Where will I shop now?

My favourite site for spanking implements announced some time ago that it was closing. I still receive regular emails from Cane-iac with special offers, and they seem to have the usual full range of products, but I can no longer go to their site. This message turns me away:

You are not authorized to access this site.

Aww, please let me in. I was one of your best customers. Is anyone else having the same problem?

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Black Friday Bargains

It isn't Friday, but the Black Friday sales seem to last for days, if not weeks. For that hard-to-buy-for person on your gift list, soap is always a safe bet. Who doesn't wash? (If you don't, I don't want to know.)

Be sure to read the fine print.

Glory to Ukraine

Bottoms - They're Always in Season

There's a wide variety of locally-grown fresh fruit in the grocery stores this week, thanks to the warm weather we've been having. I couldn't walk past the display of peaches without reaching for a container of them to take home and enjoy on my breakfast cereal. Maybe I'll make a peach cobbler too.

I love fresh peaches, but could it be their similarity to paddled bottoms that caught my eye?

Mental Math

Ron and I are avid collectors of Air Miles. We each have an Air Miles card for the same account, and every time we shop at specific stores we get Air Miles when the card is scanned. Our Amex cards are also connected to our Air Miles account, so when one of us uses it along with the collector card we get double points. The points add up quickly that way. Air Miles can be used for a variety of things besides travel, and we use them to get free groceries at a nearby participating supermarket. That always gives me a big thrill. The last time we shopped for groceries, a full shopping cart that rang up at $130.25 only cost me .25 because I used Air Miles for the rest. How cool is that?

Last Tuesday we went to the drugstore that is associated with the program because there was a special offer: 80 Air Miles when you spend $40 before taxes. That would be easy. I took my list and off we went.

First, a box of antacid tablets for $14.99. Call it $15. Then some low-dose A.S.A. on special at 2 for $7.99. I mentally calculated the total at $23. Half way there. Then on to the paper goods aisle, where I picked up a giant pack of triple roll bathroom tissue for $11.99. It had gone up since our last visit, but never mind. That brought the total to $35. One jar of my favourite hair conditioning mask at $8.99 put us over the $40 minimum by $4. We headed to the checkout counter.

The cashier scanned our merchandise, and when I presented her with my Air Miles card she asked if I was trying for the 80, and if so I was a little over $4 under.  Really? I thought I had added up correctly in my head. I must be slipping. The cashier told us we could go and find something else to add to our order and she would put our transaction on hold.

Ron thought I was slipping too. As we turned around and went toward a battery display Ron asked me if my BlackBerry had a calculator function, and if so I'd better use it next time. Or bring a calculator from home.  If I was going to do mental arithmetic maybe a spanking was in order to sharpen my skills.

 Ooh! Did he really say that? I agreed that a spanking might do the trick, and when did he plan on the remedial session?

"Not now, but soon," Ron assured me as he chose two packs of batteries that were on sale for $3.99.

We returned to the cashier with the batteries, got our 80 Air Miles, paid and left. In the car, I was excited about the prospect of a spanking, but still mystified how I could have been out by so much when I had thought we were over the required amount. I pulled the receipt out of the shopping bag and looked at the prices. The hair conditioner was rung up not at 8.99 but at $6 something (I forget the exact amount). Ditto for the bathroom tissue and the antacids. Why were the prices on the receipt so much lower than the prices on the shelf?

Then I remembered that Tuesday was Seniors Day. Seniors got a 20% discount on all regularly priced items. The cashier had assumed I was a senior and automatically gave me the discount without asking my age. That was courteous of her, because I hate asking for a senior's discount. I hope I don't look like one, but I guess I must, although the definition of senior can vary from age 55 through 65, depending on the store. I hope she thought I was 55, not 65!

Anyway, it was all to the good, because I got some bargains, a hefty dose of Air Miles, and the promise of a spanking. What could be a better way to spend a morning?

Can you beat this?

