Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for February 6

This week we discussed punishment spankings, and here's what you said:

Anon 1: For me Punishment is the correction for wrongdoing.

To punish me, the spanker must correct me by spanking or paddling past the point that I want it to stop. It isn't punishment if it is enjoyable. It must hurt.

I don't feel I've been corrected unless I am required to accept the punishment well past that point. If I'm not begging for the punishment to end it's still warm up.

Jean Marie: First of all, may I say that I LOVE your weekly brunch & its thought-provoking questions! Thanks for the umpteenth time!

Upon reflection, I've gotten playful spankings that got serious over something that unexpectedly occurred, got prolonged, and became quite painful. Conversely, I've been told that I was in for a hard punishment, and our mutual passion subverted it after just a short while into pure pleasure.

For me, I think it is totally the mindset of my Top at the time. If HE thinks it's punishment, he may choose to use wooden implements (which I hate), choose to lecture between swats, choose to make those swats harder or last longer to push my limits, choose to put me in the corner afterward (which I hate), choose to postpone reconciling lovemaking (which hurts my soul).

An impartial observer would probably have a difficult time sometimes telling whether I'm getting played with or punished; it all might be seen as "full of sound and fury, signifying" everything.

Bonnie: For me, a punishment spanking is far more about what's happening in my head than what my husband is doing to my bottom. It hurts a lot, as well it should, but the punishment aspect is mental. I envision myself as the bad girl who has misbehaved once too often and now faces my long overdue comeuppance in the form of painful corporal punishment administered forcefully upon my bare bottom. He can heighten these feelings through lectures ("Aren't you ashamed..."), lack of warm up, rapid fire swats, corner time, and taking pictures while I hold the implement or a "Bad Girl" sign. His latest favorite is interviewing me on video after the spanking while I am seated on a hard wooden stool.

Roz: Spanking nowadays for us is purely for fun. However, when we had an active dynamic it was the mindset and emotions behind a spanking that distinguished a punishment from a fun spanking. There was always also a lecture.

Rich Person: Thanks again for these brunch topics. They are always informative.

I think Anon 1 is on the right track saying it needs to go past the point where the recipient wants it to stop. Until then, the pain is for the recipient. (It's what they want.) After that, it starts to punish the recipient.

The way to tell if it's punishment is whether the recipient changes their behavior, or at least tries to change. If it has whatever characteristics are necessary to change behavior, then it's punishment. If it doesn't do that, in fact, it can act as a reward.

So, when the pain gets to the point the recipient really wants it to stop, then it becomes a punishment. That can happen because of intensity, or duration, or various other factors, like the type of implement. Someone who likes and fantasizes about spankings might not like the switch, even if the pain itself isn't as intense.

It can also be more than a punishment. If it's more than necessary to change behavior, then it becomes sadistic for the person causing the pain. And, of course, it can go beyond that to abuse.

On the receiving end, I want to be safely within the realm of play or punishment, although I'd consider going further for someone I really cared for.

Ronnie: Mindset and emotions. The spanking is always hard and thorough and always a lecture throughout.

Prefectdt: All the suggestions in the question sound like good fun to me. I'm pretty convinced that if a DD situation, involving myself, was to work, spankings would have to be a reward, rather than a punishment.

Otherwise, a punishment spanking would have to involve something that I find hard to handle. Perhaps a hard, cold caning or a paddling with a large, American style school paddle. It would have to come in at a seriously hard swing for me to regard it as punishment rather than play.

Jack: My wife decides when I need a spanking, it could be for attitude, behavior, talking back to her. I have learned that when my wife sternly says you're getting a spanking I do as I am told. Bath brush, always, and depending on how 'naughty' I was I will have my pants and underpants pulled down.

Anon 2: I agree with Anon 1 that there should be not the slightest bit of enjoyment in a punishment spanking. Only thing to add is, a punishment spanking in this household ends when I've been reduced to an incoherent babbling, uncontrollably sobbing mass of tears.

