Complete the Caption

This looks like an interesting book. Do you suppose the woman reading it has led an equally exciting life? Or does she only wish she had?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment and I will publish your revelations in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Let's have some more fun with 50 Shades of Grey.

 A reference book? I think not.

 Avoiding the obvious here.

Grey could work to your advantage. I see several interesting shades.

 She's all set for a fun evening.

 They must be referring to the bad writing.

 This looks like my copy, prepared for a "From the Top Shelf" post or two.

Naughty, naughty

We don't have punishment spankings in our house. They're for fun, erotic entertainment and maintenance. Ron always counters any suggestion that I be spanked for some minor infraction with a flat refusal. To him, spankings are my rewards, not punishments, and I have always agreed, until a few days ago. Now I've begun to think he's changing his ideas, and here's why.

The first incident occurred just as we were getting ready to go upstairs for some recreational OTK fun. Ron had warned me ahead of time how he wanted me to handle the dogs. He reminded me to carry Fang up the stairs because Fluffy wasn't feeling well and sometimes Fang can be too exuberant when he knows there are treats in store. But I became preoccupied with the thought of the upcoming spanking and simply forgot about the dogs. Ron wasn't happy about the chaos and turmoil that ensued, although we finally got the dogs into their crates without any real problems.

I figured it would put a damper on the mood, but once I was bare-bottomed and bent over the bed, the spanking began quite normally. Then, quite unexpectedly, Ron attacked my bottom with a flurry of swats. He was using the wooden shoehorn, as I recall.

"You disobeyed me about the dogs, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sorry, Sir!" I squeaked. Where had this come from?

"Will you do what you're told next time?" he continued, and the paddling became harder.

"Yes, Sir. Ow! Ow!" Was I being punished? I think that's possible.

.
.
.

The second incident happened a week later. I was being treated to the leather paddle and the black strap, with a little of the maplewood spatula for good measure. After a few swats with said spatula, Ron stopped.

"Did you put your belt on top of my watch?" he asked.

"Why are you looking around instead of attending to my bottom? Are you bored?" I turned around and looked too. Ron's watch lay on his dresser, and I had folded my shorts and placed them on the dresser too. The belt buckle did seem to be rather close to the watch, but it didn't seem to be a big deal.

"I didn't hear any glass break. It shouldn't be a problem." Wrong answer. The maple implement struck home hard and briskly on my unprotected bottom.

"Ow! Ow! I'm sorry! I'll be more careful next time," I promised.


Could this be the start of a new phase in our spanking relationship? I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday WIN

Asses seen in the wild...

Happy hump day!

Butt Charger

A new discovery will make charging your phone a whole lot easier. It's called Power Felt, and while it looks like a piece of ordinary fabric, it is actually a thermoelectric device that converts body heat into electricity.

Power Felt can be used to make phone cases. Put the phone in your back pocket and the heat from your bottom will automatically charge the battery.

We bottoms will be able to charge our phones much faster than you Tops. So there!

From the Top Shelf - A Crowning Mercy

Today's fiction selection was sent to me by one of my readers. I'll let him set the scene for you.

"It's from A Crowning Mercy by Bernard Cornwell and Susannah Kells. A young woman called Dorcas Slythe lives in 1643 in Dorset. She has been bathing, skinny dipping in the local river where the local Lordling has come upon her. He saw nothing and nicknamed her Campion after the flowers she had been picking, but her brother reported the incident to her strict Puritan widowed father and the housekeeper Goodwife Baggerlie."

The leather belt cracked onto her back.

Matthew Slythe's shadow was monstrous on her bedroom wall. He had brought candles to her room, unbuckled his belt and his big, heavy face was burdened with God's anger.

"Whore!" Again his arm descended, again the leather slammed down.

Goodwife Baggerlie, whose hands were in her hair, was pulling Campion across the bed so that Matthew Slythe could whip her back.

"Harlot!" He was a huge man, bigger than any man who worked for him, and he felt a thick fury within him. His daughter naked in a stream! Naked! And then talking to a young man. "Who was he?"

"I don't know!" Her voice came in sobs.

"Who was he?"

"I don't know!"

"Liar!" He brought the belt down again, she screamed with the pain and then his anger took over. He thrashed her, shouting that she was a sinner. Her was in a blind fury. The leather tip of the belt lashed on the wall and ceiling and still her [stubbornness] drove his arm so that her screams stopped and all he could hear were her helpless sobs as she lay curled at the pillow end of the bed. Her wrist was bloody where the belt had caught it. Goodwife Baggerlie, her hands still tangled in Campion's hair, looked at her master. "More, sir?"

