Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Wednesday WIN

Police arrived at a house to reports of a possible domestic incident only to find that the commotion was being caused by a couple frustrated by Ikea furniture.

 I can relate to this news item because Ron and I have frequently struggled with assembling furniture that comes in a large flat cardboard box. I know what it's like to try to figure out which of the hundreds or pieces fits where, with the aid of an instruction sheet written by someone who's first language is not English, with diagrams that don't match the parts we have in front of us. Add to that a husband who insists on starting with whatever pieces are closest to him, instead of at Step 1; who sends me off for additional tools every two minutes; who forces pieces together and chops bits off to make them fit...well, you get the idea.

I wouldn't be surprised if the sounds of loud spanking alerted the neighbours. Although in our case, it would have been a celebratory spanking after the item was successfully assembled.

From Hermione's Heart


Unknown said...

Too funny and likely true.

Terpsichore said...

I can totally see that...haven't purchased anything from Ikea...but have bought furniture that needed to be put together - in which the directions were in some combination of English and gibberish and some of the pieces did not match and my husband had to cut it to the right size...frustrating to say the least Hugs

Mellie said...

I firmly believe there is one quality control person who's job is to decide what will be wrong or missing from each box.

Anonymous said...

LOL I loved this! My husband and I cannot work together at all! One time we were trying to built a shed in the backyard and I wanted it to be a certain way as it was going to be my shed... just something small and cute... He wanted one that was as tall as our house! It was a monstrosity! We were yelling at each other in the backyard like lunatics. It was very funny when it was all overwith!

Fondles said...

I remember BIKSS doing up my baking station in the kitchen. yes. from ikea. at some point i gave up shoving the diagrams in front of his face. until things didn't fit no more. at which point he says to me - what's it say on the instructions? i rolled my eyes. i did. and i wasn't sorry about it either! LOL

Aimless Rambling said...

I saw this before, it is a hoot but so very true.

Cat said...

ROFL...this brought back a few memories of trying to put flatpack furniture together.

I purchased a TV stand years ago and put the entire thing together only to realize after it was all glued and was upside down! And then two years ago, I bought a new TV stand for a flat screen TV and put it together. My youngest came by to help me attach the TV to it and discoved I had managed to pinch the carpet between two pieces I had screwed was attached to the floor! He was able to fix it without ruining the carpet. :D

Thanks for the memories and giggles Hermione.


ronnie said...


I can relate to this as well. We had a flat pack piece to assemble but the instructions were in every other language but English. We did figure it out in the end.


Katie said...

LOL Hermione!!! That store is famous for having items with more pieces than a large Lego kit!!! And yeah- quite often a piece is irregular or missing. Not surprised to hear that it caused a commotion somewhere!! :)Their stuff is certainly popular. Many hugs,

<3 Katie

Hermione said...

Leah - I'm sure it is true.

Terps - Our husbands sound like twins!

Mellie - Welcome! I quite agree with you.

Sara - We assembled a garden shed in our backyard. It took a whole week, because the rule was this: as soon as we started getting cross, we had to stop work for the day(or at least for a few hours) to cool off.

Fondles - What is it about men and reading instructions?

Leigh - Unfortunately, all too true.

Cat - ROFL here too. How funny!

Ronnie - Bravo! You must be very logically-minded.

Katie - I've only been to an Ikea once, but we can order by mail or online. Haven't done so yet.


Julia said...

You know, I love Ikea furniture and am always amazed at how easy it really is. :D

Simon said...

Yes the instructions aren't always totally clear but I suspect there may be another problem. I in common with most men believe that instructions are there to be ignored and will always attempt to assemble any item without reference to them as I clearly know better than the people that actually made the thing in question. This frequently leads to temper tantrums involving a lot of swearing and shouting. Only once has this lead to a spanking but posibly if I had been punished more frequently on such occasions my shelves and bookcases etc might not fall down with such depressing frequency.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it isn't quite fair to IKEA, the instructions normally aren't in text at all, they are made up of pictograms, and sort and number of tools are very clearly depicted. So domestic disturbances can only arise, where people also find it difficult to read traffic signs.
Have anyone noticed, that IKEA furniture seems to be very popular amongst spankos? There's a certain high barstool with a kind of red bended seat, Pacific Force has used the low grey pouff with steel legs, and also the stool with a seat, you can screw up and Down has been used. IKEA has gone to the movies!
Regards tppbnk20

Erica said...

I love John, but I believe that assembling IKEA furniture with him would be right up there on the scale of hell next to my recent root canal experience!

Baxter said...

I must be a real pervert as I thought the story was going to end up that the couple made the furniture and it turned out to be an elaborate spanking bench and the cops gave them the third degree about what it was and what it was for. But I agree with the instructions you get with the furniture that comes from the other side of the ocean and ya wonder if you have enough screws or bolts or nuts and will the pieces go together. Good blog.