Why are women so reluctant to spank men? Here are the reasons you came up with.
Downunder Don: For us spanking is the ONLY time that Mumski willingly gives up power and control. So I know that she feels uncomfortable when the tables are turned and I ask for a spanking. I think that she identifies strongly that it is her place to submit to a spanking and in so doing receive what she wants....and not the other way around
Dragon's Rose: Dragon doesn't want to be spanked and the thought of spanking another
man is just gross. So the idea of spanking a man is not an issue I even
think about. It feels too much like role reversal to me.
Roz: I have on occasion spanked Rick, but in a more playful way. It just doesn't sit totally right. I am definitely the spankee.
abby: I have given Master some playful swats...but any more than that...I
cannot imagine...for me, it is my nature to be submissive. In general, I
think it is partially a cultural thing....
Lindy: Bear has informed me he is the spanker in our house. We tried reversing
the role once in fun, but he didn't like it. So I'm the submissive one
here.
Nina: Hi Hermione, if it was just the occasional swat on a hot bum, I am sure
many women like doing that. Spanking men in general? I think that there
are many dominant women, not only dominant men, so I'd imagine them
spanking their submissive men too.
I couldn't spank hubby, that
would not feel right and good for me at all. I think none of us could
see any positive in that; the other way round is what we want and do. :)
Ella: No, No, No. That could never feel right. Me being spanked by Sam is
what I have craved my whole life long. If even once I ever spanked him,
the roles would be forever changed. And not for the better.
I
have tried to explain it before. Sam being dominant is like breathing
pure oxygen. It is natural and necessary. Sometimes he doubts a
decision he makes. I tell him honestly that he cannot make a mistake.
Anon 1: V knew about my spanking fetish before we wed, but we were never too
involved with it outside of a playful birthday spanking and infrequent
use as foreplay. For about 6 months in 2014 we tried disciplinary
spankings with corner time and accountability, but as that got more
serious and intense, it was clear that only I was getting anything out
of it. She had to go into kind of a trance to even get through it. So I
quit asking her to spank me. Mom must have been telling the truth when
she said, "this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you."
Recently I saw a professional disciplinarian, and V agrees that is the
preferred way for us to go forward.
Anon 2: Nature endowed the ladies with the most delightful rounded bouncy
bottoms, ideal and asking for, a good spanking, which will raise them to
a smarting, sexy burn, without doing any lasting damage. The male
backside however is firmly muscular, and of little attraction for
spanking, and the delicate female hand would make little impression on
it, unless wielding a forceful implement. I feel that she would only
want to spank her man if he had just given her such a severe hiding that
she was thirsting for revenge. Only once was I caught, leaning out of a
window trapped by the sash across my back. She was very cross with me,
took down my trousers, and used a cane on my bare rump, until I was
asking for mercy! Soon after she was in a similar pose, the cane
striping her lovely bottom, after which I parted her cheeks to bring her
to a happy ending. Now it always her bottom in the firing line.
Jenn: For me, I don't enjoy controlling a man and seeing him in pain. I don't
want to be with a man who requires my frequent correction. I want a man
who is strong, directed, and fully in control of himself.
We use
spanking to re-establish our roles and to keep me from taking charge of
everything in the relationship. I am allowed to take charge of
everything for days at a time, until it becomes too much for him and he
feels the need to correct me. It's a good thing for our relationship.
We
could not use spanking to keep him from taking charge of the
relationship, because he doesn't try to do that on a daily basis. So,
it's just not necessary.
Having said that, I will be willing to
"play" every now and then in the future, delivering a few firm whacks
with the wooden paddle. He says he'd like that, although I don't really
want to see him going sub. I like him as a dominant man.
[Note: I
am in a new relationship, the first ever with a real intellectual and
physical connection -- including spanking! I love it. I feel like I
finally have it all!]
Wilma: I think most women are reluctant to spank a man for various reasons.
The first being the answers you are getting from submissive women here.
For many of us the physical aspect of ttwd goes hand in hand with the
mental dominance.
I would imagine on top of that would be the
cultural or traditional upbringings we've had. Older movies, tv shows,
stories, seemed to lend themselves to a woman being 'put in her place'
usually with a hand put on the right place. When it came to men being
put in their place, it usually involved the comment of a fry pan upside
the head. So perhaps just as some men have grown up with the idea that
women shouldn't be punished or spanked even for fun, women have grown up
with the idea that men are the stronger sex physically and therefore
spanking them would equally be out of place? (For the record I don't
think I am wording this properly.)
