A Christmas Meme

I found this meme on el tercer ojo and thought it was a nice way mark to the beginning of the Christmas season.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Fabric or paper gift bags.
2. Real tree or artificial? Green artificial.

3. When do you put up the tree? Four weeks before Christmas.
4. When do you take the tree down? January 6.
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, in small quantities.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A cowboy outfit, complete with hat, chaps and vest.
7. Hardest person to buy for? People we have never met who will be spending Christmas Eve with us.
8. Easiest person to buy for? The cat.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, the figures are clay and it sits in a niche beside the fireplace.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Christmas cards by snail mail.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Silly, useless things at the office gift exchange.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? We watch Prancer every year without fail.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Casually, whenever I see something suitable. Then late November for real.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, but they usually get donated to fundraiser raffles.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Shortbread.
16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? White and blue.

17. Favorite Christmas song? The Beach Boys' Santa's Beard. My favourite carol is The Huron Carol.
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We stay home and prepare the feast.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A purple angel.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Eve with family, then on Christmas Day Ron and I open gifts from each other.
22. Favorite ornament theme or color? We have cats, birds, dogs, rabbits and various other animals on the tree. Some table and wall ornaments have a musical theme.
23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Roast turkey, mashed potatoes, and my homemade plum pudding with hard sauce.

24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A spanking for each of the twelve days of Christmas.
25. Who is most likely to respond to this? Someone who has the Christmas spirit.
Merry Christmas, and feel free to have fun with this meme on your blog.

A Spankable Chef

A television personality that I used to find very irritating but have grown to tolerate, if not love, is Rachael Ray. I have become a semi-regular viewer of her latest cooking show, Thirty Minute Meals. Granted, she is still irritatingly perky and peppy, and uses odd verbal shorthand like "EVOO" for extra-virgin olive oil. But she does have one redeeming feature. Besides the fact that nearly all her meals look and sound delicious and very quick and easy, that is.

That feature is her beautiful leather belt. Rachael almost always wears jeans on the show, and her usual accessory is a wide, well-worn brown leather belt.

Is she spankable? She certainly deserves a spanking for being so bouncy. The camera rarely allows us a glimpse of her derriere. When she turns around to get something from the fridge or a cupboard, another camera quickly takes over so we only get a side view. I suspect she might be a little self-conscious about that part of her anatomy.

If you enjoy belts as much as I do, the show is worth a peek. Who knows? You might come away with a good idea for supper!

The Terrible Trio

Just for fun, here's a look inside our bedroom, and the triumvirate of leather paddles, ready for action. they're on Ron's side, of course.
Ouch!

A Spameme

Here's another meme from Bonnie's archives.
1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night? - Night
2. On which side of the bed do you sleep? - The right side
3. Pork, beef, or chicken? - Chicken
4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? - Once when I was carsick.
5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? - Just a minute while I take them off and put them on.
Right.
6. Candles or incense? - Candles
7. Do you dance when no one is watching? - Sometimes
8. Did you play doctor when you were little? - No, but I played spanking
9. Stove top cooking or microwave? - Stove top except for heating water
10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty? - Car
11. Shower or bath? - Shower
12. Do you pee in the shower? - Never
13. Mexican or Chinese food? - Chinese, but I rarely eat either
14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? - Aggressive
15. Do you own sex toys? - Sure do
16. Corn dogs or hot dogs? - Hot dogs once in a while
17. Your favorite restaurant? - An Italian place
18. What did you have for lunch today? - Pate, cheese and crackers
19. When did you last fall down? - 2 years ago, twice within 10 minutes on icy sidewalks
20. Have you ever wished someone were dead? - No
21. Love or money? - Love
22. Credit cards or cash? - Credit cards, with the balance always paid each month
23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t? - Yes, definitely
24. Oreos or vanilla wafers? - Vanilla wafers have fewer calories. Does that count as an answer?
25. How do you like your steak cooked? - Marinated, then grilled and thinly sliced
26. How do you like your eggs cooked? - Scrambled
27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight? - No
28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel? - Hotel. I don't do camping.
29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? - Root canal. They aren't so bad after the first 10 or so.
30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money? - How much money?
31. Would you rather have lice or an STD? - Neither
32. What’s your favorite hard candy? - Werther's Originals
33. Ever been to a strip club? - Yes
34. Ever been to a bar? - Yes
35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? - No
36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? - No
37. Kissed someone of the same sex? - Yes
38. Had sex in the car? - Yes
39. Had sex at the beach? - No
40. Had sex in a movie theater? - No
41. Had sex in a bathroom? - No
42. Have you ever been in an “adult” store? - Yes
43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with? - I'm not sure I have a list like that
44. Have you been caught having sex? - No
45. Have you ever kissed a stranger? - No
46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you? - I hope not!

