You Had One Job

 See what happens when you don't pay attention to the job at hand.

Spankings for everyone, don't you think?

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 21

Do you have a humorous anecdote related to spanking?

A.J.:

I had so many stories I had to break this into a few posts. This is part 1.

Since I offered this brunch question to Hermione, some background.

This all began more than a year ago when I was really sick. Doctors and drugs every day, all of which led to my sleeping for a hour or two at night, then awake for another hour or two. And repeat. And repeat. During those times I was awake, to think about anything else, I often thought about spanking and tried to remember all the women I have spanked or been spanked by, or just anything humorous about spanking.

So, some humor....

1.
We were getting ready to do some sexy-play and I asked if she would mind spanking me.
In an instant, eyes wide open and all excited, she came back with: "Want me to use your BELT????"
At another moment I MIGHT have said yes, but she seemed waaaaaay too eager to use that belt on me.
We settled for a simple otk, girl-spanks-boy - and vice versa!

2.
I was out of college and the Army, finally home in years, my sister me tells the story of my born-in-Ireland aunt who visited in my absence. She tells my sister the time her father (so Ireland around the 1880's) had left the house to go to the local pub and got warned - "Only ONE!"
Several pints later.... He comes staggering home, into the house, past his now-pissed-to-the-brim wife, and fell into bed. Passed out from the drink.

His wife then got out her sewing kit and SEWED HIM UP INTO THE BED SHEETS!!
And then gave him a beating with a broom handle!

Not exactly a spanking, but still funny.

3.
I had rented my beach house to a group of women, most in their mid-20's, for a bridal shower.
It all worked out great.
I get a thank-you note from the Maid of Honor telling me they had a great time.
I asked if they were able to use the outdoor upper deck and see the great sunsets?
She says they did, and included a group-photo - and a pic of the gifts they had for the bride-to-be. I took the image and enlarged it to get a better view, because something....

I think one of those "gifts" was one of those gag paddles with "Wife trainer" on one side and "Husband trainer" on the other, but it was very hard to tell.
I email her back.
"Is that a paddle among all those gifts? Oh, my, I do hope everyone behaved themselves!"
Her reply: "No comment!"
I'll let your spanko-minds take it from there.

4.
I'm dating this girl who had zero interest in spanking, but would let me play-spank her if it was not hard, and she had no problem with having me otk when I wanted it.
We are out to dinner one night and I ask her, "How about tonight? You do me?"
Sure.
We get back to her townhouse and her sister is in her car out front.
There goes my otk time until she leaves.
My GF’s sister was gifted with head-snapping beauty! I'm talking cover-girl beauty!
But she still has one glaring problem: Picking the men in her life.
She is horrible at that, with guys giving up because they would tire of her.
This was another one.
So it's sister-time and I stay out of the way as they talk.

I stay in the open kitchen. I can see my friend's face directly, and the back of her sister's head.
Yhey talk about why she has this problem with men, maybe she demands/expects too much, etc., etc.
At some point the drop-dead gorgeous sister says, "What I need is to be spanked."

I heard that!!!!!!!

My eyes go wide as dinner plates. Behind the sister's back I put my hands together in silent prayer as in a 16th century painting while silently mouthing, "Oh, please, oh, please, please, please...!"
Behind the sister's back!!

My friend shot me "the look." An unblinking look of fire, and death, and destruction, and "Don't you even think about it!"
I went to bed to leave them alone. The sister left sometime after 1AM.
We laughed about it the next day.
I held it against my friend that she would not let me "help" her sister at her obvious time of need. That was ruuuude!

5.
Driving down a highway I pass this car. It then rushes up next to mine in the right lane, the driver honking the horn.
I'm all "What the hell...?"
And then notice - I know the driver!
A woman I worked with few years before; a cute blonde who didn't know or believe how cute she was.
She had recognized me when I passed her, caught up, and motioned for me to follow her to the first exit where we can talk and catch up.
I do. We talk for quite a while. And she says she is not as quiet a person as she was years ago.
Into a lot of stuff, and mentions going to a lot of rock concerts with her roommate.
She opens her wallet and shows me a pic of her and her roommate. BOTH are damn cute!
Tells me her roommate is just like her, socially, but also a bit kinky.
"Kinky? How"
"She likes to be spanked."

I about lost it! I told her that was not kinky, but sexy; and I'd love to spank her friend!
"You, too????"
Without going into a lot of detail I told her about my first spanking girlfriend who got turned on by being spanked; so yeah - it's sexy!
I told her if her roommate needed a 'spank-buddy' have her give me a call.
Never heard from her friend. Dammit.

