Thank you for your comments on A.J.'s experience with a woman whose husband was reluctant to spank her. Now here's his tale of a man in the same position (excuse the pun!)
A married woman in Arizona I corresponded with years ago, finds out, as wives often do - her husband was having an affair. It mentally paralyzed her. Uncontrollable sorrow. Endless tears.A very moving story. Thank you for sharing this, A.J.
But he wasn't having a sexual affair with another woman or a prostitute. A couple times a year he wanted to be spanked, and since all his requests for her to do it came out TOTALLY AND FORCEFULLY, "NO!", he went out and found it somewhere else. And got caught.
(It just reminded me of a line in the scandalous (and funny) book "The Happy Hooker" from decades back where the former call-girl advises women, "If you won't do it, there is another woman out there somewhere who will!")
Anyway, she was beyond distraught and he tried and tried to explain there was no sex, it was a spanking and nothing more.
She didn't believe him. So he brought her into the bedroom, and reached deep back into a rarely used drawer of his and brought out a leather strap, one she had never seen, one you would look at and immediately know it had a purpose other than keeping your pants up! And then he stripped off everything below the waist, handed her the strap, and lay across the bed.
And she took that strap from him and let fly in a fury. Strike after strike, letting all her emotions get taken out on him. And then she noticed he was arching his butt up to receive the strap. He wasn't complaining. And then she (kinda) understood.
But from there, as in all things - they talked, and talked, and talked - and then she was fine with it. Didn't understand it, but could at least handle it. A few times a year he wanted to get the belt. How often? 3-4 times A YEAR. Maybe take all of 15-20 minutes each time? So who can't find 30 to 60-minutes over the course of a year? No one.
So life became good again. For both of them.
Now the sad part. A couple years later he was diagnosed with leukemia; two more years he was dead. And she told me her biggest regret was the lost years she had with him where she could have been more accommodating to him and wasn't. She felt terrible. She blamed herself. She got over it by trying to help other couples understand.
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7 comments:
Wow, very moving. It really is such a dilemma that many couples grapple with. Thank you AJ for sharing this and Hermione for posting.
Hugs
Roz
I’m hopeful that the ease of learning about non vanilla sexual proclivities on the internet will give people confidence to talk to their partners and avoid these situations.
I don’t know if I would have married my wife if she hadn’t been open to spanking me. It certainly helped to bring us together.
Rosco
That was quite a moving story. My wife refused to spank me when we first got married, saying it was perverted. about 20 years into our marriage, she acquiesced and has been spanking me, at my request, ever since. She did admit she should have agreed to spank me early on as it would have been fun.
Baxter
Yes a moving story. Thank you for sharing AJ.
I remember reading about one guy who wanted to be spanked but his wife had no interest at all. They talked and the wife agreed to him finding some other women to spank him. I'm not sure how it worked out because he stop writing.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
I'm going to combine my responses for Reluctant Partner numbers 1 & 2 here.
Xen:
"...it can be uncomfortable and bewildering..."
OK. But NOT doing what may make you uncomfortable cost Hermione her marriage, my friend her marriage, as well as the marriage of a third woman I know.
In a world where half of all marriages end in divorce, is that a risk you are willing to take? Look at that Arizona woman in #2?
As a side note I'm not into the submissive/dominant mind. I have never felt or wanted to be submissive nor dominant, nor wanted to be with a woman who was one of those, either. And neither was the wonderful woman I mentioned whose husband, and that crackpot "therapist" who called her a pervert. (What I didn't say in that post was a few years later at the urging of her friends, she gave it a go picked up the paddle and hairbrush and found out about life on the other side of the lap was like and - "Hey! It's fun, too!" Heard she could really warm up a bottom.)
And since it was a long time ago I don't recall exactly, but I think the Arizona husband may have introduced his wife to the woman he occasionally visited to get spanked. I don't know if they ever did, but I think there is a damn good chance that they at least discussed it.
The other thing she mentioned was that to help her wrap her mind around what her husband wanted, was to seek out similar couples and learn from them. They found a group, all locals, that would meet 3-4 times a year at the home of someone in the group where they had set aside time for everyone to just talk, listen, and vent. And that helped. Because that was when she learned she wasn't the only spouse trying to understand. There were women just like her, and men like her husband and vice versa. That helped her find confidence and ease her mind.
This is not the first time I have commented about this. I brought it up on other forums. In one, the best response came from a professional photographer who only did erotic photography with an emphasis on spanking. He hired and paid models and was always in need of fresh new models. So he would advertise, and a fair number of those who answered his ads were married women. And what he soon found out was that many of them were not really applying to model, they were applying because they wanted to be spanked, and their husbands wouldn't do it. This guy would spank them because he needed a red bottom for the camera. This was the married women's solution. He affirmed what "The Happy Hooker" said in her advice: "If you won't do it, there is (someone) out there who will!" In this case, the photographer was that person.
And here comes Ronnie's response: "...reading about one guy who wanted to be spanked but his wife had no interest..and the wife agreed to him finding some other women to spank him."
DAMN!! And Hermione, THAT may be Reluctant Partner question #3!!! If you won't spank your spouse, would to let them see a pro? Or better - would you take her/him to one? (Damn. Think of the interviews and auditions!)
I doubt it is common, but I do know of a pro nearby who has a few clients like that; one, a husband who spanks his wife, but on occasion she wants "a woman's touch", or just someone different, so her husband takes her to see a pro! Sometimes he stays and watches; other times he drops her off and takes a walk until they are done. Works for them.
A.J.
A.J. - You just gave me a brunch topic!
Hugs,
Hermione
Truly thoughtful and interesting to read. Spanking a partner who wants to be spanked, that you love, and would run into a fire to save them, or other extremes, is not such a hard thing to do.
Thanks for sharing this
bottoms up
Red
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