Monday, December 14, 2015

Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for December 13

Why are women so reluctant to spank men? Here are the reasons you came up with.

Downunder Don: For us spanking is the ONLY time that Mumski willingly gives up power and control. So I know that she feels uncomfortable when the tables are turned and I ask for a spanking. I think that she identifies strongly that it is her place to submit to a spanking and in so doing receive what she wants....and not the other way around

Dragon's Rose: Dragon doesn't want to be spanked and the thought of spanking another man is just gross. So the idea of spanking a man is not an issue I even think about. It feels too much like role reversal to me.

Roz: I have on occasion spanked Rick, but in a more playful way. It just doesn't sit totally right. I am definitely the spankee.

abby: I have given Master some playful swats...but any more than that...I cannot imagine...for me, it is my nature to be submissive. In general, I think it is partially a cultural thing....

Lindy: Bear has informed me he is the spanker in our house. We tried reversing the role once in fun, but he didn't like it. So I'm the submissive one here.

Nina: Hi Hermione, if it was just the occasional swat on a hot bum, I am sure many women like doing that. Spanking men in general? I think that there are many dominant women, not only dominant men, so I'd imagine them spanking their submissive men too.
I couldn't spank hubby, that would not feel right and good for me at all. I think none of us could see any positive in that; the other way round is what we want and do. :)

Ella: No, No, No. That could never feel right. Me being spanked by Sam is what I have craved my whole life long. If even once I ever spanked him, the roles would be forever changed. And not for the better.

I have tried to explain it before. Sam being dominant is like breathing pure oxygen. It is natural and necessary. Sometimes he doubts a decision he makes. I tell him honestly that he cannot make a mistake.

Anon 1: V knew about my spanking fetish before we wed, but we were never too involved with it outside of a playful birthday spanking and infrequent use as foreplay. For about 6 months in 2014 we tried disciplinary spankings with corner time and accountability, but as that got more serious and intense, it was clear that only I was getting anything out of it. She had to go into kind of a trance to even get through it. So I quit asking her to spank me. Mom must have been telling the truth when she said, "this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you." Recently I saw a professional disciplinarian, and V agrees that is the preferred way for us to go forward.

Anon 2: Nature endowed the ladies with the most delightful rounded bouncy bottoms, ideal and asking for, a good spanking, which will raise them to a smarting, sexy burn, without doing any lasting damage. The male backside however is firmly muscular, and of little attraction for spanking, and the delicate female hand would make little impression on it, unless wielding a forceful implement. I feel that she would only want to spank her man if he had just given her such a severe hiding that she was thirsting for revenge. Only once was I caught, leaning out of a window trapped by the sash across my back. She was very cross with me, took down my trousers, and used a cane on my bare rump, until I was asking for mercy! Soon after she was in a similar pose, the cane striping her lovely bottom, after which I parted her cheeks to bring her to a happy ending. Now it always her bottom in the firing line.

Jenn: For me, I don't enjoy controlling a man and seeing him in pain. I don't want to be with a man who requires my frequent correction. I want a man who is strong, directed, and fully in control of himself.

We use spanking to re-establish our roles and to keep me from taking charge of everything in the relationship. I am allowed to take charge of everything for days at a time, until it becomes too much for him and he feels the need to correct me. It's a good thing for our relationship.

We could not use spanking to keep him from taking charge of the relationship, because he doesn't try to do that on a daily basis. So, it's just not necessary.

Having said that, I will be willing to "play" every now and then in the future, delivering a few firm whacks with the wooden paddle. He says he'd like that, although I don't really want to see him going sub. I like him as a dominant man.

[Note: I am in a new relationship, the first ever with a real intellectual and physical connection -- including spanking! I love it. I feel like I finally have it all!]

Wilma: I think most women are reluctant to spank a man for various reasons. The first being the answers you are getting from submissive women here. For many of us the physical aspect of ttwd goes hand in hand with the mental dominance.

I would imagine on top of that would be the cultural or traditional upbringings we've had. Older movies, tv shows, stories, seemed to lend themselves to a woman being 'put in her place' usually with a hand put on the right place. When it came to men being put in their place, it usually involved the comment of a fry pan upside the head. So perhaps just as some men have grown up with the idea that women shouldn't be punished or spanked even for fun, women have grown up with the idea that men are the stronger sex physically and therefore spanking them would equally be out of place? (For the record I don't think I am wording this properly.)