6.
At a nice bar one evening and in troops about five or six women, all in early 20's, cute, and all dressed up!
They were there to party because it was one of the women's 21st birthday.
And around the neck of the birthday girl, her friends had hung a sign that read: "I'm 21! Spank me!"
Did I mention how cute she was, with a tush everyone reading this would love to get their hands on...?

She stood at the bar wearing that sign, and you could come up and give her a small birthday smack to her cute tush! Neat, eh?
There was a catch: You had to buy the birthday girl or one of her friends a drink.

Cute tush, so - fair enough! I bought a drink and got to give the BD girl a little swat, just enough to make her giggle "Oooooh!"
Then I told her happy birthday, that she was cute, and I wished I could have spanked it a bit more. She thanked me for the compliment and laughed.

Then I spoke to one of the women who got the drink I had bought.
Me: "So. You're pimping out your friend's butt so the rest of you can get free drinks. Is that it?"
Her: "Pretty much. Yeah!"
And laughed!

Later I thought I should have offered to pick up the entire tab for all of them in exchange for me taking the BD girl otk (mine!) for all her 21+1 smacks. I don't know if the BD girl would have agreed to that, but I have NO DOUBT her party pals would have been enthusiastically all for it (i.e., alcohol was involved)! I'll never know.

7.
It was a late February during a cold, miserable winter. I have "Had it!" with winter and make reservations for - Maui!
I'm with a "spank-buddy" (Spanks me, I spank her if it is light; no sex) and tell her I've had it with winter and I'm going to Hawaii, and that I'm going alone because the last time I took my GF she complained so much I vowed to never take her again."

Her: "God, I've never been there. I'd love to go to Hawaii."
Me: "Well, the room is already paid for, and I have the frequent flyer miles, so if you really want to go - here's your chance. Want to come with me?"
Here it comes:
She comes and hugs me, and whispers in my ear with a breathy Marilyn Monroe like voice: "For Hawaii, I'll spank you every day."
Spanked every day, even in paradise, was a bit much but - we went!

I will never forget hearing that sexy, "I'll spank you every day."

8.
People I know in a spanking group of friends, telling stories.
A woman relates she and her husband were looking for a new home.
The wife wants go back and look again at two of the homes they liked.
She brings along her 3-year old daughter for whom life is at 100-MPH.
She tears though the first house in curiosity.
Mom finally notices, "Where is she...?"
They seqrch and see the girl's feet sticking out from underneath one of the racks of clothing in the master closet.
Mom and realtor push aside the clothes as the 3-year old looks, points, and says in wonder, "Look! They must have horses!"

Mom and realtor see a small rack of hooks holding implements that everyone reading this would immediately recognize, none intended for horses.
Speechless, the realtor finally says, "Suzie! Have you seen the bathroom? It has a tub so big you can swim in it!"
Girl runs off all excited.
Realtor looks at the mom and goes, "Kink-eeee...."
And the mom instantly thinks, "If you only knew..."


9.
A woman in her late 30's/early 40's, yearns to either spank, be spanked, or both.
Summons up her courage and contacts the group.
Husband gets her email and responds.
She is very nervous about the whole thing.
Husband says that's normal, but how about you and my wife meet over coffee and you can talk and ask all the questions you want?

Sure!

They meet. Questions asked and answered. Still nervous, the host wife offers she should come to their next get-together, look at how we play, you can meet people, no commitments. "I will be by your side all the time. If you decide it's not for you, you can say so - and leave!"

She shows up!

The wife host meets her at the door and personally shepherds her around, introduces her, "She's new! Be nice!" All is going well. They go into the kitchen where two couples are talking.
Wife-host: "You just have to meet this couple! They have been with us the longest and are the best people."
Comes up behind the couple, taps one of them on the shoulder. They turn around and...

Breath-taking silence. Eyes wide open silence. "Please earth; open up now and take me!" kind of silence.

The host: "Do you...know each other...?"

Still stunned into I-can't-talk silence. Finally the woman manages to say: "These are my - grandparents."

The host is now all "Oh, shit!" and backs away, saying, "Uhhhh, I think you have a lot to talk about..." and leaves them. (Coward.)

Dead silence reigns. Then grandma laughs out loud. Her arms wide open and laughing she embraces grand-daughter n a huge hug with grandpa right behind her. Because what else can you do?

In the end it turned out just fine. And as the woman telling this story said, "Guess who instantly became the favorite Grand-child!"

