You Completed the Caption

This caption from Very Demotivational made me smile, but your captions made me laugh!

Roz: Do I make you horny baby?

Simon: The problem with sax on the beach is that you can get sand in your instrument.

Underling: It's a little-remembered fact that the first Village People lineup included a female member (seen here in an early performance of YMCA). Soon after this shot was taken, it was decided that they already had a motorcycle cop, a construction worker, a native American, a biker, a soldier and a cowboy - they really didn't need a bather.

Ronnie: You play it and I'll sing it.

Michael: Twerking is not as new as we all thought.

Six of the best: "Six of the best, Six of the best" they all did shout with glee.
For this is what she deserves, as we splash here in the sea.

Ricky: Doin' the Black Bottom!

Prefectdt: Dorothy could not convince the band that she really was trapped in a glass box. They still thought that she was doing a mime.

GaryNTboy: Elizabeth just HAD to show the other band members the results of her new hair removing cream.

Bonnie: "When the tide comes in, I suggest you hold your instruments above your head like this."

"DB stands for Doofus Brothers."

"Raising the roof is just an expression."

Sir Wendel: “Who wants to play ‘Spanking to the Beat’? I call first whacks.”

DelFonte: Yes I own up, calling the band the Beach Boys was my idea.

Kingspan: By the sea shore a frolicking lass
So distracted a quintet of brass
That Conductor McBain
With the strokes of his cane
Drew a musical staff on her ass.

Vfrat25000: Look…I can hold up the sky?

The guy in the background standing in the surf: “Anybody seen a cruise ship around here?”

Talent Night: Mrs. Howell and the Gilligan Island Orchestra

All day and late into the night, Bianca rehearsed “Why Can’t You Behave!” on the beach with the entire orchestra from the Los Angeles production of “Kiss Me Kate!”
Apparently the producers were not very happy that their orchestra was sunburned and hung-over. Now it appears that two woman are getting spanked during this production of KMK


Thank you all for so much fun on the beach. Have a safe and happy week!

From the Top Shelf - Mrs Dickens, Part 1

I recently discovered a lovely short story by S.T. Rogers. The Chastening of Mrs Dickens is a modern tale about a "Victorian" household. Here is part one of the story.

Emily, from her place of concealment, watched as Mrs Dickens entered the room and stood before the bureau. She did not look at her master but inclined her head and stared at the floor. Her demeanour surprised Emily who had always regarded her as a strong-willed and proud woman; but now she looked like a crestfallen schoolgirl standing before her headmaster, awaiting punishment.

Also surprising was the housekeeper's appearance. In the lamp-lit study she looked ravishing; her pale but beautiful face was highlighted by her raven-black hair, and the tight black dress she wore contrasted deliciously with her white apron. The slimness of her waist and the broadness of her hips and bottom was quite striking.

The young master left her standing in this position for several minutes and then rose from his chair. He approached the housekeeper and, in one swift movement, raised her black dress and white apron above her waist.

"Oh, master, please...don't..." she moaned as she was pushed sideways and gripped firmly around her midriff. With the same swiftness as before, the master yanked her starchy white bloomers down over her stocking tops and placed his hand on her quivering bottom.

"Have you missed me?" he hissed...


***


Emily obtained her position at the Grimes household in the winter of 1996. At nineteen, she was the younger of the two maids employed in the elegant town-house; the other, Susan, being twenty-two.

Emily had been interviewed for her position by Mrs Dickens and at the time she had expressed her curiosity over the 'Olde Worlde' atmosphere which existed in the household.

"Master Grimes is particularly fond of the Victorian era," Mrs Dickens replied. "You will notice that the decor, furniture and servants' uniforms are all fashioned after that period of history. We do not question the Master's tastes or opinions. We simply obey his wishes. Of course, if you do not approve..."

"Oh no, Mrs Dickens," replied Emily hastily,"it's not a question of disapproval. In fact I find the whole idea rather charming and I'm sure I would enjoy working here. I think I'd look quite fetching as a Victorian maid."

Mrs Dickens had looked distinctly unimpressed by Emily's youthful exuberance but gave her the job nevertheless. After all, she did have excellent references.

Two weeks into her employment, Emily had still not met the owner of the house, Master Grimes, but she knew that he was in his mid-twenties and had inherited the house from wealthy parents who had passed the family business over to him and retired to the country. Apparently the young man was on a business trip to Italy and would return shortly.

In the meantime, Emily quickly became familiar with her duties and with the other members of the household staff. Susan, the older maid, was the one that Emily felt closest to. They had a shared sense of humour which helped to alleviate the monotony of the daily routine of chores.

