Implement Relocation

Last week I decided that our kitchen looked pretty dull and needed some decorative touches to liven it up. I didn't want to do anything extreme or expensive (although granite countertops would be nice - sigh) and I like the colour scheme we have, so I decided to enhance the walls with some of our more decorative implements.

With Ron's help, I hung the heavy baguette cutting board beside one of the cupboards. Then, on either side of the window, I mounted the maple pizza cutter and the heart-shaped spoon using clear plastic hooks. Finally, I relocated the bamboo backscratcher to a prominent location near the dining room door.

The room has been transformed from a utilitarian kitchen to a spanko's paradise. Implements are within reach when needed, and they give me a little thrill whenever I see them, hanging there, waiting. Visitors will never guess the double purpose, I hope.

Tiger Revealed

You made some wonderful guesses about what the mystery implement in my previous post might be used for.

Spanking implement (my first guess too)
Cat toy (that was my second guess)
Swab to dry a wind instrument (it looks a bit like one)
Leash for an imaginary dog (very creative!)
Might be expandable (No, but it does do something)
Fly swatter (possibly, if your aim is good)
Pointer to use when giving presentations (that's a great idea)
Backscratcher - BINGO!



Now you can see how the other side looks. On the right, you can probably make out the on/off switch. The batteries go in at the end. The little paw on the left is plastic and has claws, and the tiger pattern is fake fur.

It doesn't do a very good job as a backscratcher. Maybe it will be more successful as a spanking implement. If not, then Crookshanks can swat flies with it.

Thanks, everyone, for playing!

New Implement Month - The Verdict

I promised you that the backscratcher would be at the top of the list for New Implement Month. So, without further ado . . .

For some reason, I'm usually a bit shy about telling Ron when I have a new implement for him to try. But this time he beat me to it. He brought up the subject himself, although not exactly the way I had intended. Here's how he started the conversation.

"You know that backscratcher you have in your room?"

"Yes!" All my new, untried goodies are displayed on the wall. It's about time he noticed it.

"I thought maybe we could use it, you know, as a backscratcher. We don't have one."

"Sure. Good idea. But first we need to try it out the other way."

"It looks kind of flimsy. I think it'll break just like the shoehorn."

"But I expect you to be very gentle. I'm sure you won't break it."

So the ice was broken, and Ron knew what was expected of him. Not that I really thought a "gentle spanking" was possible, but I had heard so many scary stories about backscratchers, I wanted to lay out a few ground rules.

I was feeling quite apprehensive when I placed the backscratcher on the bedside table for Ron's convenience. When he came into the bedroom, he saw it but didn't say anything; he had expected it to be there.

"You'd better save that for the end," I muttered. He understood.
At least, I thought he understood. After some kisses and a few firm hand spanks, Ron positioned me over two pillows on the bed and reached for the bamboo implement. What was he doing? I looked away and braced myself. then I felt . . . a tickle? The teeth of the backscratcher gently scraped back and forth across the left cheek, then across the right.

I burst into giggles, and Ron laughed too. His hand took over and he gently kneaded each cheek in turn. Then he reached for the leather paddle and got down to business. My laughing stopped as the sound of the slap of leather on skin was quickly followed by an electric sting.
Ron proceeded to rhythmically spank my bottom, alternating left and right. Then he stopped, and gave me another gentle massage with the teeth of the backscratcher, then with his hands. It felt very nice, and I laughed again.
My husband resumed his rhythmic swats with the paddle, then decided it was high time to replace it with the backscratcher. I felt a sharp sting, then another, which told me something had changed back there. It didn't make as much noise as the leather paddle. Quiet but . . .

No, not deadly. It wasn't bad at all. Even when Ron decided to finish with a flurry of very fast, hard swats, I was certainly uncomfortable but not exceptionally so. I was very well warmed up, which could account for my being able to withstand it. I will admit, my bottom protested when Ron rolled me over onto my back and slipped his hands underneath me to cup my burning cheeks with his hands. I quickly forgot my discomfort as his hands strayed elsewhere and I turned my attention to other urgent matters . . .

After we had rested and cuddled for a while, I got up to dress, and checked my bottom in the mirror as I always do. It was a bit pink. Disappointing! And while it was hot and stinging for about two hours afterward, by the next morning I didn't feel much at all. That's very unusual for me. I usually delight in the afterburn of a good spanking for at least 24 hours.

So about the backscratcher being pure evil, I'm not sure I can go along with that just yet. Maybe you're just wimps. Maybe I need to try it without a warmup first to appreciate its true evil nature. Maybe Ron was too gentle. Maybe I bought the wrong kind. Maybe my bum is tougher than I thought. 

Update: the backscratcher has disappeared from its place on my wall. I checked the implement drawer in case Ron was planning on testing it again. Not there. I guess he has hidden it away for vanilla purposes only. Now that's turning the tables!

New Implement Month

I've been taking an inventory of all the implements around the house--in drawers, hanging on the walls, on tables and in closets--that have never been used for their intended purpose. That's right; we have several perfectly good pervertibles that have never been introduced to my bottom.

Why, you ask, are they gathering dust? There are a couple of reasons. Some are hidden in drawers because while they seemed like a good idea at the time, I simply haven't found the courage to actually go through with trying them out. And some are out in plain view, begging to be used, but Ron hasn't taken the very blatant hint.

So it's time for action. I'm declaring this to be Try a New Implement Month, and want to share the fun with you. Each week or so, I'm going to choose a new implement and leave it out for Ron to use when he spanks me. After, I'll report back on how it felt, what Ron thought about it, and whether I'll ever let it near my posterior again.

For week number one, I'm choosing the backscratcher. Stay tuned.
P.S. Happy Groundhog Day and Candlemas.

A Lemming Again

After hearing over and over from Grace, PK, and Eva how effective a backscratcher--they fondly refer to it as a BS--can be in the hands of the right man, I gave in and bought one.
The last time I succumbed to peer pressure and bought an implement, I was very sorry, at least for the first few times it was used on my backside. But this time things will be different.
I hope.
I didn't actually set out to buy a BS. But while I was browsing in my favourite thrift store, I just happened to wander by the shelves filled with wooden odds and ends. And there it was! So I snatched it up and hurried to the checkout, before I had a chance to reconsider.
In case you're wondering, it looks like one of these:


Brrr! I can't imagine owning a whole collection of them. Can you, Grace?
So, it's at home, hidden under the clutter on my desk. The man who wields the implements doesn't know about it yet. I'm open to suggestions as to how I should go about revealing it to Ron.
Should I:

• sneak up behind him, scratch his back with it, then tell him about its other possible use?

• casually lay it on the bedside table before a spanking, and let him figure it out?

• put a ribbon on it and say honey, I bought you a present?

• leave it on top of the clutter on my desk where he will find it the next time he's looking for a pen that works?

• bury it at the bottom of the bag of donations for the thrift shop and forget about it?

What do you think I should do?