Welcome, one and all, to our weekly discussion. I think you'll enjoy this week's topic, suggested by our dear friend Bonnie.
Do you think it's necessary for spankings to feel deserved, that the spankee earned the punishment?
Please leave your response as a comment below. Once everyone has had a chance to speak, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
Posts
19 comments:
My answer is no, but the experience is more meaningful when I feel I am being spanked for a reason. Even when that reason is contrived, it still promotes a corporal punishment headspace that I find beneficial.
The question of whether my spankings are deserved is a question of whether I've been good enough to deserve them. Because I'm not into a punishment head space, but I love spankings. My partner thinks I'm good enough to deserve the pleasure of them. So I'm glad of that.
I am curious as to what is beneficial about a corporal punishment headspace, for those of you for whom it is so good that you create reasons why you deserve punishment. So if anyone wants to tell me, I'd love to hear your answer. Thanks.
Our spankings are recreational, but always have a "reason." The reason is often determined during the spanking itself. I'll hold out as long as I can and then admit my misdeeds. The sanking proceeds, of course, until I.m properly punished.
B.
It just depends on the parties' mood and what scenario they want. We often spank just for fun, to enhance our pleasure or as part of game such as Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, gin, ping pong, pool, etc.
That said, I find that receiving "disciplinary" spankings to be quite rewarding even though the "reason" may be somewhat contrived as noted above. Even so, no one is perfect, so it's not that hard to find a good "reason" for the spanking.
Finally, "I just want to give you a spanking" is a fine enough excuse!
Graham
Our spankings happen for discipline or punishment, to affirm our roles in our dynamic or for fun so no, for me I don't have to feel I have 'deserved' a spanking for it to be effective. In fact, often the fun spankings can be the most intense.
Hugs
Roz
Most of the spankings I give are for fun, so "deserved" doesn't really factor into it. Maybe you could make an argument that she doesn't 'deserve' to have so much fun, but I'm willing to spank her anyway - I'm very charitable like that.
As for punishment spankings, I'm not sure that I could give a punishment spanking if the young lady didn't agree that she deserved it. Consent is key, even for punishments. Maybe if it was a case of her going "I don't agree that I deserve a punishment spanking for this, but I have complete faith in your judgement, so I'll submit anyway," but nothing like that has happened to me yet.
When we entered into a Wife led Marriage with DD I gave my consent for my wife to spank me any time, any where, for any reason. So with that a spanking did not have to be deserved. Eventually we incorporated maintenance spankings to ensure I knew to behave and be obedient, to know my place, and a reminder that my wife was in charge. So, again no.
Since stepping out of our WLM she has spanked me once or twice from my asking. For me, agreeing with Bonnie above, spanking had more meaning with a reason whether that reason was deserved punishment or for general mainteance.
That definitely would not work for me. Once I am over the initial “OMG! That hurts, why do I do this?” it is only very seldomly that I do not enjoy a spanking. So spankings as a punishment is not for me. Spankings as a reward, however, might get the desired effect.
Prefectdt
For Irene and me, it’s all a fun, roleplay sex game. When she spanks me, she usually makes up some story that I was caught peeking into the women’s locker room or any of a million similar themes. Occasionally, it’s because I didn’t do a chore or two at home but it’s a tiny part of our game.
The story is important for both of us. A spanking without cause is like a hot dog without mustard.
But if she were really annoyed with me for some reason, she’d never spank me. She might ignore me, however.
Rosco
For me personally, I find it essential that a punishment spanking feel deserved. In fact, submissive or not, if I feel the declared punishment is undeserved, I will not submit to it until we hash it out. Often during this process Rosa will explain things in a way that help me see her point and once I am clear on things, I will then submit. Other times she sees my point and we resolve the issue without a punishment. I think if a couple is doing discipline for real life offenses, submitting to a spanking that feels undeserved might make for great submissive fantasy, but in reality, is only going to breed resentment over time. This is not to say that this policy is a free pass to avoid a spanking "I don't want". "Wanting" is not part of the DD equation........and in fact, NOT wanting it is probably a good sign the punishment is going to be effective. I'm only talking about objecting to something where there is ambiguity......which is rare, but does occasionally happen.
We do other types of spankings though, and for them, we usually have a 'reason' which is similar to those others have already mentioned. Even if the reason, is "just because". LOL I can even handle getting spanked for something utterly unfair if the atmosphere around it clearly recognizes that. I have even been a spanking proxy (taking punishment spankings in place of the actual guilty party) several times and have no problem with that, since the spanker recognizes that I am a proxy and not directly guilty of the offense.
