Whip it!

Today's post is courtesy of my friend Jon, who discovered this sporting goods store.

Yes, it's a real store! Jon writes, "It is fun to imagine all the ‘sporting’ goods one could ask for. Ping-Pong paddle? Whiffle or minnie bat? Topsiders. [Pun intended.] I’m certain they will consider equestrian events sports for which I could request appropriate ‘gear.’ I may have to stop by and purchase a shirt."

If you do, Jon, you will be the envy of Tops everywhere.


To continue with today's "whip it" theme...

No, that's not what I meant. Let me try again...

That's better. Quite an impressive feat. And on that note, we say good-bye to 2014. It's been a cracking year.

Down on the (kinky) farm

We live in a moderately large city that is surrounded by small villages and farms. There is a large farm supply store near the downtown area that serves the needs of the local farming community, and each week it publishes a flyer with the weekly specials. I took a look at last week's flyer in the free weekly newspaper, and this jumped out at me on page two:

All rubber tarp straps - save 40% 

It sent a tingle up and down my spine. Rubber straps - mmm! I looked a bit further and saw this:

All belts and suspenders - save 25%

and even better:

All attitude belt buckles - save 25%

Talk about attitude adjusters! Then there was as page of horse supplies, including stall mats, fly spray, buckets, and tack. Tack? We had to visit that store! I talked Ron into checking it out as part of a weekend shopping expedition, and I wasn't disappointed.

There was an amazing array of clothing, "camo clogs" which were Crocs in a green and brown camouflage pattern, John Deere ball caps, Duck Dynasty t-shirts, and sturdy but unfashionable jeans and overalls. Children's toys were also related to agriculture. There were realistic miniature farm animals, toy barns, and a ride on tractor "just like Dad's".

At the back of the store I found the equestrian gear. Bridles, girths, martingales, and a lovely wall display of at least 10 different styles of riding crops. Yum! I didn't linger too long since Ron wanted to move along and inspect the poultry display (he wants to keep laying hens in the back yard) but when he asks me what I want for Christmas, I'll be sure to send him back, and tell him to choose whatever he fancies using on me.

Top Shopping

What to buy for that special top in your life this year? For the spanker who has everything, I found some novel ideas at Hammacher Schlemmer, a store that offers a multitude of unique gifts for everyone.

The Upper Body Aerobic Exerciser
This is the handheld exerciser that provides an aerobic workout for the upper body. Great for getting into shape before a long, arduous spanking session.

Heat Storing Leather Gloves
Using technology originally developed for NASA astronauts, these lightweight gloves actually store heat in their microcapsule-insulated lining and release it back to you when you need it most. Stimulates the area it strikes and imparts an extra burst of heat upon impact.

The Hand Reflexology Massager
 This is the device that applies gentle, soothing massage to both the top and bottom of the hand after administering a well-deserved spanking to a naughty bottom.

The Always Cool Pillow
A considerate Top will want to offer one of these to the object of his attention after putting the implements aside. A kind and thoughtful gesture that will be well-rewarded.


Order now to ensure delivery before your next spanking.

Anatomically Correct

Last week I was browsing in Homesense, one of my favourite discount housewares stores. It's a Canadian version of T.J. Maxx, and you never know what you might find there. Like its sister store Winners (much the same except it carries clothing too), it's a new store every day.

I usually check out the cooking implements for inspiration, and to my delight I found these:

Meet Sunny the spatula and Spike the pastry brush - cooking utensils for kids. I had seen them elsewhere and had thought they might be useable for a blog post. They have bendy arms and legs and suction cups for feet, so there are possibilities for putting them in naughty poses. Until now, the price was prohibitive, but these two were relatively inexpensive so I picked them up and put them in my shopping basket.

At the checkout, the young cashier reached for one, turned it over to scan the bar code, then stopped and looked at it closer.

"Hey, this one has a bum," she exclaimed.

"So it does," I agreed.

