This week we discussed how soon to discuss spanking when dating.
CEM: As soon as possible - right away. If it's an important aspect of your life, and you don't intend to live without it, there is no point in pursuing a relationship with someone if there is no mutual interest. It's just wasting both people's time.
Dan: For us, it
would have been impossible for me to bring it up during the dating
process, as I didn't develop an interest in spanking until we were
almost a decade into our marriage. But, if I were starting a new
relationship today, it wouldn't be at the outset, but it wouldn't be
months and months into it either. I think I would be looking for the
sweet spot where you know this is a relationship you want to be in
long-term, but without waiting so long that it might seem like you were
trying to keep it a secret.
Of course, my response is colored by
the fact that, were I to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't
interested in spankings, or at least DD-style spankings, I could go on
without them. They aren't my entire sexual identity in the way they
might be for someone with a deeply-rooted and long-established spanking
fetish. If that were the case for me, I'd probably bring it up sooner,
before either of us had a substantial investment in the relationship,
since not having that need fulfilled going forward might be a
dealbreaker.
Rosco: What an important question. I haven’t had any need to ask it since 1980.
If I were dating a new person, I’d probably bring it and related kinks up within a month or two.
Roz: This is a great question! I guess it depends on how important spanking in a relationship is to you. I don't think I would bring it up straight away. I would want to get to know the other person well enough first. Also, once I have a gauge on how serious the relationship is.
Jack: It was brought up by my girlfriend now my wife when I was caught looking at spanking pictures and playing with myself. She said she loved me and that I would be spanked, to know how it feels, and to know that I will be spanked when I act like a naughty little boy and naughty little boys look at such pictures.
Prefectdt: I think as soon as possible, just to get it out of the way. But this has never worked well for me, relationship wise.
Bonnie: I think you
could start with a subtle hint that could be easily explained away if
the response is negative. If the response is positive or neutral, a
less subtle hint could be advanced to confirm your original impression.
I
think it's much easier for a bottom to drop these hints. A male top
who expresses interest in hurting a female bottom is scary, even if
you're both kinky. Consent and mutual understanding throughout the
conversation is essential.
Wendel: Do not wait too long to bring it up. I gave the Misses an occasional swat on her fanny when we were dating. This led to the discussion where I learned she liked it.
KDPierre: I am a firm believer in not only bringing this up formally early on in the dating process, but also even before asking a person out by means of observation, hunch, and innuendo. I have never been one to "just ask someone out" and have usually "known' a person to some degree before even being interested enough to ask them out. If someone didn't send off a certain vibe in this regard, they would not be someone I'd ask out in the first place.
Hermione: It's been a long time since I was looking for a date, but it seems that today, much of seeking a partner is done online. So adding a hint about spanking to your online profile might generate interest from those similarly inclined, and the subsequent conversations would be easier.
If we are talking about the old-fashioned way, then I would wait until I felt the relationship was serious before dropping a hint or two.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
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