Baxter: I am the spankee/spanko and thankfully my wife has no issues using a paddle, crop or wooden spoon on my bottom. I occasionally spank her, but most of the time it is her spanking me. It took quite a few years of bringing it up occasionally for her to catch on and with 32 years of marriage behind us, she is agreeable to spanking me with whatever is handy and I love it.

Sir Wendel: Like Baxter my missus has no problem tanning up my backside. Hopefully it never changes.

Ronnie: That's a hard one and I don't have an answer. My opinion, I wouldn't say reluctant to but don't want or feel the need to. It depends on their relationship and their upbringing. I think a lot of men wouldn't want a women to spank them. Some women would think they have to be dominant and certainly wouldn't want to be that. They think spanking a man was out of place, not right. I don't know.

Kaelah: A very interesting question, thank you Bogey and Hermione! I would like to throw in some thoughts on my behalf. I think I'll try not to let my comment become too long, though, and write a more detailed post about the topic on our blog.

Since I am a switch and like getting spanked as much as spanking, I am of course not reluctant to spank men. But I think I have come across quite a few reasons why other women are.

1.) Initial reluctance to top as a newbie:
I've experienced that myself. Even though I was never opposed to the thought of spanking another person, I preferred to make my first experiences in the scene as a bottom. That way I could rely on the guidance of an experienced top and get a feeling for how it is to be on the receiving end before topping another person. I've seen quite a few (especially young) women who started out as spankees only and developed into switches or maybe even exclusive tops after a while.

2.) Personal sexual preferences:
Even among those for whom spanking is "just" a form of erotic play, some people simply only enjoy being on the giving or the receiving end. Maybe they even try out switching but decide that it doesn't give them the thrill they are seeking.

3.) Spanking in D/s-, DD-, M/s-relationships:
The majority of men and women in these kinds of relationships only seem to practise spanking with their partner. It is more than sexual play here, though, it is about permanent roles in the relationship. One is the dominant / HOH / leader / daddy / master or however a certain couple defines the role while the other is the submissive / follower / girl / slave (in an M/F-relationship, of course there are similar F/M-relationships as well). I've come across very few exceptions from that rule, but it seems to me that usually the concept of these relationships connects the role of the spanker with the role of the leader and doesn't allow for any spanking experiences the other way round. So, if a woman in such a relationship sees herself as the submissive, she has no interest in switching because she wants her man to be in the role of the leader all the time and being the spanker is a part of that role.

4.) Cultural background / traditional gender roles / religious beliefs about gender roles:
I think this approach is even more extreme than the last one I wrote about because it is based on the assumption that men and women generally have to fulfil certain ("naturally given") traditional gender roles which also define their role when it comes to (erotic) spanking. According to this belief the fact that men are usually physically stronger than women also means that they are the natural leaders in a relationship who should take their (soft, submissive) woman in hand. Since spanking is seen as an expression of that male dominance and strength there is only one "correct" way according to this belief - and that is a man spanking a woman.

5.) The "Men who seek out being spanked or are spanked can't be real tops / are weak" approach:
I think this one is closely connected to number 4, but I guess you can also find it among women who only seek spankings for erotic fun and go to spanking parties. The idea behind that is that someone who isn't toppy / dominant all the time isn't a "real" top / dominant.

So much for the reasons I have come across why some women are reluctant to spank men. I would like to add that especially number 4 seems to depend a lot on the country people live in – it is obviously much more common in the US than, for instance, here in Germany (where there are also quite many spanking parties for men who see spanking as erotic fun and like to be on the receiving end). I have many personal thoughts on the different approaches but I will write more about them in a separate post because this comment is really long already.

Hermione: I have no statistics to go by, but there are plenty of male visitors to my blog who are regularly spanked by women. I think that willingness to spank is not gender-related. The natural inclination is either there or not there in both men and women. If a person has no desire to spank, but that person's significant other wishes to be spanked, then it's decision time. Spank because the partner wants and needs it? Or decline because it's distasteful or outside one's own level of comfort?

Would I ever spank Ron? No, because it's not something he wants. He is the dominant partner in our relationship and I an the submissive one. But if he asked me to—not that he ever would—I would comply, even though I might do so reluctantly. But who knows? I just might come to enjoy it!

 Thank you, everyone, for your insights.
From Hermione's Heart

1 comment:

Our Bottoms Burn said...

Thanks for putting the question out there. Regretfully, I did not get enlightened, much beyond it being gross to some. Kaelah was able to break it down and I will look forward to reading her thoughts about it all.

Thankfully, my wife and I enjoy recreational, erotic spanking without a hint of dominance or submission. We can understand those who need to be submissive, but it's not how we roll.