I guess you could say that all the spankers in my life know that I will cooperate and go along with just about anything........as long as the reasons are clear and accurate.
While my spankings are few and far between because they are certainly something nobody would want on a regular basis they are not only deserved but well earned.
Fascinating stuff. Thanks for everyone who's sharing experiences. One spanking blogger I read, thought that the domestic discipline arrangement was cooked up by spankees for the purpose of insuring that they would be spanked regularly.
Spanking me is foreplay for my vanilla partner, so he's happy to do it. But as we grow older, if he can't have sex any more, maybe I'll need some excuse for him to spank me. Though, given my unpleasant experiences with punishment during childhood, I'll probably think up some excuse that will be more enjoyable to me personally than punishment.
Spanking blogs are so interesting. One writer said she was never punished as a child and thought parents who punished their kids must really care about them, so punishment scenarios made her feel cared about.
We are not into punishment spankings. Obviously there is some reason as to why we get spanked but the reasons are only for fun. Quite often the reason is just that we want to give or be spanked. The Misses says she loves to have a sore bottom. Same goes for me as well.
The punishment spanking fantasy is definitely the most potent aphrodisiac for me and get the proverbial juices flowing in no time. But that's where the reality and fantasy do not collide. Will I ever be able to truly submit to one, the time will tell. As for now, I enjoy immensely writing them.
Sage Blum, my most heartfelt thanks to you for all the kind words and for reminding me how much I loved Izzie and Nick story. I'm back to writing it. The story I'm working on right now as part of A to Z challenge is in fact Izzie's backstory. Kind of a dead-dove variety but I promise, things will get better, as Aldous is Izzie's now ex-husband. Plenty of punishments there...
Hermione, sorry for the shameless plug but I miss you all, my dear fellow bloggers, and I'm glad to be blogging again daily!! I suggest to start with letter A:
https://soreismore.blogspot.com/2024/04/a-is-for-arrangement.html
Hugs,
Sore
Not at all! While I do think there is room for me personally for actual punishment, it's rare and self-driven vs imposed externally by someone else. I *enjoy* being spanked - in lots of different ways. Sometimes, "enjoy" is complicated and what I want and/or need is something that I don't actually like or enjoy in the moment but it's good for me. Discipline is a lot like this for me. It has nothing to do with having "earned" the spanking in the traditional sense of it being *reactionary*, but rather that discipline is good for me, makes me feel good, and is a way of intimately connecting with another person. I deserve that, 100% - but it's not reactionary in a "you deserve to be spanked because you've been naughty" kind of way, if that makes sense. I don't enjoy making up silly or "funishment" reasons for spanking either - I understand the drive and where it comes from, it just doesn't work for me.
Soreismore, that's great that you're back to writing. Will run over there & read your new stuff. I'm so glad you're writing about Izzie & Nick again. They have such a great dynamic and individually are intriguing too.
Another one of the contributors here at Hermione's blog comments, who has his own blog is Norse Cavalier. He writes lots of very creative spanking stories..https://norsecavalierspanks.blogspot.com/
I highly recommend both of these blogs.
To Sage: you said: "One spanking blogger I read, thought that the domestic discipline arrangement was cooked up by spankees for the purpose of insuring that they would be spanked regularly."
I'm sure that given the diversity of participants in this very broad, and personally motivated lifestyle, that may be true for some folks somewhere, but making it a blanket assumption, or asserting this is the sole reason, only serves to illustrate the author's lack of experience...and perhaps their personal prejudices as well.
Spanking and role play, for me, go hand in hand. Or hand to cheek, as it may be. So yes, being spanked as punishment is a huge part of it. The reasons were contrived, the roles were assumed for the duration only, but the spankings were very real.
I have, on occasion, acted in a manner to provoke a spanking but it never really worked; it was more annoyance than provocation and more likely to lead to a row than a spanking. So fantasy role play was what worked best.
Having a marriage based on FLR, my spankings are always for punishment. I may think I don't deserve a spanking, but my wife/mommy decides. What is not good is that my mother-in-law in her home reserves the right to give a spanking. Nothing worse than having your bottom bared by your mother-in-law, she scolds longer, once over her lap I swear her spankings hurt more than my wife's spankings. They last longer and facing the wall is longer. A few times after such a spanking from my mother-in-law, when we get home, couple be the next day or a few days later I must get to the bedroom, undress, and wait for my wife/mommy, because she is going to give me a spanking for how I acted up at her mother's. Those spankings mean pajamas for rest of day, and early bedtime. Jack
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