Complete the Caption

What does this man have that the women are begging for? What is his secret? Only you know the answer.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will reveal all in the next post.

Friday FAIL

For you end of the week enjoyment here are a few of My Favourite Walmartians. These are actual photos of real Walmart shoppers.

I think I'll shop at Target from now on.

A Silent Spanking

How can a spanking be silent? Good question. I don't mean the spanking itself; Ron loves implements that make a big sound. Loopy Johnnys and curtain cords aren't for him, thank goodness. What I am referring to is the noise I make while being spanked. Let me explain...

Two weeks ago we were engaged in our regular weekend spanking session. As usual, I was quite vocal in my protests at the beginning. The swats almost always felt too hard, or were too close together, and I whined about not getting a warmup.

"I don't do warmups," was Ron's retort, followed by an increase in the speed of the spanks.

Aside from the complaining, I also cried "Ow" when the paddle landed on a particularly tender part of my anatomy. Sometimes it was "Ow, ow" or even "Ow ow ow!" You get the idea. Anyway, I was carrying on in this fashion when Ron suddenly interrupted me.

"No talking." he ordered.

"What? Why not?" Shouting is my favourite part of a spanking.

"Quiet. No talking," my husband repeated, then continued with the job at hand.

Well! This was an unusual turn of events. We are fortunate to live in our own house, with no neighbours listening through thin walls, and with the windows closed, there had never been any need for silence or restraint. I struggled to obey his order. I firmly closed my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself into silence.  It was difficult, but having to keep quiet made me all the more aware of what was going on around me. The whistle of the rattan through the air, the feeling of it as it connected with my bottom,  the deep breath Ron took as he prepared for another assault and my breath as I struggled to remain still and silent.

I thought that my lack of verbal reaction might cause Ron to think I was lacking in enthusiasm, but he carried on for the usual length of time then finally told me, "You're done." By that time, I was done. Holding my tongue had been an unusual but interesting experience, and I have a new appreciation for the self-restraint required to keep silent during a spanking. Those of you who live in apartments have my admiration and sympathy. I think I'm ready for a thin-walled hotel room any time Ron is!

Wednesday WIN

It's been quite a while since I went window shopping at Hammacher Schlemmer, but their latest catalogue has several items that any spanko would love to have.

This is the Gentle Motion Back Stretcher. Yes, I'm sure it's good for your back, but come on, isn't this just the best spanking bench?

It comes in a kneeling model too.

For that special Top in your life, how about a nifty Hand Fitness Trainer to "mitigate the effects of repetitive-motion injuries in the hands."

For corner time, here's a lovely Teak Naughty Stool, complete with bath brush, soap and scrubbie.


I know you'll want one of each. Happy shopping!

The Corner Shop has Everything

What happens when you make a purchase in a convenience store and find you haven't been given the right change? In this short video, the cashier learns his lesson the hard way.





Just for Laughs Gags is a candid camera-style program, filmed in Quebec but with little dialogue so the humour can be enjoyed in any language.

Romantic Fiction for April

Prisoner of My Desire by Johanna Lindsey is one of her more violent romantic novels. Set in England in the twelfth century, it's a tale of squabbling barons, misappropriated inheritances and abundant domestic violence.

Our heroine is Rowena, who is coerced by her stepbrother Gilbert into agreeing to marry a man she despises. Gilbert accompanies her to her intended's castle to make sure the marriage is consummated. When Rowena manages to escape defloration,Gilbert doesn't take it well.

She held her breath when he approached, suddenly horribly afraid that she was going to be forced into some new act that she would despise. But when she heard what he had to say, she would have laughed if she did not think he would slap her for it.

Due to a series of unfortunate events—including her unwillingness to divulge her true identity, the evil Lady Beatrix's machinations, and because it makes for a more interesting story—Rowena is forced to live as a slave in the household. She becomes the personal property of Warrick, a stern and cold master. While serving him at the table, her thoughts are rebellious.

Did no one ever defy him? Did no one ever deliberately provoke his anger. A stupid thought, since even when he was not frowning, he was frightening. And no matter how angry he made her, she did not have the nerve to tempt a beating or other added punishment—not yet.

Their subsequent interactions are full of innuendos; titillating but never actually resulting in anything significant. While attending to him in the bath:

Her feet had felt wooden as she approached him with the soft drying cloth. And his cold voice had not relieved her any.

"On your knees again," he had ordered. "And take care, wench, that you do not miss a single drop of moisture. Do I catch a chill because of your negligence, I will beat you for it."

He said this as if his other threats of beating had lacked substance. She doubted that, but was concerned only with this threat.

A hunger strike and subsequent attempt to escape are both thwarted by Warrick as he catches up with her when she is stopped at the main door.

Rowena did not have a chance to figure out a way around that sword or the young man holding it. She was lifted off the floor from behind, and Warrick commanded, "Put that away, Bernard, and go and wake the cook." But the moment the boy had left to do as bidden, the hard voice turned softly menacing to whisper in her ear, "If you had not earned a punishment before, wench, you have now—but first I must feed you."

Warrick's daughter, Lady Beatrix, causes mischief whenever she can. After she sends Rowena on a false errand, he is angry to find our heroine neglecting her other duties.

Explain to me why I should not punish you for being where you do not belong!"

"I thought 'twas a punishment, my being sent to him. Now you tell me I am to be punished for doing as I was bidden? if you dare—"

He shook her once. "You were not bidden to come here. If you speak that lie again, so help me, I will not order you beaten, I will do it myself!"

Beatrix becomes more devious in her schemes, and Rowena bewails her inevitable fate as her friend warns her of what Beatrix has planned.

