Two and a Half Spanks

Regular reader and enthusiastic bruncher A.J. has sent me some clips about spanking in the comedy, "Two and a Half Men." I fully intended to publish the first clip with you but now I can't find that post.  Either Blogger ate it or I never did publish it. Well, A.J. has found more clips.  Here's the dialogue from a few of them.

The Pilot, S1:E1

Charlie is in his bedroom with a cute girlfriend, when...

    Charlie's answering machine:  Hey.  It's Charlie.  Do your thing when you hear the beep.

    (Voice message):  Listen, you lousy S.O.B., I will not be treated like this.  Either you call me or you are gonna be very, very sorry.  I love you, Monkey Man.

    Charlie's cute girlfriend:  Charlie...?  Who was that?

    Charlie:  Damn telemarketers.

    Cute girlfriend:  A telemarketer who calls you 'Monkey Man'?

    Charlie:  I'm on some weird list.  Okay, it's a woman I went out with once and she got a little clingy.

    Cute girlfriend:  You are a bad, bad boy.

    Charlie:  And yet, you're always the one getting spanked!

That was in the pilot!!  The very first episode!  How did we miss that?

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"Last Chance To See Those Tattoos"
S2:E11

Berta:  I can make the Road Runner do jumping jacks.

Charlie:  That was a fun apology.

Berta:  Yeah, I really thought I was the one who deserved a spanking.

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 "A Jock Strap in Hell"
S6:E5

Actress Alice Witt gives Allan a lap dance while Charlie watches.  If by "dance,'  you mean "otk spanking."

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"The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance"
S2:E6

    Rose:  Hey, Charlie.

    Charlie:  Hey, Rose.

    Rose:  Looks like somebody needs a shoulder to cry on.

    Charlie:  No, thank you.

    Rose:  Wanna just make out then?

    Charlie:  Rose...!

    Rose:  You're right.  That was out of line.  I deserve a spanking.

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"A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer" S8:E2

Alan is sleeping, Charlie knocks on Alan's bedroom door and comes into the room.

Alan:  Mmmmm. Oh, hi.  What's up?

Charlie:  I need a favor.

Alan:  Okay, sure. What is it?

Charlie:  I got this girl upstairs, and I need you to take care of her bird.

Alan:  Okay, when you say "bird," what exactly is it you're referring to?

Charlie:  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Her bird.  Here.  Guess what his name is.

Alan:   Mothra?

Charlie:  Larry.  Larry Bird?  Get it?  This chick's from Boston.  Anyway, I'd put him in the living room, but Larry didn't like to be alone.

Alan:   Okay, I guess.

Charlie:  Good night.

(Charlie leaves Alan's bedroom.  Alan is alone with "Larry" sitting on his perch when...)

LARRY:  Caw!  Spank me.

Alan (startled, sits up):   What?

LARRY:  I'm a bad girl.  Spank me.

Alan:   Oh, for God's sake.

LARRY:  Too big, too big.

Alan:   All right. All right, Larry.  Go to sleep.

LARRY:  That's it, baby. Oh, yeah. You're the best.

Alan:   Damn it.

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"He Smelled the Ham," S6:E10

Alan has Mr. Sharipa on his chiropractic exam table.

Alan:   All right, Mr. Sharipa.  How's it feel right here?

Mr. Sharipa:  A little tender.

Alan:   Yeah, yeah, you've got a spasm right here.

Mr. Sharipa:  It's my own fault.  I was trying to do it in the shower with Mrs. Sharipa last night.  The woman is no ballerina.

Alan:   Well, sex in the shower is really a young man's game.

Mr. Sharipa:  Or a middle-aged man with a skinny wife.

Alan:   Sure.

Mr. Sharipa:  What can I say?  I like a little junk-in-the-trunk.

Alan:   I, I think that says it.

Mr. Sharipa:  Slap her on the ass at Christmas, it doesn't stop shaking till New Year's Eve!
Just between you and me, she enjoys a little spanking from Santa.

Alan:   Who doesn't?

Mr. Sharipa:  I check the list twice: always naughty.

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"Putting Swim Fins on a Cat,"  S5:E5

(Alan is having money problems and goes to his mother's home for help.  Standing at her front door looking into Evelyn's security camera..)

Evelyn:  Hello, Alan.

Alan:  Got a minute?

Evelyn:  Sure.

Alan:  I mean, could you come to the door?

Evelyn:  No!

Alan:  Please, Mom, it's important.  I'm having a real crisis here.

Evelyn:  Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.  Well, good luck with that.

Alan:  Mom, please.

Evelyn:  I'm such a pushover.

Alan:  The money isn't just for me. It's for Charlie and your only grandson.

Evelyn (to someone off screen):  I'll just be a minute, Teddy.

Evelyn comes to the front door, dressed as a....

Evelyn:  What can I do for you, Alan?

Alan:  Nothing. Never mind. (Alan leaves.)

Evelyn:  What?  I'm not entitled to a love life?

(Alan leaves. Evelyn turns to go back inside her home...

Evelyn:  "I'm ready for my punishment, headmaster."

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And there it is.  I think, while spanking is often humorous and sexy, someone on the writing staff for this program was into spanking for the fun of it.  He (They?) - is one of us!!!

Thank you A.J. and please keep them coming. I'll publish that first clip soon.

Glory to Ukraine