Who's Your Daddy?

A.J., our intrepid hunter of all things spanking, has found yet another funny clip from an episode of Two and a Half Men. (Gee, I wish I had watched that show!) This one is from the episode "The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel".

To set it up for you:
Charlie is out of town,
Alan has managed to break his bed and wants to take a nap.
So he decides to use Charlie's bed.
Once in Charlie's bed he notices...!

Glory to Ukraine

Two and a Half Spanks More

Regular reader and contributor A.J. found this funny clip from Two and a Half Men (that I thought I had already posted) for me to share with you. There's an off-screen spanking that's quite a shock to the new receptionist.

 

 Sorry for the delay, A.J. but better late than never!

Glory to Ukraine

Two and a Half Spanks

Regular reader and enthusiastic bruncher A.J. has sent me some clips about spanking in the comedy, "Two and a Half Men." I fully intended to publish the first clip with you but now I can't find that post.  Either Blogger ate it or I never did publish it. Well, A.J. has found more clips.  Here's the dialogue from a few of them.

The Pilot, S1:E1

Charlie is in his bedroom with a cute girlfriend, when...

    Charlie's answering machine:  Hey.  It's Charlie.  Do your thing when you hear the beep.

    (Voice message):  Listen, you lousy S.O.B., I will not be treated like this.  Either you call me or you are gonna be very, very sorry.  I love you, Monkey Man.

    Charlie's cute girlfriend:  Charlie...?  Who was that?

    Charlie:  Damn telemarketers.

    Cute girlfriend:  A telemarketer who calls you 'Monkey Man'?

    Charlie:  I'm on some weird list.  Okay, it's a woman I went out with once and she got a little clingy.

    Cute girlfriend:  You are a bad, bad boy.

    Charlie:  And yet, you're always the one getting spanked!

That was in the pilot!!  The very first episode!  How did we miss that?

==============================
 
"Last Chance To See Those Tattoos"
S2:E11

Berta:  I can make the Road Runner do jumping jacks.

Charlie:  That was a fun apology.

Berta:  Yeah, I really thought I was the one who deserved a spanking.

==============================

 "A Jock Strap in Hell"
S6:E5

Actress Alice Witt gives Allan a lap dance while Charlie watches.  If by "dance,'  you mean "otk spanking."

==============================
 
"The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance"
S2:E6

    Rose:  Hey, Charlie.

    Charlie:  Hey, Rose.

    Rose:  Looks like somebody needs a shoulder to cry on.

    Charlie:  No, thank you.

    Rose:  Wanna just make out then?

    Charlie:  Rose...!

    Rose:  You're right.  That was out of line.  I deserve a spanking.

==============================

"A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer" S8:E2

Alan is sleeping, Charlie knocks on Alan's bedroom door and comes into the room.

Alan:  Mmmmm. Oh, hi.  What's up?

Charlie:  I need a favor.

Alan:  Okay, sure. What is it?

Charlie:  I got this girl upstairs, and I need you to take care of her bird.

Alan:  Okay, when you say "bird," what exactly is it you're referring to?

Charlie:  Get your mind out of the gutter.  Her bird.  Here.  Guess what his name is.

Alan:   Mothra?

Charlie:  Larry.  Larry Bird?  Get it?  This chick's from Boston.  Anyway, I'd put him in the living room, but Larry didn't like to be alone.

Alan:   Okay, I guess.

Charlie:  Good night.

(Charlie leaves Alan's bedroom.  Alan is alone with "Larry" sitting on his perch when...)

LARRY:  Caw!  Spank me.

Alan (startled, sits up):   What?

LARRY:  I'm a bad girl.  Spank me.

Alan:   Oh, for God's sake.

LARRY:  Too big, too big.

Alan:   All right. All right, Larry.  Go to sleep.

LARRY:  That's it, baby. Oh, yeah. You're the best.

Alan:   Damn it.

==============================

"He Smelled the Ham," S6:E10

Alan has Mr. Sharipa on his chiropractic exam table.

Alan:   All right, Mr. Sharipa.  How's it feel right here?

Mr. Sharipa:  A little tender.

Alan:   Yeah, yeah, you've got a spasm right here.

Mr. Sharipa:  It's my own fault.  I was trying to do it in the shower with Mrs. Sharipa last night.  The woman is no ballerina.

Alan:   Well, sex in the shower is really a young man's game.