She was later invited to the grandparents home where she was shown the ultra-private and always-locked room in the attic, filled with "toys" and more the grandparents used on each other and with friends from that group.

10.
It's an episode from the half-hour British comedy Coupling, a show much like "Friends" or "Big Bang Theory." In this episode, one of the guys discovers that his new GF, on her own, decided to thoroughly clean his apartment while he was out.

You will see the "Oh, no!" moment hit at the 4:42 mark. Copy and paste this link into your browser: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6stym1

Right after that 4:42 moment the video will (annoyingly) stop to run ads, and then return to the episode. This will happen a couple times. And then you get to the 19:50 mark where a more detailed and embarrassingly funny discussion of spanking takes place!

Happy Spring, everyone!

Bonnie: I think I have posted most of my humorous spankings. I don't have a new one that immediately comes to mind, so I'll share this story from almost ten years ago. On this occasion, I wasn't the one who got spanked.

Roz: The humorous spankings that come to mind are the few occasions where an implement broke. On one particular occasion Rick was in full on lecture mode while wielding the cane, sounding serious etc and the cane broke. The mood was broken and we both ended up laughing. However, Rick quickly recovered and declared the cane was still usable and resumed spanking.

Barrel: The only one I can recall was when I secretly recorded one of our sessions, where the spankings are longer, very intense and I am restrained. It was a really good one where my wife vigorously wielded the strap. When she watched the recording, which almost triggered an encore, she laughed at how well she landed the strap with backhand strokes.

Ironically, we have a session planned for later today. If I can, I’ll try to take note if she is backhanding that strap again.

Prefectdt: There have been a few unexpected farts but I think that happens to all of us.

I was once being caned by a German lady, who unexpectedly started asking me about what I had seen in the news the previous day. When I told her the latest about a conflict, that was happening at that time, She gave me four extremely hard strokes accompanied by the phrase "Don't mention zee war".

That was the only time that I have heard a real life German use the word Zee instead of The. She was a big fan of Faulty Towers.

Ronnie: I found it funny. P was reddening my bottom with a wooden spoon and it split, I burst out laughing and couldn't stop, P wasn't too happy. We didn't resume the spanking.

Hermione: Once we had a phone call during a session. Ron stopped and we let it go to the answering machine, then resumed. It was my fault. I'd phoned my neighbour M to see what she needed from the grocery store, and she said she'd get back to me. 

So we started to think up excuses for why we hadn't picked up the phone. Out doing errands? No, our car was in the drive. In the crawlspace getting out decorations? Christmas was long past. Gone for a walk? She might have noticed we hadn't walked past her window. I called her back later and M didn't think to ask why I hadn't picked up, and I didn't volunteer. But now, we always laugh about it, and ask each other if M is going to call, or say let's hurry up so we're finished before M calls. 

Stay safe and keep smiling!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #375

Welcome to the first day of Spring here in the northern hemisphere. To celebrate the end of winter, our good friend A.J. suggested this cheerful topic to take our minds off the ever-present virus threat.

Can you tell us a humorous spanking-related story? Did something ever happen that made you laugh at the time? Do you have a funny anecdote that will make us all smile?

I can't wait to read your humorous anecdotes, so please leave them as comments below. Once everyone has had a chance to contribute, I will publish an edited summary of our conversation, with a suitable laugh track.

Friday FAIL

Let's have some fun with quotation marks, When they are added unnecessarily, they are called scare quotes. Using them casts doubt on the truthfulness of the word in quotes.

 

 

 

Stay safe, everyone!

A Long-Lost Friend

Last week Bonnie told us about a discovery Randy made while cleaning out the basement. I had a similar experience on the same day.

Many years ago I bought a toy called Humphrey the Humping Dog at a joke shop to amuse my mother-in-law, who was ill at the time. Later, I took Humphrey to work and we all had fun with him there. A few  years on, I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen the toy anywhere. After a lengthy search, I decided that he must have been pilfered from my office and I hadn't realized it at the time. 

Last week Ron decided to clean out the closet in our computer room. He came downstairs with some empty paper shopping bags and asked if I wanted to keep them. He handed me two empty ones and a third that seemed to have something inside. It was Humphrey! I told Ron that I has searched for him years ago, and he replied that he hadn't known. I think Ron had forgotten where he'd put Humphrey, and also that I'd been looking for him.

Humphrey now lived on our bed's metal headboard, and greets us with his happy cries whenever we squeeze his paw. Here's another Humphrey in action.

Speaking of friends, morningstar, where did your comments go?

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for March 14

Our topic of the week was unfair spankings.

