Friday, June 20, 2008

... by Its Cover

Last summer I went out of town on a work-related course. I was pleased to find that the location of the training centre was a mere three blocks from an adult toy store I had never visited before.

During the lunch break I hurried out for a quick shopping trip. I'm sorry to say the selection of implements was pretty sparse: one wooden paddle with holes and a vibrating riding crop. Were they sold out of everything?

The selection of books was extensive and they were attractively displayed by category. The title of one caught my eye immediately: 100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed. Yes, that looked like a juicy read for the evening. I bought the book, tucked it into my shoulder bag to hide the distinctively marked plastic bag it was in (whatever happened to plain brown wrappers?) and hurried back to resume my education.

When we were dismissed for the day, I eagerly hurried back to my hotel, stopping for takeout pizza and salad along the way. I was looking forward to a cozy evening.

I changed into something comfortable, enjoyed my dinner, then settled into bed to read, my vibrator within easy reach. I opened the book and started. It was an autobiographical account written by an Italian schoolgirl. She described teenage angst, copulation, a motorcycle, more copulation, more angst, oral sex, a weird boyfriend....

So where was the hairbrush? I was 50 pages into the book and still hadn't found any spanking. There was plenty of intercourse, but frankly, graphic descriptions of sexual activity leave me dry cold. The book was boring!

I started to speed read, flipping pages quickly to find the 'good parts'. There weren't any. What I found instead was a single paragraph that explained it all. The author described how her mother has always taught her to brush her hair 100 times each night. Aargh! A hairbrush used on hair!

I abandoned the book. And the vibrator. But the problem of what to do with the book remained. I was reluctant to pack it in my suitcase and bring it home with me. That just added extra weight to my luggage, and I would still need to dispose of it. I didn't want it. Could I toss it into the wastebasket in my room? Leave it for the chambermaids to find?

I couldn't return it to the store. What would I say? That they misclassified the book, and it shouldn't have been displayed in the S&M section because there was no spanking in it?

I wrapped the book in the plastic bag it came in and the next morning, on my way back to class, I tossed it into a garbage container on the street. That was a waste of $16.99 plus tax!


Paul said...

Hermione, they do that with movies as well.
Show you an exciting bit in the trailer, the only exciting bit.
Love and warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Hermione, that would have been a great let down and I am sorry you had an experience like that. Of course the author should have been spanked for naming that book that way! And the bookstore owner should have been spanked for putting it with the S&M section. You could have returned the book and told them you had changed your mind! That way you could have gotten your money back and not waste the money on the book! Wonder what Ron did if he found out? WEG! LOL!

Mr. Williams said...

I only laugh because I believe Abby did the exact same thing with that book! Too funny! But, isn't part of the fun spending the rest of the day keeping the secret book in the bag hidden and imagining what the story is going to contain...sometimes the act of purchasing something like that, along with the excitement of trying to keep it to yourself in public can be better than the book itself. Sometimes, it can even be worth $16.99 plus tax.

Lady Koregan said...

Ooh! Frustrating, frustrating, frustrating.

I would be willing to bet the store did it on purpose to boost sales, figuring that most people would not bother to return the book. Unfortunately some shops are that way.

I can't say I ever approve of throwing out a book, but I'd think a spanking for the store staff might be in order.

I file most adult stores under 'untrustworthy' in my brain I'm afraid. When I see a product I think I might like or a book title that looks interesting I make note of it, then go home and look it up. If it turns out to seem to be worthwhile, then I can always come back for it. I've saved myself a lot of time, money, and aggravation that way.

Ms. Betty

Greenwoman said...

I thought Mr. Williams has the right attitude about the whole thing. *grins*

Hermione said...

Paul - Yes, you're right. If you go to the movie you will already have seem the best bits.

Pest - Change my mind about reading a kinky book? LOL
Ron knows when I go on a trip, I shop!

Mr. W - That is too funny! Abby and I are twins in many ways!
Yes, the sweet secret of what you're hiding and the anticipation of an evening of pleasure are fun!

Ms. Betty - I agree with you about throwing a book away. Shameful! Few of our adult stores have any books at all, so I seized the moment. I didn't think of looking it up and coming back the next day, but will do that next time. (Or at least check for the good parts before I buy.)

Greenwoman - He does, indeed! I felt exactly that way when I bought out latest leather paddle on another lunch break. But that's for an upcoming post.


Michael said...

Hermione, sorry to hear about your book misadventure, but your lunch break success with the purchase of your leather paddle sounds very interesting. Cant' wait to read about it.


Abby Williams said...

Hi Hermione!

Sorry I'm late in filling in my side of the story Mr. Williams hinted at! The actual tail (ahem, tale) is that I was working at Barnes & Noble when "100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed" came out. It was actually mentioned in Publishers Weekly, and so I was titillated even before its arrival. Once it did show up, its lack of spanking, not to mention its lack of especially interesting sex, made it lose its appeal, even with a 30% discount.

Then, the reason I own the book to this day walked through the door: a petite dark auburn-haired woman, somewhat older than me, gorgeous, sexy, and asking me for 100 strokes of the brush before bed at the Information counter. Not only did I show her the book, due to a lack of staffing I also rang her up before starting to make my way back to Information. She paused before leaving, noting that I was walking past her. She turned, thanked me for my help, and - get this - smacked my bottom with the book she'd just purchased.

It may not have been 100 strokes, but one in public from a random beautiful woman in the bookstore? Good enough!


Hermione said...

Michael - I had fun remembering the paddle shopping trip as I wrote it. I'll be posting it in a couple of weeks.

Abby - What a great story! A random public swat is definitely a good reason to keep the book around, as a memento.

BTW Amazon seemed to think the book had S&M in it. Did I miss something? Or were they taken in by the title too?


dwcmike said...

Sadly, we were all mislead by that cover... I was hoping you were going to recommend the book

Lucy said...

I'm very glad I read your post because the book has been sitting in the bottom of my underwear drawer for about six months now. I keep trying to read it and losing interest. Now that I know there's no spanking I'll need to find a stealthy way to dispose of it.