Better Late than Never

I want to share with you a letter I received from our good friend KDPierre on the subject of this brunch on punishment and DD.

Dear Hermione:

 

I had a feeling this would happen, and it did. After I sent you the DD topic, Rosa and I went on vacation for over two weeks. I therefore missed my own topic! I had a response planned and I was wondering if you’d be willing to post it as maybe a mid-week post? (Peru was great by the way)

As someone who engages in both play and serious spankings, it is crucial to the DD element that it be different. After all, how effective can a punishment be if the miscreant enjoys it? For me there are many things that differentiate the two but the main one comes down to the fact that Rosa has always made it very clear that she sees her authority as both genuine and pretty much a given. She says our roles suit our natures so well that living this way is just…natural. She does not see my obedience as a gift, or a concession, or anything other than an expected consequence of us being us. And throughout all of it, her authority always revolves around ensuring reasonable domestic harmony rather than bullied selfishness which makes our DD more about her making me the best ‘me’ and not a fawning slave.

However, on a tangible basis, what makes a punishment spanking clearly disciplinary are a few key things Rosa does when she is serious:

1: First off: she tells me so at the time she decides a spanking is deserved, and then proceeds to seriously lecture me on what I did or didn’t do that earned the punishment. This lecture happens while I am over her lap and can take up to twenty minutes before the first swat lands and can be quite emotional. Then during, she might ask me about my intentions for how I intend to behave in the future.

2: She is not reluctant to make it hurt. I have a high pain threshold and my ‘play’ spankings can be quite severe, so when it’s serious, obviously things can’t go gently. Rosa is a very caring person, especially with me, so it says something about her commitment to effective discipline when she spanks hard, long, and especially when she decrees a second or third installment and then spanks just as hard, even though she knows my butt is sore and the follow-up spanking is hurting mightily. She has told me that she knows these sequential spankings hurt a lot since she can see my honest reactions to them, but she has also said that she knows that the extra spanking isn’t doing any serious extra damage; it just hurts more, so she feels that if what I did earned a spanking that had to be broken down into sequential installments, that’s on me and my behavior, and not on her to go easier. When she does this I know I am being disciplined and not played with.

3: We are ‘out’ to most family and friends and have been for many years. As such, behavior that crosses a line with Rosa may well result in me being warned to behave in front of others in the know who are receptive. Rosa would never make someone else uncomfortable, but if she knows the person or people present are on board with how we live, she will not hesitate to address my behavior publicly. 

4: The goal for better behavior on my part is mutual. And while Rosa is the sole disciplinarian in our relationship, I too can play a part in my own discipline by confessing shortcomings to her and even asking for correction. Rosa expects this level of honesty from me and understands how discipline affects me positively rather than negatively. So if I confess something, she will ask me in detail what bothers me about what I did and why. It is then highly likely that she will take my confession seriously and spank me just as if she herself had caught me misbehaving.

5: Amounts. A punishment can literally be hundreds of swats. That's why they sometimes need to be a series of sequential punishments rather than one long one. But while amounts are usually decreed beforehand, Rosa has no problem changing her mind if she feels the decreed spanking isn't quite enough. And she will simply say so. As for me? I too can amend upwards in the case of extreme guilt. The bottom line is neither of us will walk away from a spanking feeling unresolved, no matter how many spanks that takes.

 

6: Apologies. Apologies are a huge part of what separates fun from the serious. (I doubt anyone apologizes during a sexy spanking. LOL) But in the case of misbehavior, apologies are expected beforehand, and after. (The ones that instinctively pour forth once the paddle starts landing over and over are taken as in-the-moment pleas rather than sincere apologies, which they kind of are.) In the case where the spanking is for behavior that also affected someone else, or is entirely due to my behavior toward someone else, I am expected to apologize to them formally at some point after the spanking. If the offended party is among those in the pretty large circle of folks in the know, it is highly likely that my apology will be followed by an embarrassing admission of how my behavior was addressed. Several friends and family members have been informed that I was spanked good and hard for whatever I did to them and not one has ever said, “Oh that wasn’t necessary.” Several instead, have actually said, “Good.”

7: Depending on the nature of the issue, a spanking can lead to sexual fulfillment for her, but not usually. For me however, there is no sex following a punishment. Therefore there is no confusion as to what transpired.

8: Punishments require reconnection afterwards much more than play. For Rosa this means me showing her there is no resentment on my part and I demonstrate this by thanking her for the spanking and kissing her feet after I get up from her lap. It’s a brief simple gesture, but it speaks volumes in terms of feedback.

9: Lastly, Rosa has told me countless times that spanking is not just for me to experience consequences for misbehavior. It is also therapeutic for her. She feels like spanking me lets her rid herself of anger and resentment, just as it teaches me a lesson while purging my feelings of guilt. Rather than feeling frustrated, powerless and resentful, she feels empowered and able to take out her anger in a constructive way, even if it is a painful way for me. To her that is as it should be and I can’t help but see her point. It just makes sense. Therefore it is cathartic for us both in different but equally positive ways.

So that’s what it’s like to do DD. It’s not for everyone. But for those of us who benefit from it, there is very little else that works as well on so many levels and I am grateful to be in such a relationship.

All the best!---KDP

Thank you, KDPierre, for this description of your DD dynamic.

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

You Reinvented the Rule

There's a commercial on television at the moment that looks like a DD encounter to me.

A couple is sitting in a car. He's driving. She's eating cookies.

He: What happened to the no cookie rule?

She: These don't count.

He: So you reinvented the no cookie rule?

She: These are Dare Simple Pleasures. No trans fats, no cholesterol.

He: So you reinvented the rule.

She: No I didn't.

He: Yes you did.

She: No I didn't.

He: Yes you did.

He turns and gives her a look that clearly says "you're in for a spanking when we get home". Her expression changes. She looks worried and knows she's in trouble.

Rest Stop

Our good friend Paul left this comment on a recent post, and I enjoyed it so much I want to share it with everyone.

"Hermione, I think spanker rooms should be just as available as rest rooms; they are just as important.
Just imagine that you are on a long trip with your wife, sub, or bottom. She's getting bored and bratty, so you pull up at the next spanker's rest. Taking her hand, you walk to the door. Alas, it's occupied.
As you wait you hear the sound of hand meeting bare cheek, you hear, 'Ouch. Please, not so hard darling. I'll be good.'
Your wife is looking very apprehensive, as she realises she has pushed you just too far."

Paul, I think that would be a great improvement for all major Canadian highways.

Survey Says!

I love surveys.

So much so, in fact, that I participate in a national consumer panel. That means I scan the bar code on everything that we buy, using a hand held scanner. I enter some additional information for each item, and once a week upload the data to a website.

Once a month I receive a questionnaire in the mail and complete it by scanning bar codes on the pages that correspond to my answers.

The point of telling you all this is in the instructions that accompanied the latest questionnaire.

"This survey should be completed once by the Head of Household who does ...the shopping. If both Heads of Household share equally...., please have both Heads of Household answer the survey."

Should I write and tell them we don't practise Domestic Discipline? And what's this about two HoHs? Is that allowed? It's an interesting concept.

I love surveys.