are desktops.
Scammer: (Silence)
Me: You must have the wrong number. (Click)
Next time he calls, I'm going to tell him I'm in the middle of a murder investigation and he is a prime suspect.
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