Bonnie: Randy and I have an understanding. I grant him blanket consent to spank me whenever and however he decides is appropriate, necessary, or desirable. I trust him completely. In exchange, he grants me the right to opt out for any legitimate health or safety reason. This part we take seriously.

Within those bounds, if I object to a spanking, it's usually because I think his concocted rationale is flimsy, nonsensical, or just plain dumb. In such cases, I generally accept the spanking under protest and revisit the topic later. I often share this aspect of our relationship on the blog.

While I may occasionally gripe that a particular spanking was unfair, it happens within a framework that I wholeheartedly endorse. As Randy reminds me, "It only hurts for a little while."

Joe: As I have told T, she may spank me whenever and wherever she wants and however she chooses there are no unfair spankings. The only thing that would be unfair is refusing me when I request one.

Wendel: I spanked the Misses on my Birthday a few years ago. She cried unfair since the birthday boy/girl is the one that should be spanked. I told her it was what I wanted for my Birthday so she would just have to take it. For me, it is a spanking and I like being spanked no matter the reason. 

Roz: There has been the odd occasion that feelings were strong and I was feeling out of sorts, not so much that I thought it was unfair or not justified. However, on these occasions I felt even more out of sorts after the spanking. We managed to talk thing through and resolve the issue.

Prefectdt: I very rarely get spanked as a punishment and when I do it is usually because I feel guilty about something and I have requested the punishment. So boringly I have to say no, I have not received a spanking or other punishment that I have thought unfair.

Jack: In this household, no way, my wife spanks me when needed, trust me. My wife does not always spank when I mess up, so when she does spank it is justified and what makes it worse is that a spanking will not stop if a friend of hers drop in, and with my mother-in-law she has seen it from beginning to end. If I had told my wife this, boy would I have trouble sitting.

Rosco: This happens all the time. I’m really very well behaved. Irene spanks me because she’s fussy, demanding, and frankly a little bitchy at times. She also believes corroborated rumors she hears about things I supposedly did.

I explain how unfair these spankings are, but I only get spanked longer and harder.

P.S. Just kidding. It’s all consensual. I complain because I want more punishment. She does like to make it hurt, but it’s all a game. A fun, erotic game.

KDPierre: A play spanking for any "reason" is not considered unfair by me, but we also do DD. And THAT I take seriously so the reasons have to make sense. We had one instance a long time ago where I went along with the spanking even though I didn't agree with it for the same reasons others have stated. It was a disaster.

Now, Rosa and I have a simple understanding: we are just plain honest about it all. If I am guilty I don't "play protest". If I don't see her point, she will wait until I do and then we proceed. And if I am adamant, we talk it out instead. But this last option is rare, but I appreciate that it's part of our understanding.

Rosa has a lot of power, and she knows it. She has no desire to jeopardize our arrangement by insistence on something volatile, just because we have a DD relationship. A lot can be accomplished without rigidity. Firm is fine. Rigid is just too prone to later resentment. And bottom, sub, or whatever you want to call me, I WILL NOT submit to something I see as genuinely unfair or inaccurate. Like I said, if Rosa just feels like flexing her muscle, that's all she needs to say. But I have a hard time when a "reason" is given that is not accurate or fair. 

Baxter: I can only think of one instance in which I initially thought the hard whack with the paddle was an unwelcome surprise. I had just lost my job and I was laying bare ass on the futon and my wife spanked me very hard once with a thick paddle. It got my attention and it stung for a while. Other than that, I ask for spankings and my wife is happy to accommodate my request. 

Terpsichore: Personally, I think it's unfair that it has been so long since I have received a spanking! :-) Truly, I don't have an honest way to answer this question as there hasn't been any spanking fun going on here for a very long time, but I wanted to check in and say hello. Hope all is well.

Hermione: Like Joe, the only time I would feel I had been dealt with unfairly is if I wanted a spanking and Ron refused.

Thank you all for your very fair answers. Stay safe!

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #374

Welcome to another socially-distanced brunch at Hermione's Heart. The good news is that the vaccine is finally available here. The bad news is, Ron and I don't qualify for it. We will have to wait until the online booking app is up and running, and then book an appointment for April or May, while people much younger than us can drop into any drugstore and get the vaccine on the spot. Go figure! 

That leads me to the subject of today's brunch.

Have you ever received or delivered a spanking that you or the recipient thought was unfair? How did you deal with it?  Were there repercussions?

Please leave your response as a comment. I will publish an edited summary of our discussion once everyone has had a chance to speak.