Welcome, one and all, to our special holiday brunch. We encourage newcomers and regular readers alike to participate. We are all friends here. There may be some of you here today who would dearly like to experience what it is like to have a plump, eager bottom over your lap, waiting for the first smack, but have never had the opportunity.
What advice would you give to a first-time spanker?
Please leave your response as a comment. Once everyone has had a chance to respond, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
Posts
11 comments:
If this may seem a bit disjointed it's because I'm doing this from the top of my head rather than write this offline and then post it.
The first thing that comes to mind in giving advice to a new Spanker is to not base all of your expectations of a scene from what you may have watched in a video online. Whether it is a professionally made video or one that is an amateur production, these videos are done by people who at the very least know each other intimately when it comes to a spanking scene and in some cases beyond.
Attempting to emulate what you see onscreen runs a great chance of ending up in disaster, especially if the person you're spanking is also new to the scene. There's going to be plenty of mistakes made down the road but this is one that can be avoided with common sense.
Of course you can be inspired by these productions. While in this current time some within The Spanking Community are reluctant to admit that their inspirations came from the various scenes that were prevalent in both movies and TV series of a bygone era, such information have led many to being across one's lap bare bottomed if applicable. Certainly there are probably plenty of Sheldon / Amy Cooper reenactments going on ever since that famous scene was broadcast.
This is where communication comes in. While it may not appear to be part of a spanking scene, knowing the basic ins and out of the person you are going to be spanking does happen through speaking with said person prior to the spanking itself. This occurs even in those banking videos You see online. You can find such communication within the behind the scenes part of a video.
Speaking to your future spankee is not only informative. It is fun and demonstrates the most important thing of all between a spanker and a spankee.
Respect. You do not spank what you do not respect. And that number one respect comes in the form of knowing what you cannot do when it comes to the person you're about to spank. Respect of what they like and dislike. Respect of whether or not they wish to be dressed or undressed. Even respect of not wanting to do a spanking with you. Respect is a key tenant of the spanking scene. And having that in your first spanking goes a long way to future ones.
There was probably a whole lot more but the moment I'm kind of tapped out and tired. I hope these words do help though.
If you are spanking someone for the first time or are new to spanking I think communication is the key, finding out what the spankee likes/dislikes etc. Also particularly for a first time seking feedback during and after could be beneficial.
I would also say don't try and jump in boots and all trying various implements etc, build up implement use and intensity over time. You don't want to cause any damage due to inexperience. Some implements take some time to master.
Hugs
Roz
Here's my tutorial on this topic. Make it a positive experience to remember!
Make the first spanking fun and then develop from there.
Wendel
If the person you spank appreciates the spanking, they will want to do it again. If you want to have this wonderful experience again, look for ways to make sure they appreciate what happened.
On the practical side, I highly recommend Jay Wiseman's book "SM 101". There are so many different modes within the spanking community, that knowing the options is important. As others said here, don't make assumptions. Even if you don't think of what you're doing as kinky, perverted, or SM, there are many tips in his book that can save your bacon.
One thing I've done with a new partner is give them a chance for live feedback. After each smack, they say "harder" or "softer". No middle ground. If they want the spanking to continue, they need to pick one. This allows you to experiment with different levels of intensity.
Happy spankings!
Practice, practice, practice...
And listen. You should, above your own desire, want to satisfy your partner.
1/ Pre spanking negotiation/Munch is essential, never just go for it, with someone that you have only just met.
2/ Respect all safewords and hard limits, including those on your own list of hard limits. A spanker has just as much right to having a great big NO! as a spankee does. Consent goes both ways, that is important.
3/ Be prepared to learn. There is a lot to learn, but it is not difficult. Start with safe strike zones and how they vary from implement to implement and take it from there. There is a lot of information available on the internet, interact with experienced people to find out which is the good information and which is the bad. And be prepared to keep learning. I have been getting spanked, as an adult, for 39 years now and I know there are still a lot of areas where my knowledge is incomplete.
4/ Double check anything a spankee tells you, even if it is me. People make mistakes, or give incomplete information, or are in a headspace where they are no longer thinking clearly. This is especially important for new female spankers entering the F/m world. Remember that there are not enough women in this field of spanking and there are some guys out there that will tell you any rubbish, especially to make you feel good about yourself, just to get you to spank them. What they tell you might be totally false. Always look for information from multiple sources.
I will stop there, or this comment could go on for some time. I might start a series of posts based on this subject. I think that it would be good if a few bloggers did that too. So that views from different perspectives can be seen.
Prefectdt
That is hard to answer, since it being the first time not knowing how hard to spank, what reaction from the one being spanked. I would have a safe word. I would also say use the hand, no hairbrush, paddle, and as to being bare, well that is up to both parties. In my case, my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, told me I may want a spanking, but she said I needed a spanking, and we talked about it. The spanking was going to be her way, I agreed. I never knew a spanking could hurt so much, and never knew a female could spank so hard. No safe word, I was a mess once off her lap. It was hand at first and when she had me stand up, she pulled down my pants and underpants and back over her lap and I felt the sting of her hairbrush. So it really depends on both parties. Jack
Let me add this, you have reached a part of the relationship where both parties have agreed to a spanking. The best advise after thinking about it, do not hold back, it is best to find out once and for all if your capable of giving a spanking and if the person receiving it can handle it. In my case I wanted to be spanked, I wanted it to be truly a spanking, and when done to know for sure if this is what I wanted. My girlfriend now my wife, knew I needed a spanking, but did not know how far she would go. The more I squirmed, pleaded for her to stop, she reminded me this is what I wanted and when she did stop, I was a mess. We talked about it a few hours later, and it was decided that spankings would be a part of the relationship. So go all the way and find out if this is what you want in a relationship, don't want any second thoughts. Jack
Honest communication beforehand and after. During, if needed.
If you cause a little unexpected bruising, you’ll be forgiven, but definitely don’t go crazy. The wrong words could stick longer or even ruin a relationship.
Don’t worry if you don’t get it exactly right the first time.
Rosco
Can't really add much to what others have said. Communication beforehand. listen to your partner, make it a time when you are both ready, relaxed, don't rush. straight into it. Feedback.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
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