Mr. Sharipa:  Or a middle-aged man with a skinny wife.

Alan:   Sure.

Mr. Sharipa:  What can I say?  I like a little junk-in-the-trunk.

Alan:   I, I think that says it.

Mr. Sharipa:  Slap her on the ass at Christmas, it doesn't stop shaking till New Year's Eve!
Just between you and me, she enjoys a little spanking from Santa.

Alan:   Who doesn't?

Mr. Sharipa:  I check the list twice: always naughty.

==============================

"Putting Swim Fins on a Cat,"  S5:E5

(Alan is having money problems and goes to his mother's home for help.  Standing at her front door looking into Evelyn's security camera..)

Evelyn:  Hello, Alan.

Alan:  Got a minute?

Evelyn:  Sure.

Alan:  I mean, could you come to the door?

Evelyn:  No!

Alan:  Please, Mom, it's important.  I'm having a real crisis here.

Evelyn:  Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.  Well, good luck with that.

Alan:  Mom, please.

Evelyn:  I'm such a pushover.

Alan:  The money isn't just for me. It's for Charlie and your only grandson.

Evelyn (to someone off screen):  I'll just be a minute, Teddy.

Evelyn comes to the front door, dressed as a....

Evelyn:  What can I do for you, Alan?

Alan:  Nothing. Never mind. (Alan leaves.)

Evelyn:  What?  I'm not entitled to a love life?

(Alan leaves. Evelyn turns to go back inside her home...

Evelyn:  "I'm ready for my punishment, headmaster."

==============================

And there it is.  I think, while spanking is often humorous and sexy, someone on the writing staff for this program was into spanking for the fun of it.  He (They?) - is one of us!!!

Thank you A.J. and please keep them coming. I'll publish that first clip soon.

Glory to Ukraine

Escape to the Dungeon

Every evening we watch a recorded episode of Escape to the Country, a British program that features a person, couple or family in search of the perfect country home, complete with a large kitchen/diner, a wood burner, a nice garden (big, but not too big), and "character". Luckily, England, Scotland and Wales have plenty of such homes.

I always wonder if the prospective homeowners ever stumble across family secrets. The cameras whisk past some of the rooms, and the buyers are told later to explore on their own, without the cameras. Might they possibly stumble upon a spanking bench, a St, Andrew's cross, or even a pair of handcuffs? What exactly is that snug used for, and why is a hairbrush prominently displayed in every bedroom?

A recurring feature of each hour-long show is a visit to some establishment that reflects a buyer's interest, like an alpaca farm, brewery or dairy. On a recent episode, a couple was taken to meet a wood carver and helped carve a wooden spatula. The finished product was really quite good, and they were  allowed to take it home as a souvenir.

Do you think they tried it out in their hotel room that night?

Punished, as a boy

We have been enjoying The Terror, a television series about the doomed Franklin expedition of 1845 to find the northwest passage to India. It is based on fact, but there has been a fair bit of the supernatural added to turn it into something of a horror movie. We know that there were no survivors, which makes it quite sad to watch. (Several expeditions later searched fruitlessly for the lost party, but it wasn't until 2014 that Erebus, one of the two ships in the expedition, was found. Terror was finally located in 2016.)

Last week's episode was entitled "Punished, as a boy" and naturally that set my pulse racing, as I'm sure it did yours when you read the title of this post. In the episode, three of the sailors committed various infractions which caused the captain of Erebus to sentence them to 12 lashes each with the cat o'nine tails. The ringleader argued, which raised the sentence to 20, then 30 lashes, and finally, that he should be "punished, as a boy".

The next scene begins with a closeup of the naked back of one of the miscreants, striped with blood. It is now the turn of the ringleader. He is shirtless, and is led to a wooden bench, bent over it, and bound. Then the captain orders that he be "punished, as a boy". At that, his breeches are pulled down to expose his bare buttocks (which we don't see). Obviously, the point of being whipped across the bum instead of across the back, as a man would be, is to add humiliation to the punishment. The flogging begins, and the viewers watch the culprit's face, and hear his muffled groans and gasps. It is only when the flogging is over that we see his naked, striped bum. He then staggers off to the ship's doctor, who tends to him.

The scene was done tastefully enough, and Ron remarked during it that I was seeing a really good spanking. I agreed, although it wasn't much of a turn on for me because I am not fond of seeing violent beatings or blood. Still, I thought you might be interested.

