Welcome back, everyone. Last week I read a spirited discussion on our good friend Dan's blog, The Disciplinary Couples Club, about spanking, DD and BDSM. That reminded me of a topic suggested by regular brunch attendee Sage Blum.
Do people who enjoy spanking widen their horizons to include Bondage & Discipline (BDSM) over time?
Please leave your response as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
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20 comments:
We tried tying each other to the bed and whipping the bottoms once. Not really our thing so it was the only time.
Thanks for asking.
For us, yes at least as far as bondage goes. (Isn’t most spanking a sort of discipline?)
I don’t remember how spanking escalated. But it included lectures about theoretical transgressions from early on - often related to peeking up skirts or sneaking into a sorority or locker room.
Nowadays, bondage is central to our play. Typically I’ll be spanked then tied up (sometimes blindfolded and gagged) and left for up to an hour. Oddly I fall asleep at least for awhile. No idea what Irene does during this time. When she comes back, she’ll usually give me another spanking and often demand a foot massage. Then usually it’s cunnilingus ( reverse cowgirl) followed by intercourse.
I never would have figured on the bondage part. But it works. Oh, how it works.
Rosco.
What a great question! We started with spanking for play only and decided to take it further. Since then we have tried different dynamics starting with domestic discipline, some bondage and D/s. Also an element of Daddy/lg. For us it's continually evolving and changing.
Hugs
Roz
Well over 45 years ago I just knew that I enjoyed spanking ladies bottoms. Then I realised I actually enjoyed ladies spanking my bottom. Then I tried canes and paddles etc both giving and receiving. And now nearly 50 years later I have tried various forms of bondage, whipping and other bdsm play. Some I haven't enjoyed and only did once, some I do only if the person I'm playing with wants to and some I've enjoyed immensely and have done frequently. In the end we are all different and enjoy varied things but I do feel that as long as all parties want to there is no harm in experimentation.
Yes, I definitely have, over the years. When I left the UK, I was strictly Spanko only. But having lived in two countries, that do not have such a Spanko culture as the UK, I have changed over the years. In pay to plays In like to stick to CP play as much as possible. In amateur interactions, with people who are more from a mainstream BDSM culture, I have found that compromise is the only way to go. There are some things that I won't do. And there are some things, that I don't mind doing. But it is not for me. But is more for the other participant, there are two people who want to have a fun play time. I think that we all find, over time, that there are a lot of grey areas between Spankos and mainstream BDSMers.
Prefectdt
My comment disappeared Again.
Prefectdt
No worries, Prefectdt. I unspammed it :)
Discipline spankings is what happens in this home, my wife/mommy only enhanced this with the use of the bath brush, longer handle, quicker results. She has included pajama punishment, meaning wear during the day, grounded, early bedtime. The marriage is very strong, the sex life is great, but spankings and sex do not go together in this home, one for pleasure, the other for punishment.
Jack
I have a hard time drawing a real line between domestic discipline spanking and BDSM. I think it comes down to the disciplinary motivation, with DD revolving around accountability and behavior change, which aren't really part of BDSM or are part of play-acting a scene and not meant to be "real."
Very early on, we did some erotic spanking scenes that probably qualified as BDSM. But, it didn't last very long and was supplanted completely by DD once I discovered that was a thing.
I've been restrained with leather cuffs a few times during a spanking, but it was a long time ago and didn't happen more than handful of times. Neither one of us is into bondage.
Nothing wrong with a change of pace every now and then!
For me I only copmatmetlized Spanking and BDSM activites because the Spanking community did so. It seemed to minimilze Spanking as some sort of gateway activite to the REAL thing. I think the Spanko friends who attended my events over time merged into things identified as BDSM activites, rope, flogging, wax ect because our parties ober time became more wide open.
As for personally, the only BDSM activitey that wasn't already included in what I did with my partners is rope. My partner really benefits from being tied in various forms for more intensive play because they likje the vulnaribility of not being able to get away when I am feeling more primal.
Yes, we did. We started hand spanking for play over 40 years ago. I added a few riding crops that led to paddles and hair brushes. As our tendencies grew, we added bondage, partly to heighten the experience and allow more intense sessions without movement. We now have many restraints, a spanking bench and rack in the garage which we use for special sessions. And yes, we use nipple clips and plugs regularly. We also employ sounds and sharp things to add excitement and diversity to our play. All in good fun.
