Meet the newest member of the team

Isn't this a beauty? It's a lovely carved wooden paddle, suitable for hanging on the wall in any room when not in use for you-know-what. It's 60 cm (24 inches) long, and the other side is plain and flat. Would you believe I can actually feel the difference between the two sides on my bottom.

Ron and I were in my favourite thrift store recently and as usual, we made a trip down the aisle of wooden items, just in case. I spotted it half-covered by a wooden bulletin board that had a painted duck on top. Bending down, I pulled it out and held it up for my husband's inspection.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Isn't it gorgeous?"

Ron looked a little embarrassed. It was unlikely anyone nearby could guess the purpose we would put it to but he shook his head. "No, put it back. We don't need it."

I obeyed. Temporarily. We didn't need another implement, but I wanted this one. A day or two later when I was out alone, I returned and looked for my treasure. To my great relief, it was still on the shelf. I paid for it - only $3.99 plus tax, such a bargain - and carried it out to the car, wrapped in a plastic bag. I left it in the trunk of the car when I arrived home and waited until the next morning to slip outside while Ron was still asleep and bring our newest acquisition inside. I took a few pictures of it first, then hung it on the implement rack where my husband would see it next time I was due for a spanking.


Sure enough, on our regular date night, I walked into the bedroom and saw it lying on the bed, ready for action. Instead of being annoyed that I had bought it in spite of his order, Ron was pleased. He picked it up.

"Look, I'll have to use two hands," he demonstrated.

I suddenly had second thoughts. "Well, go easy until we find out what it can do."

Rather a lot, as it happened. It packed quite a wallop, made a satisfying sound, and was sturdy enough not to need a lot of force behind it. And it didn't break. We were both impressed.

Tax time is always stressful for us. I choose to put off the inevitable until the last day, but Ron set aside most of last Saturday to do his. Needless to say, he was quite grumpy and out of sorts by the time he was done, and he owed a sizable amount. When it was time for spanking fun, I wasn't sure what to expect.

Our new carved paddle lay on the bed waiting for me. Ron said simply, "taxes" as if that explained everything. I guess it did. Every swat helped him to get his frustration out. As he paddled, he grumbled aloud:

"I hate doing taxes."

"I hate paying taxes."

"Eight hundred and twenty-three dollars!"

"Stupid government."

"Using my money to buy fighter jets."

"Not gonna get it!"

By the time we were done,  I felt well-paddled and Ron felt much better. He even smiled as he put away the implement. I hope I'll feel as cheerful after I do my taxes this Saturday.