Friday FAIL

A random assortment of bottom-related FAILs for you to enjoy.

Tighten those glutes!

How about "Hello" for a start?

Masochists love going to the dentist

A likely story. Do you think she bought his explanation?

This is a true story. Many years ago I took a course in ergonomics for the workplace. Our instructor made us do this as a way to loosen up and get the kinks out of our bodies. I never dared suggest it to my workmates.


For more laughs, be sure to Complete the Caption.

Complete the Caption

There are so many possibilities for a caption for this picture, I don't know where to start! I know you'll all come up with some real zingers, so complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I'll publish them in an upcoming post.

LOL Days are coming

It's nearly time! In just seven days we will once again be Loving Our Lurkers. On November 12-13 all bloggers will be asking their silent readers to come out of the shadows and say hello.

The rules are simple. Compose a Love Our Lurkers post, inviting your lurkers to leave a comment. You can have some fun by asking a question or two that they can answer, or you could simply tell them to say "Hi". It will help if you allow anonymous comments for the day.

I will be maintaining an ongoing LOL Days post with a list of all participating blogs. When you publish your post, let me know the post's URL by email (click on the Canadian flag in the sidebar) and I will add your blog. I'll post a reminder the day before.

To help you prepare your LOL post, here are some images you may like to use. The backgrounds are transparent so they will work on any blog. Or if you prefer, use one of your own.

Let's all try to make this the best Love Our Lurkers celebration ever!

From the Top Shelf - The End of Innocence

Voting has been on my mind lately. We've just had a round of municipal elections in our province, and thankfully that's the end of Ford Nation. In my own city, three of the candidates Ron and I voted for were elected, so we are pleased with the outcome. I consider it very important to vote whenever I can, because voting is a privilege that women have not always enjoyed. Things were very different in 1907, the year The End of Innocence by Paul Little is set. Today's selection is taken from it, and I had images of Downton Abbey in my mind as I read it.

Young Eleanor Woods - a housemaid, a beautiful young woman, a virgin - was in sexual danger, far behind the high walls of a palatial estate in Albany, New York, on one sunny May afternoon in 1907.

And no one could know her plight, or come to her aid. Eleanor might as well have been a medieval slave girl, immured behind the thick walls of a castle, which the estate in fact resembled.

A tall, self-conscious, light-brown haired young lady of twenty, she stood now in the bedroom of her employers, Matthias and Lucy Hartley, with her face crimson and her hazel eyes huge with consternation.

Her eyes were downcast and she fumbled nervously with the apron that fitted neatly over her black and white uniform.

Matthias Hartley, a handsome, arrogant-looking man of about 45, motioned to her to come closer to the bed on which he and his wife lay. In his rich scarlet dressing gown, and with his neatly trimmed beard, he looked every inch the wealthy aristocrat he was - but to the nervous Eleanor he appeared only as a demanding tyrant. Hesitantly she stepped nearer.

"Mrs. Hartley and I, young lady, have had just about enough of your scandalous carryings-on. And now this! What do you think our neighbors are going to say to us each time they see you? We've treated you almost as a family member rather than as a servant - even sent you to take business courses at college. And now the Dean writes to me to say she is considering suspending you for your wilful behaviour. You know, young lady, perhaps I wouldn't be quite so angry with you if this were merely a matter of your going out with a young man against the rules of the school. But what you have done is totally immoral and shameless!"

"But, sir," the scarlet-faced beauty stammeringly protested, "that's not fair! I believe in the cause, and I think it's shameful, since you choose to use that word, that men won't give women the right to vote. Women are every bit as smart as men and -"

"And that is quite enough!" Matthias interrupted. "Lucy, are you going to stand there and listen to this incredible servant girl of ours try to change the nature of the world? Not content with getting up in class and talking like this, she and a few other misguided females walked around the campus with placards!"

"Perhaps the girl meant no harm," said the beautiful Lucy Hartley, sitting beside her husband on the bed. A stunning blonde of about thirty-five, Lucy had a figure fully as lush as that of the young girl standing before her. But Lucy also had a coldly sensual face, and a cruel expression around the eyes, so Eleanor distrusted the older woman's apparent sympathy.

"Nonsense," replied Matthias. "She needs discipline."

"What kind, darling?" asked Lucy, wide-eyed.

"The corporal kind," Matthias said, looking Eleanor straight in the eyes.

Eleanor gasped as her little fists clenched and her shoulders straightened. "Oh no, that's too much! I'm a grown young woman. You haven't any right to punish me, not that way."

"The last time I gave any of you servants the strap, young lady, was too long ago," said Matthias. "Two weeks, in fact."

Eleanor's knees began shaking in fear, for she'd heard strange and terrible stories of the beatings the Hartleys sometimes administered to their servants.

"Still, I shall restrain myself, and permit my wife to do the honours," he went on.

