Last week we discussed how to help a first-time spanker. Now let's turn the tables and assist someone who longs to find themselves draped over the lap of a stern yet kind disciplinarian.
What advice would you give to a first-time spankee?
Please leave your response as a comment. Once
everyone has had a chance to respond, I will publish an edited summary of
our conversation.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
Posts
12 comments:
Many thoughts come to mind for this question:
You want this spanking, so just let it happen
Take your place willingly and eagerly
Forget about being in charge
Remember to breathe
Praise and reward your spanker
Demonstrate your gratitude afterward
Embrace the moment and remember how this feels
Try to hold still and not shriek
But a cute wiggle will earn you more
Open yourself to the full experience
Try not to tense or clench
Resolve to make this the first of many
I am a spanker, but second Bonnie' comments. I'd add communicate in detail first. It's important not to assume anything. I am always willing to answer questions regarding typical quantity, implements, etc, and would expect any spanker you meet to be forthright about it also. Make sure to go through all the rules your spanker will be implementing, to make sure you are comfortable with them. This should include the level of disrobing to be done.
The more you know about each other before your first trip over their knee, the better off both of you will be.
It's like any other relationship. Trust should be given, and earned also, by the behavior of each party.
My recommendation is that the first spanking is firm but not severe. Be sure to enjoy the first and the build from there. Also, talk to each other before and after.
Some great advice above.
I would add try to relax and don't have too many expectations for a first spanking. It more than likely won't be as you imagine it will be. Even with an experienced spanker it can take time to gel, to learn each other's likes/dislikes etc. Also lots of communication both before and after.
Hugs
Roz
The first thing that I have to say about this is, be prepared to be in for a bit of a shock. Most new spankees, these days, will, hopefully, have never been spanked growing up. When you get your first genuine spanking (that is, excluding introductory pity pat spankings), you will find that it is far more painful than you imagined and totally different from any attempts at self spanking, that you may have tried. Do not be put off by this. If you are a true spanko, the rewards that you will get from enduring the pain will far outweigh the discomfort.
Secondly, I agree with Bonnie, concentrate on your breathing. The strikes and strokes will interfere with your breathing pattern, but try and get over that, as much as possible, and try to inhale and exhale deeply and slowly. You will find that once you have reached the right headspace, this is how you will be breathing naturally anyway. I find that trying to breathe like this from the start both helps me get to that headspace quicker and helps me get through the "O my God that hurts. Why do I do this?" phase of the spanking, by giving me something to divert my attention, a little, from the pain.
And finally, although many people might not like the idea of this, I would recommend finding a good, well known, professional disciplinarian, with an established reputation, for your first time. This will not be cheap, but will be worth the expense. I wish that this option had been available for me, when I started out. I got lucky with my first spanking experiences, but found out later in life that I could have just so easily have been unlucky and I think that would have been psychologically damaging, if that had occurred. Try to save up for a longer session, as well. You need at least an hour, for your very first spanking, if you can afford it try to get a one and a half or even a two-hour session. And be honest from the start, with the disciplinarian. Tell them that it is your first time, that you have no idea what your pain tolerance is, and be open to ideas and suggestions from them. Like any adult instructor, in any field, from work training to learning how to sail, a good professional will be able to walk you through how things work and give you a positive introduction, into the world of real adult spanking, while building your confidence.
Prefectdt
In my case, I opened up about my desire, as a male, as mentioned before was a turn off to many I dated. When it was accepted the woman I was seeing had only one rule, her way. To want such a spanking, one must experience it fully and with her it must be for a reason, not just to do it. I was caught masturbating in my apartment just after a shower. We would walk into each other apartments at anytime, well she walked in and heard me in the bathroom, saw what I was doing and then reminded me that I wanted to be spanked. She waited till I finished, pointed to the front room, spanked my bottom as I passed her. She sternly said, remember I said 'My Way', over her lap I went and sure enough I got what I wanted and more. My wife runs the home, I'm am spanked, and no matter how much they hurt, it is what I wanted. So to those first timers, let yourself go, if you wish a truly punishment spanking do something that would prompt such a spanking. You will not know until you do it and do it her way. Jack
Enjoy it. Don’t expect perfection.
Communicate, before and after, during if necessary.
