Friday FAIL

Pervertables that shouldn't give up their day jobs in the vanilla world.


The Gentlemen's Personal Barber
Designed for those with closely cropped hairstyles, this electric trimmer allows you to cut your own hair and maintain a clean-cut look. As simple as combing your hair, the trimmer has two bidirectional, curved blades that cut as they move forwards or backwards through your hair while accommodating the contours of your pate. The trimmer adjusts at the touch of a button... The device has an integrated, pop-up trimmer for manicuring beards, side burns, and necklines.

This thing made me think of an electric hairbrush, even though I know it's a trimmer. It's so unsuitable for spanking, and yet some of the language is evocative. I like the idea of adjusting to the "contours of your nate". And the pop-up feature is intriguing. But I think I'll pass on this one.




The Phototherapy Hairbrush
This lightweight, handheld device helps revitalize tired locks for fuller, more lustrous hair. The light energy produced by its safe, low-level laser and four LEDs penetrates scalp tissue to promote increased circulation, resulting in more oxygen and nutrients getting supplied to hair follicles. Equally effective on men and women, simply "brushing" for three 15-minute sessions per week promotes thicker, more vibrant hair... A built-in timer frees you from tracking session time and automatically shuts off the hairbrush after 15 minutes.

Again, not very useful for spanking, but the thought is there. How useful to have a hairbrush that stops after 15 minutes of "use". Less trouble for the spanker too. The photo-whatsits do all the work, and all the spanker needs to do is watch and enjoy. If only...





The Thinning Hair Boar Bristle Brush
This is a natural boar bristle hairbrush that is gentler on thinning hair than typical bristle brushes. This brush uses a softer "cut" of bristles--not the stiffer root-end used on brushes for normal hair--allowing its 2,300 bristles to gently glide through fine hair without pulling, leaving locks looking healthy and shiny. Imported from England, the brush is made by G.B. Kent & Sons, the world's oldest brush maker, established in 1777, a holder of the Royal Warrant through nine consecutive reigns of the British monarchy.

I'm certain this implement would deliver a very severe spanking in the hands of the right user. That's quite a pedigree! But I included it here because I thought it was so unkind to draw attention to a person's thinning hair.