Mrs Dickens, the housekeeper, was responsible for the allocation of work to the two maids. She was a tall, slim woman in her mid-forties with striking black hair tied up in a severe bun, and piercing blue eyes. Emily often felt that those eyes could see straight through a person. Both she and Susan were wary of the housekeeper and tried to keep on her good side; she had such a formidable presence that both girls were loathe to make her lose her temper.

Mr Balfour, the butler, was a source of great amusement to Emily and Susan. Whereas they treated Mrs Dickens with great respect, Mr Balfour was treated with a kind of humorous contempt. He had such a proud and haughty demeanour that the girls found it impossible to stifle a giggle when they passed him in the corridor. his back stiff and straight and his nose in the air. He seemed uncomfortable in the presence of young ladies and they would exploit this at meal times in the downstairs kitchen, teasing him until he stared at his plate - blushing and confused.

Emily was dusting in the library when Mrs Dickens took her aside one grey Monday morning. "Master Grimes is returning from Italy and will arrive tomorrow morning," said the housekeeper. Emily was delighted with the news. She had previously asked Susan for a description of the mysterious young man and had been told that he was very handsome. It would make a change, she thought, to have a good-looking man in the house instead of having to look at boring old Balfour all day.

Mrs Dickens then said something which left Emily puzzled. "I am sure you lack experience of members of the opposite sex, but I think you will discover that they are not all as quiet and timid as Mr Balfour, whom you obviously enjoy teasing. Some men know precisely how to deal with impertinent young ladies. You will find that out soon enough."

Later that night, Emily sat before the mirror in her chamber, brushing her blonde tresses and pondering what Mrs Dickens had said. She had obviously been referring to Master Grimes when she spoke of men who knew how to deal with impertinent young ladies, and this added even more mystery to the young man arriving next morning. Eventually her curiosity conquered her and she decided to visit Susan's chamber to make some enquiries.

Susan was in the process of removing her uniform when she heard the tentative knocking on her door. "Come in," she said and smiled at the younger maid as she entered.

"What brings you to my humble abode, Miss Emily?" she asked with a grin. Emily positioned herself on the edge of the bed and explained her curiosity about the young master, mentioning what Mrs Dickens had said earlier. Susan listened as she removed her frilly white apron and dress. She turned to Emily and gave her a quizzical smile as she eased her black stockings down her legs.

"You have not been here long, Emily. I have worked in this house for four years. There are certain things you will have to get used to if you wish to continue working here. You see, the Master has specific ways of dealing with female servants. I no longer question his methods, in fact, I participate fully in them and derive immense satisfaction from them." Susan paused and giggled. "Master Grimes has a very firm hand!"

Emily stared in bewilderment.

Susan giggled even louder. "Don't you see what I'm getting at?"

"I'm afraid I don't," said Emily. "Sometimes I am so confused by this place. It's as though we are in a time warp. It's as if the Victorian age has been brought into the 20th century."

Susan grinned slyly. "Go to the Master's study just before nine o'clock tomorrow evening. There is a small store room adjacent to it; conceal yourself within. There is a landscape painting on the wall, push it to one side and look through the peephole - don't worry about being discovered, the peephole is concealed in the shadows of a large book-case in the study."

"What will I see?" asked Emily.

"You must learn patience," replied Susan. "You will find out soon enough."

That night Emily lay in her bed staring into the darkness.

She experienced a mix of confusion and excitement. It was difficult to sleep. She could not wait to dispel some of the mystery surrounding young Master Grimes.

The next day's chores seemed to drag on forever but at last the time arrived when she was safely concealed in the store-room. Emily's hands trembled slightly as she carefully pushed the small landscape painting on the wall to one side and peered through the hole.

Eventually her eyes focused on the man seated at his lamp-lit bureau writing in a ledger. It was the first time she had seen the young Master and she let out an involuntary sigh because he was more handsome than she could ever have imagined, with golden brown hair and handsome features which struck her heart immediately.

Emily's appreciation of the young man's beauty was interrupted by the sound of a light tap on the study door. Master Grimes closed his ledger and raised his head. "Come in," he said. Mrs Dickens entered and stood before the Master's bureau.

And you, dear readers, must also have patience. The mystery will be revealed next week in Part 2.

Complete the Caption

It may be October, but the sun is still shining and the weather is still warm where many of us live. A day at the beach is always fun, but something special seems to be going on in the water here.

Complete the caption by leaving a comment, and I will publish your possibilities in the next post.

Friday FAIL

Real estate agents eager to attract buyers take photos that show off a property's assets and hide its imperfections. That is, most of them do. But then there are some who should never be allowed to hold a camera. These are actual photos taken by realtors and posted online or in newspapers to advertise homes for sale or rent.

 In this lovely home, Mr. Bean is always watching you.

 Always be on the lookout for mirrors when you are snapping photos. Or at least put some pants on.