Great question this week. Thanks to all for sharing.
Barrel
Yes! Pegging, chastity play, discipline. Lots of harmless areas to explore, but we're still mostly spanking. Graham
Randy can tie me up or tie me down, as long as there's a spanking.
I can't answer for other people, but from my observations and personal experiences, the "opposite" is more common (again, my observations).
I was originally into the BDSM "scene" (clubs, parties at private residences, etc.).
I myself moved away from that for several reasons:
(1) I was searching for a life partner, and I considered the "non-spanking/thrashing" elements of potential partner's personality and orientation to be more important -- believed those "everyday life" characteristics were more important to forming a long-term, stable relationship. And I did!
(2) I came to view the BDSM "scene" as really "just a scene," a form of "psychodrama" or "performance," detached from real life partnership and the true needs of maintaining and improving a real life partnership.
(3) Practicing / maintaining a full-time FLR-DD dynamic, something integrated into a real life, and using it to facilitate solving real life conflicts is much more fulfilling.
(Cont. . .)
(. . . Cont.)
(4) Much (not all) of what occurs in "BDSM scenes" is directed and intended to directly facilitate eroticism. I have no objections to anyone using BDSM to enhance their relationship. However, for myself, I find the "all encompassing" erotic tension that fills my current relationship, arising from DD and how it facilitates our high-functioning relationship, and how DD has empowered my wife and allowed her to be more comfortable in expressing her priorities, desires and own sexuality, far surpassed anything I have observed in the "BDSM 'scenes'."
In my experience, I have observed a substantial number of people, both men and women, leave the "BDSM 'scenes' to go forward and form FLD-DD marriages.
In fifteen years experience (before my own marriage) I NEVER OBSERVED ANYONE LEAVE A FLD-DD MARRIAGE, OR WHO HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN PART OF A FLD-DD MARRIAGE, MOVE FROM THAT DYNAMIC INTO THE "BDSM SCENES." (This may be partly due to the stability that FLR-DD dynamic provides for appropriate marriages and partners, and partly due to previous members of such relationships realizing what they want to reestablish.)
Of note: I have observed very few long-term stable BDSM relationships [where people originally met in the "BDSM Scene"]; BDSM, by itself, appears to be a very poor basis for forming stable relationships. Which is NOT to say that BDSM incorporated into an existing, functional relationship, cannot be enhancing and quite fun! (However, our experience agrees with many other couple's: It is very hard to mix BDSM and FLD-DD in the same relationship; the boundary lines become very blurred and hard to discern, interfering with BOTH dynamics.)
Just my personal experiences and observations. EVERYONE else's mileage will vary!
My comment (long; two posts) disappeared into Google's SPAM trap. (Something about me, my writing style, or subject that Google's "challenged AI" seems to consistantly "choke" on.)
In my case it was the exact opposite.
Originally, I started out with a predominantly BDSM desire. As Time passed my focus shifted more and more towards Spanking, which I considered to be Domestic BDSM.
Currently I have a balance between both BDSM and Spanking loving both as either conjoined or separate lifestyles and activities.
We've tried bondage a couople of times. We decided not for us.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
I just noticed that I never really answered the original question.
Yes, my wife and I have a disciplinary relationship, where my wife is the sole disciplinarian.
No, my wife is adamant that our activities are solely for correction and improvement of my behavior; NOT for my personal sexual arousal nor satisfaction. (However, my wife has told me several times over the years that she often gets a "sexual rush" immediately before and during administering punishments; that the "power" and "authority" she feels is truly an "aphrodisiac.")
Yes, obviously, since we have integrated "Domestic Discipline" into our relationship, there are definitely real, serious, behavior changing and motivating "disciplines." Yes, my wife utilizes certain highly "aversive" methods and techniques (beyond "thrashings") borrowed from the BDSM subculture; uses them solely for their effectiveness in motivating me to change my behaviors or attitudes.
Yes, since many of my wife's "disciplinary methods" are highly aversive, she often decides I must be restrained; restrained to ensure she can thoroughly help me, and to protect me from possible self-injury.
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