Baxter: I am the spankee/spanko and thankfully my wife has no issues using a
paddle, crop or wooden spoon on my bottom. I occasionally spank her, but
most of the time it is her spanking me. It took quite a few years of
bringing it up occasionally for her to catch on and with 32 years of
marriage behind us, she is agreeable to spanking me with whatever is
handy and I love it.
Sir Wendel: Like Baxter my missus has no problem tanning up my backside. Hopefully it never changes.
Ronnie: That's a hard one and I don't have an answer. My opinion, I wouldn't say
reluctant to but don't want or feel the need to. It depends on their
relationship and their upbringing. I think a lot of men wouldn't want a
women to spank them. Some women would think they have to be dominant and
certainly wouldn't want to be that. They think spanking a man was out
of place, not right. I don't know.
Kaelah: A very interesting question, thank you Bogey and Hermione! I would like
to throw in some thoughts on my behalf. I think I'll try not to let my
comment become too long, though, and write a more detailed post about
the topic on our blog.
Since I am a switch and like getting
spanked as much as spanking, I am of course not reluctant to spank men.
But I think I have come across quite a few reasons why other women are.
1.) Initial reluctance to top as a newbie:
I've
experienced that myself. Even though I was never opposed to the thought
of spanking another person, I preferred to make my first experiences in
the scene as a bottom. That way I could rely on the guidance of an
experienced top and get a feeling for how it is to be on the receiving
end before topping another person. I've seen quite a few (especially
young) women who started out as spankees only and developed into
switches or maybe even exclusive tops after a while.
2.) Personal sexual preferences:
Even
among those for whom spanking is "just" a form of erotic play, some
people simply only enjoy being on the giving or the receiving end. Maybe
they even try out switching but decide that it doesn't give them the
thrill they are seeking.
3.) Spanking in D/s-, DD-, M/s-relationships:
The
majority of men and women in these kinds of relationships only seem to
practise spanking with their partner. It is more than sexual play here,
though, it is about permanent roles in the relationship. One is the
dominant / HOH / leader / daddy / master or however a certain couple
defines the role while the other is the submissive / follower / girl /
slave (in an M/F-relationship, of course there are similar
F/M-relationships as well). I've come across very few exceptions from
that rule, but it seems to me that usually the concept of these
relationships connects the role of the spanker with the role of the
leader and doesn't allow for any spanking experiences the other way
round. So, if a woman in such a relationship sees herself as the
submissive, she has no interest in switching because she wants her man
to be in the role of the leader all the time and being the spanker is a
part of that role.
4.) Cultural background / traditional gender roles / religious beliefs about gender roles:
I
think this approach is even more extreme than the last one I wrote
about because it is based on the assumption that men and women generally
have to fulfil certain ("naturally given") traditional gender roles
which also define their role when it comes to (erotic) spanking.
According to this belief the fact that men are usually physically
stronger than women also means that they are the natural leaders in a
relationship who should take their (soft, submissive) woman in hand.
Since spanking is seen as an expression of that male dominance and
strength there is only one "correct" way according to this belief - and
that is a man spanking a woman.
5.) The "Men who seek out being spanked or are spanked can't be real tops / are weak" approach:
I
think this one is closely connected to number 4, but I guess you can
also find it among women who only seek spankings for erotic fun and go
to spanking parties. The idea behind that is that someone who isn't
toppy / dominant all the time isn't a "real" top / dominant.
So
much for the reasons I have come across why some women are reluctant to
spank men. I would like to add that especially number 4 seems to depend a
lot on the country people live in – it is obviously much more common in
the US than, for instance, here in Germany (where there are also quite
many spanking parties for men who see spanking as erotic fun and like to
be on the receiving end). I have many personal thoughts on the
different approaches but I will write more about them in a separate post
because this comment is really long already.
Hermione: I have no statistics to go by, but there are plenty of male visitors to my blog who are regularly spanked by women. I think that willingness to spank is not gender-related. The natural inclination is either there or not there in both men and women. If a person has no desire to spank, but that person's significant other wishes to be spanked, then it's decision time. Spank because the partner wants and needs it? Or decline because it's distasteful or outside one's own level of comfort?
Would I ever spank Ron? No, because it's not something he wants. He is the dominant partner in our relationship and I an the submissive one. But if he asked me to—not that he ever would—I would comply, even though I might do so reluctantly. But who knows? I just might come to enjoy it!
Thank you, everyone, for your insights.
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