I'm not going to tag anybody, because last time, I tagged Devlin, who gave it to Gwen to deal with. Then she tagged Dr. Ken and that got us both in trouble. According to the doctor, memes are just another form of spam--hence the title of this post. But I encourage you to post your version of it on your blog, or in the comments here if you don't have one. Have fun!

Remove Those Belts

Toy bears and other animals dressed like Mounties are being recalled from souvenir shops all across Canada because of their belts.
Why? Not because they're too kinky. The reason is, the level of lead in their belts is too high. In addition, the buttons present a choking hazard. "Mounties" are members of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and one of the familiar symbols of Canada, dressed in their scarlet tunics, brown hats, and leather belts.
The article advises that owners of the toys should strip those Mounties bare. I have visions of small stuffed toys being turned over the knees of foreign visitors and being given a spanking.

Oh, Martha

When I see a message in my inbox with the subject line "Organizing Belts" you can bet I'll open that one first.
It was from Martha Stewart, and I have to share it with you here.
The belts in the picture look a bit wimpy and fuzzy; they don't do a thing for me. I'd keep them rolled up and hidden in a drawer too.
If you read the article, you'll see that she does advise the alternative of hanging belts from a hook. She agrees that they should be stored so that "they are neat and accessible."
I still haven't seen Martha come up with her version of a St. Andrew's cross but I think this bedside stand has definite possibilities.

A Lemming Again

After hearing over and over from Grace, PK, and Eva how effective a backscratcher--they fondly refer to it as a BS--can be in the hands of the right man, I gave in and bought one.
The last time I succumbed to peer pressure and bought an implement, I was very sorry, at least for the first few times it was used on my backside. But this time things will be different.
I hope.
I didn't actually set out to buy a BS. But while I was browsing in my favourite thrift store, I just happened to wander by the shelves filled with wooden odds and ends. And there it was! So I snatched it up and hurried to the checkout, before I had a chance to reconsider.
In case you're wondering, it looks like one of these:


Brrr! I can't imagine owning a whole collection of them. Can you, Grace?
So, it's at home, hidden under the clutter on my desk. The man who wields the implements doesn't know about it yet. I'm open to suggestions as to how I should go about revealing it to Ron.
Should I:

• sneak up behind him, scratch his back with it, then tell him about its other possible use?

• casually lay it on the bedside table before a spanking, and let him figure it out?

• put a ribbon on it and say honey, I bought you a present?

• leave it on top of the clutter on my desk where he will find it the next time he's looking for a pen that works?

• bury it at the bottom of the bag of donations for the thrift shop and forget about it?

What do you think I should do?

Don't Feel Like Spanking

This week I got an email with the subject line "Holiday stress reduction" and opened it eagerly. That's what I need all right! Sadly, it wasn't about spanking at all.
We've both been feeling kind of grumpy and out of sorts this week. Ron was preoccupied with his concerns, I had my own stress, and we hadn't been laughing or even talking much. We just weren't connecting. One evening Ron actually apologized for being so uncommunicative. I thought a minute, then listed six different things that I knew were bothering him. Once I reassured him that he had every right to be unhappy, he cheered up and we had a reasonably pleasant evening.
I later took the opportunity to think about why I wasn't behaving much better, and came up with my own list of six concerns. The one we both had in common was the upcoming holiday season. (Our pre-holiday stress started in mid-August this year.) No wonder I hadn't been looking forward to my next spanking. That was okay, though. I gave myself permission to not feel like it, and you know what? I started to feel a bit better.
This morning, I was determined to enjoy the weekend, but still didn't feel like playing. We made our weekly trip to the supermarket, and as we walked past the shelves stacked with cereal, I missed the usual feeling of anticipation that I usually enjoyed as we walked along the familiar aisles. By the time we got to the soup and canned vegetables, spanking was much more on my mind. When we finally came to the laundry detergents and floor cleaners, I was definitely feeling that tingle of arousal. Routine is a wonderful thing.
We spent a pleasant afternoon outdoors working in the garden. The weather was cool but the sun was shining, and by the time we finished we were cold, tired, and happy. As we started fixing dinner I smiled at Ron and he smiled back.
"I need a hug," I said, and Ron put his strong arms around me and held me tightly. I hugged him back, then reached behind me, took hold of his wrists, and moved his hands lower down.
"That's more like it," I murmured as he cupped my bottom cheeks, squeezed them, then gently patted them. I thought about the next day, when those hands would not be patting gently at all.
As I write this, there are only . . . let me see . . . twenty-two hours to go until I get spanked. I can't wait!