I was browsing the coloured flyers that are delivered to our door in one of the free weekly newspapers, and had to smile when I saw one of the ads.

Giant Tiger is a Canadian discount store, similar to Walmart but much smaller. It carries a wide variety of products - clothing, shoes, groceries, toys, cosmetics, gardening supplies and much more. But I didn't know they provide services as well.

"Beating? Yes Ma'am. We do beatings in that room over there. And will it be for yourself or for your companion?"

Talk about a full-service store.

And then there is the discount grocery store, No Frills. It is a very plain sort of store, no fancy fixtures so it looks like a giant warehouse, but the prices are good. Sometimes there is an in-store pharmacy as well as a dollar store section with assorted cheap merchandise.

Not only don't they provide beatings, but they do not allow themselves (or their employees, I imagine) to indulge in this sort of activity.

So, all things considered, where would you shop?

Whip it!

Today's post is courtesy of my friend Jon, who discovered this sporting goods store.

Yes, it's a real store! Jon writes, "It is fun to imagine all the ‘sporting’ goods one could ask for. Ping-Pong paddle? Whiffle or minnie bat? Topsiders. [Pun intended.] I’m certain they will consider equestrian events sports for which I could request appropriate ‘gear.’ I may have to stop by and purchase a shirt."

If you do, Jon, you will be the envy of Tops everywhere.


To continue with today's "whip it" theme...

No, that's not what I meant. Let me try again...

That's better. Quite an impressive feat. And on that note, we say good-bye to 2014. It's been a cracking year.

Last Minute Shopping

If you are still searching for the perfect gift for your spanking partner, look no further. Tommy, one of my regular readers, told me about a present that's sure to please the spanko in your life.

It's the Orvis fly swatter, and according to their website, it's "a conversation piece you'll actually use" although they don't know how we'll use it (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?) This Italian bridle leather flyswatter with a handmade American oak handle can be personalized with the spankee's name, or with a suitable slogan. Order it here if you dare.

Another option is the Sweet Swat extendable fly swatter. I saw this in the gift section of a card shop and when I saw the slogan "Hit the spot every time" above the display, I just had to buy one. The handle just above the white label extends two feet, so no fly—or bottom—is out of reach. They come in a variety of colours, so I chose purple, to match our riding crop. Double ouch! You can order one here.

We need what?

Ron and I keep a list of things we need to buy when we do our weekly grocery shopping, and add to it whenever one of us notices we have run out of something or sees a special on the weekly flyers. Last night I went to the kitchen to add cereal to the list, and I noticed that Ron had added an item since I had last looked.

large bottom

We needed a large bottom? Another one? Was mine not large enough? Maybe he meant a bottom enhancer. Or something to make mine appear bigger. He wasn't going to buy another hairbrush, was he?

I looked again. There were two lines on the list in his handwriting, and I had only read the last one. The line above made it all clear.

chandelier bulbs

He needed light bulbs - the ones that are small and tapered to look like candle flames, but have a large base, the same as regular bulbs - for the light fixtures in our upper hallway and main floor entrance. Mystery solved. But it would have been fun to shop for bottoms, especially if they were on sale.

The latest in spanking fun

The fall catalogue from Hammacher Schlemmer arrived in the mail yesterday, and I just have to share two of their latest gadgets. In case you aren't familiar with the company, it stocks wildly original and unusual marchandise, and I've previously found various items that could be put to good use in a household where spankings happen.

The Posture Improving Saddle Seat

Its gentle forward slope shifts the pelvis forward and raises the buttocks above the knees, resulting in semi-standing posture that discourages slouching... The sides of the seat are also sloped, spreading the knees apart and keeping the pelvis upright...

Wouldn't that be a lovely seat for someone to be made to sit on, to receive a sound paddling. The only drawback would be the wheels. I can just imagine sitting on this saddle, when the force of a good hard spank from Ron's hand sends me whizzing across the room! Maybe it comes with brakes.