In closing, I want to share with you what is considered by some to be Canada's second national anthem. Listen to the late, great Stan Rogers sing "Northwest Passage".

Outlander Season 2

Last year at about this time we were all eagerly watching the new television show Outlander, based on the book by Diana Gabaldon. Or more specifically, we were all anxiously awaiting the spanking scene, which I reproduced here. In reality, there were several spanking scenes described in the book, and it was a pretty good read, albeit unbelievable and a bit long-winded in places.

Now we are into season two, and the show isn't quite as gripping. The first episode began with Claire having somehow returned to the present, trying to adjust to life in the 1940s, and ended with her back in the past with Jamie as they step off the ship in France.

 
The theme of this season is to try to deter Bonnie Prince Charlie from returning to Scotland, thus preventing the disastrous battle of Culloden that the Jacobites would lose. Frankly, I am not enjoying season two as much as I had hoped. It seems tedious and less interesting than season one, and even less believable, if that can be possible. So I wonder if there is any point in continuing to watch the series.

What about you? How do you feel about the show now? For those of you who have read the books, is there any more spanking in any of them, or did Gabaldon exhaust her repertoire for corporal punishment in the first book?

God Save the King

We have been enjoying the original House of Cards television series, made in the 1990s starring Ian Richardson, and not to be confused with the current American remake with Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright. The original is much better.

Recently we watched the episode from season two in which the king (admirably played by Michael Kitchen, who sounds exactly like Prince Charles) visits the poor neighbourhoods in some of the cities in England.
 

He is greeted by a rousing chorus of God Save the King played by the residents on a collection of steel drums. They did a pretty good job!

As it happened, I got spanked later that same day. Ron used, among other implements, a sturdy wooden spoon. As he paddled, I thought I detected a familiar rhythm.

"Are you playing 'God Save the King'"? I queried, referring to the television show we had just seen, and hoping he might stop to answer and give me a bit of a break.

"Could be," he replied, never missing a beat. Sure enough, he tapped out an entire verse of "God Save the Queen" (it won't be renamed "God Save the King" for a long time to come, I hope) on my poor bottom. His rendition wasn't as melodious as the steel drum version, but I added some vocal accompaniment.

Note to American readers: the tune is the same as "My Country 'tis of Thee" in case you want to hum along.

Come Spank with Me Again

I first told you about a kinky dining episode of the television show Come Dine with Me Canada here.

Last week I watched the five episodes for a recent competition that took place in the beautiful city of Niagara, home of the world-famous Horseshoe Falls. The five contestants - three women and two men - each hosted a dinner party for the others, and at the end of each evening the four guests scored the host on a scale of one to ten. At the end of the week, the winner received $1000.

One of the five contestants, Judy, a prison guard, ("I keep the bad boys in line") was decidedly kinky. We found that out on night one at Karen's dinner party.

During the obligatory scene where the four guests snooped through the host's house, George and Maria were examining a photo album of Karen and multiple boyfriends. We were shown a close-up of Karen next to a horse. Then there was a cut to the basement, where Judy and Dominic discovered Karen's equestrian gear. Judy sat astride the saddle and Dominic smacked her bottom with a riding crop.

"Yee haw! Giddy up, Judy," shrieked Dominic.

The narrator interrupted with "Stop spanking her."

"That's kind of nice," Judy told Dominic. "If I had one of these I'd be riding it every night. Giddy up!"

I assume that was her way of telling Dominic to continue with the spanking. The camera returned to the dining room so we'll never know.

On night three, at George's house, we were treated to the sight of Judy, Karen and George sitting squashed together on a couch. They encouraged Maria to join them, and she did, by lying across the laps of the other three. Judy proceeded to spank her, and the other two followed suit.

"She was a naughty girl and she needed a spank on the ass," Judy explained to the camera.

The next day it was Judy's turn to be the host. In the kitchen, we watched as she prepared her "Better than Sex" cake. It was only a white cake with vanilla instant pudding mix and canned pineapple. Bleah! Judy held up a giant spatula. "This is an ass spanker, is what this is," as she smacked it loudly against her palm with an evil cackle.

After dinner the subject of Judy's occupation was raised. Two of the guests - George and Karen - playfully pummeled each other as they sat side by side. "Show us how you would break this up," suggested George.  Judy pulled them apart and pushed Karen to the floor. As Karen turned to get up, Judy slapped her bottom.

