Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for October 8

This week we discussed your feelings towards dynamics not like your own.

KDPierre: My own answer to this is complicated, yet also simple. When it comes to photos of models, fictional stories, and even personal accounts from people of the opposite dynamic that I have not gotten to know on any significant level, I find myself avoiding these things with a sense of discomfort. But in my actual life where I've come to know M/f people personally, or gotten to feel I know them a bit from their online writings, I see myself in total supportive kinship with the female sub and we commiserate and share like buddies.

M/f stories however just don't really interest me though there are exceptions, But pro images in particular often actually give me the willies since so many men in these photos look so darned sleazy. I myself occasionally topped women in the past but I did it a certain way. When some paunchy pony-tailed likely producer uses himself as a model paired with some cute young women one quarter his age, who seems so not in the same league, I feel a bit repulsed.

But let me interact with a couple I feel I know a bit, and that vanishes, since I feel I can trust the woman's safety and the guy's intentions.

On the other hand, recalling reactions I've gotten over the years, I have personally experienced it all...from total 'one big happy family' support all the way to experiencing derision and criticism for being some abhorrent freak for being both male and submissive. In these cases (rare that they were) there seemed to be a kind of double standard where anything a male top said was regarded as the undisputed truth by the women who knelt at their feet and anything I said was given a dismissed status.

I think this may not be unique to me though and even not unique to M/f, because I have seen similar scenes play out when a guest sub woman in a M/f DD relationship appeared in F/m territory...especially from the dominant women who sometimes acted like they despised the sub female for being weak.

Fortunately this is rare, and has gotten more rare over the decades I've been out there. But boy are there some pieces of work out there.

Roz: That is a very interesting question.

We have evolved through several dynamics over the years. I found reading accounts (mostly through blogs), images etc of others in similar dynamics mixed. Some I felt a kinship with and some shared ideas, experiences etc that we decided to try. Equally though, there were also occasions others experiences/ideas just didn't gel with us.

In relation to opposite dynamics, or should I say more dynamics I didn't fully understand I would read/view in an effort to gain understanding. Again, I gained some interesting ideas, some of which we incorporated into our dynamics and others I avoided.

Prefectdt: As, in the blogging world, almost everybody's dynamic is different to my own, it would be very difficult to interact with others, if I were not to embrace the dynamics that many others have.

Personally, as long as play and relationship dynamics stay within the three rules of Safe, Sane and Consensual, It just seems that it is sensible that everyone works out their own lives and play in the way that they choose too. And it is an interesting privilege, to be allowed to take a peek at what others do and how they do it.

Midwest Reader: One of the good things for me about being involved in the kink world over the last 25 years, if only on the edges, is that it showed me that I was not as open- or diversity-minded as I thought, and that there are a lot of people out there who think/do/enjoy things that are very different from my interests or what I would consider within the realm of possible. It took me a while but now I am reasonably ok (if not good) at just letting things I'm not interested in (e.g. M/M spanking) flow by and nod to the beauty of the diverse universe. 

Dan: I grew up in a very traditional part of the country, where it was drilled into boys that you don't hit girls. Even into adulthood, I got very squeamish about anything involving a man using any kind of force in relation to a woman. As a result, M/f dynamics did make me skittish.

That changed a lot when I started interacting with a female blogger who was in a M/f dynamic that had a strong disciplinary element. Over time, I came see that she wanted discipline for the same reasons I did. She was a very accomplished professional who also felt like she needed boundaries and needed consequences for sometimes not keeping herself in line. As someone who had reached a level of success by being controlling and hard-driving, there were times she craved being taken to a place where she very much was *not* the one in control. In terms of our motivations for being in this lifestyle, we were very much aligned. That helped me get over a lot of my, frankly gendered, squeamishness.

Regarding seeing images of those in the opposite dynamic, it depends a lot on whether it is a picture or a drawing. Pictures of M/f spankings usually don't do much for me, but some drawings do. In fact, I think that drawings of females being spanked or about to be spanked often depict a vulnerability that you seldom find in drawings of F/m spankings. 

Bonnie: As a writer, I know some readers have interests that are different from ours. I respect that. My purpose for writing is to share our story. Unless a post is labeled as fiction, I write about what I know.

As a reader, I tend to favor what we like. However, I am also interested in what my friends share, even when it presents a different dynamic. So, yes, I'll consume other kinky content, as long as it isn't too squicky for me (blood, scat, asphyxiation, extreme brutality, exploitation, non-consent, underage, etc.).

Hermione: Everyone is unique, and what works well for one person may be anathema to another. I never realized there were so many variations of spanking and BDSM. (Does anyone remember the Penthouse Variations magazine?) While I cannot feel interested in some other dynamics,  I respect a person's right to choose to enjoy them as long as they are, as Prefectdt said, safe, sane and consensual.

Happy Thanksgiving Day to all my fellow Canadians.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine