Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for February 1

This week we created spanko television commercials.

Rollin: It's a late night ad featuring a fast talking pitchman. Think Dan Ackroyd’s Bass-O-Matic. (This is actually adapted from a story of mine called Aunt Letitia’s Fruitcake)

Do you have a lingering guilty feeling that needs to be expunged, listlessness and boredom with life in general, need motivation to stop some undesirable behavior, or something to spice up your love life? Then come in and get a good sound spanking, just like mommy, daddy or Aunt Betty used to give. That’s right, just come on down to the Spank Salon. We offer specialty therapeutic spanking sessions at our three convenient in town locations. This week we are offering a special discount on our No Nonsense Mommy spanking, our Principal’s Office spanking, and our Trip to the Woodshed spanking. All are twenty-five percent off this week only.

Our clinically trained spankologists are adept at all types of spanking and are fully capable of meeting your every spanking need.”

Our “No Nonsense Mommy” spanking features one of our matronly mom spankologists in a 50’s housewife’s dress seated in a chair with her favorite flat backed hairbrush. Our Mommy will put you across her knee and apply fifty good solid spanks to your naughty bottom. Options are clothed or bare, and scolding is also optional.

Or try “The Principal’s Office.” This one features one of our stern teacher spankologists in severe pencil thin skirt, white blouse with choker collar, high heels, hair pulled back in a bun and black horn rimmed glasses. She will order you to bend over her desk and will then give you ten hearty swats on your backside with the school paddle.

One very popular with our clients who grew up in the country, our “Trip to the Woodshed” features one of our husky farmers or farmer’s wife spankologists in overalls and a straw hat. She or he will take you to our authentic simulated outdoor woodshed where you will drop your britches and bend over the wooden trestle. She will then apply twenty sound licks with the razor strap to your properly presented posterior. Again, clothing is optional.

A free copy of any Rollin Hand eBook if you call now. Operators are standing by.

Dan: Tired of putting up with you husband's surly attitude? Tired of doing all the household chores yourself, while he goes out with the boys? For just three installments of $29.99, we can help you turn your misbehaving man into a humble husband. For that low, low proice of $29.99, you'll get our Guide to a Female Led Spanking Marriage. But, that's not all. You'll also get a genuine reproduction Victorian hairbrush. And, as our special gift to you, you'll receive this wooden spoon that doubles as a disciplinary insturment and a handsome addition to your kitchen tools. It's yours to keep when you order your copy of Female Led Spanking Marriage. Act now! Supplies are limited.

Dr. Ken: I don't really have anything specific in mind, but it definitely would be on the humorous side. After all, the purpose of any ad is to get people to try some new product they haven't tried before. With spanking as the product, you want to lure people in, make it seem fun and inviting. A serious spot might scare them off. So, definitely something humorous, maybe with John Cougar Mellencamps's "Hurts So Good" for background music....

Simon: "Stressed,irritable and grumpy? You need SPANKING! The ancient remedy proven to work on men and women. In only a few minutes you will notice an improvement in your mood. Works best in conjunction with CORNERTIME."

Read out by Dame Helen Mirren over a montage of grumpy-looking men and women who next shown smiling and rubbing their bottoms. The final caption should then say "You must be over 18 to use spanking. Warning spanking may cause discomfort, use in moderation."

Anon: Implements. Find a maker of wooden brushes: hair, bath, clothes etc.and advertise their wares. A well presented bare white bottom, peeping out between raised skirts and lowered panties which then gets a sound spanking from one of the brushes, ending with a closeup of its smarting redness at the end of the minute. A different brush could feature each time the commercial is aired, and at the end of the week, viewers could vote for the most effective with a chance to give the spanking in the next series, for the best reply.

Bonnie: My commercial features a dozen quick closeup shots of smiling people, young, old, male, female, different ethnicities, different orientations, and different socioeconomic positions. Each person's face is brightly illuminated against a black background. Each person says one word - "Spanking" - with their own unique grin.

At the end, white capital block letters fade in against a black background. They read, "SPANKING: MAYBE NOT WHAT YOU THINK." At the same moment, there is the sound of a wooden implement solidly impacting against bare skin immediately followed by the voice of an unseen woman giggling playfully.

ricky: A photo of a seductively clothed butt.
But, on the other hand . . .

Anna: We see a TV screen showing a touchdown being made. A group of women's voices are heard cheering. We see a group of three or four women cheering. In the hands of one woman is a hair brush. Quickly the camera pans across the room there in a corner stands a man bare bottomed with bruises on his bottom. His nose is pressed to the wall.
The camera goes to the woman with the brush. She speaks. "Well Honey another touchdown means another 50!"

Sir Wendel: Flemming’s Brush Company.

“Flemming Brushes come in all shapes and sizes. From bath to hair we have brushes to suit all your needs. Old world craftsmanship provides firm, long lasting marks on our customers. Order now and we’ll throw in our patented carpet beater absolutely free. ”

Jenn: I would have a commercial in the style of those Viagra and Cialis commercials. You know the type - older handsome man, younger attractive wife, being active together, and by the end of the commercial the wife is smiling contentedly. Well, in my ad for "Hurts so Good: Spanking for Life!" you would see the same vague imagery, but at some point the man would say, "Honey, I think we need a little of this..." as he holds out a round leather paddle. She grins and puts her thumbs in the waistband of her pants. Next scene is outside their bedroom window, with "SMACK", her "Ooohhh", his "Mmmm", and a hearty giggle from both. Later, they are shown entwined in crisp white bedsheets in a candlelit bedroom. She's smiling contentedly and he gazes at her, lovingly. The voiceover says, "Spanking: It's Not Just for Bad Girls Anymore" as the couple walk arm-in-arm on the beach at sunset.

In another ad, she channels the Levitra ad and says, "Let's just say he notices a difference in the experience, like a 'we should do this more often' difference."

Ronnie: I think a little taken from all these would make a good commercial about spanking. I couldn't add anything.

Hermione: The scene is a department store. A pretty young girl with long, shiny hair is examining a display of hairbrushes. She picks up a small oval one, looks at it, shakes her head. Chooses another, broad rectangular one and smiles. Pays for it, walks out of the store smiling, carrying it in a bag. Quick shots of getting on a bus, walking along her street, going into a house, smiling all the while. Opens the door, greets a man who is seated on the sofa, hands him the hairbrush and goes over her knee. We watch her being spanked as the voiceover says, "Whacko hairbrushes. They aren't just for hair."

Six of the best: I would show a montage of spanking film excerpts. Each ten seconds in length, Depicting such movies as "Secretary". "Roots of Heaven', and "True Grit". etc.


You've convinced me; I'm going shopping!