Brett: I don't have a desire to be spanked. It is punishment because I don't want the pain and embarrassment of these consequences for bad behavior. My desire is for the regime under which spanking is used to support fair and effective discipline. The disciplinarian holds, to the most substantive possible degree, a parental authority. If we're compatible and have the trust necessary, then I will respect that authority and, however a punishment is administered, it's real because it's not my call. Getting no punishment is not a disappointment but a relief. A spanking doesn't require any particular implement, level of intensity, or other activities, but the choices made by the one in charge certainly shape the experience in more or less effective ways. The fulfillment in this is its mental and emotional impact, and the right disciplinarian makes for an exciting relationship.

KDPierre: It is definitely (as many others have confirmed) the mindset and emotions involved way more than altering the mechanics in any way. The people who spank me all do so fairly hard, even when playing, so for punishment, how much harder can one go before it's irresponsible or cruel? No, the thing the changes it for me and the other party is the reason, the feelings of hurt, anger, or guilt, and what the intention is for the action.

Barrel: For us, spanking is always a prelude to intimacy. However, we do punishment spankings when my wife wants to make a point with me about disrespectful behavior which is almost always due to stress.

Our punishment spankings always include being restrained to the point little movement is possible. A long strapping or whipping with the crop sets the tone. She will lecture me about my failures, emphasizing her points with thirty to fifty strokes, alternating between the strap and tawse. My wife is quite adept at backhand strokes and prefers to land lashes where the strap or tawse will wrap around, and into the curvy parts of my backside and top of my thighs. Several of these volleys will go on for 20 minutes. When she sees me sweating and panting, I am asked if I have learned anything. I nod as I am usually equipped with a breathable ball gag. Thereafter, she will conclude the session with several rounds with her two delrin canes, almost always finishing with the 1/4” whippy cane as she reinforces her points. She likes to leave deep welts that she inspects for the next several weeks, reminding me how and why I am wearing them.

It sounds intense because it is. I willing accept and sometimes even ask for it when I feel the need for the deep, emotional release. I am allowed to gather myself after being released and we hug. Intimacy concludes these sessions.

Great question, so Cheers!

Wendel: We do give spankings for misbehaving or doing something the other considers bad. For us spankings are meant to be fun and arousing. There are no lectures, corner time or other things that may take away from that fun and excitement. The most said is for the other to take down their pants for a spanking, maybe a comment during about how red their bottom is getting. 

Rosco: It wouldn’t be the same without the lecture. Sometimes Irene will assign corner time - often in a wooden chair in her dark closet.

She’s got a boxful of implements, mostly leather, and sometimes I’m not sure which she’s using.

Recently, Irene has started slapping my balls. It hurts like crazy but seems to cause erections. Go figure.

A.J.: "If you have a desire to be spanked, what constitutes punishment?"

If you HAVE a desire to be spanked, then it's not punishment.

I don't believe in punishment spankings. Must be the romantic within me!

Alice: For me it's completely to do with mindset. I've had a punishment spanking that wasn't particularly painful, but I had no desire to repeat it.

I was dreading it, embarrassed during it, relieved when it was over and yet aroused thinking back to it!

The ritual and formality of it make it different. Even though I enjoy spanking, I don't actually want to disappoint and the ritual of a punishment spanking sets things right. I'm inclined to mentally beat myself up when I feel bad about something, Punishment helps me to let go of that and trust someone else to decide what is needed.

An interesting topic, with a great variety of responses.

Doug: My wife does not believe in spanking for punishment. but she regularly spanks me quite hard with a wooden paddle, and, in truth, I welcome it.

Hermione: A punishment spanking is for a real transgression and is preceded by a stern lecture. The punishment is always bare-bottomed OTK, and it is harder, slower and longer than a regular fun or erotic spanking. That's the theory, anyway. In real life, we don't do punishment spankings because, as Ron says, I would enjoy them too much.

Fondles: As you may know we don't do the punishment type of spanking, but once in a while I welcome (and benefit from) a 'reset' spanking, a way to reconnect and settle back into that submissive mental space.

Thank you all for a great conversation. Corner time begins NOW!