Finally, when Judy announced some after dinner entertainment, Dominic told the camera that he "thought it would involve whipping or some sort of bondage". Sadly, it was only a lame magic act.

Judy didn't win the $1000 but she clearly provided the best entertainment for me.

An Aborted Spanking

When I was in my early teens I was a big fan of the television show The Man from U.N.C.L.E. It was inspired by the then-popular James Bond movies, and featured two intrepid spies, Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn) and Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum).

My best friend and I pretended we were the spies - she was Napoleon and I was Illya - and we imagined our teachers all worked for THRUSH - the evil forces that U.N.C.L.E. was attempting to quell.

Here's a lovely little scene in which Illya deals with a naughty girl.



Sigh! Duty calls.

Family Style

This year there are several reality shows on television that make use of hidden cameras to find out what goes on when the owner isn't around to see for himself. My favourite is called "Restaurant Stakeout". The star of the show takes a no-nonsense approach in dealing with lazy, slovenly and unmotivated workers.

My mind began to wander as I imagined the possibilities, and I came up with this fictitious script for an episode of a similar program.

Restaurant Snoops

The stakout - Mama Bellini's family-style Italian restaurant serves great food just the way mama used to make it. The recipes were all developed by Joe Bellini's mother, after whom the restaurant was named.

The problem - online reviews give the food five stars, but there are numerous complaints about the service. Joe is losing money as customers stay away. Joe calls upon famous restauranteur and professional snoop, Billy Deakin, to help him determine why his once-popular restaurant is failing.

Billy and his crew arrive at the restaurant after closing and set up cameras in every possible location, then install monitors in an unused office next door. The next afternoon Joe arrives and is impressed with the ability to watch what happens when he's not around. He and Billy watch the evening service.

Camera 2 - the kitchen
The sous chefs are cooking. The head chef is washing pots.

Billy: "Who's that, doin' the washin'?"
Joe: "That's Gus, the head chef."
Billy: "Your head chef is washin' dishes? Who's the dishwasher?
Joe: That's Anthony. I don't see him."

Camera 5 - the servers' station
Anthony is flirting with the female servers, joking and having a fine time. When the head chef comes out and orders him back to the kitchen, he is disrespectful.

Billy: "That Anthony, he's got no respect. He ain't doin' the job he's paid to do."
Joe: "I fired him once, but I gave him another chance. He's like family."
Billy: "Yeah, that's what every failing restaurant owner tells me. 'I treat my staff like family.' Then they go out of business."

Camera 4 - the bar
Maria is on her cell phone while customers wait for their drinks.
Billy: "Why is she on the phone? Do you allow your bartender to talk on the phone while she's workin'?"
Joe: "I told her to leave her phone in her locker. That's the rule."
Billy: "So she's breakin' the rule and there are no consequences. No wonder your customers ain't comin' back."

Camera 7 - the floor
Clarissa, a new server, doesn't know what dishes are served "family style", leaving the customers at the table confused.

Billy: "Look at her, she don't know the menu. You say your staff is like family, but you don't train your staff. What's up with that?"
Joe: "I guess I was a little lenient with her because she's just starting out."
Billy: "If she was my employee I would be strict, not lenient."

After service, Joe calls an impromptu staff meeting.

Joe: "I called you all together because there are a few things we need to change..."
Billy walks in unannounced. "I'll take over from here, Joe. I'm Billy Deakin, world-famous restauranteur, and Joe here called me in because he's been losin' money. From what I saw of the service tonight, and the bad attitude of some of yous, there's gonna be some big changes. There will be rules, and consequences for not following those rules. I'm gonna meet wit' each of yous tomorrow and show you exactly how that's gonna work."

The next day, Billy sets about showing Joe exactly what "family-style" means. They are in the empty restaurant. Joe notices that Billy has brought a large wooden paddle from the kitchen with him. It's the one the chefs use for stirring the big pot of tomato sauce.

First up is Anthony.