She laughed as she scanned it. "I didn't know if you knew that," she went on. Did she think I wouldn't want it if it was anatomically correct from the rear?

"Well, I do now," I grinned. Of course I had noticed. That was one of their more endearing features.

Now that they are safely home with me, I'll free them from their packaging and have some fun posing them in spanking positions. If the pictures turn out well, I'll publish them in a future post.

Wednesday WIN

I've been enjoying my favourite mail-order catalogue, and have found a few items that just might be useful for that certain someone's spanking.

This is a talking watch that

speaks the time, day, month, and year in a pleasant female voice. A press of one button repeats the time 3:52 PM as "three fifty-two PM" and a press of another button repeats the month, date, and year July 1, 2009 as "July one, two-thousand nine." You can supplant the female voice with a built-in rooster call.

If the spanker can time the swats to exactly one second apart, there's no need to count! the watch performs that annoying task for you.

Table tennis (or ping pong) hands

These are the table tennis paddles that are worn like mittens, effectively turning your hand into a paddle. The mitt's unconventional design eliminates the handle and spreads apart the front and back of the paddles, allowing your hand to slip between them. The paddle becomes a natural extension of your arm, resulting in greater control, faster volleys, an improved backhand, and more spin. Each mitt is hand-made from five-ply laminated birch with a responsive natural latex pad.

A birch paddle that's an extension of the arm - brrr!

Finally, something to soothe that tender tushie: the Pain Free Cushion.

Designed with contoured, cutout shape, this cushion helps reduce pressure and stress on tailbone—making any seat in the house a comfortable one! Wedge shape helps align spine, encouraging proper posture for hours of pain-free seating.

Wednesday WIN

Today's WINs are from Fred, via Bored Panda.

Delete

Perfect for swatting flies, wasps, or whatever else needs it.

Mixstix

Play a tune on that tushy.

Spoonrest

Treat your implements with loving care, and they will last a lifetime.

Guess the Implement - the Reveal

It's no mystery that this month's mystery implement is a boot jack (aka welly taker offer, boot removal aid thingy, boot doofer, or spurner/eschewer). Who knew it had so many different names?



If you wear boots for some activity like horseback riding, you will find it much easier to remove your boots with one of these handy helpers.



Step on the boot jack with one foot, and slip the heel of the other foot into the curved opening, then pull your leg up and out of the boot.



The boot comes off without a struggle!


Thanks, everyone, for playing Guess the Implement. It won't be this easy next month.

Guess the Implement

The last two mystery implements (here and here) were rather difficult to guess, so this month I'm making it easy for you (I think).

If you engage in one of several vanilla activities that require a certain article of clothing, you will probably be familiar with this wooden item. If not, then give it your best shot anyway.

Please leave your guess as a comment, and I will reveal the answer tomorrow.

Good luck!

A Cracker of an Anniversary

In preparation for a recent spanking encounter I brought out a few implements that I had collected over time, but had never been tried. These were a pair of wooden salad forks (for tossing salad), a thin belt made of rubber, and a large bamboo spatula. Why was I going to all this trouble? It happened to be the twenty-fourth anniversary of my first spanking from my husband, and I was determined to make it memorable.

Ron's eyes widened as he saw the assortment.

"Where did these come from?"

"They've been hanging on the wall in my sewing room," I explained. "Did you ever wonder why they were there?"

"Guess I didn't think about this," he admitted, then picked up the salad forks.

"These are too small," he pronounced, and put them down again.

"Aw, really? You think so?" I was disappointed. They had looked so very spankish in the housewares shop.

"No, they won't do. And this," Ron picked up the thin rubber belt, "is too floppy. I'll have no control over it."

This wasn't going at all well. "Try it anyway. Look, shorten it up, like this." I showed him. "See, just keep it short and it will work."

I bent over the end of the bed, bare-bottomed and ready. Crack. Crack. Crack. The belt connected three times with a real bite.

"Ow! Ow! OW!" I realized I was getting more than I bargained for, but since I had begged for it, I was determined to settle in and take it. But then it stopped.

