Friday Fail

I really wasn't sure about calling this picture a FAIL. It could very well be classified as a WIN, depending on your personal preference.

Which do you think it is?

Ass Bats

"What do you want for Christmas?" My considerate husband asked me on October 1.

It was too early for me to want to think about all the hassle that accompanies the festive season, never mind the inevitable snow and ice. But one subject is never far from my mind, so I gave him a thoughtful grin and he immediately got the message.

"No ass bats," he declared. "We have more than enough ass bats. They won't all fit in the toy box."

"I was thinking leather. We have enough wood, but we could use more leather."

"We have leather."

"Not much. How about a nice leather paddle?" I was warming to the subject now, and more possibilities came to mind. "I'd like to try a cane. Or a carpet beater would be nice."

I hope Ron is going to write down my helpful suggestions. Maybe I should send him a few links to implement sites and let him know what size and colour would fit my bottom best.
 

Now you're in trouble

"How many times have I told you that you must wipe the glasses carefully, by hand, to remove the water spots. Now come with me..."

This picture was in an advertisement for a water softener, and did not include the admonishment that appears above it. I couldn't help but notice the no-nonsense look on her face and decided to add what I assumed she might have been saying.

Somebody is in for a spanking, don't you think?

Mad Men

Mad Men is a popular television series now in its fifth season. The show, set in New York in the 1960's, is about the male-dominated advertising business on Madison Avenue. One of the more popular characters is Joan Holloway, the elegant, hard-working office manager, played by Christina Hendricks. If you're a regular viewer, you will be familiar with Joan's most valuable asset, which garners her many admiring glances and the odd pat from her former lover, one of the senior partners.

Joan rules the office with an iron fist, and keeps the secretaries and the male staff members in line. An episode from season 4 shows that quite clearly.


The scene begins with four male copywriters wrestling with a vending machine in order to force it to give up a wristwatch one of the men lost while trying to reach inside for a candy bar. As they shake, lift and drop the heavy machine, Peggy observes,  "I feel like Margaret Mead."

Joan appears and scolds them for abusing the machine, tells them to call the vending company's service number, and finishes with "Don't make me come out here again."

Pete, an account executive, emerges from his office and angrily asks, "What's going on out here?"

"Joan's handing out demerits,"  quips Joey.

 Joan has had enough. "Joey, my office."

"Go easy on him," another voice jokes.

Joey still thinks it's all a game. "A private spanking. Just like my dreams!"

Alas, she doesn't spank him; only gives him a lecture. Maybe next time...

From the Top Shelf - Incurable

The opening passage of "Incurable Romantic"* by Lisabet Sarai has a certain appeal. I think you'll like it.

She is. Without a doubt, the perfect slave.

I should know. I've trained half a dozen slaves over the last twenty years, and played with perhaps half a hundred more.

In Minneapolis? you ask, incredulous. The law-abiding, church-going, vanilla-flavored heartland?

Why would I lie? I'm past the point where I have to prove myself. We have our own kinky little community here, invisible to those who don't want to see, obvious to the initiates who know the signs.

Like Ilsa's collar. If you weren't one of us, and you happened to notice it, you might think it's one of those choker necklaces so popular with the Britney Spears set. It's braided black leather, strung with tiny diamonds. You might be expecting a matching diamond stud piercing her navel.

If you truly paid attention, though, you might recognize something unusual in the way Ilsa wears it. She holds her head exceptionally high, her back straight, her graceful neck extended, showing the collar off like a badge of honor...

She never removes it. The candlelight makes it sparkle, now, as I gaze on her naked, bound beauty. Her wrists are roped together and fastened to the hook in the ceiling. A few red-gold locks have escaped from her barrette and trail down her back, contrasting with the darker red of the stripes my whip has carved in her tender flesh. Her creamy skin is flushed and damp with sweat.

Unfortunately, the rest of the story is about a completely vanilla encounter, and was rather a disappointment.


*From The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, Volume 8, edited by Maxim Jakubowski.

You Completed the Caption

This was the caption for the photo on HistoricLOLS.com. I've never had so many responses so soon after a CtC post was published! Your captions are:

Recidavist: You know that I won't hear talk of the Democrats or their policies in this house, now open wide while I wash those communist notions out of your mouth, and after that, if you like a bit of red in your politics, we'll see if a bit of red on your bottom helps remind you that we are Republicans in this house.

Duality: Stop? Oh my dear sweet man, I haven't even STARTED yet.

Prefectdt: "Look me in the eye and tell me again. When was the last time that you cleaned the toilet?"

vfrat25000: I am going to ask you one more time and then the pain will begin. Where is the remote control to the big television?

Jimmy you are my slave and totally under my control. I grant you the right to speak. What do you want the MASTER to do? Will you scratch my nose, it really itches.

Now, I can finally get that one long hair hanging from your nose that is always grossing me out!

I am going to teach you the art of submission and receiving pain. Hold on…Hold on Francine…I have to go pee…!

You guys have a fun Saturday evening; I’ll bring the kids back around Noon on Sunday.
Thanks Mom.

I admit this is the strangest New Employee Orientation I have ever attended but I think I like it!

I see that you enjoy pain, I see it in your eyes…You are completely under my control. Not quite…I think I’m sitting on your earring!

Note to Self: Internet dating websites are no longer an option.

Simon: Now, in future you will not be asking me to iron your shirts, will you?

Ronnie: "I did warn you what would happen if you forgot my birthday again."

Six of the Best: He says, "When I get out of these handcuffs, you will regret thinking that Sarah Palin is a 'smart ass'. Because I'm going to warm your ass, for that's where you and Sarah lodge your brains."

Words on the Bottom: For the last time, there's nothing in your eye! I'll take the cuffs off as long as you stop rubbing it.

My Mask: He talks her into taking the cuffs off of him and soon after the positions are reversed. She is getting the spanking that she so deserves.

Lady Koregan: Now darling, how many times have I warned you that your reckless driving was going to get you in trouble? Fortunately I have talked the police into releasing you into my custody and dropping the charges, but you are going to pay for this dearly once I get you home...

Michael: A young Hilary Rodham Clinton and William Jefferson Clinton enjoying fun times on their honeymoon.

Thank you to all who contributed. Next week I hope to have another picture that generates an equal amount of enthusiasm.

Complete the Caption

There was much fun to be had back in the good old days before the internet. This charming couple is spending an interesting evening. What is their relationship? Who owns the handcuffs? What happens next?

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your contributions in the next post.