Friday, July 25, 2008

Venus and Mars

It's not easy talking about that thing we do. As I look back, I realize that Ron and I talk about it much more easily and freely now than we once did. I still find it hard on occasion, but not as hard as it was a few months ago, when I tried, and failed, to tell him what I wanted.
I'm sure I got the idea after reading more than one blogger's account of a deliciously long session, and I decided that I deserved one too. So I rehearsed what I was going to say - several times over the course of the next few days - then waited for the right moment when Ron and I were in the kitchen together one evening.
The right moment never appeared. This happened some time before Christmas, when stress levels are always high. Ron was concerned about something and wanted to talk about it. We did, but he seemed preoccupied with the problem, so I figured he wouldn't appreciate it if I changed the subject to spanking. I kept silent.
The next evening was no better. I got home much later than usual, so there was less time to talk. I had rehearsed again and thought I was ready, but the moment still wasn't right. Ron was still, I judged, not in a suitable frame of mind to be receptive to talking about 'that'. But I wasn't happy about it.
I spent a mostly sleepless night rehearsing my little speech, telling myself that my needs were being ignored and just generally feeling sorry for myself. By morning I had worked myself into a state. Ron saw me looking sad and tearful and asked what was wrong. but did I tell him? No. Suffice to say that everything came out the wrong way, I said things I shouldn't have, and never actually said what I wanted to say. At first Ron was apologetic, then angry.
We had a silent breakfast, then established an uneasy truce that lasted through the day until late afternoon. Then more "words" were said, more anger, and I started wishing I had Harry's invisibility cloak to hide under. We struggled through another silent meal, and I fretted for another two hours. Finally, later in the evening, amid floods of tears, I told him how hard it was for me to talk about it, but that I wanted him to give me longer spankings.
Ron quietly said, "Okay." Then, "Is that what all this has been about?"
The poor man. Mars, meet Venus. What he has to put up with sometimes! The bright side was, he was as good as his word, and he gave me a very, very long spanking the next afternoon. Unfortunately that was the only time he did. For all the rehearsing and planning I had done, I hadn't actually made myself clear when I finally got the words out. I had meant every time, not just once.
Communication between us has vastly improved since that awful weekend, I'm relieved to say. But the reason I'm sharing this with you now is because I fear it's going to happen again. I have something similar on my mind that I need to share with Ron and I don't want to make a total mess of it again.
My choices are to say nothing and hope the desire will go away, or to talk about it when the moment is right - good luck with that one - or to just take the initiative and do it.

To be continued.....


dwcmike said...

It is far better to talk about it, and the absolutely right time will never occur.
Our talks usually started while we were driving a long distance, allowing me to think precisely what I wanted to say, before starting. Even with that, it never really comes out right. It did allow each of us to think about the other person's thoughts, and then continue the conversation, as we were trapped in the car.
Having stated the above, be careful to leave both of you a graceful way out of the discussion that does not affect the relationship.
It took us a few years to ever move to seeing another couple, solely for the reason of the men being spanked.
good luck!

Serenity Everton said...

I've had trouble with *saying* the words before, out loud. Sometimes it is easier for me to write it down, even if it is in IM.

As Chris and I started out in a long-distance relationship, he was accustomed to getting e-mails and such from me about things I was "thinking about." Even these days, my office is upstairs and his is down, so if we are off in our respective corners of the house, I will IM him about when we're going to bed and/or about why I don't think he should punish me even though I've broken a rule.

I don't know if writing it down clarifies the issue and approach for you, but it does for me. Sometimes I even write things down even though I plan to say them.

Paul said...

Hermione, you are going to have to say it, we mostly can't read minds.
You have both been at this long enough to know the rules.
I wish you success.
Warm hugs,

Hermione said...

Mike - I'm glad you said, "the absolutely right time will never occur." At least it's not just me.

Sparkle - I very much prefer the written approach. I'd be happy to write things down in e-mails to Ron - we have no idea how IM works. He tends not to reply to that sort of e-mail though, or to blog posts or spanking pics I send him.

Paul - Men can't read minds? Who knew?


PK said...

I think the inability to read minds is one of the greatest shortcoming our men have! Nick and I have only been spanking for 2 years now. I am only now getting to where I can comfortable talk to him about spanking and even now it is not always easy.

Nearly a year a go Nick insisted I write him once a week about what is going on with me. I talk about my job, problems with the kids and of course spanking and like ideas. This is the greatest thing he has done for me. And he spanks if I don't do it too!!

In the beginning he did not always answer but at least I knew he 'heard' me. I can make myself very clear when I write. Now he ofen answers, its usually two or three lines to my two or three pages but that fine with me. And if you can get him alone in a pool for some reason that is a place we do a lot of talking too. Mostly I would say along with the other - don't give up!!!


fanny said...


I have done the same thing myself many times. Why is it so easy to let things get blown way out of proportion in your mind? It sure sounds lame when you finally try to put it into words, doesn't it? It always sounds so good and rational and justified when you're rehearsing it in your mind though.

It is hard to talk about, but Hubs and I are getting better at it all the time. I often have to remind myself that he isn't a mind reader. He is also catching on to the fact that he can just "spank the crank" out of me before it gets out of control...I think that my formerly passive husband is catching on too quickly and too well!

Terpsichore said...

Communication is so is also so difficult...after almost a year I finally have received my first real spanking from my story to speak of really but it was real for me and I am happy and also has made me aware of how much more communication this journey is going to take... take care

Hermione said...

PK - I really like the idea of a regular letter. I just might do something like that - a short note about what's going on to start with.

No chance of getting Ron into a pool, I'm afraid, but I'm glad that works for you!

Fanny - Yes, everything does sound so rational as long as it's in your mind.

"Spank the crank" - LOL. I like that.

Terpsichore - Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! If you do decide you'd like to share your story, I'd be happy to post it for you. You'd be my first guest post!


Anonymous said...

Hermione, as everyone has said, we have to SAY it, because our guys do not read minds, nor do they get hints, pick up signals...they are guys! Yes, Mars and Venus collides! I also email my husband with some regularity. He prefers face to face discussion, and we often end up talking, but when I start with an email on something I am having trouble saying, it helps to get it all out there, before we talk. At least you are talking to Ron, one way or another. Pat yourself on the back because you are venturing where many fear to go, and obviously with success! Good for you!

Pandora Blake said...

I have to use emails to communicate effectively with D. He and I are great at banter and small talk and discussions about our lives; but discussion about the relationship or sex somehow always goes wrong when we attempt it in person. (For reference, D never gives me long spankings either. I'm very lucky to be non-monogamous; it's okay that D isn't really into spanking me when I have another Dom who's so enthusiastic! But even so, I do sympathise with having a partner who spanks you despite it not being his thing. My negotiations with D have been pretty fraught at times, so I do understand what it's like.) I was going to suggest you try email with Rob but I see someone's had an even better idea! A weekly "Dear Sir" letter sounds like it has a lot of potential. Perhaps over time he might even start using it as a "report" on your behaviour?

Best of luck communicating the new thing you want to try. I look forward to hearing how you get on! xx

Hermione said...

Sara - Yes, we have come a bit further since the situation I describe here. Pat, pat!

Pandora - Putting it in writing, somehow or other, seems like a good idea. And to hear how I got on, read on!