Matthew Slythe, his short dark hair dishevelled, his big, red face distorted with anger, gasped great lungfuls of air. "Whore! Harlot! You have no shame!"

Campion wept. The pain was dreadful. Her back was bruised, bleeding in places and the leather belt had strapped her on back, belly and arms as she had scrambled away from his fury. She said nothing; she could hardly hear her father.

Her lack of response angered him. The belt whistled again: she called out and the lash cut into her hip. The black dress hardly dulled any of the force.

Matthew Slythe's breath was hoarse in his throat. He was fifty four now, yet still an immensely strong man for his age. "Naked! Woman brought sin into this world, and a woman's shame is her nakedness. This is a Christian house!" He bellowed the last words as he brought the belt down again. "A Christian house!"

~

Matthew Slythe was shaking now, his fury subsiding. He put the belt about his waist and buckled it. He had cut his hand on the buckle but he did not notice. He looked at Goodwife. "Bring her down when she's tidy."

"Yes, sir."

This was not the first beating she had been given; she had lost count of the times that her father had harnessed God's wrath to his right arm. She sobbed, the pain blurring everything, and Goodwife Baggerlie slapped her face."'Get up!"

Well, that was a bit harsh. I hope the story ends well.

You Completed the Caption

This sketch promted some hilarious captions, and here they are!


Simon: I'm sorry Mr Darwin but I still don't see how evolution explains why female buttocks are so delightful to spank.

Six of the best: The first gentlemen says, as they are on there way to witness a flogging given to a female spy. "The authorities tell me that her bare bottom is most voluptuous". The second gentlemen says. "I wonder what it will look like after, she is given 25 strokes from a pliable stinging cane".

SNP: "A firm hand and good spanking always keeps Charlotte in line when she gets into mischief."
"Charles, ol' boy, I think you might be right. Meg is going to feel this cane on her bottom for her latest antics."
"Sounds like our ladies will both have trouble sitting comfortable at the play later on."
"Indeed it does my friend." And with that the parted ways to take their women in hand.

Minelle:  I understand you are feeling powerless, but you must assert your authority! Take control of your wayward wife my good man. Spank her bottom!

Ricky: Hey, bro, do you have a cough-drop?
No, afraid not.
Blast! I guess we'll just have to make our own, then.

Ronnie: "Caruthers, I was most impressed how you dealt with your kitchen maid. You must show me that cane technique."

Red: Best we practise walking with our heads down. When we get home, our wives will want our heads down while they lecture us on the evils of drinking, and then those damnable swishy canes will have us singing louder than we were at the pub... and this time not a merry tune.

Young Lady: The brothers loved putting their listing up on Craigslist "Identical Twins looking for a good time" and scaring all of the frat boys!

Bonnie: Thereafter, the phrase "blind leading the blind" was applied to all manner of ill-advised adventures.

Dave Wolfe: "Thanks awfully, old friend, something restorative at the pub will be very welcome indeed. Who would have thought caning a mere houseful of young women would make me feel my age so?"

Poppy: The one on the right is saying, "I spanked her just as hard as I could but nothing, nothing I tell you."
The one on the left reassures him, "Never fear old chap, we will go back together and she will feel our canes. We will sort her out."

Vfrat25000: Craig, my fake beard itches like crazy.
Mine too but if we can sneak into the Ladies Dormitory at Yale it will all be worth it!

Why are we walking arm in arm?
 I don’t know! But I kind of like it!
 Me too!

I think there is something alive in my beard!
Give it a rest, Poindexter. Last week you thought you invented the Internet!

Do you really think this cloak and dagger disguise stuff is all that necessary just to attend a spanking party?

Hurry up William. I need to go pee!

Finally. Let’s get started. The judges for the Wet T-Shirt contest have arrived!

Lea: Tom and Joe thought the outfits would hide their identities on the way to the spanking party, but it just ended up making them more conspicuous.

Lillie: I know, me too, Reginald. I am so glad we unloaded our stocks in RCA and booked passage on the Titanic.

Ana: Guy on left, under his breath: Stop grimacing. It can't have hurt that much.
Guy on right, grimacing: Let's see you spanked with your own cane and see how much you smile.

Hermione:  Watson, you behaved abominably at the club, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to cane you before sending you home to your wife.

A. Lurker: "Well Nigel, that was a real waste of time. We spend all afternoon donning this attire, not to mention the fortune we spent on these canes, in preparation for the spanking party."
"I agree, Sebastian. Then it ends up as a sausage fest!"

Prefectdt: The anti Gillette revolutionaries where still being picked up by the authorities, no matter how low key they made their meetings.


Thank you all for having fun with me this weekend. Have a great week!