You Don't Hear That Very Often

Last weekend we had a family visit with our grandchildren. Since it was a warm day, we sat outside in the shade. Grandson found a frozen gel icepack in the diaper bag, put there to keep the children's snacks cold. He pranced around with it, pressing it against everyone's bare arms. Ron got hold of it and, when Grandson's back was turned, he pulled back the elastic waistband of the little guy's shorts and tucked the icepack inside. Grandson jumped with surprise when the cold penetrated his underwear to his bottom. He wasn't sure whether he liked the sensation or not, and ran to his mum, begging her to "get it out!"

But he was soon back for more, and it became a game. Ron would put the icepack into the back of the boy's shorts and Grandson would leap and dance about, then Mum would remove it, and the cycle would begin again, much to the boy's delight. He came running to Grandpa saying, "Put ice on my bum!"

"How often would you hear anyone say that?" remarked Son, who was watching with amusement.

More often that you might think, was my silent reply. I didn't dare catch Ron's eye. This was, after all, a vanilla afternoon.

A Shop for Tops (and maybe for bottoms too)

Long-time reader René sent me this photo of a store in Vancouver, British Columbia. He has wondered whether they provide more than just women's clothing. "I didn't ask so far, but maybe they do in the back" he said.

Well, maybe they do provide other services, or at least one might find serviceable straps and paddles among the handbags and scarves. The name draws a lot of attention to the four shops in various locations throughout the city. Reviews on Yelp regularly mention the name, although not all customers are equally enthusiastic.

"If the name isn't enough to entice you to step in, the clothes, shoes and accessories will do it for you!"

"Great store, crappy name."

You can't please everybody. But about the name. In an interview with the in-house clothing designer, Sylvia Lee explains how it came to be.

Working in Spank has been such pleasure for Lee. But once in a while, some amusing quirks come along, like questions about the store name – why is it called “Spank”?

“People always mistake Spank for something like spanks! [Does she mean Spanx?] It’s really funny!” laughed Lee. “Jana [the owner] came up with the store name. She’s a creative woman, and kind of eccentric in a good way. She just blurts out ideas to get a reaction, and when she was trying to figure out a name for the store, she’s like, ‘Spank!’ She guessed that people would ask, “why is it called Spank?” and maybe because it can be interpreted a certain way…”

She's right. The name got a reaction from me, and I interpreted it that 'certain way'. Wouldn't you?

Sweet Cream Ladies

Yesterday as we were driving home, Ron was playing one of his Oldies CDs in the car. All the tunes were familiar to me and I'd heard them many times before, but a line in one song made me perk up my ears. Why had I never noticed it before?

The song in question was Sweet Cream Ladies, Forward March, written by Jonathan Burd Stroll and Bobby Weinstein and performed by The Box Tops. It's a cheeky song in praise of prostitution, and what intrigued me was the last line of the second verse.

Sweet cream ladies, forward march;
The world owes you a living
Sweet cream ladies, do your part,
Think of what you're giving
To the lost and lonely people of the night
Out of need, they seek direction for their life
They will love you in the darkness,
Take advantage of your starkness,
And refuse to recognize you in the light

Sweet cream ladies, forward march;
Think what you're providing
Sweet cream ladies, show your starch;
What's the use of hiding?
Tell the socialites to look the other way;
It's instinctive stimulation you convey
It's a necessary function,
Meant for those without compunction,
Who get tired of vanilla every day

(salvation army band instrumental)

Sweet cream ladies forward march;
Puritans ignore them
Sweet cream ladies do their part;
Sweet cream men adore them
Let them satisfy the ego of the male
Let them fabricate success to those who fail,
And should penalties pursue them,
When there's really credit due them,
They might keep a simple fellow out of jail!

Ladies of the evening perform many necessary services, and perhaps that includes spanking. What do you think?

Bottoms by the Pound

Only four ounces? Why, mine weighs at least three pounds.

A Little Winter Fun

Each year, Scotsman.com runs a contest called the Haggis Hunt. The idea is simple. Go to the haggishunt website and watch the ten webcams. Most  of them are located in various parts of Scotland, but there's one in Times Square in New York. When you spot a haggis - either a golden haggis like the one pictured above, or a plain brown one - click on the "I saw a haggis" button and send your sighting to the Chief Ghillie, Farquhar Farquharson.

What can you win? A stay in a luxury hotel, a spa treatment, a round of golf (all in Scotland), a Harris tweed jacket, boxes of crisps, Scotsman calendars, and much more.

While you're waiting to see a haggis, be sure to check out the Haggisclopedia of interesting facts about hagii. Nothing kinky, just silly.

The contest ends on Burns' night, so have fun while you can.

Wednesday WIN

Our blogging friend Ms. Betty shared some great holiday gift ideas with me. They're all from Lehman's, an American store that focuses on high quality merchandise.

We are all familiar with backscratchers as spanking implements, but they are usually made of flimsy, breakable bamboo. Not so with this one. It's made of sturdy poplar wood and able to withstand high impacts.

A leather flyswatter would be the perfect gift for that special person who is looking for a little more spice in their spankings. Ms. Betty assures me these are very effective, and she ought to know!

This is called a "cast implement seat". It's a repurposed tractor seat, and looks very uncomfortable to me. It would be just the thing to use as a "naughty seat" to sit in while waiting for that spanking. Sitting in it after one would be very uncomfortable.

Happy shopping!

You Guessed the Implement

And it wasn't hard. I should have photoshopped the name out. Doh!

Here's what it looks like in use.

