Hospitality

What goes on in the kitchen of your favourite restaurant? Let's take a peek.

A spanking for everyone who didn't leave a tip!

 

Slava Ukraini
Glory to Ukraine

Friday FUN

Today let's have some fun with restaurant signs. These really get your attention!

I'm not sure what the sign has to do with tacos, but it sure got my attention!


For more attention-getters, drive right through and Complete the Caption.

Black and Blue

Last week we took a drive to a little town less than an hour away to do some Christmas shopping. We were successful in our mission and managed to cross everything off our list. As usual, we stopped for lunch at our favourite restaurant: a British-style pub. I told you about our last visit here, and I wondered what our latest experience would be.

It was busy for a Monday, and the lone server was rushed off her feet, but she managed to take our drink orders immediately and left the menus with us. We had already looked at the menu on their website, but when we saw the lunch specials we both chose the grilled flatbread topped with tomatoes, mushrooms and cheese. Sounds like a pizza, doesn't it?

While waiting for our food I excused myself and went to the ladies' room, wondering if I would see the birch bundle again.

It was still in its corner, looking slightly the worse for wear. (This is the picture I took last time.) On the wall to the right, above the light switch, was a large poster that surprised me. It said:

Black and blue

And proud of it

So it seemed discipline was still being enforced, and that explained the tattered nature of the birch twigs. At least, that was what first ran through my spanko mind. Then I realized that the poster was advertising some sort of beer. I didn't have my phone with me so I couldn't take a picture of it, but it made me smile, and I memorized the slogan so I could share it with you.

We have plans for another shopping expedition next Spring, and I wonder what surprise will be in store for me next time.

Much Improved

Two years ago I told you about a meal we had in a British style pub. In that post I complained about the very poor service we experienced. Last week we decided to give it another chance, because the food had really been very good.

The pub was in a town about half an hour's drive away, so we went early and strolled along the main street, browsing in the shops along the way. When it was time for lunch we found the pub and went inside. It was practically empty - no unexpected large crowds that day. A server came over as soon as we had seated ourselves in a booth, told us the specials and took our drinks order. Unlike the previous time, this server was friendly, confident and efficient. I wondered if the birch rod I had seen on our first visit was still in evidence, and whether it was still working wonders on the staff.

I excused myself and made my way to the ladies' washroom. Sure enough, the fearsome bundle of twigs was still in the same location. I took my BlackBerry out of my pocket and snapped a picture, just for you.

Our meal was excellent although we didn't choose dishes that one would consider authentic British pub fare. Ron had French fries (chips) covered with bacon, melted Cheddar cheese and onions, and I had a chicken and sun-dried tomato pizza. We couldn't finish the generous portions. The server came by several times to check on us and see if we needed anything.

We plan to go back again before winter, to assure ourselves that appropriate discipline is being maintained.

Family Style

This year there are several reality shows on television that make use of hidden cameras to find out what goes on when the owner isn't around to see for himself. My favourite is called "Restaurant Stakeout". The star of the show takes a no-nonsense approach in dealing with lazy, slovenly and unmotivated workers.

My mind began to wander as I imagined the possibilities, and I came up with this fictitious script for an episode of a similar program.

Restaurant Snoops

The stakout - Mama Bellini's family-style Italian restaurant serves great food just the way mama used to make it. The recipes were all developed by Joe Bellini's mother, after whom the restaurant was named.

The problem - online reviews give the food five stars, but there are numerous complaints about the service. Joe is losing money as customers stay away. Joe calls upon famous restauranteur and professional snoop, Billy Deakin, to help him determine why his once-popular restaurant is failing.

Billy and his crew arrive at the restaurant after closing and set up cameras in every possible location, then install monitors in an unused office next door. The next afternoon Joe arrives and is impressed with the ability to watch what happens when he's not around. He and Billy watch the evening service.

Camera 2 - the kitchen
The sous chefs are cooking. The head chef is washing pots.