Speaking of Bottoms

I don't like wearing skirts and dresses. I'm not very comfortable in them, especially with the accompanying necessary evils of pantyhose and dressy shoes. Except for summer, when I can get away with a casual skirt, bare legs and comfortable sandals, I wear them only if I'm going to a wedding, a funeral, or a job interview. Ron prefers to see me in jeans or pants anyway, and that's fine with me. If we're going out for the evening and he sees me eying one of the skirts in my closet, his subtle "you aren't wearing that, are you?" will ensure that I choose a pair of dress pants instead.
The other day, Ron and I were speculating about why a young woman we know always wears a skirt. Even when the occasion is very casual, we've never seen her in jeans, shorts, or slacks.
"Maybe she thinks they make her bum look big," I suggested.
"I'll bet you're right. I'll check her out next time I see her." And I'm sure he will!

---

A few days later I was grumbling about my weight and wishing I could lose a few extra pounds. Ron wasn't foolhardy enough to agree with me. Remembering our previous conversation, he asked, "Is this about your bum looking big?"
"My bum is just fine. I'm perfectly happy with how I look from from the rear. It's the side view of my tummy I don't like."

---

And speaking of losing weight, two new books on the subject are:
Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big by Jen Lancaster.
Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir by Jennette Fulda.

---

Men, take note. A compliment a woman will love, according to an article in Men's Health, is "your butt looks so good in those jeans." and not "those jeans make you look surprisingly thin."

Love Our Lurkers!

Every day Hermione's Heart gets several hundred visitors, but I know only a small number of you. So today's the day I'm inviting all you lurkers to step out of the shadows and leave a comment.
Simply click on the Comments link at the bottom of this post. You won't need a special logon to leave a comment. If you don't have a Google or Blogger account, just choose "Anonymous". What should you write? Anything! Tell me what country you're in, or what your favourite colour is. Or just say hello.
I'd love to get to know each and every one of you a little better.
A big thank you goes out to Bonnie for organizing Love Our Lurkers Day again this year.

An Interesting Implement

While waiting for a haircut at my usual salon recently, I browsed the displays of items for sale, and something new caught my eye. About the same size as a paint stirrer but thicker and smoother, it was a wooden implement called a Pediclean. It was coated on both sides with rough and not-so-rough grit, and its real purpose was for removing layers of excess skin from feet.
When I picked one up it felt quite solid and substantial, and yes, the coarse coating would probably provide an exquisite sensation when energetically applied to another part of the body.
Definitely an improvement on the lowly paint stirrer.

Tourists

Tourist season is pretty much over now. As you can see from my collection of licence plates, plenty of spankos visit our area each summer.
Try it here.

A Belt with a Difference

As I drove past Tim Horton's--a quick service restaurant--I saw a poster announcing a new breakfast item:


I'm a huge fan of belts, but one made out of bagels? That would make for an interesting spanking. The image of a series of bagels being threaded onto a sturdy leather belt also came to mind.
Maybe the drive-through offers fast spanking as well as fast food.

Paddle Faster

What do you think the wearer means?

Meme the Fourth

I've been tagged by Dragon Mage, Angelbrat and Thomas, so here's my take on the latest meme.

The Rules
* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
* Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.
* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. We have 3 VCRs and I know how to program them all.
2. I helped build the last house I lived in.
3. At one time I had a neighbour and friend was a well-known Canadian author, and just down the road lived a writer who later became world famous.
4. Shower gel is my secret vice. I have a large collection, and alternate between two different ones each week.
5. I've been in a courtroom twice; once as an observer and once as a participant.
6. I have removed sutures from both animals and people.
7. Long ago I auditioned for a stage production that included a nude scene, but I didn't get a part.

And I'm going to tag:

prefectdt
Devlin
Radagast
GreenWoman
Recidavist
Dave
Mina