Dead Butt Syndrome

Recently I read an article about the sorts of injuries you can get if you're a dedicated runner. Each injury had a specific name, and here they are:

Overtraining Syndrome
Runner's Anemia
Snapping Hip
Dead Butt Syndrome

Say what?

That last one is an inflammation of the tendons in the gluteus maximus, caused by having weak glutes. Runners who don't cross-train are prone to it.

The symptoms are a sharp pain in the hip, and discomfort sitting for long periods.

The cure is to cut back on running and do strengthening exercises. Deep tissue massage is recommended to break up the scar tissue and increase blood flow to the buttocks.

That's very intriguing, since the syndrome sounds very much like the after-effects of a good spanking. My butt is usually numb, and I experience the same symptoms.

As for the cure, "deep tissue massage" is probably a euphemism for spanking.

Where are my Nikes?

Sleepy Spanking

This weekend has been absolutely phenomenal in terms of weather. The temperatures are seriously higher than seasonal, and it feels like midsummer instead of early spring. We have all been spending long hours outside, and after a frigid winter of staying indoors where it's warm, we are intoxicated by the fresh air and sunshine.

Fluffy, our crazy young dog, runs laps around the yard when he isn't chasing squirrels and robins. Fang, a sedate older canine, enjoys strolling and sniffing for squirrel poop. When he finds some, he rolls in it blissfully. Crookshanks the cat watches them both disdainfully from the window. Ron and I have been raking, cleaning, and otherwise preparing for another busy season of gardening, barbecuing and enjoying the backyard.

All this sun and exercise takes its toll. By late afternoon we all feel quite exhausted. It isn't so much the activity as the fresh air. We have had our fill of moving around and doing things. We will adjust to outdoor activities in a week or so; it's only the first few days that affect us this way. But I suspect that any spanking I receive this weekend will be delivered and received by two sleepy people with their eyes half-closed, stifling yawns between the swats. And the dogs won't even notice; they'll be fast asleep!

Instead of hunting for Easter eggs, you just might find me curled up under a bush beside one. Happy egg hunting, and happy Easter!

Get Fit for Fall

As a fitting end to Spanko Food Week at Hermione's Heart, let's all feel the burn!

Is Your Bottom Ready?

Get your backside ready for the rest of the summer with these three handy tips.

1. Take the stairs whenever you can.

2. While you're stair-climbing, straighten each leg and lift it straight back.

3. Do squats.


And to prepare your backside for some special attention, these three exercises can be done during spare moments throughout the day.

1. Practise bending over every available chair, sofa arm, desk, railing or table whenever you can. Include a few toe touches because you just never know.

2. Take a deep breath. While exhaling, say "ow, ow, OW" loudly and forcefully. If you think someone is staring at you, switch to "ho, ho, HO" and say you're playing Santa at the office Christmas party.

3. Clench one bottom cheek, hold for a count of one, then release. Repeat on the other side. Continue to alternate sides for the length of an average spanking.

Do these three simple exercises daily and you - and your backside - will be ready for summertime spanking.

Go Ahead - Motivate Me

On the subject of whether spanking provides suitable motivation for exercising, I thought this quote was appropriate:

People don't change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.

David Brooks, New York Times Editorial

That settles it, then.

Spank for Your Health

It's official. The BBC revealed that the National Health Service has identified energetic sex as a way to keep in shape. "Sex with a little energy and imagination provides a workout worthy of an athlete." That sounds like spanking to me.

We all know about the physical benefits we get from our favourite aerobic activity. Now we can feel confident that an official study confirms what we have known all along.

Spanking is good for you!