Billy: "Who's that, doin' the washin'?"
Joe: "That's Gus, the head chef."
Billy: "Your head chef is washin' dishes? Who's the dishwasher?
Joe: That's Anthony. I don't see him."

Camera 5 - the servers' station
Anthony is flirting with the female servers, joking and having a fine time. When the head chef comes out and orders him back to the kitchen, he is disrespectful.

Billy: "That Anthony, he's got no respect. He ain't doin' the job he's paid to do."
Joe: "I fired him once, but I gave him another chance. He's like family."
Billy: "Yeah, that's what every failing restaurant owner tells me. 'I treat my staff like family.' Then they go out of business."

Camera 4 - the bar
Maria is on her cell phone while customers wait for their drinks.
Billy: "Why is she on the phone? Do you allow your bartender to talk on the phone while she's workin'?"
Joe: "I told her to leave her phone in her locker. That's the rule."
Billy: "So she's breakin' the rule and there are no consequences. No wonder your customers ain't comin' back."

Camera 7 - the floor
Clarissa, a new server, doesn't know what dishes are served "family style", leaving the customers at the table confused.

Billy: "Look at her, she don't know the menu. You say your staff is like family, but you don't train your staff. What's up with that?"
Joe: "I guess I was a little lenient with her because she's just starting out."
Billy: "If she was my employee I would be strict, not lenient."

After service, Joe calls an impromptu staff meeting.

Joe: "I called you all together because there are a few things we need to change..."
Billy walks in unannounced. "I'll take over from here, Joe. I'm Billy Deakin, world-famous restauranteur, and Joe here called me in because he's been losin' money. From what I saw of the service tonight, and the bad attitude of some of yous, there's gonna be some big changes. There will be rules, and consequences for not following those rules. I'm gonna meet wit' each of yous tomorrow and show you exactly how that's gonna work."

The next day, Billy sets about showing Joe exactly what "family-style" means. They are in the empty restaurant. Joe notices that Billy has brought a large wooden paddle from the kitchen with him. It's the one the chefs use for stirring the big pot of tomato sauce.

First up is Anthony.

Billy: "Anthony, last night I saw you jokin' around instead of washin' dishes like you're supposed to be doin'."
Anthony: "Yeah, so what, I would'a done 'em later."
Billy: "So from now on, your job is to wash everything that the chefs put in the sink, right away, and don't leave the kitchen until your shift is over.
Anthony: "Hey, man, that's not fair."
Billy: "It doesn't have to be fair. Them's the new rules, and if you don't follow 'em, there's consequences."
Anthony: Oh, yeah, what 'consequences'?"
Billy: I'll show you. Joe, are you watchin'? I'm gonna show you how to follow up when employees don't obey the rules. Anthony, turn around and bend over the table."

Anthony is nonplussed. He hesitates for a moment, but Billy outweighs him by at least a hundred pounds and has a mean look in his eye, so he complies. Billy picks up the wooden paddle and quickly applies six sharp, stinging blows to Anthony's well-padded posterior.

Anthony: Hey, that hurts!"
Billy: "It's supposed to. Now get up and look at me. Six for a first offense, six more for each additional offense. Joe here will be askin' Gus about your performance and he'll be keepin' track. Understood?"
Anthony (rubbing his bottom): "Understood."
Billy: "Now get outta here." Anthony leaves quickly.

Billy: "Joe, you get the idea?"
Joe: "Um, you mean I gotta spank them when they don't do their jobs?"
Billy: "Exactly! This is a family-style place, you gotta step up, be the father and do your job."

Next up for an interview is Clarissa.

Billy: "Clarissa, you been here six months and you still don't know the menu."
Clarissa: "No, but I can read it or ask one of the other girls."
Billy: "Not good enough. You go home and study the menu. Tonight, Joe is gonna test you on your knowledge. If you don't know the menu, he's gonna give you some family-style discipline."