 Poor little table must be tired.

 Oh yes, I'd want to move in right away. Who needs windows anyway?

 Have you ever heard the word "staging"? A little tidying wouldn't go amiss.

Elegant patio furniture really sets the tone in this garden.


For a complete listing of terrible real estate photos, here is where you'll find them. The captions are much cleverer too!

Aftercare

My husband has recently begun a new spanking tradition. When he decides that he has reddened my bottom sufficiently, he reaches for a handy spray bottle and spritzes my cheeks with water.

Sometimes his attentions have been so energetic that I think I need something more...

like a garden hose, turned on full blast,

then a fan on high speed to evaporate the water and speed up the cooling.


So this started me thinking. What else do I like after a spanking?

Fragrant lotion rubbed onto my hot bottom with gentle, circular strokes. Mmmm.

Ice cream, though not necessarily on my bottom. It would be perfectly acceptable in my tummy.

So would a nice slice (or two) of pizza.

Then some designer chocolate - dark, of course!

But best of all, I like cuddles.


How about you? What do you enjoy most after a spanking?

Wednesday WIN

These images were created during the Renaissance period. It's interesting to note that naughty sketches, songs and stories have been with us for a long, long time.


This is the frontispiece to a pamphlet written by John B. Marriott in 1642. Marriott was a well-known lawyer whose name was synonymous with gluttony. He was the target of several written attacks regarding his excessive eating, and this pamphlet was his retaliation.

It looks like the larger figure (his attacker) has a flogger in his hand and is about to use it, even though it is his bottom that is bared and not his victim's. I assume the smaller figure is Marriott. Note that the publisher has not dared to spell out the word "arse".

This woodcut is the ornamentation to a ballad on the evils of drinking. The goodwife is fully prepared to whack her husband, who is probably too drunk to enjoy it. I strongly suspect that the woman's words have been photoshopped, but it's still an interesting piece of history.


For more strange images from the Renaissance, visit http://lolmanuscripts.blogspot.com/

You Completed the Caption

This lovely sight generated an enthusiastic response. My apologies for the late publication date. The advantage was that it allowed more of you to contribute. Here are your captions:


Tim: 'Do cry for me Argentina!' :)

GaryNTboy: Why not try a nice bit of rump for a change ?

Anon: Spank? What mean spank? American tradition you say? I try, I try yes you spank me, American boy, you spank me now, I learn tradition.

 Janey: 'Also available in red'

Welcome, Janey!

Lady Koregan: I always thought The Great Divide was further north...

Bonnie: Southern hemispheres

Sunnygirl: Just begging to be spanked

Ronnie: Took me ages to get these on and still he doesn't notice me.

Disciplined Hubby: So that's what happened to my can of white paint.

Six of the best: "Don't cry for me Argentina". says the senorita. "For after they have bared my bottom, I'll cry most painfully, for the good caning I will receive from a handsome matador. "Ole, Olay. Ole, Olay.

Sir Wendel: Huh? What waistband? I didn’t notice a waistband.

Ricky: How does she keep her whites so white?
Because she has regular tune-ups?

Prefectdt: "If I'm lucky, wearing these pants will stop anyone from realising that I am French."

Vfrat25000: WOW! Antonio Vandalia, the Number 130 Driver, looks a LOT DIFFERENT when he is not in his racing gear!

I think you can skip the part about starting your engines. Ever since Anna Gonzales walked into the pit area most of the drivers' engines are already started.

LOOK AT THAT!!!!! Isn’t she beautiful? I have never seen anything like her!
Oh I so agree. She is PERFECT! Legs, bottom, everything.
What legs, what bottom?
Miss Argentina!
Oh, the girl. She is OK I guess. I was talking about the 2013 Lamborghini.

Who is that?
She’s the Lead Mechanic for Ferrari Racing. That lady can really handle a wrench! She tightened my transmission twice last night!

Foul…I call a foul big time. When is it fair to send a beautiful model into the drivers meeting right before the race starts and have her announce: “Anyone want to spank me? I am feeling very naughty.” Six of my drivers couldn’t find their cars and four others went the wrong direction on the track.

The long bean: The best meat should always be tenderised, now who can I find to do that?

Welcome, long bean!

Mitch: The recipe included: "Pound robustly, and heat to 325 degrees"

Baxter: Spank me until I cry and then I have something special for you.

Anon2: Argentina is home to the peaks of the beautiful Andes Mountains, but almost by definition a mountain a cannot seem as beautiful if not complemented by an equally perfect valley.

Anon3: Wow. You don't get too many of those to the pound.

Hermione: Charlotte was desperate to get the lead in Evita so she dressed carefully for the audition.


Thank you all for making me laugh this weekend. Come back tomorrow for a special spanking fiction treat.