Billy: "Anthony, last night I saw you jokin' around instead of washin' dishes like you're supposed to be doin'."
Anthony: "Yeah, so what, I would'a done 'em later."
Billy: "So from now on, your job is to wash everything that the chefs put in the sink, right away, and don't leave the kitchen until your shift is over.
Anthony: "Hey, man, that's not fair."
Billy: "It doesn't have to be fair. Them's the new rules, and if you don't follow 'em, there's consequences."
Anthony: Oh, yeah, what 'consequences'?"
Billy: I'll show you. Joe, are you watchin'? I'm gonna show you how to follow up when employees don't obey the rules. Anthony, turn around and bend over the table."

Anthony is nonplussed. He hesitates for a moment, but Billy outweighs him by at least a hundred pounds and has a mean look in his eye, so he complies. Billy picks up the wooden paddle and quickly applies six sharp, stinging blows to Anthony's well-padded posterior.

Anthony: Hey, that hurts!"
Billy: "It's supposed to. Now get up and look at me. Six for a first offense, six more for each additional offense. Joe here will be askin' Gus about your performance and he'll be keepin' track. Understood?"
Anthony (rubbing his bottom): "Understood."
Billy: "Now get outta here." Anthony leaves quickly.

Billy: "Joe, you get the idea?"
Joe: "Um, you mean I gotta spank them when they don't do their jobs?"
Billy: "Exactly! This is a family-style place, you gotta step up, be the father and do your job."

Next up for an interview is Clarissa.

Billy: "Clarissa, you been here six months and you still don't know the menu."
Clarissa: "No, but I can read it or ask one of the other girls."
Billy: "Not good enough. You go home and study the menu. Tonight, Joe is gonna test you on your knowledge. If you don't know the menu, he's gonna give you some family-style discipline."

Billy points to the wooden paddle, then looks at Joe. Joe flushes, looks at Billy who nods encouragingly, then looks at Clarissa and frowns. Clarissa gasps, then runs out.

Maria comes in, sees the wooden paddle, and her eyes widen.

Billy: You'll leave your cellphone in your locker or else Joe will be givin' you some family-style discipline.
Joe has caught on to the idea now, and smiles briefly, then puts on a stern face and picks up the  paddle.
Maria: "You mean you'll paddle me if I use my phone when I'm at the bar?"
Joe: "I'm afraid so. There's going to be some discipline here from now on. Now go put your phone away. This is your final warning."
Maria: "Yes, sir!" She scampers out.

Six weeks later, Billy returns for a followup.

Billy: "So the last time I was here, there was no structure, there were no rules and no consequences for breakin' those rules. Let's see how Joe has done. Hey, Joe, how's it goin'?"
Joe: "Things are great, BIlly. Anthony learned his lesson and he hasn't stepped out of line once. Clarissa knows the menu inside out. The only person I'm a bit puzzled about is Maria. She seems to be using her cell phone even more now, and I don't know what I'm gonna do with her. Last week I had to paddle her three times. Sometimes it's tough to be the owner but it's something I gotta do."

Billy looks over at Maria, who is standing behind the bar with her cell phone in her hand. She winks at Billy.

Billy: "There you have it, America. We knocked that one outta the park."

Naughty Car!

 Basil Fawlty, of Faulty Towers fame, gives his car a birching after it fails to start.

You're a Naughty Boy!

One of my favourite television programs in the 70s was Fawlty Towers starring the great John Cleese. Basil Fawlty and his wife ran a hotel in seaside town, and suffered many mishaps over the course of twelve episodes.

One of the more memorable scenes is the one in which Basil arrives home after some renovations have been scheduled and finds that nothing has been done. It turns out that the fault was his, and he proceeds to give himself a spanking.





Who's a naughty boy, then?

Big Love and Carpet Beaters

A while ago I told you about one of my favourite episodes from the television series Big Love. It featured a lot of talk (but unfortunately no action) about spanking. As I was watching one of the episodes from Season 4 last week, I came across another interesting scene.

In the episode, we find Wanda in the back yard of her humble home at the polygamist community of Juniper Creek.  She is energetically beating her rugs and quilts with an old-fashioned carpet beater. Vacuum cleaners have not yet reached Juniper Creek.

Here I must insert a word or two about Wanda. She is somewhat mentally unbalanced and feels that it is perfectly acceptable to attempt to murder anyone who threatens her family. So far, she has poisoned two people with antifreeze, although they both survived. She isn't a person you would want to trifle with.

In this scene, her brother appears and they have "words". I was expecting her to attack him with the carpet beater but she managed to restrain herself and he walked away unscathed.

As for the implement itself, it looked very much like this metal one.