My grandmother always hung her laundry on the clothesline outside, even in winter. When she brought in the clothes, they were often frozen stiff, so she hung them on a dryer, much like this one, that was attached to the wall near the wood stove in the kitchen. Then she put newspapers underneath to catch the drips as the laundry thawed. I can still recall the the smell of fresh, clean laundry that filled the warm room.

Guess the Implement

This looks very much like a bundle of canes or other disciplinary implements, but it also has a different and functional vanilla purpose. My grandmother had one and used it regularly.

What is it?

A Television Startle

One of our favourite television programs from last season was Boston Med. This reality show was filmed inside three large hospitals in Boston, and each episode featured  three medical cases as well as the doctors, nurses and patients involved in them. It was the last place I thought I would see some spanking, but then, you never know!

Here is the synopsis of episode four:

A trauma surgeon fiercely committed to his work operates on a pregnant woman who was shot in the chest; a teen with a diseased heart waits patiently for a transplant; a pair of surgical residents take advantage of time off for a night on the town; an ER nurse relaxes on a cruise with her coworkers.

The picture above is of the nurse, relaxing on her cruise. To me, it looked very much like she was bending over for a spanking. The shot was repeated several times during the hour, as a teaser of what was to come, When it finally appeared in the storyline, I lost myself in fantasy and imaginings. Then I heard Ron say, "Did you see that spanking?"

"What? Do you mean that nurse bent over?"

"No, the next scene." My daydreaming had made me miss the real thing! 

I rewound the tape (we still use a VCR) and played the scene again. Sure enough, right after the scene on the cruise ship, the action switched to the club where the residents were enjoying themselves. A closeup of a male, his back to the camera, then a female hand landing a hard swat on his posterior!

That was worth rewinding. We laughed, exchanged knowing looks and carried on with the show. I hope there is more spanking this season, if Boston Med returns.

Unexpected Spanking

We often listen to the Oldies radio station, and one of the artists featured regularly is Buddy Holly. I like his music, but never thought there was anything special about it. Then, because Ron remembers "the day the music died," we watched The Buddy Holly Story - a musical re-enactment of Buddy's rise to fame that includes performances of most of his songs.

The scene that caught my attention was one in which Buddy and the Crickets were about to record Everyday. Buddy turned to the drummer and told him to "do that slapping thing of yours" and Jerry, the drummer, immediately started slapping his thigh with his right hand.

Now, the song moves at a moderate speed: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4. But the slapping was double that speed: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and ... so what you hear in the background is a rapid-fire spanking that continues for the whole   two minutes. After watching that hand for a few seconds I had to look away. It was just too perfect not to belong to a spanko.

What do you think? Listen and decide for yourself.

A Beverage for Bottoms

Last week I was on my way to a meeting and stopped to pick up a beverage on the way. I saw a new assortment of flavoured water that I hadn't tried before so I chose this one.

It wasn't until I got bored during the meeting and looked around for something to occupy my mind that I started reading the print on the bottle. Here's a closeup of the flavour I chose.

Out of eight different flavours, I chose the kinky one. It figures.

Guess the Implement

What on earth is this? I didn't know when I first saw it. But is has a vanilla purpose as well as being a very stingy implement.

Submit your guess and I will reveal all tomorrow.

Good luck!

Guess the Implement - the Reveal

Many of you knew exactly what this month's mystery implement was. This amazing gadget is used for pulling a hot oven rack forward, so you can reach whatever you're baking in the oven. And by hooking the curved inner part over the rim of a casserole dish or baking pan you can pull it closer to you. And by pressing the curved outer edge against the dish, you can position it exactly where you want it without reaching too far in.

Thank you to all who played Guess the Implement! I'll have to come up with something much more mysterious next time.

A Good Spanking? Priceless

Last week while strolling through a large drugstore I noticed foil-wrapped packages on display:




Vanilla MasterCards? It's hard to make out the print on the wrapper, but here's what was inside the package:



I had never heard of them before, so when I got back to my computer I looked it up. The site was extremely helpful and polite, if somewhat misguided:



They are like gift cards, but they're prepaid credit cards. Why? Prepaid credit cards are great because you aren't charged interest as there is no balance owing. You basically use the amount on the card. They are also better than store gift cards as gift cards usually can only be used at the store where they were purchased. Since prepaid MasterCards are also credit cards, you can use them virtually anywhere credit cards are accepted electronically.




I hope it's only a matter of time until we also see this:

Wednesday WIN

Today I have a beautiful assortment of pillows and cushions to show you. While the in the pictures they look very vanilla, each one would be an admirable addition to your arsenal of spanking accessories. (Wednesday is also alliteration day!)

Links to the sites where the items may be purchased have now been added.

Total Body Support Pillow

Memory Foam Contoured Leg Support

Superior Comfort Bed Lounger

Comfort Wedge

Friday FAIL

A few months ago I posted a funny picture of a spanking-related street sign. I'll have to confess that I made it courtesy of Imagechef.

Bonnie also posted a cute spanko street sign here.

But if you're interested in actually ordering the real thing, I found a place that makes street signs to order.



I don't think they'll care what you ask to have printed on the sign. It would look lovely on your front lawn, or perhaps in a dungeon.

Go on. I dare you. Check it out here.

It's Magic!

How did he do that?

Friday FAIL

Pervertables that shouldn't give up their day jobs in the vanilla world.



Personalized Apple Spoonrest
With artful style, our spoon rest features a pretty, raised apple design, along with the name of one special cook! We'll hand paint with your name of choice. Dolomite.

This looks like a perfectly lovely spanking implement - a white paddle with an apple and your very own name painted on it. But what's dolomite? Some kind of rock? No thanks! I prefer paddles that are either animal or vegetable, not mineral.