Rowena closed her eyes against full understanding. "She is going to say I stole from her."

"Aye, and her most valuable trinket, a pearl necklace given her by Warrick. Melisant will support her, to say that you were the last one seen outside their room ere it was found missing. Beatrix will then demand a search of the weaving room, as well as Warrick's chamber, and whilst there, she will pull the necklace out of its supposed hiding place, confirming your guilt."

"And she will not even have to insist I be put in the dungeon. 'Twill be done no matter what, until Warrick's return, and he is likely to believe her tale. So often he called me a little thief. He will be forced to punish me severely—mayhap a whipping or—"

...There was the chance that he might believe her if she was given the opportunity to declare her innocence. But 'twas a slim possibility considering what he knew about her—naught much thanks to Gilbert—and she was not willing to risk a whipping or worse just so his daughter could have her revenge against him.

Rowena attempts to explain that she is innocent, and that Beatrix is the real problem. Warrick isn't easily convinced.

"You see now why I had to leave," she said bitterly. "I cannot acquit myself with other than what I have just told you. 'Tis you who will have to do so by proving my accuser a liar—else will you have to punish me with the severity that this crime demands."

She felt him stiffen [!] at those words. "Damn you, wench, what did you do to cause such enmity in this woman?"

Rowena took heart. The question said he believed her—or wanted to.

"I did naught," she said simply. "'Tis not even me she wants to hurt, but you. And with me gone, she may not have accused me at all, or even reported the theft. 'Twould have served no purpose. With me returned, however, she may yet decide to do it, to force you to punish me."

..."You will tell me who the lady is who thinks to hurt me through you, and you will tell me now."

..."Do not ask me that. If she changes her mind, deciding to do naught, then she redeems herself and should not be punished for what she plotted in the heat of anger. If not, you will know soon enough."

His scowl was blacker than ever... A chill went down her back, for he looked like the very devil, sitting there passing judgment on her...then he sounded like it too.

"I will decide who deserves punishment," he warned her.

Lady Beatrix is finally found out and her lies about Rowena are exposed. Retribution is swift and severe.

Warrick whipped his daughter right there in the hall for all to see, and he used the thick leather of his sword belt. Rowena's leaned back in the chair she had been allowed to use and closed her eyes to it, but she could not close out the sound. It was a brutal walloping. Beatrix's screams became hoarse, her pleadings pitiful to listen to. Rowena had to bite her lip to keep from trying to end it sooner than Warrick deemed sufficient. By the time he was through, his daughter was utterly repentant, and utterly cowed.

Warrick and Rowena are in love, of course, and marry. As he rides off into the sunset to fight a battle, he asks her:

"Will you miss me, wench."

"When half my duties go with you."

He whacked her bottom. "That was not a proper answer for your lord."

And they lived happily ever after.

You Completed the Caption

This was the caption I liked best from HistoricLOLs, but I like all of yours better!


Simon: "Personally Watson, I think Holmes may be taking the case of the Hyde Park Spanker a little to seriously."
"Well LeStrade, I think it's an improvement on the deerstalker and cape look."

Kitty: From the point of view of the woman, "I can't believe I have to see that man in public, after he spanked me at the party the other night. He's probably telling his friend all about it. I could just die!"

Kitty 2: The man on the right: "Tom! Eyes off her! Feel the head of my cane against your arse, right now? That's right. You're getting that and much worse if you don't remember that your eyes belong to me."

Over her lap: "After a remark like Miss Cathrine just made, I think it is time for her to get a taste of my cane on her bare bottom once again Watson, it seems to work wonders for her attitude".

Red: Could you ever imagine that, dear Watson? She is walking allowing her dress to drag in the dirt... This evening, she will practice holding that dress up, albeit much higher, with her knickers now touching the floor for a jolly good caning. I will teach her to be more lady like in public.

Ronnie: "Charles my boy, did you see that fine lady? What a sight she would be bent over my study desk."

"Charles, don't look back but that was Sir Henry's new young wife and rumor has it he canes her just like he does his servants."

Prefectdt: "I don't want to hurt her but every time she sees me with my cane in hand, she insists that I do."

Six of the Best: "My cane, would pain, with a cut to her butt," said one of these gentlemen. "That would be fine, and Oh!, sublime." said the other.

Vfrat25000: "I say Mr. Jones, wasn’t that a fine example of womanhood that just passed us?"
"I don’t know Mr. Franks. I really didn’t pay much attention...I need to ask you something. Does this coat make me look fat?"

What did that lady just call us? Something about we would make a couple of excellent TOPS. I wonder what she meant by that?

These Spanking Party Themes are getting to be a bit much. I’m about to pass out from the heat and trying to spank one of those ladies all gusseted up is like trying to get in your car after you lock the keys in it.

This whole “Pick Up Spankees in the Park” thing is not working out. I’m not sure that author Mark Twain really knows anything about spanking.

This is a waste of time Charles. Let’s just go back Hooligan’s Bar. I know I can talk the Widow Hawkins into letting us give her six of the best each.

Dave Wolfe: "Yes, Watson, that does remind me how often I have wished I might have soundly spanked the redoubtable Irene Adler. Let's get on to Simpson's and please do not introduce any other tiresome subjects."

(Hm, four of us thought of Holmes! I didn't look at the other comments before making mine! Reaffirming, Hermione, that you have readers of fine taste.)

I certainly do!

Lea: "Double team caning?" "Yes, yes that sounds quite nice."

Ricky: "You know, I think that young woman just winked at me."
"No . . . really?"


Thank you, everyone, for ushering April in with a bang. See you all next week!