Recap: Spanko Brunch 2.0 for August 28

Our question this week was what spanker/spankee combination non-spankos would be most and least comfortable with:

1. Male spanker and female spankee
2. Female spanker and male spankee
3. Female spanker and female spankee
4. Male spanker and male spankee

Bogey: I have no idea how your readers will answer. But, I feel strongly that how ever they answer it may not be the same answer as would be given by non-spankers.

Sir Wendel: I would guess that a non spanker would be more comfortable with female / female spanking. No one gives a second thought to 2 women dancing together at a party so why would spanking be any different. I’ll go with Male / Male spanking for the one they can’t get a grip on.

kdpierre: I think the purpose is more important than gender combination. So what types of spankings are you thinking of? Sex-play/role-play? Dares between friends? Discipline of adults? I really think these distinctions are more likely to determine an outsider's level of acceptance.

That would be a good topic for another brunch. Thanks for the suggestion!

Downunder Don: If an "outsider" had any thoughts at all I think the majority would be more comfortable with any of 1, 2, or 3. But as with most things I think that no. 4 would be most challenging. Once they were on the "inside" I believe they think more like kdpierre's combinations.

Wilma: I would imagine it would depend on the gender of the reader. I think a great deal of straight men might not have issue with M/F or F/F and perhaps even M/M if they are open to men other than themselves having relationships with the same sex. I have been a member of various forums, and the F/M relationship does appear to be the less 'understood' of the combinations, so that is what I am basing my hypothetical opinion on.

 Anon: The male-dominant attitude in our society (US) suggests that #1 would be the major interest. I don't think most guys would even admit to themselves that they could have an interest beyond that.

As for me, I am in the F/M relationship and love it. There is nothing like the anticipation, the pain, the warm/sore reminder, maybe a hurtful bruise afterwards. I wish I had come to grips with my inner needs/desires a couple of decades sooner than I did.

I invite our still non-physical friends - M or F - to bend over, go over lover's lap, or lay over some pillows and submit to what you have fantasized about. What's the worst that can happen? It'll just hurt for a minute, and then you will know if you want it again.

I bet you will.

Roz: I think a non-spanko would better understand 1 and 3, and that 4 would be the combination most difficult to come to grips with. Great question!

Bonnie: Maybe I missed the point, but I think a true non-spanko wouldn't understand or be comfortable with any of these choices. If they did, we couldn't call them a non-spanko. Right?

Right. Maybe instead of "most comfortable with" I should have said "least offended by".

Dr. Ken: I think that non-spankos would trend toward the traditional, so if they were to feel comfortable with any of these, they'd probably be most understanding of M/F, a male led, male oriented relationship. And I think they'd be equally uncomfortable with all of the other options, probably most uncomfortable with M/M.

Leigh: I have no idea because there are different strokes for different folks. I know for me, it's strictly traditional m/f.

Baxter: My wife and I are in the F/M and that suits me, although sometimes I get to spank her. But any of the arrangements work because IMHO being a spanko is not so much about sexual orientation, but the need/want to be spanked and wanting the significant other to do the spanking.

Jenn: Most people are more comfortable with a female spankee, so 1 and 3 are acceptable to many non-spankos. Either as a reflection of parental discipline (1 or 3) or as traditional male dominance and female submission (1). Grown men being spanked is unfamiliar to most, except as parental discipline (2 and 4) or school-type discipline (2 or 4). I'd say #4 make me most uncomfortable. It just seems so foreign and harsh.

Ronnie: If you are a true non-spanker would you be comfortable with any of them?

If you are a non-spanker but curious or wanting to talk to your partner about it - I would think 1, 2 or 3.

Hermione: I think that non-spankos would be most familiar, although not necessarily comfortable, with #2. Over the years, news stories regularly pop up about prominent men found to be using the services of female dommes. Our own Terry-Jean Bedford, the dominatrix who fights for prostitutes' rights, comes to mind. I suspect they would be most uncomfortable with #4.


There was a good variety of opinions on this one, and that's what makes a good discussion. Thank you all for participating!