Billy points to the wooden paddle, then looks at Joe. Joe flushes, looks at Billy who nods encouragingly, then looks at Clarissa and frowns. Clarissa gasps, then runs out.

Maria comes in, sees the wooden paddle, and her eyes widen.

Billy: You'll leave your cellphone in your locker or else Joe will be givin' you some family-style discipline.
Joe has caught on to the idea now, and smiles briefly, then puts on a stern face and picks up the  paddle.
Maria: "You mean you'll paddle me if I use my phone when I'm at the bar?"
Joe: "I'm afraid so. There's going to be some discipline here from now on. Now go put your phone away. This is your final warning."
Maria: "Yes, sir!" She scampers out.

Six weeks later, Billy returns for a followup.

Billy: "So the last time I was here, there was no structure, there were no rules and no consequences for breakin' those rules. Let's see how Joe has done. Hey, Joe, how's it goin'?"
Joe: "Things are great, BIlly. Anthony learned his lesson and he hasn't stepped out of line once. Clarissa knows the menu inside out. The only person I'm a bit puzzled about is Maria. She seems to be using her cell phone even more now, and I don't know what I'm gonna do with her. Last week I had to paddle her three times. Sometimes it's tough to be the owner but it's something I gotta do."

Billy looks over at Maria, who is standing behind the bar with her cell phone in her hand. She winks at Billy.

Billy: "There you have it, America. We knocked that one outta the park."

Where to enjoy a meal and a spanking

The popular online restaurant review site Yelp has released a new app that creates a "heat map" of eateries in your city based on certain key words.

While you can use it to find restaurants that serve your favourite food by choosing "bacon" or "dim sum", there are other options as well. You can use it to find areas with specific social scenes that you might like to enjoy. The maps above were done by choosing "hipster". Try it for yourself here for one of 14 cities around the world.

They don't have "spanking" as one of the choices, but I hope it's only a matter of time.

Poor Service

Ron and I had lunch in a British-style pub last week. We hadn't been there before but had read good reviews about the food and we were looking forward to a nice meal. But no sooner had we walked in than a harried server greeted us with the announcement that a large group of people had arrived unexpectedly, and it would be some time before anyone could take our food or beverage orders.

Well, that wasn't the best way to start, but we were shown to a booth and given menus. I could understand not having the time to wait while we decided on what to eat, but surely taking an order for two draft beers wasn't all that complicated. We examined the menu, changed our minds several times, and finally decided. Ron was visibly annoyed and kept checking his watch. As our wait reached the twenty-minute mark he was ready to leave.

"We've come all this way, we might as well stay now," I soothed. I didn't relish going out into the hot sun to find another restaurant.

Just then a server appeared at our table. She was young and seemed nervous and embarrassed. She ducked her head and stared at her pad while she asked if we had decided. Ron frowned at her sternly and her blush deepened. I aborted any unpleasantness by asking about the specials, and she looked relieved as she glanced over her shoulder and recited the items from a board on the wall. We ordered and she scurried away.

While we waited (again) I took the opportunity to go to the washroom, and as I navigated the back passages of the pub I saw the reason for the young server's apprehension.

I could tell that these birch rods were on display for the benefit of the staff, to encourage them to do their best and be as efficient and courteous as possible. I imagined the manager having a discussion with the cooks and servers later on that day, inquiring why they had not been able to handle a large crowd at lunchtime, and illustrating his displeasure with generous servings of the birch for all.

The food and beer, when it arrived, was good, and I hope that our cheerful "thank you" to the hostess as we left would lighten any displeasure expressed later on.

Wednesday WIN

Some shops and restaurants with names that make you look twice and think of something completely unrelated to what they provide.

 A sandwich is called a butty in England.  I wonder why?

 Imagine a barber who specializes in trimming the hairs on someone's...

 Two shops, side by side, dealing in Butts. What a find!

Hot buns, anyone?

I'm Lovin' It