Protect your far hipbone with some implements and your balls if you’re a man.
Try it with a little bondage blindfolds and a stern lecture.
Irene and I do 100% roleplay. If and when I protest, it means I want and need more. If I ask if she can can spank me later, it means now isn’t the best time.
Rosco
Wow. All wonderful insight here. So much so that I can’t add much. I agree that breathing is super important. Steady, deep even breaths as the spanking develops. As previously shared, that gets me into the right headspace so I can let the pain in.
In 35 years of being spanked, I do not think I have ever had one that perfectly met what I was envisioning, so be prepared to manage your expectations. But practicing can be fun too.
Barrel
Perfectdt,
Great points. My longest term gf/spankee had been with 4 spankers who thought she wanted pretend otk. She had told me she could handle anything with ease. When I provided the real thing on day one, she was taken aback by her own reactions, including temporary losses of composure plus the usual wild squirming. I paused off and on day one, first trip otk with me, recognizing this was indeed her first true spanking.
She did well during it, but I slowed the pace of it down the first time, to let her soak it in in her own timeframe.And yes, I admired my handiwork during the pauses.
Rule 1: Expect to be disappointed.
It may be what you always thought it would be, but then again it may also may not.
And that's OK!!
Rule 2: It's OK to NOT like it.
Maybe you won't. And maybe you'll love it.
So find out.
Get spanked, communicate afterwards.
Wait a couple of weeks, then come back and go otk one more time.
(I say this because I remember a woman who desperately wanted to go otk of another woman and found a caring woman would would spank her. Started easy over skirt, leading to a bit harder and then on her bare bottom. "STOP!!" It stopped. She didn't like it at all and had a bit of a red and tingling bottom. She got her clothes back in order and TALKED with her spanker who let he know it's all right. It happens; it's not for everyone. After 15-minutes and with her bottom having a bit of tingle, she went to the door to leave. Door opened she paused, turned back to her spanker, "Could... uh... would it be all right...try it again...?" Sure. Back otk she went for a bit more. And this time it was different. Those 15 minutes after first going otk, and talking with her spanker - something happened to her!! That "tingle" was nice. She felt comforted. Maybe she should try it again. I don't know if she ever came back for more in the days/weeks after, but I'm guessing she did.)
Rule 3: It's YOUR spanking!! YOU can stop it at any time.
Rule 4: After, when you are alone, maybe in your car and heading home, feeling the tingle on your tush - laugh. Imagine what you looked like otk and getting spanked. And laugh.
Rule 5: "Pick me!!! Pick me to spank you!!!"
Really good comments on this post! Enjoyed reading all of them.
What was in common - the care for the spankee.
A.J.
Hmm, I never had a relationship with a spanker that went beyond a "sampling stage", and turned from "funishment" into a long term "you'll get it whenever you need it, or even if I just feel like giving it to you" type of women. I always kind of wanted to try that sort of thing.
Not that I didn't get some intense spankings on occasions at spanko gatherings, a couple of SCONY weekends, some action at the local dungeon, (BDSM isn't really what I was looking for), but because of the infrequency, I was just riding on the high of scratching my itch. So I was in a space where the pain was either held at bay by the shear novelty of the situation, (still remember a encounter with a razor strop from a pro that gave me white stars in my visual field, literally!), or an encounter with a leather covered Lexan paddle that was very intense but lead me to a technique of just accepting and giving space to the pain that got me though it. But the later was just among a collection of spanko friends, and wasn't delivered more than a few minutes, and not by someone who had the real intent to to deliver a long and severe punishment.
appleTom
All this advice is thoughtful and sound. Irene has been spanking me almost 45 years. We talk from time to time about it but during the sessions it’s all roleplay.
Before Irene and when I thought I might be a top at least part of the time, I initiated two impromptu spankings. For the second of these, I simply pulled Tammy across my lap, lifted her skirt and gave her several sharp slaps. Then I paused. “I don’t think I like that” she said.
The first was mor successful. We were thirteen, playfully wrestling on the beach at night when Martha kicked me between the legs. I spanked her, she kicked again, I spanked her again etc. Then we settled down for some passionate making out - my first such experience and, I suspect, hers as well. Vacation was over the next day and I never saw her again.
Rosco
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