This is a repost of a brunch we had exactly ten years ago. I thought you'd enjoy revisiting it.
Welcome one and all to our regular weekend discussion. Today I'd like to
share a question I received in an email. The writer is currently
unattached, but is looking for a permanent relationship with a person
also interested in spanking.
When is it appropriate to bring up
the subject of spanking? Should you wait, or introduce it early in the
dating period? How do you suggest this be done?
Leave your reply as a comment and I will publish your suggestions once everyone has had an opportunity to speak.
I hope the writer of that email has finally found someone who shares their interest in spanking, but we may never know.
Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine
Posts
9 comments:
As soon as possible - right away. If it's an important aspect of your life, and you don't intend to live without it, there is no point in pursuing a relationship with someone if there is no mutual interest. It's just wasting both peoples time.
For us, it would have been impossible for me to bring it up during the dating process, as I didn't develop an interest in spanking until we were almost a decade into our marriage. But, if I were starting a new relationship today, it wouldn't be at the outset, but it wouldn't be months and months into it either. I think I would be looking for the sweet spot where you know this is a relationship you want to be in long-term, but without waiting so long that it might seem like you were trying to keep it a secret.
Of course, my response is colored by the fact that, were I to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't interested in spankings, or at least DD-style spankings, I could go on without them. They aren't my entire sexual identity in the way they might be for someone with a deeply-rooted and long-established spanking fetish. If that were the case for me, I'd probably bring it up sooner, before either of us had a substantial investment in the relationship, since not having that need fulfilled going forward might be a dealbreaker.
What an important question. I haven’t had any need to ask it since 1980.
If I were dating a new person, I’d probably bring it and related kinks up within a month or two.
Rosco
This is a great question! I guess it depends on how important spanking in a relationship is to you. I don't think I would bring it up straight away. I would want to get to know the other person well enough first. Also, once I have a guage on how serious the relationship is.
Hugs
Roz
It was brought up by my girlfriend now my wife when I was caught looking at spanking pictures and playing with myself. She said she loved me and that I would be spanked, to know how it feels, and to know that I will be spanked when I act like a naughty little boy and naughty little boys look at such pictures.
Jack
I think as soon as possible, just to get it out of the way. But this has never worked well for me, relationship wise.
Prefectdt
I think you could start with a subtle hint that could be easily explained away if the response is negative. If the response is positive or neutral, a less subtle hint could be advanced to confirm your original impression.
I think it's much easier for a bottom to drop these hints. A male top who expresses interest in hurting a female bottom is scary, even if you're both kinky. Consent and mutual understanding throughout the conversation is essential.
Do not wait too long to bring it up. I gave the Misses an occasional swat on her fanny when we were dating. This led to the discussion where I learned she liked it.
I am a firm believer in not only bringing this up formally early on in the dating process, but also even before asking a person out by means of observation, hunch, and innuendo. I have never been one to "just ask someone out" and have usually "known' a person to some degree before even being interested enough to ask them out. If someone didn't send off a certain vibe in this regard, they would not be someone I'd ask out in the first place.
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