Lucy looked down and murmured, "Oh no, Matthias, I just couldn't." But her hand seemed to be caressing Matthias' leg tightly under the covers. And Matthias was rubbing Lucy's shoulder slowly, very slowly. Eleanor saw that, and realised that her fear and her shame were exciting the couple on the bed in a way she didn't fully understand. They seemed unable to keep from touching each other, and that made Eleanor tremble all the more.

It made her angry too.

"No! You can't! It's shameful!" Eleanor cried out tearfully. "I shall run away, I shall, if you do this awful thing to me!"

"And now you are threatening me, are you, Miss?" Matthias rose and strode over to her, then slapped her face. Eleanor cried out in pain and shame. "Now your mistress will attend to you, and I'll be watching to see that you don't escape a single blow! Help me with her, Lucy! Onto the bed with this insolent little baggage!"

Lucy Hartley pretended to obey reluctantly, but her eyes flashed and she was breathing heavily. Disregarding the girl's struggles and protests, they tossed her on the bed, face down, where she writhed helplessly beneath their four hands. And those hands, Eleanor felt through her confusion, were darting everywhere on her body at once - rubbing into her armpits, slipping sensually over her breasts, pressing between her buttocks, and even passing lightly over her mound.

"Please, please don't," she protested, but they ignored her. And somehow - she was ashamed to realise - she was obtaining some enjoyment from their wanton touches. Twisting her head helplessly, she even felt a peculiar thrill at noticing that Lucy's plump breasts were now close to falling out of the nightgown that barely covered them.

But then Matthias rushed over to the nearby wardrobe and returned brandishing a short leather strap. No, no, thought Eleanor; they were serious. And Matthias handed the strap roughly to his wife.

"Now, Lucy, you must show this girl that she has no right to talk in that way. You must make her regret the fact that she even considered such talk. Her behind will be well warmed by a good thrashing and perhaps she will learn an important lesson. I certainly hope that she does."

Then he sat back down on the bed and with one large hand pushed Eleanor's skirts right up and exposed her bloomers. The other hand pinned the girl's wrists down so that she was stretched out, completely helpless.

Seeing Eleanor's white-clothed bottom shake and tremble in pitiful struggle, and knowing that the young servant was completely at her mercy, Lucy felt her excitement mounting pleasurably. Matthias smiled at her. Turning so that Eleanor couldn't see, Lucy rubbed the strap against her own crotch, and nodded at Matthias. "Let the games begin," he said.

Then Lucy brought the strap down with a resounding smack. Eleanor cried out and bit her lip. The thick leather strap came down hard and fast on her thinly covered bottom, and Eleanor trembled. She bit her lip harder and tried to endure the pain. Ten times the belt came down on her arse and ten times she shivered and cried.

And yet, as the blows descended - with plenty of time between each, so that Eleanor had to wait fearfully - somehow she felt the pain turning into a warmth which suffused her bottom-cheeks and even, to her shame and confusion, her sex itself. In her embarrassment, she tried at least to turn her face away from her tormentors but Matthias prevented that.

"She's trying to look away, Lucy, but that would spoil our fun," he said, forcing her head round once more so that she faced his wife. "We want to see exactly how much her face is flushed."

Lucy had paused to catch her breath. "But that's so cruel, my dearest," she said, yet the huskiness in her voice revealed how much she was enjoying this game. "Why her coyness might just mean that the girl is - aroused - perhaps from being partly unclothed in front of you."

Eleanor's embarrassment knew no bounds. Lucy approached and placed a hand on Eleanor's bottom; sensitive as that outraged behind now was, the touch inflamed. "Perhaps we should check the girl for damage, Matthias," Lucy said softly, pulling down Eleanor's bloomers slowly and deliberately. Eleanor began crying, in fear and humiliation.

"My, my, those plump cheeks are as red as cherries," Matthias said. "I think they need some very close attention." At those words, so obscenely suggestive, Eleanor felt a sudden warm throbbing deep within her sex.

"Yes I think those poor cheeks need a bath," Lucy said leaning forward. Astounded, Eleanor felt a smooth wetness on her bottom.

What followed was a very naughty three-way sexual encounter that was blush-enducing, so I conclude the excerpt here, except to say that a good time was had by all.

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for November 2

This week's topic dealt with telling a new person in your life about your interest in spanking.

Dan: I would wait until the relationship is a little established. Even if someone might not be interested if the issue is sprung on them early, they may be willing to try for someone they are comfortable with.

Baxter: It was well into our marriage, which this year is 31 years. Probably I brought it up early and was turned down as being a pervert. But 0 or so years ago, she understood after reading a Fiona Locke book of spanking novels. I had to ask her for a spanking and she gave it. It now is becoming more of her telling me to bend over. Just as I want it.

Alex: While I know lots of couples who were able to introduce the idea of spanking into a relationship after it was already formed with great success, I honestly think that if you're looking to find a new relationship and spanking is important to you, it might make sense to date in the spanking community intentionally. I know lots of people who have met on sites likes www.spankingpersonalads.com and it's worked out really well for them. It can be tricky to find someone who is both compatible with you as a person and a spanko, but I think that starting with the common spanking interest can be the better way to go!