*Shiver* Not something I would want applied to my backside, by friend or foe.

Wednesday WIN

There's something for everyone in this assortment of gems from my cartoon collection.

Come Spank with Me Again

A few months ago I told you here about a television program that I enjoyed, called Come Dine with Me Canada. In my previous post I conjectured how funny it would be if someone discovered spanking implements in the home of one of the competitors. Well, a recent episode featured an episode absolutely chock full of spanking. Yes, the real thing!

To recap how the show works, five strangers each host a dinner party over five consecutive days, and at the end of each evening the guests rate the party on a scale of one to ten. At the end of the week, the high-scoring competitor wins $1,000.

In each home, a room is set aside to be used for private feedback from the guests. I'll call it "the confessional" - a term used on a similar show called Dinner Party Wars. Individual guests go there to give their honest opinion about the food, the drinks (or lack thereof) and the other guests. During the evening, the camera alternates between the actual dinner party in progress, with frequent comments by the narrator, and the confessional, where guests say what they really think. So you might see a guest take a bite of dessert, say "It's delicious, I love it!" at the table, immediately followed by the same guest saying "I hated it" in the confessional.

 Now on to the spanking episode in Season Three, Episode Two. The host for the evening is Danielle, who is young, friendly, and very casual in her approach to the challenge. She forgets to supply napkins at the table and, when a guest complains, she produces folded paper towels. The guests are Colleen, a fifty-something woman with an irritating laugh; Sandra, a homemaker who devotes most of her time to her makeup and wardrobe; Fraser, a congenial financier, and Tim, a math nerd and food snob.

Left to right: Colleen, Sandra, Danielle with the spoons, Tim and Fraser.

While Danielle prepares the appetizer, the four guests explore her home. In her bedroom they discover a messy closet, piles of shoes, and a mysterious pair of spoons.

COLLEEN: "I don't know what he heck these are."
FRASER: "Maybe these are giant chopsticks."
SANDRA: "I think they're for spanking." Sandra procedes to spank Colleen with one spoon, while Colleen spanks herself with the other.
SANDRA: "I think she likes that."
NARRATOR: "Whatever gave you that idea?"
COLLEEN: "Spank me again! Spank me more!" Sandra glady obliges.
TIM (in the confessional): "It's clearly something she's into."

At the table, as they sample Danielle's scallops appetizer, Fraser mentioned the footwear they found, and Danielle explains that she was a stepdancer for several years. Sandra now feels the time is right to bring up the subject of their other discovery.
SANDRA: "What were those sticks? We found some sticks. I thought they were for spanking so I spanked Colleen."

It turns out that Danielle isn't kinky after all. The sticks are wooden spoons used as traditional musical instruments.

Later, Danielle does a little impromptu dancing at the table, and encourages her guest to join in and "bust a move". Sandra and Tim comply, then Fraser stands up and starts to move.
COLLEEN: "You want me to spank you?"
NARRATOR: "We all do."

Colleen does so, and as the two of them gyrate together, she slaps Fraser's butt with one hand while she spanks her own with the other, amid whoops of joy.
SANDRA (in the confessional): "Colleen, she likes to do the spanking."
NARRATOR: "We noticed."
There are more closeups of Colleen's butt as she spanks herself.

I would have given this evening a ten for the entertainment alone, but Danielle's guests weren't so kind, and her score was mediocre.

Big Spanking Love

Lately we have become addicted to watching DVDs of Big Love, a television series that aired on HBO from 2006 to 2011. It's the story of Bill Hendrickson, a successful businessman in Utah who is also a practising polygamist. His three wives, Barb, Nicki and Margie, each live in separate houses with their children, and share a common back yard as well as a husband. The trials and tribulations of their private lives are evenly mixed with shady business dealings and conflicts with the leader of the polygamous "compound" where Bill grew up.

In such a patriarchal setting I decided that spankings were inevitable, and I though that finally, in Season 2 episode 8, I had found one. Bill and Margie are in her bedroom. He holds her close and asks, "What do you like?"

"When you please me."

"That's naughty, Margie." She gazes at him and nods. "You're a naughty girl."

That sounded like an invitation for a spanking, and said as much to Ron as we watched. But alas, it was not to be. The "naughty" thing that she liked, and what he apparently enjoyed too, was oral sex, performed in front of a curtainless window so we got a very nice view of each of their bare bums. So, by the way, did Nicki, who was watching from her house.

