Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Pervertable from H***

This could easily rival Bonnie's MOAP (mother of all paddles) as the most evil instrument known to any bottom.

It was a Christmas gift, not from Ron but from a vanilla relative. It lives in my kitchen, and I need two hands to hold it by the handle. Handmade from Canadian hardwood, it is about 2 feet long and nearly 3/4 inch thick.

It was designed for a very specific purpose. Not bottom-warming, although you might think so. Any guesses?

It's a baguette board, just the right size to cut and serve the long, chewy loaves of bread.

Most of the time it stays hidden in a hard to reach upper cupboard, so a certain person won't get any non-vanilla ideas about it.


Lady Koregan said...

Hermione, dear.

You do realize that giving your Ron ideas is exactly what this entry is going to do, right?

Good luck.

Ms. Betty

Anonymous said...

Hermione, the first pic I could guess could be used as a cutting board! LOL! I am not sure about the other pic since that is the first time I have seen one of those. LOL!

I agree with Ms. Betty that this post will give Ron ideas but then again wasn't that the point of this my dear? *WEG*

Hermione said...

Ms. Betty - Oops, silly me. Now I've done it, haven't I?

Pest - The second pic was just meant to show readers what a baguette was, but I suppose I wouldn't mind being spanked with one.
As for giving Ron ideas, well, I guess I have. There are no accidents!


Jess said...

You are definately braver than me ..that would have gotten lost in my



Unknown said...

We too love baguettes and have a smaller and thinner but similar bread board hanging in our kitchen. Unfortunately, Hermione, I am out of town until Friday night and so can't immediately move it to a safer spot, if he happens to read your blog before the weekend. Which he might, except it is chaos in his office this week. So it may be all your fault, Hermione, if he decides to bring it upstairs, just to try it out. Perhaps you should issue PSA's before similar future posts warning tops/spankers not to look, or spankee bottoms to be prepared. Mind you, Haron tried that and it didn't seem to work.

Hermione said...

Jess - It is pretty well hidden, and I just make sure I 'forget' to buy baguettes each week.

jo - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, that chaos overcomes blog-reading.

That's a good idea, about a warning. In my next post, I'll share an idea for easy disposal of unwanted implements.


Terpsichore said...

that looks like it would do the trick with just one swat...I would keep it hidden... :-) LOL

PK said...

Well if Ron does somehow get the idea to use this thing please do tell us all about it!


Brooke D said...

I can imagine the crazy stinging, dancing around holding both cheeks effect that board would have if used any way other than lightly even once! I have a bamboo cutting board that is 10 inches long by 7 inches wide and 1/2 inch thick, not including the handle. That thing can light me on fire instantly even over my jeans when applied vigorously. Good luck to you if(when :) Ron decides to use your bread board! And thank goodness you don't do punishment spankings!


Hermione said...

Terpsichore - My thoughts exactly!

PK - I certainly will.

River - Your cutting board sounds pretty evil.


Greenwoman said...

I enjoy your pervertables posts. *grins*

Hermione said...

Greenwoman - Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I love pervertables and my curious soul would have to know just how it feels. Curious soul = sore bottom.


Anonymous said...

I have one of those. I love my bread lolz. And no, I'm not likely to let it anywhere near my ass!