It's time to turn the tables. Last week we discussed our feelings about receiving spankings that are not what we imagined. Now KDPierre suggests that we look at things from the spanker's point of view.
Do you try to tailor your spanking to what you know your partner enjoys or gets off on, and take pleasure in delivering it, or are you a believer in the spanking being unpleasant and tailor your technique to challenging your partner?
Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has had a chance to speak I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
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8 comments:
After years of practice, I know what the Misses likes and dislikes. As I said last week, it is a spanking, so it is going to hurt but for us a spanking has to be fun as well. Too much pain takes away from the excitement and arousal. After a spanking or whipping the Misses will be sore, she will complain and maybe even have a tear but the smile shines through. When I see that beautiful smile, I know I got it right.
I can't answer for Rick, but I think he would say the same as Wendel, after all this time he knows what I like, my limits etc. He dies like to push them though kn occasion
Hugs
Roz
As I am not the spanker, I can’t answer either. But my wife knows what she likes and she always gets that far. I almost always want more. When we have a heavy session, she goes a little beyond what she thinks is severe, then ask questions to guide her how much further to go. She will usually go further but will stop when she thinks I wouldn’t benefit from more.
Nearly all of the spankers in my past and present life tend(ed) towards indulging their personal spanking POV based on what the spanking was for and other circumstances. But while I know some did this confidently from the start, several needed a kind of 'green light' from me to feel comfortable cutting loose. In consensual spanking of ANY kind, between people who know and care about each other, either as friends or partners, no one ever seems to want to drive a willing spankee away by being unreasonable.
Even my punishment spankings still exist in a real world where care must be taken to avoid something way more serious than a sore bottom. For me this is usually a scary elevated heart rate due to too much pain too fast to process. So pace is probably the only thing I can "control" with feedback. I mean who wants EMT showing up asking questions as to what may have prompted a coronary? LOL If I'm being punished and my disciplinarian spanks too fast, my heart will race and I will have trouble breathing. If I inform my spankers of this, they will slow things down.........but with the caveat that I'm still going to get the full amount and with the severity they deem appropriate ......AND that's what I feel they SHOULD do too.
Other than that. my wife in particular knows exactly how to tailor her technique to the situation, which means, if the goal is to make things unpleasant rather than enjoyable, she will adjust what she does to make sure I'm not enjoying any of it from start to finish. If we're playing, she will still do this to a degree because she knows I tend to prefer "unenjoyable in the moment" spankings, but there are plenty of times where she'll make the play experience a subby dream. LOL
A little of both. I think it is important for the receiver to get value from the spanking. That may be pleasure, pain, discipline, or other things.
But if what I give them isn't challenging, in some way, they aren't going to get value from it. It really has to engage their mind and their emotions. It may even have a spiritual component.
Ideally, they will be thinking about it both before and after the main event. I think the spanking should be good for the spanker, but the main point is for it to benefit the person spanked.
I am happy to switch, but I do not count myself as an actual switch and do not seek to spank anyone. It must be nearly two decades ago, since I Topped on someone. In that type of situation, I rely heavily on negotiation, to give the recipient the type of spanking that they want, rather than just giving them the type of spanking that I like to receive. The only pleasure that I get from spanking someone is a sense of achievement, in getting a spankee into the headspace that they want to be in. I get no other pleasure from giving a spanking. I have been complimented on my scoldings, though.
Prefectdt
I'm a believer in the spanking being unpleasant if it's about discipline and that's the kind of spanking my partner wants. If she wants to be pushed to find her limits, I'll like that to a point, but I'm not a very good sadist.
If I'm giving a non-disciplinary spanking, then ultimately it's my job as the top to tailor it to what the bottom wants. Usually (in my experience) they want it to be more than they thought they could take, so we get to the point where they "don't like it" (but they really do).
However, I also get fulfillment from disciplining someone, from teaching them and correcting them, so when I'm doing that, I do what I feel they deserve, regardless of what they think they want.
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