Bill with Nicki, Barb and Margie

But that was only a hint of things to come, and in Season 2 episode 9 we have the real thing. Sort of.

Margie is doing the shopping at Home Plus, a big box hardware store that Bill owns. She stops to chat to Benny - Bill's sixteen-year-old son by his first wife Barb - who is working there for the summer. Greg, Benny's supervisor, walks by and comes over to greet Margie with a warm hug. Greg has recently been transferred from Bill's other store, hasn't seen Margie for a long time, and doesn't know about her relationship. She excuses herself as quickly as possible, but not before another, even longer hug from Greg. After Margie is gone, Greg asks Benny how he knows her, and Benny explains, "She used to babysit me and my sisters."

Greg then asks, "Did she ever give you a spanking?"

Benny ignores this but when Greg goes on to say that she was "the best piece of ass I ever had" and that she would be worth a second try, Benny he shoves Greg into a display of space heaters. 

Out in the parking lot, Bill helps Margie put her parcels into the trunk of her car, and they discuss household matters. When he closes the trunk, he smiles and says her name. Margie looks up expectantly, assuming he is continuing the conversation. Instead, he slaps her bottom and says, "Thank you for shopping at Home Plus." All right! This is looking good.

A few scenes later Margie is back in the store with two large bags, heading to the service desk. No one is there so she rings the bell for service. Greg approaches her from behind, and she explains that she bought the wrong size of furnace filters and needs to return them. Instead of going around to the other side of the counter, he bends over it to retrieve the necessary form. Margie glances down at his presented bottom with a thoughtful look. He scribbles on the form, gives it to her and she hurries away. Benny has been watching, and when Greg looks up and notices him, he starts spanking himself with a wooden ruler that has suddenly materialized out of nowhere. 

Bennie goes after Margie, tells her to stop flirting, and says that his father doesn't want her shopping there anymore. Margie protests that Bill knows she has had relationships with other men in the past, and isn't jealous.

"Your father knows that I dated other men before him and he's fine with that," she explains. "Are you, Benny?"

"Well, he's not fine knowing that you're into spanking them. That you're a big spanker!" he shouts as she walks away.

In the final scene, Margie confronts Bill about what Benny has told him, and asks about not being allowed in the store. Bill declares that he has said no such thing, and has no need to be jealous of what has happened in the past. Margie is relieved. She ends their conversation by saying, "By the way, the spanking was Greg's idea. I never even liked it that much." The look on Bill's face makes it clear it's the first time he has heard about Margie spanking Greg. He immediately phones his partner and tells him to have Greg transferred to his other store.

Come Spank with Me

During the holidays, when regular television programming was interrupted by daylong marathons of a single show, I discovered Come Dine with Me Canada. It's an adaptation of the British show, Come Dine with Me, that I used to enjoy but is no longer available here. The premise is simple. Five strangers get together, and on five consecutive evenings each one takes a turn hosting a dinner party. At the end of each evening, the guests rate the host on a scale of one to ten. On the final evening, the scores are revealed and the highest-scoring host wins a thousand dollars.

Each evening, usually between the appetizer and the entree, the guests go snooping through the host's home and find something unusual or bizarre. Then later, during the entree, one of the guests will bring up their discovery and try to embarrass the host. Discovered items the I can recall include a stolen flag, a diary, cheerleader pompoms, a beauty queen dress and sash, puppets and a massive shoe collection. On one memorable episode, two guests prepared to open a bedside table. What would they find? I guessed it would be an electronic gadget of the personal variety, and I think the two snoops did too. We were all surprised and disappointed to discover a drawer filled with bags of bulk candy.

I often wonder what the guests (or the program producer) would do if a display like the one below was revealed. I suspect the cameras would stop rolling and the guests would be redirected to another part of the house.

Or maybe not. I think the subsequent dinner table conversation would go something like this:

Guest #1: You know that room downstairs beside the powder room?

Host: What room?

Guest #2: The one with the padlock on it. Good thing Jimmy here used to be a burglar.

Guest #1: Aww, that was easy. So, what were those things hanging on the wall?

Host: More gravy, anyone?

Guest #2: Yes, what were they? They looked like (giggles) paddles.

Host: Er...yes...they're antique paddles. They belonged to my grandfather. They have great sentimental value.