"No, it doesn't work," explained Ron. "No control."

I didn't have time to be too upset, because the next thing I knew, the bamboo spatula was connecting with my barely-red bottom in a very effective way.

"Now this is more like it," my husband said enthusiastically. "This is a cracker of a whacker!"

"Ow! Oh, good. I'm glad you...ow...like it." I giggled as I told myself to remember that phrase and write it down as soon as I could, so I could blog about it. And I did.

So after two strikes (so to speak) we had a home run, and the spanking proceeded in grand style. Our anniversary spankabration was everything I could have wished for. When it was over, the belt went into my closet, the salad forks went to the kitchen, but I took a picture of the "cracker of a whacker" then hung it on the wall, where it awaits another adventure. The picture's at the top of this post. Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday WIN

Today I have a beautiful assortment of pillows and cushions to show you. While the in the pictures they look very vanilla, each one would be an admirable addition to your arsenal of spanking accessories. (Wednesday is also alliteration day!)

Links to the sites where the items may be purchased have now been added.

Total Body Support Pillow

Memory Foam Contoured Leg Support

Superior Comfort Bed Lounger

Comfort Wedge

Friday FAIL

A few months ago I posted a funny picture of a spanking-related street sign. I'll have to confess that I made it courtesy of Imagechef.

Bonnie also posted a cute spanko street sign here.

But if you're interested in actually ordering the real thing, I found a place that makes street signs to order.



I don't think they'll care what you ask to have printed on the sign. It would look lovely on your front lawn, or perhaps in a dungeon.

Go on. I dare you. Check it out here.

Friday Fail

I found this magnet at a dollar store. It's fairly large - about five inches square - and designed to be screwed or nailed to a wall as well as stuck onto a metal surface.

I find it quite disturbing that something like this would be available on the shelves. It's one thing to make playful references to spanking, but this looks quite serious. Where on earth would someone hang something like this? And why?

What do you think?

Spring Cleaning

Happy Spring! How better to celebrate our release from the grip of a long, cold winter than by a bit of spring cleaning?

My husband Ron enjoys wearing cologne, and I thoroughly approve. On Valentine's Day, I gave him a set of several designer fragrances that I had sampled and liked, and I thought he'd like them too.

A day later, as he was reorganizing the side of the bathroom cupboard reserved for him, he extricated several boxes from the back, then called me to come and look. I was amazed to see several more gift sets of colognes - each one by a different designer, thank goodness. These gifts from past holidays had been carefully stored away then forgotten. Ron selected a few small bottles and promised to start using them, and in turn I promised to be more creative in my gift selection.

That got me thinking about the implements we had scattered around the house. Were some being overlooked? Had we completely forgotten about others? Did we have some that had outlived their usefulness, or that we had outgrown?



The first place I looked was Ron's bedside table. I didn't see anything there that I wanted to part with, but I did notice a few implements that needed to come up to the top so that he would see them and perhaps become inspired to dust them off on my bottom.

Then I checked my bedside table. Unlike its counterpart on Ron's side, where the implements in regular use live, I have a few items that I would like to try but haven't yet found the courage to bring out of the darkness. A thick white rubber spatula on a plain wooden stick caught my eye. Yes, I still wanted to try that. I moved it to Ron's side. A wooden ruler. Too flimsy, and the metal edge was dangerous. A light hairbrush. Nope, it wouldn't make any impression on me. They both went into the give away bag.

Before I left the bedroom, I made sure that the implements we used regularly were arranged attractively, looked inviting and were easily accessible.




In the kitchen, I headed for the jar of wooden implements. I love picking up new, interesting pervertables in the houseware section of the supermarket, but I might have overdone it.




Some were actually used for cooking, so they could stay. But several wooden spoons and two spatulas were so light and cheap that they weren't up to much, either in the cooking pot or on my bottom. I removed them.




Decluttering is so much fun! Now if you'll excuse me, I must go sort out the slippers in the closet.