Arched one: Our spanking started later in our marriage. It started with me giving her light pats during sex, then one night she told me to roll over and spanked me. After it was over she said you liked that didn't you. I told her yes and later we checked a few spanking sites and she has been spanking me since.

D: As early as possible; decide if your future partner can live with an often red and smarting bottom, and before her trial spanking whether she is going to charge you with assault or snuggle happily in to your arms on completion. Her first spanking should not be on her bare bottom, tight jeans or skirt will be fine, nor with an implement, a well applied hand will provide all the sting she needs. If she is ok with that, it won't be long before she graduates to a hairbrush on the bare, and then who knows?!

Bogey: I would not want to be with anyone that did not share my spanking interests. I would introduce spanking after a few dates.

sub hub: In my FLM, the idea was brought up well into the marriage. The only way I felt comfortable bringing it up at all was because I loved her very much, I trusted her very much and we always had a policy that we could be honest with each other without fear of, well, rejection. That being said,  there was no guarantee that this lifestyle was something she would agree to just because I brought it to her. Thankfully, everything worked out that way.

Wisdom comes to us later in life. Knowing what I know now, I would now always recommend that whenever the desire is realized, there must be an honest conversation about it within a relationship.

Nina: Hubby introduced spanking, and he did that early, while dating, before marriage. But we started with the playful version and he communicated that he wanted dd in our relationship. I had no clue about dd until he told me, but I felt absolutely safe with him and trusted him completely. It was good that I did that. Maybe he was just clever in how he introduced dd, because I already knew the good-girl version of spanking from him and was open to try dd.

Whether this approach would always be the best, I don’t know. But if dd is so important for one of the partners, they should really discuss this, the other partner should learn about it and try small steps. I think honesty is important here and I cannot imagine that a partner who craves dd but does not communicate this need, could be happy in the relationship in the long run.

Nevertheless, I know that not everybody is open for dd and discussing the topic then could cause problems.

Six of the best: If your date displeases you, tell her she needs a 'good spanking'. If she consents, give her one right that moment. Hopefully she will also consent to you giving it on her knickers down bare bottom.

Six, I'm glad you included "if she consents" in view of the current allegations against an extremely popular Canadian radio personality and his non-consensual violence toward the women he dated.

Sir Wendel: I would suggest finding out early in the relationship. I tested the waters during dating. When the opportunity presented itself I would give her a little smack on the bottom. Turned out she liked it and often returned the favor.

Jenn: If he's completely opposed to the idea, it doesn't matter when you do it. If he's into it, earlier is better. So go for it and bring it up on the third date. If he's pure vanilla, at least you'll find out early.

Hermione: If spanking is an important part of your life and you need to find a partner who enjoys it too, it's important to bring it up, but not on the first date. If you are compatible in other ways, then introduce the subject in a casual, light-hearted way and judge the response. Mentioning 50 Shades of Grey is an easy way to get the ball rolling.

What if there is real chemistry between you, but the object of your desire has no interest in spanking? Then you have to decide whether it's worth pursuing the relationship for all its other merits, or breaking it off. There is always the possibility that the two of you may eventually be on the same page, but do you want to take the risk? It's a difficult decision.

Stay tuned for more news about Love Our Lurkers Days, coming soon to a blog near you.

Spanko Brunch 2.0 #44

Welcome one and all to our regular weekend discussion. Today I'd like to share a question I received in an email. The writer is currently unattached, but is looking for a permanent relationship with a person also interested in spanking.

When is it appropriate to bring up the subject of spanking? Should you wait, or introduce it early in the dating period? How do you suggest this be done?

Leave your reply as a comment and I will publish your suggestions once everyone has had an opportunity to speak.

You Completed the Caption

Hallowe'en parties were never this much fun when I was a child. Your captions prove it.


Simon: Okay I believe you, you are a real fairy. Now give him back his proper head.

Leigh: "My eyes are up here."

Jimisim: Hi Little Red Riding Hood, what happened to your skirt?
The big bad wolf got it but fortunately the rest of me got away.

Elle: That's not exactly the Princess Peach/Toadstool costume I remember from when I was little!

(And I really was the Mario princess one year when I was in elementary school! LOL!!)

Julia: "Princess Peach, I have never seen you without your skirt before!"

Jon Montavega: "I'm so embarrassed. My mother made me wear it."

"I know. the shoes don't match. But my butt soon will."

"Are they real? Only her plastic surgeon knows."

Welcome, Jon!

Ricky: I'm sorry, my spanking card is all filled up.

Sir Wendel: Yes dear, that dress makes your butt look big.

Six of the best: Hermione, If you come to the Halloween party as BOTTOMS UP, I'll come as PAYNE CANE.

Kingspan: Several members of the cast of A Midsummer Night's Dream liked to privately rehears Taming of the Shrew instead.

Hermione: What do you mean, this isn't a spanking party? I came dressed for distress.