Monday, December 20, 2021

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for December 19

What advice would you give to a spanko entering the dating scene?

Bonnie: I have no relevant experience to share, but in this pandemic world, a virtual approach seems like a good way to start.

Wendel: I would think the online might be better. There may be keywords that tip off interests in spanking. Either way just be yourself and honest. 

Roz: Hi Hermione, oh yum, I'll have some cookies please.

Tough question, I'm really not sure what advice I would give. Perhaps online would be a good start. That way you can look for someone straight away who shares an interest in spanking. As for when to broach the subject, maybe it depends on how much the other person also being into spanking or not would be a deal breaker.

Jeanie: I look forward to what others might post here on this week's topic. It speaks to me & my situation. I'm vaccinated & boosted, but this virus has shut down my love/spanking life! I've tried with no success. Has anyone heard of a site called It was just recommended, but I haven't been able to log-on yet. I'd REALLY like any good advice anyone can offer.

Spanking would HAVE to be an integral part of any meaningful relationship with me, so if I meet someone via a vanilla channel, I usual start inquiring about their "interests" on the second date. I'm curious what others think about this, too!

Fondles: I think these days there are very few opportunities for the traditional in-person method. It is likely that a large number of people will be exploring online options more than IRL ones, spanko or otherwise.

I have not brought up spanking in any of the chats I've engaged it, altho I might have talked about BDSM or Dom/sub a little bit to gauge the other person's knowledge / feelings of it. I guess I would say wait until after the first couple of dates before bringing it up cautiously.

Jack: I was looking for a woman who would be the lead in the marriage. There were times especially after sex would be asked what I was thinking or what I want. It got to the point that I best not bring up spankings, relationships ended fast. I soon found myself dating older women, I in my 20's, they mid 50's. When it came to that part of the relationship they were more opened, understanding, not saying they were into it, but more retrospective, understanding. Bea, was the one who understood, it was after sex, laying in bed, she said, her terms, and said it had crossed her mind, my behavior, attitude, I just was asked, to accept or not. I said yes, she smiled, and said remember I decide. 

It was a month later, we had just visited her best friend and back at her apartment, she said to go to my place, and said she was upset with me and needed time to calm down. She finally came to the apartment, asked if I remember what I agree to, I said yes. Well let's say the spanking was more than I thought it would be, but afterwards, it was what I needed. We dated for another year or so, she then introduced a girl my age, nothing about spankings was mentioned, I thought. 

I kept in touch with Bea, since this person was a good friend. I recall one visit,  a couple of  months after meeting this person, Bea looked at me and smiled, said do you wish a pillow to sit on. I had been given a very sound spanking and part of the punishment was to visit Bea. We got married, Bea's gift was a bath brush, and I got what I needed and more. It is a windy, tricky road, but it you wish for something hard enough it will come true and you will find that person. 

Prefectdt: These days, I think that online is the way to go, but I would not do it through a vanilla dating site, so I never have. Perhaps there are spankos that have hooked up through a vanilla site, that would be worth reading about. In pre-internet days, I did have a little success with local paper adverts, but in those days there were recognized code phrases that you could drop into an ad. Such as "Must be strictly English" usually put into the ad after a statement that you were open to advances from people who are of different racial and cultural backgrounds than yourself. Would anyone recognize those codes now? Is there a new set of codes that I don't know about? Codes would be useful now, they used to be.

Rosco: I would say I was looking for someone interesting and enthusiastic about life, adventurous and open-minded - and leave out anything overtly sexual or spanking oriented.

If people like each other, they’ll be motivated to try to be sexually compatible. Maybe it’ll work and maybe it won’t. My wife of 39 years would never have responded to an initial inquiry about spanking, but she is very much into giving me the discipline I need now.

Relationship first, spanking second (or third).

Ronnie: I don't have any experience in this but as other have said, think online would be a good way to start.

A.J.: Just find a terrific person and forget the spanking stuff. It may happen and it may not, but don’t lose a great person for this.

Barrel: I’m the wrong person to ask as I’ve been in a relationship/marriage with my lover for over 45 years. While I try to stay current with options and trends, there are others far more qualified to answer this than I. However, I value the connection capability on line. I am a believer that face to face is the best meaningful way to get to know anybody, for anything. While it may be a bit of a delicate dance, enjoy each move. 

Enzo: As someone who has been dating for the past few years with this specific search criteria, I could write quite a bit about this. LOL

Online dating has become the go-to method these days and the best bet for dating regardless of if you are searching for another spanko or someone vanilla.

I’ve had some luck finding like-minded women on the vanilla dating sites actually. I have dropped in a subtle but key word into my profile that someone in the know would recognize. That can serve as the ice breaker after a few text exchanges. I do not list explicit or direct titles or phrases. That might work for some, but also comes across as arrogant in my opinion.

My advice to women seeking a spanking partner is the same advice I would give to any women who doesn’t share these preferences, but is looking for any online date. Be very careful! and take it SLOW!
I have met quite a few women who upon meeting some one like-minded let their guard down and started taking chances that can be dangerous. I’ve heard some unfortunate stories as well.

My advice to men seeking a spanking partner is the same regardless of what they are looking for in a date - Don’t be a creep! Respect women and also take it SLOW!

Hermione: I would hate to be in the position of having to find a new spanking partner. In the before times (pre-covid) I would have said meeting someone with common interests at work or a recreational activity was a good way to start. If there is a spark of mutual attraction, then approach the subject cautiously. But in the dangerous world of today, online seems to be the only way, although it can be dangerous in its own way.

KDPierre: My only advice is that if this important enough to you to be reading blogs like this and others, make sure you DO have that conversation at some point. The fact is, and I do mean that there is quite likely someone out there perfect for you who ALSO shares this interest. Ignore the interest in favor of other factors and you'll likely regret it at some point. I also think this is an easier subject to broach now, in 2021 than it was in say, 1980.

Thank you all for sharing your advice.

From Hermione's Heart

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