Asking for a spanking for the first time isn't always easy, especially if your partner is reluctant. My good friend and contributor A.J. saw my response to a recent brunch and sent me two stories about spankos with vanilla partners. The first one is about a woman and her reluctant husband, and I can relate to that. Here's what A.J. wrote:
You responded to the last brunch question with:Yes, I guess some people are. Stay tuned for part two, which features a spanko husband and his reluctant wife.
"I told my husband all about my interest in spanking and asked him to spank me. He obliged, but told me I was sick and perverted. After our divorce..."
That caught my eye!
It was back in the 1990's and I was thinking about spanking and finding a woman who would like to be on either side of the lap for some OTK fun time. To keep this short, I found one - in far off California. I came back to San Diego sometime later and we got together at my hotel. She walks into the lobby - and she is STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL!
But it is early, there is no rush, so - "How about breakfast and we can talk?" Sure.
During breakfast she tells me she, like you, was on her second marriage because, while she wanted to be spanked by husband #1, he was reluctant. VERY reluctant. To the point he also was calling her perverted. Sound familiar?
So he found a marriage counselor. Who was a fundamentalist "Christian" minister. Who piled on her even more.
Disgusted, she walked out hurt and angry and found another marriage counselor; this time, one recommended by professionals, one who had real credentials and none of the religious baggage.
They meet the new counselor. Her husband lays out his side about the spanking and how sick and perverted it was etc; she tells the counselor, "Hey! I just like to be spanked every once in a while!"
The counselor: "That's it? You just like being spanked...?
Yes.
He turns to him and tells him to take her home, put her OTK, and spank her!!! "That's simple and easy to do!" Then goes on about other people with serious marriage/family problems and - THIS isn't one of them. Because consensual spanking is common. Be more responsible and accommodating. The session ended early.
He took her home and spanked her. But in the end, HE could not shake the idea of spanking coupled with "perversion". Ultimately, they divorced. She married again to someone more accepting of giving her the occasional spanking.
I have seen this same story on your blog and other spanking sites where one of the partners just can't understand that a consensual spanking is all right; whether it is him spanking her or, to me, more surprising, that while she likes being spanked - will refuse to spank him - even when he asks for it! ("It just doesn't feel right...I couldn't do that...I could never do that, this his job," etc.)
And I don't get it. You are willing to risk your marriage over something as silly as this?
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5 comments:
“to me, more surprising, that while she likes being spanked - will refuse to spank him - even when he asks for it! ("It just doesn't feel right...I couldn't do that...I could never do that, this his job," etc.)”
I’m not sure this is quite the same as being “silly” or having a hang up... some people really just don’t have the temperament to top. Topping is hard! Personally I’m a bottom, but my husband is a toppy switch, so every once in a while he goes submissive on me. And I’m not going to lie, it can be uncomfortable and bewildering because I’m usually not expecting it. Fortunately I am able to do the “service top” thing for him, and I’m glad I can, but I can definitely see why some people wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, especially if they’re more in the submissive category (I don’t necessarily consider myself submissive... just a bottom).
This was interesting Hermione. Certainly an issue that many couples grapple with. Like Xen, Rick is also a toppy switch at times and while I try, and do enjoy taking charge in the moment, it doesn't feel totally comfortable.
Hugs
Roz
Just after we married, I asked my wife to give me a spanking and she said NO, it is perverted. Funny how often we read that word - perverted - when having discussions like this. Eventually she came around, probably 15 years ago. Recently she said we should have been spanking early in our marriage and said she was sorry for not going along with my request. Had we done it then, I may not have done some of the dumbass things I did. Oh well. Retired now and spankings continue.
Baxter
I resorted to forcing the spanking from her in the only way I thought would work. Knowing she did not wish to give me a spanking, I gave it one last try. Saturday morning, staying at her place, got up late, walked into the kitchen naked, erect. The look on her face, nothing compared to mine, her mother was there. I was soon not over my girlfriends lap, but her mother, and my girlfriend was told by her mother to fetch the hairbrush. She soundly spanked me, my girlfriend smiling, when I finally stood up she handed the hairbrush to her daughter, please no more, I was soon over her lap and once she was done was dancing around the room, I stood not facing the wall but facing them. My girlfriend became my wife, and my wife gives me spankings when I need one and it is now the bath brush.
very interesting to read. How some people are so rigid in what they perceive is right and wrong, with no room for modification. Fortunately, Cindy, who was very, VERY reluctant to spank me, is now quite happy to spank whenever I ask, or whenever she feels I need it. She might see I am stressing, and she will spank away the stress. Also, I might do something that totally annoys her, and instead of getting mad, she spanks me, and I learn not to do that again, until I forget. I make quite a good effort on not repeating spankable offenses.
bottoms up
Red
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