The Seated Backyard Zipline Kit

The attached seat reduces stress on arms and allows ziplining at lower heights since riders do not hang as close to the ground. A galvanized steel cable wraps around two trees at an incline and riders zip from one end to the other while holding the pulley with a bungee braking system that slows or stops the zipline... it enables riders to swoop up to 90'. The rope length and seat height adjust easily to accommodate zipliners of all heights. Supports up to 250 lbs.

The picture shows a child enjoying a ride, but since it supports up to 250 lbs, adults would also be able to zip along. Wouldn't that be a sight for the neighbours? The spankee seated on the plastic seat, being propelled across the yard by a spanker wielding a strap or paddle? It would be an exciting addition to the next backyard cookout or spanking party.

Down on the (kinky) farm

We live in a moderately large city that is surrounded by small villages and farms. There is a large farm supply store near the downtown area that serves the needs of the local farming community, and each week it publishes a flyer with the weekly specials. I took a look at last week's flyer in the free weekly newspaper, and this jumped out at me on page two:

All rubber tarp straps - save 40% 

It sent a tingle up and down my spine. Rubber straps - mmm! I looked a bit further and saw this:

All belts and suspenders - save 25%

and even better:

All attitude belt buckles - save 25%

Talk about attitude adjusters! Then there was as page of horse supplies, including stall mats, fly spray, buckets, and tack. Tack? We had to visit that store! I talked Ron into checking it out as part of a weekend shopping expedition, and I wasn't disappointed.

There was an amazing array of clothing, "camo clogs" which were Crocs in a green and brown camouflage pattern, John Deere ball caps, Duck Dynasty t-shirts, and sturdy but unfashionable jeans and overalls. Children's toys were also related to agriculture. There were realistic miniature farm animals, toy barns, and a ride on tractor "just like Dad's".

At the back of the store I found the equestrian gear. Bridles, girths, martingales, and a lovely wall display of at least 10 different styles of riding crops. Yum! I didn't linger too long since Ron wanted to move along and inspect the poultry display (he wants to keep laying hens in the back yard) but when he asks me what I want for Christmas, I'll be sure to send him back, and tell him to choose whatever he fancies using on me.

Limited Time Only!

I received an email from one of the local home furnishing stores last Saturday, offering me a special deal on a useful piece of furniture.

Just what every home needs. A lovely padded spanking bench, wide enough for comfort and high enough to support a spankee who is in a kneeling position. When the spanking is over, the straps and paddles are returned to the spacious storage area and no one will be any the wiser about the true function of this elegant yet functional ottoman.

A wine-coloured one would suit our living room decor perfectly.

A Shop for Tops (and maybe for bottoms too)

Long-time reader René sent me this photo of a store in Vancouver, British Columbia. He has wondered whether they provide more than just women's clothing. "I didn't ask so far, but maybe they do in the back" he said.

Well, maybe they do provide other services, or at least one might find serviceable straps and paddles among the handbags and scarves. The name draws a lot of attention to the four shops in various locations throughout the city. Reviews on Yelp regularly mention the name, although not all customers are equally enthusiastic.

"If the name isn't enough to entice you to step in, the clothes, shoes and accessories will do it for you!"

"Great store, crappy name."

You can't please everybody. But about the name. In an interview with the in-house clothing designer, Sylvia Lee explains how it came to be.

Working in Spank has been such pleasure for Lee. But once in a while, some amusing quirks come along, like questions about the store name – why is it called “Spank”?

“People always mistake Spank for something like spanks! [Does she mean Spanx?] It’s really funny!” laughed Lee. “Jana [the owner] came up with the store name. She’s a creative woman, and kind of eccentric in a good way. She just blurts out ideas to get a reaction, and when she was trying to figure out a name for the store, she’s like, ‘Spank!’ She guessed that people would ask, “why is it called Spank?” and maybe because it can be interpreted a certain way…”

She's right. The name got a reaction from me, and I interpreted it that 'certain way'. Wouldn't you?

