Friday, February 17, 2017

Friday FAIL

After my husband Ron retired, he insisted on accompanying me on my trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, like most men, Ron found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, I love to browse and that leaves Ron with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday I received the following letter from our local Wal-Mart:

Dear Ms. ______:

 Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. ______, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice: "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away".
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.

 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked,  "Where is the fitting room?"

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks passed out.

Thank you,
The Management
Now we do our shopping at Target.
From Hermione's Heart


Roz said...

This is hilarious Hermione, can't stop laughing. Awesome pranks which deserve a spanking lol. Some of these are priceless! I definitely relate to the eCard too when in the supermarket.

Thank you for the laugh, hope you have a wonderful weekend.


Glenmore said...

I'm tempted to try a few of those myself now Hermione!Sounds like Hubble may be in big trouble!

abby said...

Very funny....thanks for a morning laugh. hugs abby

Aimless Rambling said...

This is hysterical. Thanks for sharing.

ronnie said...

Oh Hermione. Funny, can't stop laughing. Thanks.


Erica Scott said...

I love this. Thank you for the pre-coffee giggle (those are rare, believe me).

Minielle Labraun said...

I am laughing so loud! Number 10??!! Omg just omg! Thanks for the laugh!

Rosie Jones said...

This is so funny, Hermione. I like the last two best.
Thanks for the giggle.
Rosie xx

Unknown said...

This made for a great Friday afternoon laugh. And yeah... I so detest Walmart that I definitely relate to the shopping cart issue. I sometimes can't even make it from the parking lot to inside the store without having a melt down which then results in a good spanking for me on my arrival home. Note to self... shop anywhere other than Walmart.

Cat said...

Thanks for sharing, Hermione...absolutely love this! Have seen several different versions but laugh every time. Oh yes...I do get road rage in Walmart when people block the aisles while they visit. LOL

Hugs and blessings...Cat

an English Rose said...

Hi Hermione, oh so funny, am not showing this to hubby, he might pick up some tips,lol!
love Jan, xx

Hermione said...

I'm glad you all enjoyed this as much as I did. I will confess, however, that this is an oldie that has been circulating for a few years. When Ron sent me the latest one, I couldn't resist doctoring it a bit to share with you.