Guest #1: And that picture. Who was that?

Host: (blushing) So, everybody, how's the meal?

Guest #3: Picture? What did I miss? Maybe we all need to see that picture.

Guest #4: Was that a picture of your grandmother? I'd like to see it.

Host: I don't remember any picture. Here, have another roll.

Guest #2: Jennifer, you've been holding out on us. You're a professional dominatrix.

Host: (Panic-stricken) Dessert anyone? (rushes from the room. Guests #1 and #2 high-five each other.)

Narrator: When we come back after the break, will Jennifer provide the evening's entertainment in her dungeon? And will her dinner guests give her a perfect score, or else?


(The above photo has appeared on several other blogs and I have been unable to determine where it originated. Please let me know if it is yours so I can credit you.)

Punch and (ouch!) Judy

Last week Chross posted a wonderful clip of a rather unexpected paddling scene on a popular mainstream television show.

The sketch is from an episode of The Carol Burnett Show that aired nearly forty years ago, with guest star Vincent Price as the narrator, and Carol and Joel Grey performing as puppets. In their song, Punch and Judy reveal the secret of their long and happy relationship.





As a side note, this is my 1500th published post. Whew! That's  lot of blogging!

Cornwall Kink

We have been watching early episodes of Doc Martin, a quirky and very funny British television show about a successful surgeon who develops an aversion to blood. He gives up his lucrative practice in London and moves to the tiny Cornwall seaside town of Portwenn. The town is full of eccentric characters, but little did we know we would stumble across some kinky interaction.

In Season 2, episode 1, Doctor Ellingham (he's called Doc Martin by everyone in the village, much to his disgust) treats a fisherman who has a broken rib and massive bruising. He sends him to the hospital for X-rays and later discovers that the patient has had 17 accidents in two years. He tries to convince the man to go for further tests to see why he is so accident-prone, but he and his wife refuse.

Later, Doc Martin is summoned to their house for an emergency. He arrives and is taken upstairs to find the fisherman nearly naked, with leather straps around his body, attached to bondage apparatus. His wife explains that she tried to hoist him up but the machinery malfunctioned and he has hurt his shoulder. Along the wall to the right hang various straps and paddles. You can just see one in the photo below.

Doc Martin immediately asks, "Is this consensual?"

"Of course it is. He loves it." replies the woman.

"And all those injuries, they happened from this?

"Yes. He gets carried away sometimes and he forgets his safeword."

Doc Martin gives him an injection to ease the pain, but not before asking, "Do you enjoy needles?" The answer is no. The embarrassed wife explains that once their sons left home they found they needed a spark, and discovered it through BDSM.

I can't wait to see what is in store for us in the next episode.

Secrets in the Suburbs

Last week's Dateline show - an investigative journalism program that explores a mysterious crime, with various twists and turns along the way - was based on a theme near and dear to my heart. A woman was murdered in an upscale suburb of Detroit, and the investigation revealed that her husband had a secret life and was known as "Master Bob"  in the local BDSM community.

The narrator made much of the fact that the activities were all about sex, describing the other woman in Bob's life as his "sex slave", and repeatedly calling the dungeon a "sex dungeon". The obvious intent was to turn it from a common-enough occurrence into something horrific that naturally leads to violence and murder. At one point, the book 50 Shades of Grey was mentioned, along with a picture of the cover, as an example of BDSM becoming more common. It was a nice plug for the book, I suppose.

They interviewed a woman who had joined Master Bob and his slave in the dungeon for her first session, and had later written about it on her blog. One of the excerpts from the blog had me laughing. "The first time I felt his belt, it was ecstasy." When the reporter said the word "vanilla", you could almost see the quotes he put around it, as an unfamiliar term. The interviewee used it quite comfortably. At one point the reporter asked if it hurt. Doh!

Ron and I watched it with some amusement. It was a good thing we were alone and not watching it with anyone else.

"Just imagine, people doing that," Ron said.

"Well, I never!" I pretended to be shocked. Then I laughed, "I want to hear more about that belt."

When interviewed, the husband said that he and his wife had an "understanding" about certain things, and she accepted the fact that he had another woman but did not know about his BDSM activities. I wonder...

I was glad to hear that in preparing the case for trial, none of the information about the BDSM activities would be used. It was decided that it had nothing to do with the facts surrounding the murder.

Here is a preview of the show.