Right on Target

 

Target, the American discount department store chain, has finally come to Canada. In the past year, stores have opened in several major cities across the country. They offer an amazing assortment of merchandise, good service and excellent quality. The only downside is price. Cross-border shoppers have been disappointed to find that prices are much higher in Canadian stores than in their American counterparts for the same emrchandise.

What has this got to do with spanking? The iconic Target logo is now a common sight in the weekly newspaper flyers, so the concept of a bare bottom being a target for a spanker's hand is a logical association.

Ron's implement of choice for a recent spanking was one of his favourites: the wooden shoehorn.

It's loud, it stings like the dickens, and I have a love/hate relationship with it. Ron started out with noisy whacks on my bottom, alternating left and right. Then he changed his approach and brought the wooden beast down across both cheeks at once. The rhythm altered as he applied two smacks to my reddening posterior, followed by one stroke across the tops of my thighs.

If there's one thing I hate more than the shoehorn on my bottom, it's the shoehorn on the tops of my thighs. I squealed and voiced my displeasure.

"Hey! You're outside the target area!" I complained. "You're missing my bum completely."

Ron ignored me and carried on with his up up down rhythm. I tried again.

"What's the matter, did you forget to put on your glasses? Do I need to draw a target down there?"

"No smart-ass remarks," Ron warned, and suddenly a flurry of hard swats landed on my thighs. Yikes! Bratting suddenly seemed ill-advised. I think he's found my Achille's heel.

What a deal!

Each day an email is delivered to my inbox, announcing great deals that were selected just for me. Yesterday I was given the choice of a silicone baking kit, a set of bandeau bras, a USB flash drive (available in six vibrant colours), a kinkless hose (what fun would that be?), and an electric bug zapper. No thanks, even though all the products were offered at discounts of at least 50%.

I did like the look of this product:

The Full Body Suspension training kit, "suitable for indoor or outdoor use". It's a real bargain: a $160 value for only $69 (plus shipping, no returns allowed). The package includes 1 suspension trainer, 1 suspension anchor (for outdoor use), 1 suspension door anchor (for indoor use), 1 mesh carry bag, and 1 instruction booklet.

I wonder if the booklet includes possible role play scenarios. It would make a wonderful addition to anyone's dungeon, or take it with you in the mesh carry bag for some spontaneous bondage play whenever the mood strikes.

Includes 1 suspension trainer, 1 suspension anchor, 1 door anchor,1 mesh carry bag, and 1 instruction booklet. - See more at: http://www.dealfind.com//en/kingston/28151459#sthash.ex4Xr6fu.dpuf

Includes 1 suspension trainer, 1 suspension anchor, 1 door anchor,1 mesh carry bag, and 1 instruction booklet. - See more at: http://www.dealfind.com//en/kingston/28151459#sthash.ex4Xr6fu.dpuf

Selected just for me, hmmm? 

A Lovely Victorian

I saw this elegant bottle opener in the Victorian Trading Company catalogue.

"A most accommodating pose invites one to open a cold one. This delightful antique reproduction was popular among many of our grandfathers while grandmother would probably raise an eyebrow!"

It's labelled a best seller, and I can understand why. The pictures only show the lovely lady's front. You have to buy it in order to get a glimpse of her well-rounded derriere.

Wednesday WIN

Did you know that The Onion, that popular satirical online news site, also has a store? Yes, you can buy totally outrageous, tongue-in-cheek gifts for that special someone at The Onion Store. Here are a few that I thought you might enjoy.

Assorted butts to adorn your refrigerator - why not?

A hand to keep as a reminder of what is to come when the real thing isn't available.

A helpful book to get you out of any sticky situation.

Every office buzzword you've ever heard or used is on this convenient stamp. Use it to personalize your holiday greetings, shopping lists or notes to hubby.

Keep this one handy!

A rasher for your holiday tree, because who doesn't love bacon?


Okay, that last one's a FAIL, but it was too funny not to share.